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My parents just don't want me to be a bum

I have a real hard time integrating into society , I could totally live out in the woods like you were
saying PepperSocks. I really have no desire to be rich at all , I just need to find some way to survive. It like to own my an organic farm someday or something like that :)
 
My parents just don't want me to be a bum

I have a real hard time integrating into society , I could totally live out in the woods like you were
saying PepperSocks

I really have no desire to be rich at all , I just need to find some way to survive

Thats nice...my parents say they dont care what i do as long as im happy, but my dad made it blatantly clear that I should have the same views as him at least until hes dead. When he said that to me I think a piece of me died. And also showed me exactly how I don't want to raise my children :\
 
My rents dont really care what I do as long as Im not causing trouble. They pretty much just want me to be happy and If im happy using opiates or other drugs so be it , they never got down on me for using dope. They wanted me to stop of course but they never pushed me away because of it. I cant even imagine how bad it could have gotten if I didnt have them to take care of me when I was down and out.

They never cared about me tripping much as long as I dont do it everyday , lol :)

There was a couple times when I was taking Lucy a couple times a week and my dad hinted that I should probably take it easy. They've been great trip sitters a few times when I have dosed a little heavier than I anticipated
 
^ I know, right?! I've gotta do something like that next time I trip. Which reminds me of another cool idea for a techy trip toy I read about - you hook up a microphone to a computer (or you just use the built-in mic if you've got a Mac), then you open up a DAW program, create an audio track, send the audio input to the track's input, add a bunch of crazy insert effects (delays, flangers, bitcrushers, etc.), then put the track on "monitor" mode - and bingo, crazy psychedelic alteration of the audial component of your environment. %)


edit: that was supposed to be in response to Cosmic Charlie.


You could get massive feedback happening...good idea though, I've left a mic open for several hours (used to live near an industrial/factory place, lots o clanking and scraping and flip-floppin) and then utterly fucked with the end result in any way I can.....voila, ambient music :D

so i deceided to completely c/t the codeine, and boy do i feel like shit....fucking crying, shitting, aching, but most of all- CRYING I just can't stop. No desire for drugs, i just feel lonely as i ain't telkling anyone whatsa wrong with me.

Drugs fucken suck, and this is the last time im fgonna fuck myself over with them.
 
Damn Swilow, hang in there man. Good call on the c/t; sometimes that's the only way.

For some reason my eyes are watering like crazy nowadays. It's not from any emotional thing I don't think, but I find my eyes water, a lot. I don't think it's from drugs. it's weird though; I don't know what it's coming from.
 
^Than ka man, you just made me start crying again...:D

though really, i should find/invent a worfd that means "not crying" and use that as lacrimation via emotional strezz is seemingly permament at this stage....

plus i dreamt i wqas a fucking dinosaur last night, it was....herm odd....first dream I'\ve had in pure monochrome.

hmm. hands cannot hit keys well....
 
Monochrome Prehistoric Freaky Time, nice :)

I've got my internet back! The rest of my freedom comes tomorrow :D Finding sober activities in this shitty weather won't be easy :\ Any tips? Most people I know that don't use drugs don't really DO anything during the winter... and that isn't ok for me lol.
 
What is really freaky is that there are people (Oliver Sacks wrote about it) that are so utterly colorblind that they dont even see monochromous like black and white which is still 1-dimensional... their vision is 0-dimensional. To them vision is just like everything is made of lead and there is no global lighting. Just pure form.

On high dose LSD or in deep meditation (also without acid but after a long while getting deeper) I've had everything turn into golden light, colour also disappears as it is normally but converges into this new supercolour that is energy in a different or less determined view, I then see not difference in colour but the direct difference in energy / frequency / wavelength...
awesome... synaesthesia can also approach this since this pure energy is the common denominator in sensorical throughput. The determination of it is secondary, multiple interpretations remain possible. Simultaneous sensing and awareness of superpositioned perspective. Thoroughly integrated expansion of consciousness.

