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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: Trans-dimensional Hyperspace Cocktail Bar - Fractals Apply Within

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Never Knows Best said:
but now I understand that my options are "build a future" or "commit suicide" with no in between, so I'm determined to achieve the former option.
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that's pretty much exactly where my head has been at lately, as well.






back in my more optimistic days i used to say: "if you're not building your heaven then you're waiting for hell."
 
i tried therapy for a bit... the therapist assigned to me had a daughter who was terminally ill, and we spent more time talking about that than we did talking about my own problems. he probably shouldn't even have been at work during that stretch. i know if i tried therapy again the odds of my next counselor having a terminally ill child are pretty low, but still the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth.

i quit seeing him abruptly... a few weeks after that i found out his daughter died. =/
 
thenightwatch said:
i tried therapy for a bit... the therapist assigned to me had a daughter who was terminally ill, and we spent more time talking about that than we did talking about my own problems. he probably shouldn't even have been at work during that stretch. i know if i tried therapy again the odds of my next counselor having a terminally ill child are pretty low, but still the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth.

i quit seeing him abruptly... a few weeks after that i found out his daughter died. =/
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I don't even want to think of mine as human, just as a platform to apply the techniques/information that she was trained to, 'cause humanizing people means I can notice flaws, and make excuses to not listen to anything they say.
 
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that doesn't sound like a huge amount. certainly more than you would be allotted by a doctor if you had a Desoxyn prescription, but considerably less than a lot of meth heads i know.
 
Yeah that's pretty reasonable usage, something I never managed with meth. Keep it there, get sleep, eat healthily, and get some exercise and you should be golden....for a while ;)

Since you pleaded for advice, mine would be to not run with it for too long. My meth phase in my twenties was at least an order of magnitude higher in terms of dosage...but meth was the activity, not really an adjunct to one. (although playing music and writing on meth were golden during the honeymoon phase). But anyhow,once the negatives began to outweigh the positivesy (long after actually) and I finally stopped, it took a long, long while for everything to cease being totally mundane. And the post meth fatigue lingered for ages and ages. I didn't dabble again until my early thirties, and this was a few months of weekly binges...IVing huge amounts, staying up for days. That fucked me for some time, and in some ways I haven't felt the same since. Granted, there were other drugs and other binges going on concurrently, but meth clearly was the most destructive.

Moral of the (my) story: meth is great until is isn't, and by the time it isn't more damage has been done than one may perceive. Be safe. <3
 
Yes, meth is no good for reading! I am a voracious reader, and had to get my priorities straight :D

Smoking is silly. The worst way to take the drug IMO. Shitty rush, shitty high, and you just want to keep smoking, hoping you'll get that good high and rush....compulsively so. Quite wasteful too, and obviously does the lungs no favors.

I didn't IV for efficiency (although it certainly doesn't hurt) but for the gob smacking orgasm inducing (a few times literally....not too uncommon really) rush.....the cough, the tingles, then the white light/white heat (yes, that is what the VU song is about), then a euphoria unlike no other. But then I'd spend my time taking things apart that weren't broken, or far too much time typing out meticulous posts on various forums, or 12 hours playing music with no breaks (can't argue with that one!).

The initial rush isn't as skull crushing as cocaine, but infinitely more satisfying, and the high 1000x better. It's been years. Do I miss it still? Occasionally yes. I'd like to experience such again....probably not the wisest idea though!
 
Oh jeez, I just looked at my posts from the last 24 hours, that was like, dissociative-binge level compulsive self-revealing. That's what I get for casually drinking a pint of brandy. Kindly edit your darn quotes people. Too much incrimination.

I should try to use this as a learning experience, my willpower may have atrophied after years of playing puppet to my caprice, and I don't really feel any conviction, but clearly there is a pattern that ought to broken:

I hereby and henceforth ban myself from the purchase and consumption of hard liquor, pursuant with my attempts to construct a future-oriented outlook, so help me God.

manny said:
then a euphoria unlike no other
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I prefer euthymia to euphoria with stims, the latter is an impairment, and it can be so unpleasant leaving cloud nine that I avoid going there to begin with.
 
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eating a bottle of robitussin gel caps tonight

i also have a small bit of weed that i'm going to smoke

very small amount.... like a tenth of a gram maybe. but i probably won't even smoke all of it tonight.
 
Never Knows Best said:
my willpower may have atrophied after years of playing puppet to my caprice
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This happened to me. I shat all over my willpower so many times so consistently that I have a really hard time with it now, it sucks. I have always been kinda low on willpower though, I get excited and just want to do things and quite easily convince myself, and do the thing(s) I'm really into obsessively often (video games, Magic the Gathering, this online text-based multiplayer RPG in which I first named myself Xorkoth, and then drugs). So I guess it was inevitable... now I am trying to learn to have more willpower, when I'm fully an adult.

Just had a little puff, feels good after a very long work day. I worked my regular job from 8:30 to 5:00 and then went straight to the market to sell paintings and just got back from that. My legs, back and feet are killing me, but now I have a half-lidded smile. :)

And regarding stimulants and writing... for a week, which happened to coincide with the day of Obama's first presidential win, I was taking desoxypipradrol every day, and literally did not sleep for a week (that stuff is the absolute strongest wakefulness agent I have ever used and it lasts at least 24 hours). Desoxy is weird, but when I went on that binge it was one of the b est, and most extended, highs I have ever had. And the posts I made were absolutely epic. Pages of scrolling, sentences crafted technically correctly but intensely long. Just obsessively babbling out all of my thoughts on Bluelight.

At the end of that run, I had been wearing socks for so long that my feet were shriveled (from constantly sweating with no way to air out) and the wrinkles hurt with a sharp pain, they must have been getting infected. It was pretty gross. 8(
 
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