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☮ Social ☮ PD Umph: Hearts Rainbows and Butterflies Social

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^ Better than Canada (weather-wise anyway). I'm hitting So flo this winter. I'm going to take the drive out to Key West. :)

Well I'm going to see my friend after all. I feel better now. The miniscule amount of xanax does have me feeling a bit tired though, and I'm sure I'll have a little drink while I'm there. I hope I don't fall asleep at the wheel on the way home :\
 
I took 1mg kpin around 6 hours ago, if it took another one now (1mg) would the effects just stack or would the extra 1mg kpin just add just a little extra buzz

I don't want to be to fucked up to play board games with my parents but I also don't want it to be a waste.
 
It's been a good evening so far. I went to my friends house, hung out there for a bit and played some pool.

They have a room available and I think I might take it. It seems like a nice, comfy environment. :)

I'm going to try AMT again tomorrow but without the piracetam; in case that had something to do with what happened today. I'm also going to drop it down to 3mg.

Things got a whole lot better after I had that little bit of xanax, which leads me to believe that the benzo rebound had a major factor in the crappy reaction. I do find xanax is a much "cleaner" benzo than diazepam.
 
sounds like you should kick back and relax Sgt Pepper :D

my evening has grown better too , were just watching movies and recalling old times

I'm in a much better state than i was before
 
i just had a very intense dmt experience that completely obliterated my placation of some overwhelming existential anxiety i have had a hard time living with. i'm afraid that the reasons i was able to overcome much of my anxiety were passive and only superficial - a way to pacify my mind.

the experience completely saw past these false placations and instead showed me that my intense existential anxiety is something that i still have not yet resolved. i want to take comfort in something but know that nothing pacifies (and even when it does it's still pacification and not a genuine comfort). i feel there is so much going on that nobody understands. the beauty is too great. the vastness makes me terrified.

my previous breakdown-inducing thought patterns are surfacing as i try to integrate this experience. i can feel it. uncomfortable with existence and much less so with death.

i thought i had gone past this yet i feel it's probably been there all along - hiding behind my barriers. i hope it doesn't tear me apart like it did when i was younger.

i feel like i need a healthy dose of mushrooms to rediscover beauty in impermanence. or perhaps to get my mind back to meditation which had helped me so much before. i've fallen out of practice for far too long now.

i feel like a young, confused kid again.
 
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