Damn I love this particular DMT smell, found some to be scraped of off a ponypack and just put it in a joint a while ago. Maybe threshold effect and this sweet incense aroma reminding me of the equanimous potential of the drug <3

Pepper do you mean you have a hard time understanding it or is it sensitive? Of course Id get if you are bothered by this. People who have this often have a conflict since they have their loyalty and within it is the desire to live up to expectations, but you still know you should choose yourself... if their priorities in life are much different than yours but their selfrealization suffers then there must be a split that is strained and not easily accepted.
The things you stand for supporting your identity are ruled under the banner of your mission in life. I think it is a lifes shame if personal development is suppressed by an ideal image that is projected on you with force. It's like depriving your soul, no one should have to surrender their happiness like that, rather there is potential to be a mirror to these others, so that they may see themselves and come to insight about their own realizations of happiness.
But I know it's easy to speak so liberally about it if you don't have this conflict at home. But having this conflict with the general modern philosophy is plenty I suppose.

Swilow hope youll find strenght man, try not to fall into the trap of pointlessly struggling from too much dissonance in yourself - were almost all busy thinkers here but that can really do a number on us if the resulting thoughts bring us of out of balance rather than in it...

Need to work on this myself actually, for a good while
 
so i deceided to completely c/t the codeine, and boy do i feel like shit....fucking crying, shitting, aching, but most of all- CRYING I just can't stop. No desire for drugs, i just feel lonely as i ain't telkling anyone whatsa wrong with me.

Drugs fucken suck, and this is the last time im fgonna fuck myself over with them.

Hang in there bro. Everything will be fine again soon. Congratulations on deciding to just jump into the thick of WD and get it over with-- really an awesome decision and a very difficult one to make.

I wish the very best to you, swilow. You're a great guy. :)
 
Pepper do you mean you have a hard time understanding it or is it sensitive?

I just meant as in sentence structure but I think I wrapped my head wround what you were saying now.

I think it is a lifes shame if personal development is suppressed by an ideal image that is projected on you with force. It's like depriving your soul, no one should have to surrender their happiness like that

I agree 100%.

I don't really want to be a complete recluse; I think I just want a break from the world for a while. I'd also like to prove to myself that I can walk into the woods ad support myself and a family if I had to. :)
 
^Sure is.. (to rogers post)

Goodnight everybody!<3 psychedelic dreams!
 
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Okay, update- this is weird; its 29 hours since I took codeine/shitdeine; and- hmmm- the w/d seems to be already abating. I have tomorrow off work, but oddly- I am not in pain, stomach a bit fucked (loperamide ftw!!), slghtly restless- but a talk with my mum and then a big promethazine induced sleep- voila; I feel almost normal. I don't get it; I'm craving some shitdeine but am not gong to touch it, will smoke a spliff to get some hungry-happennng; but yeah, this is odd.

That said, the worst might be over but now the mental battle begins; and I'm used to this battle so bring it on.

Thank you guys for your support; honestly, if I didn't have you guys I would not have done ths.

Psychedelcs= ablilty to see though mind/body dualsm and abolish it :) Fucking weird....

I love you people <3 <3 <3 Right here we have some brilliant minds and loving hearts. Thank heavens it exists as such, and that we did it!! We made this place a haven. Lets make it more haven-ish. <3 :) <3 :) <3
 
Love you too Swil :) <3

I seem to be using a lot of phenibut lately. This will be a few days in a row now at ~1.5g doses. I find it just really makes my day a whole lot smoother. The downside is I don't want to stop because I know I'll feel crappy if I do, and I certainly can't trip the day after I stop taking phenibut. :\

I'm going to take some 4-AcO-DMT on Saturday and I have a meeting on thursday that I'm going to need it for, then I'm going to to see a friend on friday and it would be nice to have it then too.

I guess this will be my phenibut binge week. I'll try cutting it out next week.
 
I've been getting in debates on some other drug forum dealing with these new substances such as buphedrone, and it really deeply saddens me to see the mindset of the many potential buyers.

Really it seems that the RC scene has gotten way to big and these rare and potential dangerous drugs are at the easy access of these irresponsible drug users, just looking to get the next new cheap fix.

All the threads on mephedrone, phenezapam, and the like just spill over in irresponsibility.
 
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Agreed.

This beta ketone thing is the worst thing to happen to the scene. It's not research; it's finding the latest and greatest stimulant rush. :\

It angers me the attention that is given to the beta ketones while the psychedelics are much harder to find and new ones don't seem to be being researched or developed.

I hate the whole beta ketone market.
 
... fucking Buphedrone?? That's some type of sick joke, man. Give us some novel tryptamines, or at least something interesting we haven't seen in a while like MET....
 
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