People judge me.....

[citysmog]

I wasn't so sure where to post this but I thought PD would be the place, mods feel free to move this if you want.

Well anyway, recently I have lost quite a lot of friends with my use of psychedelics. Quite a large group of my friends stopped being my friend when I went on a bit of an mdma binge (really wasn't that bad maybe 4 times in two months, I now only take mdma once every 2-3 months). They thought I was a "druggie", that I was "constantly fried", really neither was true they just couldn't accept that I did mdma. Even after all this I still had quite a close group of friends.

I had always been interested in psychedelics, I had experimented with shrooms, ketamine, dxm, 2ce, lsa, and peyote. Fast forward and I had found a steady L connect and I was in heaven, LSD was my drug of choice. For the first two months I was tripping every weekend, mixing it with various other drugs such as K, 2cb, 2ci, nitrous, shrooms, and mdma each leading to a great time and fresh view on life. By the end of the two month binge I decided to take a break and only trip once a month, this is when things started falling apart for me.

My girlfriend at the time got arrested for a felony, I was instantly attacked by her best friend who called me a "drug addict" a "bad influence" a genuine "sid vicous" (did not take this one that harshly lol). A few weeks later a close friend of mine had a bad trip while candy flipping, and accused me of dosing him with an unknown chemical, he told me I was a horrible person and that I was nothing but a bad influence on his life. He then decides to cut me out of his life via text which felt horrible.

This morning I woke up with a text from my girlfriend asking me if I could try something, interested I asked what I had to try. She asked me if I could stop talking about drugs for a week, I refused. She is now not talking to me which is horrible, and I refuse to believe I overly obsess over drugs, sure I am interested in their molecular make up and how certain drugs can have such a profound affect on a person's conscious but I am not obsessed just fascinated, I do not even talk about them that much.

I am sorry BL for the rant I just thought maybe someone would understand, sure I went on a binge with psys but I have stopped. Even so I feel like I have lost nearly everyone close to me, it's not like I am in anyway not the person I used to be, does anyone have a story like this, was there hope at the end of the tunnel for you?

-citysmog

 

[~_Hiss_~]

It's natural for people to get concerned, especially those naive to drugs... we are "programmed" that "drugs are bad"...

But it seems like you may need to slow down. Why not tell her you will take a break for a week? Answering no to that just furthers her idea that you are taking your drug interest too far. You've made her concern worse, and with fair reason. It does seem obsessed if you can't show a SO that you will take a week off... Its always good to take a week off, sometimes a month or more for me.

Take a break, mainly to show people that you can do it, but also for you. You can still read about them, trip reports etc., if that gives you cravings then that is even more reason you do need a break.

It's interested to explore the mind, but it isn't good to take them too often.

I bet everyone here has experienced some negative judgement about drug use. Don't play victim, figure it out rationally....

 

[Sentience]

Maybe learn when to shut up and not talk about certain things?

It sounds like TALKING about drugs CONSTANTLY was a worse problem than actually doing them.

You have a problem. Your problem is not knowing when to shut up. You need to know when to keep things on the DL.....maybe you are a little TOO open from the MDMA. You need to learn some modesty and when to keep certain things to yourselves. \

You might lose your girl if you dont listen.

 

[iDucky]

Yeah. Some of my new friends got me started on all kinds of drugs and when my original friends found out about this they looked down on me for this some just ignore me. It does hurt but the best thing you can do is not talk about thes things with some of your friends.. maybe they feel that its hurting you even if it doesnt have any effect on your actions..

 

[bluelightdotcom]

I keep my interest in drugs to myself unless I'm with my friends who share the same interest. If people are going to judge you there is no reason to tell them about the things that they will judge you for doing. If you don't get along with your friends maybe you should find some new ones.

 

[junkie skumbag]

dude no offence but these people dont sound like real friends if they are willing to cut you out of there life for such a dumb reason then theya arent good people and you shouldent worry about them.

and btw taking MDMA 4 times in 2months is not much of a binge at one stage i was taking up to 8 pills every weekend for 6 months then swiched to meth and was using it almost daliy for 4 months now i only smoke meth on weekends.... and i had more friends at the end of this binge than i started with

and yri agree with what sentience said...

 

[Sentience]

Make a new deal with your girlfriend....reduced conversation about drugs when you are with her, but not eliminated....and no more talking about drugs with your friends who dont use the same drugs you do. None....like, not just for a week, but for the next 60 years or so.

She if she goes for it.

 

[Depressicaa]

You should have just said yes to her and everytime you said something about drugs, say sorry. Its not like it won't slip.

Those people are worthless for the reasons they can't accept you. Its their loss.

You gained perspective. You found out who your real friends were. There are better people out there.

