People are so incredibly fucking shallow

[iridescentblack]

People are shallow and too afraid to step out of their comfort zones.

Shallowness I say.

People are hideous. Just so you know.

Don't judge a book by it's cover isn't so.

People burn too, as I've heard before.

People burn bad and it's hurts I'm pretty sure.

But how do you hurt someone you never know?

To see a book for it's cover isn't so?

To get to know all she wrote... You'd never know her, because thinner shiny books read slow.

Anyway. That's my poem and philosophy (now). People are fucking shallow. Wishing they'd get over themselves is wasting time. Ugly in high school, as soon as I was over puberty I started to notice I was gorgeous. Maybe it's because I have looked like a 5 out of 10 in the past, I've always been attracted to people who other people consider 2's and 3's. I suppose I've been looked at like luck is just a ginormous apple tree and I pretty much just shit rainbows like a unicorn as well. Wishing people would stop being shallow isn't enough. Kind of a pain in the ass but also a cool learning experience is teaching people how to not be shallow. Seems like people want to start at the sexual level though and learn how to not be shallow because of languor and such.

People afraid to be vulnerable just perpetuate the shallow norm. Yet the most impressive couples I see that have the strongest visible or invisible connections are usually between a husky man and a perfect woman. Another more iconic example is a skinny guy and a large woman, yet that one more culturally accepted because a small demographic seems to suggest its appropriation. Honestly, I don't know what psychology people consider before they decide to not marry or date or even associate with people who are considered ugly. Only psychological studies I have for furthering my knowledge and expanding my lectures for brainwashed shallow-minded hinge on the idea that the majority of boys becoming men in the U.S. (for instance) are about as politically correct as they are from figuring out they have an Oedipus complex. I'm probably just making a weird tie here, though, between boys and girls falling in love with the opposite gender parent and being predisposed to marrying someone who resembles their small window of what beauty should be.

I don't know. Does anyone know if Freud has more on this topic?

 

[December Flower]

"Über Schönheit weiß die Psychoanalyse am wenigsten zu sagen."
my favourite Freud quote. ("psychoanalytics knows the least to say about beauty")

Beauty, in most cases, comes with a certain sense of pride, and I think it's easy to get consumed by said pride, and be falsely trapped in the assumption of being better than the "regular people", for hitting the genetic lottery, hence why so many beautiful people do not associate with the "regulars" in a romantic way.

But I don't think you're entirely correct here. There are certain talents a "regular" person can acquire in order to gain favour, and climb in this hierarchy. I'm pretty much average, not beautiful, not ugly, and I'm kind of skinny for a guy, so definitely on the lower part of the ladder - but when I play the piano and sing, I instantly gain a lot of favour with people(especially women) who wouldn't even have looked at me once before I played, and suddenly they want my attention. humans

 

[Xorkoth]

Not everyone is shallow, in fact I think most people aren't fundamentally shallow, but everyone can BE shallow sometimes. Our society teaches people to be concerned with and consumed with trivial things, but this is a learned behavior. Also, most people hide their true selves behind a mask, which they only remove when interacting with the people they trust and are close to. So this can give the appearance of people being more shallow than they actually are.

 

[Sky God]

Wanting to be physically attracted to someone you want to date is not being shallow( if that's what we are talking about if not sorry i'm kinda high). I am considered attractive, no model but not ugly and i work to keep my body in shape and i would not be able to sleep with someone i find physically repulsive

 

[Foreigner]

I read everything you said and I have a couple things to say, plus maybe more later.

I've been that "shallow attractive couple" back when I had my gym bod and was physically active regularly, back before I developed an illness that made me look like I lived in a death camp. My relationships were so fucked up and so damaging though, I am still suffering from what they did to me. People would look at me and think about how great I had it, and how lucky he and I were to be in such a hot relationship. I look back now and wish I could tell myself to run like hell. These assholes cheated on me, took me for granted, were always looking for the better deal because they were so consumed with their "needs" and insecurities. Their hotness made them behave like privileged, entitled assholes. They made me feel worthless, and I suppose the sad thing is that I actually believed them. I didn't even believe I was hot. There was a young woman in one of my university classes... super hot, super beautiful, seemed like she had it all. She killed herself, she was so lonely.

In line with that... "don't judge a book by its cover" means you have no idea what people's private, inner worlds are really like unless they tell you. Most people have a public self and a private self. Rarely will you meet someone who lets you see their private self. The ones who reveal everything right away... in my experience, they are either people who have been through a lot and are super humble OR they are total narcissists with no filter. Telling the difference takes experience and boundaries. I used to really love when people revealed everything right away, now I find it to be a red flag that indicates they have no boundaries. The lack of boundaries was how I ended up in those shitty relationships mentioned above, despite "looking hot".

Freud... I wouldn't invest too much in that. Most of his stuff has been proven wrong. I do respect him though because he was one of the first to try and create an applicable psychotherapeutic model.

I dunno... I think the shallow thing is to assume that everyone is some shallow idiot. If you heard anyone's life story you would probably think about them totally differently.

 

[Sky God]

@Foreigner i'm very sorry to hear you got ill . I wouldn't consider myself shallow because i have dated men who were not what society would consider my match but i was attracted because they were funny, could have deep conversations about astronomy and other topics, they were kind and kind to animals etc... I find intelligence very sexy, same as humor. I just couldn't date someone who is morbidly obese or a dirty person .

 

[Foreigner]

@Foreigner i'm very sorry to hear you got ill . I wouldn't consider myself shallow because i have dated men who were not what society would consider my match but i was attracted because they were funny, could have deep conversations about astronomy and other topics, they were kind and kind to animals etc... I find intelligence very sexy, same as humor. I just couldn't date someone who is morbidly obese or a dirty person .

Thanks for the condolensces. I was never shallow, but I did end up with idiots because I was easily charmed by their personalities. You live, you learn, I guess.

Maybe it's getting older or maybe it's just life experience, but when I find someone physically hot now, I can easily override it and examine their other characteristics. I am even distrustful of hot people because of how hotness in the gay world is so manipulated and practiced. Some guys are hot and know every aspect of their own hotness and how to work it -- I don't like that. I like guys who are hot and kind of don't know it, or they only know it in a general way, or show some damn modesty. What a concept.

I really value intelligence too, and a philosophical outlook. Honestly, I also prefer to be with people who have known some suffering and grew wiser because of it. I've dated men who were very privileged and they not only didn't relate to my insights about life, they outright criticized some of my views. Of course someone would be critical of something they're totally ignorant of. A stupid person looking at an intelligent person thinks the intelligent person is stupid, when really the stupid person is too stupid to even know what they're dealing with. That's what these vain and foolish men were like.

Everyone suffers, but I mean... these guys never really got knocked down in life, by anything. They had it good from day one. And good for them, honestly. It's not like I wish suffering on people. If you can skate through life then all the power to you -- life sucks and if you can take the easy train then who cares? But me relating to them... yeah, kind of laughable the disparity. The things they considered to be day to day hardships were laughable... like the pain in the ass of going to do laundry and realizing you have no laundry detergent, and now have to go out to buy some. Yup, some real suffering there.

One guy... I was sick in bed and he actually went into a tailspin about how taking care of an ill person was detracting from his life and it was starting to make him worry about his future. All because I asked him if he could make me something to eat.

So yeah... a lot of people look hot and strong, but they are frail creatures.

 

[Xorkoth]

The older I get, the more nuanced my idea of attractiveness becomes. Attraction is very energetic, and it's also based very much on kindness, and that only becomes increasingly evident to me. I think people who continue to fixate on some superficial physical attraction as the end-all, be-all tend to be chronically dissatisfied by relationships, and/or keep finding themselves in incompatible relationships.

 

[Sky God]

People like that are ugly no matter how they look. Years ago i dated a guy who seemed fine but we passed a homeless guy and told the poor soul to get a job. I was humiliated to be stood next to him. I sat and talked with the man and he was homeless because his house burnt down killing his wife and child and he blamed himself because he took an extra shift at work to buy a sports ticket . I never spoke to him after. you shouldn't judge but i get a good sense on a person by how they treat the poor and animals. You never know people's story.

I look "normal" but i'm a junkie partially because of a kidnapping and sexual assaults from 5 men. I guess genetics are doing me a favour and i didn't start using until after my 20's. But i had no help and i have no-one so it's really hard to stop. When i sober up my mind almost cracks because i don't have the tools to deal with everything that has happened. So when i see a homeless person i make sure to be kind to them because who knows how they got there. Years ago i was forced to go to NA by my probation officer and i swear 95% of the people there suffered some kind of trauma .