 

[citysmog]

Make a new deal with your girlfriend....reduced conversation about drugs when you are with her, but not eliminated....and no more talking about drugs with your friends who dont use the same drugs you do. None....like, not just for a week, but for the next 60 years or so.

She if she goes for it.

Dude no offense but why are you attacking me via BL, no one has the right to tell me what I can and cannot talk about. It's not like I constantly talk about drugs I just sometimes bring it up. Oh and fyi she uses all the same drugs I used to do and is has wavering xanax addiction so it's not like she is on a different level then me. I was looking for support, not hate filled comments telling me to shut up.

 

[Sentience]

I am not trying to be a dick. Based on very limited information, it sounds like you are talking about drugs to everyone when you know that not all of your friends are into that.

Of course I dont have the right to tell you what to do or say, but if I heard you talking about drugs to people who are straight lace I would be concerned about associating with you, because you might be a liability if you cant keep your mouth shut.

Some questions that run through my mind is whether your girlfriend got pinched because somebody didnt know when to shut up about illegal activities.


Honestly, I am not out to make your life worse. I just think that maybe you need somebody to give it you straight rather than pat you on the back and say its ok.

It sounds like everyone you know knows all about your drug escapades, and even your girlfriend thinks its too much.....Not even being allowed to mention drugs all week might be a bit unreasonable, but take it as a sign that you are talking about them too much, and more importantly you are talking about them to the wrong people.

 

[solistus]

Nobody's attacking you. You came here for advice and you got it. If you don't like the advice, don't take it, but no need to be hostile at people for offering it. I don't know what kind of "support" you think people can offer you without giving you any actual advice about what to do. All we know about your situation is what you've told us, so if people are misunderstanding, then you need to explain yourself better without flipping out at people for trying to help.

 

[killtheego]

I'd listen to what all the people here have said, which is toning down the drug talk, and be wary of who is around you when you are talking about the drugs. I would further suggest that you lay off all drugs for a month at least, or two.

And when doing this let all the friends and your girlfriend that you still wish to keep know that, "Hey I'm doing this only to prove to you guys that I am not addicted. However once I have proven that I will go back to using the drugs as I please."

Unless you are actually addicted to the drugs, then laying off for a month or two is really not a problem, if you can't do this then you might actually have a problem.

 

[citysmog]

I am not trying to be a dick. Based on very limited information, it sounds like you are talking about drugs to everyone when you know that not all of your friends are into that.

Of course I dont have the right to tell you what to do or say, but if I heard you talking about drugs to people who are straight lace I would be concerned about associating with you, because you might be a liability if you cant keep your mouth shut.

Some questions that run through my mind is whether your girlfriend got pinched because somebody didnt know when to shut up about illegal activities.


Honestly, I am not out to make your life worse. I just think that maybe you need somebody to give it you straight rather than pat you on the back and say its ok.

It sounds like everyone you know knows all about your drug escapades, and even your girlfriend thinks its too much.....Not even being allowed to mention drugs all week might be a bit unreasonable, but take it as a sign that you are talking about them too much, and more importantly you are talking about them to the wrong people.

I guess maybe my post was not clear, not everyone knows of my drug escapades. Maybe I do talk about drugs to much, I am sorry if I sounded angry I guess I am just in a bad state right now.

To clarify though I have been sober for a month that is why this is even more frustrating. I don't know I have always been somewhat open about my interest in psychedelics since I was 16 (4 years ago). I have never really been out of control with my drug use.

 

[ydl]

I would agree with most of the advice given so far. Definitely be careful about the drug-talk, it's easy to get carried away. Also, don't take the opinions of drug-naive people about your psychedelic consumption too seriously. I think most people here have been through similar 'binges' and while it may be counter productive, it's not really an issue if you've been sober for a month as you say and don't repeat it (too often ). But if people cut you out because of this, they are either not really your friends or confused about what a friend actually does. Let them know how you feel.

Most of my friends simply consider drugs evil, I have been introduced to them through the internet. Luckily, from the very beginning I have adopted the policy of never bringing up drugs in a conversation and showing little interest if someone else does so. Occasionally, when something really stupid is said, I will correct it but it only results in some "how do you know?" looks . I like my friends the way the are and don't consider it my mission to 'convert' them (not implying that you do).
Those who showed interest in psychedelics somehow found out about my use quickly and while none of them truly understood my motives behind using them and only one of my friends found them useful, I am glad they are there if I really need to discuss a drug-related issue.

 

[swilow]

I've done similar things during my psychedelic honeymoon, almost preaching/evangelising the good news, so to speak...To be truthful, a lot of people simply find drug-talk really boring, and psychedelics to be intimidating. I don't really care to talk about these sort of things anymore as there is really nothing left to say, except "try it".