I hate people with perfect lives who have never had to deal with trauma alone but look down on the guy trying to get warm on a grate. I never in a million years thought i would be smoking fentadope but here i am. I just hope i can eventually find some kind of peace

 

[Xorkoth]

People like that are ugly no matter how they look. Years ago i dated a guy who seemed fine but we passed a homeless guy and told the poor soul to get a job. I was humiliated to be stood next to him. I sat and talked with the man and he was homeless because his house burnt down killing his wife and child and he blamed himself because he took an extra shift at work to buy a sports ticket . I never spoke to him after. you shouldn't judge but i get a good sense on a person by how they treat the poor and animals. You never know people's story.

Ugh how disgusting. Sadly more people are like that than I would care to admit.

My cousin is that way, he's such a bigot. Our cousin was in the closet and this cousin I'm talking about found a video he made in our grandma's house, where he was doing stuff with his boyfriend. He gleefully told the whole family about it and made fun of him ruthlessly. So our cousin had to come out when he wasn't ready. My uncle (the gay cousin's father) also had a really hard time with it, but unlike my bigot cousin, he came to terms with it and grew as a person and he and his son are close again. My cousin, though, to this day thinks he did nothing wrong. He also will publicly harrass black and brown people and tell women that don't look plastic and fit his narrow idea of beauty that they should take better care of themselves. It's so embarrassing to be in public with him. As a result, despite the fact that he loves me and has never been anything but good to me, I have grown apart from him and avoid spending time with him. It hurts him, but he just doesn't get it. There's always some excuse for why he's not in the wrong. And he's constantly dating these shallow floozies and his relationships last like 2 months and he always wonders why. His lack of self-awareness is breathtaking. I have little doubt he will never change, but I still hold out hope he might have some sort of awakening. I love him because he's family and we grew up really close. In the meantime, I can't stand to be around him. But he's found a whole posse of people just like him so he has all sorts of environmental feedback that the way he is is perfectly fine and normal.

He also thinks that he's god's gift to women, and that all women want him. In reality, though, any woman of quality that I know who has ever met him think he's gross.

 

[Sky God]

Ugh how disgusting. Sadly more people are like that than I would care to admit.

My cousin is that way, he's such a bigot. Our cousin was in the closet and this cousin I'm talking about found a video he made in our grandma's house, where he was doing stuff with his boyfriend. He gleefully told the whole family about it and made fun of him ruthlessly. So our cousin had to come out when he wasn't ready. My uncle (the gay cousin's father) also had a really hard time with it, but unlike my bigot cousin, he came to terms with it and grew as a person and he and his son are close again. My cousin, though, to this day thinks he did nothing wrong. He also will publicly harrass black and brown people and tell women that don't look plastic and fit his narrow idea of beauty that they should take better care of themselves. It's so embarrassing to be in public with him. As a result, despite the fact that he loves me and has never been anything but good to me, I have grown apart from him and avoid spending time with him. It hurts him, but he just doesn't get it. There's always some excuse for why he's not in the wrong. And he's constantly dating these shallow floozies and his relationships last like 2 months and he always wonders why. His lack of self-awareness is breathtaking. I have little doubt he will never change, but I still hold out hope he might have some sort of awakening. I love him because he's family and we grew up really close. In the meantime, I can't stand to be around him. But he's found a whole posse of people just like him so he has all sorts of environmental feedback that the way he is is perfectly fine and normal.

He also thinks that he's god's gift to women, and that all women want him. In reality, though, any woman of quality that I know who has ever met him think he's gross.

What a horrible person. Arrogance is such a turn off and that was pure evil to force your cousin out of the closet. Sadly even in 2021 we still have people like that. As long as the person isn't hurting anyone it's not my business what they do in their bedroom. Like my father always said, live and let live. Things are getting better but the thought of people have to hide their true self or not be with the person they love breaks my heart. As a straight woman i could always be my true self and i hope one day soon everyone can.

I have a cousin who's son is 16 and wants to start transitioning to be a woman and he kicked him out of the house. Luckily i have another aunt who took her in and she is totally non judgemental but your own father disowning you for being you has to be tough. I just hope it doesn't effect her or make her ashamed of herself. I'm sure it was hard for her to tell her folks but i keep telling her she is the bravest person i know and i am proud of her and i will be there for her until my last breath.

To bad we couldn't round up all the bigots/racist and banish them to a plot of land in the arctic .

 

[Gormur]

I don't even know what shallow means. I tend to think it means that someone lacks depth of character so they tend to focus on the physical, maybe whatever it is they're already attracted to. The rest is conjecture since everybody's attracted to something different

Did I miss something? Quit trying to be Hollywood. You should be alright. I like people that aren't unhealthy looking. That isn't shallow for sure, but someone else might like unhealthful looking people. That's their business

 

[Foreigner]

People like that are ugly no matter how they look. Years ago i dated a guy who seemed fine but we passed a homeless guy and told the poor soul to get a job. I was humiliated to be stood next to him. I sat and talked with the man and he was homeless because his house burnt down killing his wife and child and he blamed himself because he took an extra shift at work to buy a sports ticket . I never spoke to him after. you shouldn't judge but i get a good sense on a person by how they treat the poor and animals. You never know people's story.

I look "normal" but i'm a junkie partially because of a kidnapping and sexual assaults from 5 men. I guess genetics are doing me a favour and i didn't start using until after my 20's. But i had no help and i have no-one so it's really hard to stop. When i sober up my mind almost cracks because i don't have the tools to deal with everything that has happened. So when i see a homeless person i make sure to be kind to them because who knows how they got there. Years ago i was forced to go to NA by my probation officer and i swear 95% of the people there suffered some kind of trauma .

I hate people with perfect lives who have never had to deal with trauma alone but look down on the guy trying to get warm on a grate. I never in a million years thought i would be smoking fentadope but here i am. I just hope i can eventually find some kind of peace

Powerful words. I don't know how else to put it... if you have ever suffered a lot, or alone, you will see the world differently. It's not something I'd wish on anyone but if you have to go through it, you might as well realize that it opens your heart and mind to compassion. I agree with Xorkoth, I notice people's kindness levels and if people have low kindness I tend to shy away from them naturally. It's not because I want all the kindness given to me, but because I want to see evidence that they have connected to life beyond themselves in a deeper way. A lot of people understand this conceptually but when faced with real situations you see their true colours. You can't fake kindness.

At the end of the day I don't trust shallow people because they will likely hurt or betray me if I ever let myself get close to them. There's also a part of me that wonders if it's just a product of living in a part of the world that is super individualistic. Maybe I should live somewhere with a more collectivist culture.

People here pride themselves on being a one man island and I rarely meet any of those solo people who don't secretly have deep inner conflict or problems. I'm taking about the "successful" people who have it all but can't form meaningful human relationships. What's up with that?

Our culture is fucked. It's violent, traumatic and isolating... and maybe going through deep trauma myself makes me all the more aware of this collective trauma. When did kindness become a weakness or a second rate virtue? Every living thing on this planet is only alive because of its connection to all other life. If that's not love and kindness then I don't know what is.

 

[MsDiz]

I’m very much a sapiosexual now. I always have been I guess, I’ve never dated an “idiot” and maybe that’s shallow? I don’t think so though.

I have had my years being shallow I guess. Being a sound engineer and working with bands you kinda get your pick of the crop. There are a lot of good looking people in music. A lot of crazy people and a lot of super smart hot people. My son is the product of one of these relationships and I’m more than happy with that. Myself and his father have a great relationship still (as friends and co parents) and that’s perfect.

When I got pregnant I decided being a sound engineer isn’t conducive to being a parent so I went and did another degree at uni and changed careers. There’s a LOT of super smart “nerds” in my field now and yeah I’ve dated a good few. They are definitely not what you’d call “hot”. They aren’t ugly either though.

I LOVE intelligence, I spot it a mile off and it’s like a magnet to me. I love delving into someone’s mind and listening to them. If that person happens to be “hot” so be it but it’s not that reason that draws me to people now. I got super lucky with @BK38 hes so fucking hot it’s unreal

I’m not shallow though. Haha!

I hate people with perfect lives who have never had to deal with trauma alone but look down on the guy trying to get warm on a grate.

I just wanted to add to this. The older I get the more I realise that no one has a perfect life. Everyone is struggling in some way. Everyone. Yes people are rude, they lash out, they front and act hard, they act like pricks but they all have issues. I am a lot more tolerant now to those who people tend to ostracise, I have a lot more patience with them. Maybe it’s because I did psychology and understand it a bit more but I also think how can people not see that this person is hurting? Anyway, my point is, hurt people hurt people. I think we should all just be a little more kind to each other. Something I have to practice more at work especially.