Most people never talk about drugs. That would be maybe 99% of people. It would be like someone obsessed with computers constantly harping on about them to people who don't care- a bit of chat is okay, but do you need to explain to me exactly what/when/why and how you bought your new graphics card??

Miss Willow doesn't find discussing drugs interesting, and hence we don't. I'd like to, and if she asks me something, I'll generally answer in a very overly expansive manner, but its generally a conversation kiler.

 

[malakaix]

I have this view;

If your friends never brought up this issue, you wouldn't of known that you talk to much about drugs and would of continued to do so until someone eventually brought it up, which then force's you to question if you do or if they just believe you do... only you can answer that.

Regardless of how you view this, i believe this to be a positive situation.. it's forced necessary change to yourself, weather it be reducing how much you talk about drugs or cutting out unnecessary people from your life. It's a win-win scenario if your genuinely honest with yourself... because your been true to who you are.

 

[kalle]

This is the reason you don't tell people you do drugs.

The problem with your friends is that they are stupid or ignorant or both.
So you can have a long discussion with them to see i you can change there minds ( which with all likelihood won't work ).
Or you just have to find new friends who accept you for who you are, or don't tell them that your doing drugs.

The less people who know that you do drugs the better.

EDIT
A lot of people say that you can cut people who don't like drugs out of you life but i don't really agree.
Just because they don't like drugs don't men you can't play football or whatever you like to do.

Just keep your mouth closed until you are with your liberal friends.

 

[Termino]

Just keep your mouth closed until you are with your liberal friends.

We all have different groups of family, friends & acquaintances. Each of these groups have different mindsets and so need to be dealt with differently. For example, in my family I can talk about drugs to my sister, youngest brother & oldest daughter, but not to my parents, middle brother, wife & younger daughter. I have friends with whom I can have deep & meaningful drug discussions, while there's others who think I only drink & smoke weed. It can be a matter of having a different persona for each group of people. Yeah, it sucks that you can't just be totally yourself, but that's the way most people are - stuck in their own reality tunnel & unable to apprehend others without putting them through their own judgment filters. You can't change others; you can only change yourself.

 

[Splitz]

People can judge me all they like, if I happen to mention or advocate usage of drugs. I really couldn't give a toss though.

If however your close friends/girlfriend are/is telling you you're a 'druggie' then it means it's time to tone it down. Your usage is not really a problem, but because you talk about them alot then you're leading people to misunderstand your interest and take it as obsession.

Like the other BLers here I've done my fair share of over-babbling about how wonderful and interesting drugs are, I've had similar responses to you.

I think perhaps you should get everyone at a good time, and explain that you're a responsible user with an interest in the way drugs work and what they do. Explain that because you gather knowledge about drugs it helps you to use them safely. It is a fascinating topic, and there's nothing wrong with being interested in it. But realise that if they don't share this interest then they're going to to get really fed up of hearing about it.

Tell them that you appreciate this fact, and then leave the topic well alone around them. If you want to chat about drugs, you have Bluelight, right? What better place?

 

[skinwalker]

This is has been a good read.
I am constantly thinking about this very subject every day as well. It started about last May when I first tried dmt. Before my first experience I myself was close minded to dmt. Now I feel bad about it since I was at my boys who introduced it to me and there was someone trying it for their first time and he was giving me wierd looks and pretty much busting my chops for arriving at the time I did. All I thought was damn that shit fucks u up I dont want anything to do with that. Boy Was I Wrong!!
When I finally tried it I thought it was amazing. It literally forced me to open my mind from that day forward. It made a dramatic change in my life for the good. I have'nt always been in the best of health (suffering from migraines and graves' disease), but because of my new found way of thinking I haven't felt better and my health has only been improving.
I felt I needed to share my experience with my good friends but they didn't see eye to eye with me, they considered it "spooking" -inhaling solvents? Fuck no nothing like it. Boy are they close minded like I was, fuck 'em...
....Now as far as my wife thats a whole 'nother story. It took a few beers under my belt to come forward to her about my experience. My wife is a devout catholic and I had become one for her, her dream had always been to get married through the church, I came through on fulfilling that dream of hers. When I let her know about the dmt she was pretty much hysterical, telling me things like im not the same man, I messed myself up, etc....
I gave her the ultimatum right there and then. Pretty much told her that im never going to be the same man as yesterday nor do i want to. I have already tainted your peace by coming forward and all I want for you to be is happy, if I haven't proved it to you now I never will, so we might as well go our seperate ways before things get worse by continuing to hurt you. She replied "I cant live without you".
She has since accepted my drug use, maybe she has noticed the positive changes I've made since then. However I do respect her values and dont push my views upon her as our way of thinking isn't like others.
I totally agree with keeping your drug use to yourself. The more we try to explain the more crazy we sound, unfortunately, that is how it works.