 

[iridescentblack]

Sorry, peeps. I didn't mean to try and fuel my ego with pretentions about being super open minded. I was frustrated and angry-posted.

What I meant specifically was what I'm trying to articulate now. I guess I just feel kinda bad for ugly people because it's been my experience that hot people tend to stick to grooming people similar to that stereotype. Then again, a wise "ugly" person would probably feel bad for the hot people who have to struggle because the one's with personalities get betrayed. It's not easy being good looking.

 

[Xorkoth]

Everyone has their own struggles, and suffering is relative, too. It can be tempting to condemn people who seem to have it all and still suffer, but suffering is internal. Maybe that rich/spoiled/good-looking person had parents who were distant and got raised by a nanny and hurt inside always from a lack of parental love. If someone who hasn't suffered much at all in life suddenly experiences suffering, it may not seem like much to someone who has experienced a lot of suffering and knows how to handle it, but to them it may be extremely painful even if it wouldn't be to you. It's like how children can experience any old thing, skinning a knee, being told no, and it's as their world has caved in. Imagine someone who had never really suffered, suddenly experiencing something painful. They would be like that child, because suffering hurts and it's really confusing if you aren't familiar with it. Whereas some people have had a lifetime of suffering so it becomes easier to handle with experience.

All this to say, it's best to try to have compassion for people whenever possible, even if you don't understand.

 

[Deleted member 521610]

money never solves anything and if people think that those who have money don't understand suffering then they themselves have never had all the money. Because money is empty it will never fill your desires they are endless and once you do have enough you suddenly realize money will never make a person happy forever. You have to tap into what your true purpose is what you as a unique person in this entire universe wants to achieve what your sole purpose of incarnating into this plane of existence to fulfil a role in this grand divine play.

infact human suffering is decreasing physically and general life comforts but our soul our deepest desires are not filled by materialism. Attacking those who are wealth off even if they are rich fund kids is shallow in itself a a viscous cycle of jealously and that will only bring negativity to your life let it all go no one should be judged for whatever life circumstances they were born into over others.

Life in all its aspects should be celebrated because you are already illumined whenever you know it or not. There are no losers in this game everybody wins at the end.

I highly recommend everybody to practice 5 minutes or more of compassion meditation every day. Compassion is the biggest secret to living a fulfilling life that so many people overlook.

 

[Foreigner]

I'm not jealous of people who have money. I openly pursue money. It doesn't solve ontological problems or spiritual issues, but having money prevents a lot of physical suffering. Resenting money cuts a person off from their own resource gathering. It's unfortunate but we live in a world where the systems of power have made it impossible to live without money. Being poor is terrible. Being really on-the-brink poor is a complete and utter nightmare.

When people hate others who have wealth, they are really hating the systems of power that have made human life miserable without money. So their hatred is justified, they have just directed it at the wrong place. Run of the mill wealthy people don't really control the system. The ultra wealthy do. I'm talking people like Elon Musk who has close it $200 billion to his name. These people should have 20% of their wealth seized and redistributed to pay for humanity's well being. Same with Jeff Bezos and the others. No, I'm not a socialist. I'm just against economic parasites. These people use society to become wealthy and powerful, then pay no taxes, give nothing back.

Run of the mill wealth though... it's pretty great. Not having to ever worry again about where you've live, if you'll have food and GOOD food, etc. It's golden.

 

[Xorkoth]

I like to say, money does not buy happiness, but lack of sufficient money makes it much harder to be happy. The peace of mind and lack of stress from having enough money to have all of your needs met is a huge load off. But past that point, more money does not make you happier. In fact a lot of rich people are quite miserable, especially when they have sacrificed all else in their lives in order to get rich.

 

[Foreigner]

If you're an existential type, having a lot of money can be a total nightmare because now you have material agency, so there's no excuse for you to not take action in the world. Yet you know deep down that nothing really leads anywhere.

To put it another way... imagine being super wealthy and having it all, but discovering that none of it will make your life more real. Like... all the stuff is not really helping you escape the truth of emptiness.

That would be hell.

I think a lot of money could make people happy if they are ignorant or in denial of these deeper issues.