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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Thread: Trans-dimensional Hyperspace Cocktail Bar - Fractals Apply Within

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I highly recommend this new series True Detective by HBO. HBO has done it again, delivered supreme quality.

Trust me, you wont be disappointed.
 
Cheers to a year of healing and reorienting. I have a good feeling about this year.

I'm not a huge beatles fan, but Georgy blew my mind with this one.



I woke up at 5:30 this morning, which is very unusual for me, and decided to go to the gym. Got the endorphins flowing listening to this...also not my usual tunage.



Hey swirlow. Good to see ya. :)
 
Oh my god... my wife just called me and asked me if I wanted a divorce. I said yes, and I explained just a bit of how I was feeling, that it makes me so sad and that I miss the good parts of what we had so badly, but that it couldn't work. She said she gives me permission to do that amicably. Then she said she loves me, and I said I love her (because I do). Then she hung up but I heard her start sobbing. Shit I feel so crazy right now. I'm glad she wants to move forward and that it will go smoothly, but I feel super, super guilty right now. I don't think I should, but I do.

Feels like I'm jumping off a cliff, it just got another level of real...
 
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Xorkoth if you need someone to talk to you know to feel free to pm or im all of us here right?
I'm sorry that you got such a devistating phone call, especially since you just went through the emotions by reiterating your feelings here last night. I hope that her call was at least some sort of release, the bondage of broken love may be the toughest burden any one man may ever experience.
I'm so glad that PD is back into family mode. A lot of us are going through hard times, but optimism is contageous and I couldn't ask for a better group of supporters in my times of darkness. I hope you feel the same my friend.
 
I do feel the same, and thanks, I appreciate that. I can't wait til this is all behind me. 12 years man... it's such a long time, through so many developmental stages. I have this part of me screaming "no! no! call her back tell her we need to fight for this!" I won't though, a while back I told my family most of this stuff for the express purpose of not letting myself reverse my decision, there is no way they'd support me doing that. I'll be fine, it's just intense. Glad you guys are here to listen.
 
I can't imagine a seperation after what were most likely the most impressionable and formative years of your life. A bad break up of 3 years was bad enough for me. Though you may not realize, your being very logical and seem incredibly strong in this time of pain. Think about all you've been through and all that you have to look forward to in the future.
If your wife is on board I think it will be better in the long run. Love may persist but if she isnt 'IN' love with you then it's futile, and you need to do what's right for both of you.
I wish I could make you feel better man, I really do. Hopefully reaching out was what you needed?
 
Hey peeps! I haven't been here in ages! It's nice to come back to a familiar place.

I can see many good old names here, Solipsis, LSDMDMA&AMP, ps00donym to name a few.

Did I miss anything really exciting in the last year?.. What were the highlights? Any new interesting RCs and alkaloids?

It's good to be back!
 
Yeah it is. And yeah, reaching out was what I was looking for, everything feels like it bounces around inside me and causes chaos until I let it out and that's what I'm doing. :)
 
Oh man I just realized it's our month anniversary day... we always used to observe it. The 26th... :\ Fuckin' weird timing. I wonder if she was thinking that too...
 
that's intense. My girlfriend of over two years was a real struggle to break up with I can't imagine 12 years. For a pretty long time I was pretty sure i'd always love her but at some point I was able to get over her.

one time I called her while I was schwasted during my rehab (because I couldn't smoke weed) and just said "I want to let you know you're a bitch" and just went on with a bunch of insecure snide comments and stuff then I blacked out and threw up and woke up the next morning regretting it. But that honestly helped to sever the ties because we were always so non confrontational about eachother because we remembered the good times like you said xork
 
Living by yourself after a 12-year-relationship must be weird.. Theres a whole new life for you

Happens that my first love contacted me today, we broke up years ago but she's the one that gave me the strongest feelings ever, it just seems not to work out so well between us - not helping that shes been a junkie for a few years. She claimed to have been sober for a month now, wanted to see me. Don't know what to do, took me years to get over her the first time.
 
^^^^

It's really good when you can connect to your exes. I still am close with my two exes...and funny enough current interests actually talk to exes It feel very healthy and 'adult' to get past jealousies over the past and for everyone to be able to forgive. Keep up those ties to the past if you can, if it is healthy to because in a way, you lose a bit of yourself when doors are closed forever.
 
Xorkoth said:
We've lost the plot big-time, as a world culture I think we're literally insane. Like we're lost in a terrible, bad trip. Certain people in the world realize this, and certain cultures, but the greatest power in the world is also the most far gone. I fear for the future. It's hard for me to be hopeful, but I keep trying because what do we have if not hope? I do believe something can be done, but it's easy to infer that perhaps we're too late...
Click to expand...
Right? Most of the time though I clearly don't really tell anyone this, I'm way more excited for what may be after life than what's in it, especially these days. Thoughts of spending my time one with the universe in a state of complete knowledge and peace is so much more exhilirating than watching people kill each other over things that don't even truly exist like money or land.

Weird you said that about MXE, it caused one of those rushing back moments. I remember when I IM'd 150mgs of absolutely stellar MXE and the took 175ugs of AL-LAD, it was so awesome, I merged with the music, and it felt like my mind was "producing" the music itself before it was being played. Then it was like I really merged with the music as I think the LAD was kicking in, I began feeling like I was traversing the cosmos, riding streams of musical notes where I was each note being played. It was truly one of a kind, I vividly remember riding around Europa.

'13 was bad news for me, I went pretty fuckin' crazy.
 
Yeah living by myself is fucking weird. And I've literally never done it, I lived with my family until college and then with friends (and her the last year) at college and then with her since then... it's super lonely, I like having people around to share life with and communicate with. At least I have good friends and I talk to my parents and siblings all the time. I love living where I do but I sometimes wish I lived in Illinois so I could see my family regularly. That would make it a lot easier.

xammy: that's a tough one. I probably don't have unbiased advice for you but I'd say it might be best to stay away for your own sake. Then again it might work out. Are the issues you guys had something you can see maybe having solved themselves (at least for you) since years have passed and you're older and more mature? If not I'd say definitely might be best to spare yourself the pain.

SONN: Even despite all the bad parts we were super close and in love for many years. Up til this last year we even both felt like things were in some ways better than they had ever been. This is like a crazy trip that turned into reality, it's so surreal to me that here I am.

But on the flip side I am really excited about the prospect of my life basically starting over. I have some big empty holes but they can be filled. Time heals everything right?
 
Time does ameliorate most pain. I know your pain will heal Xorkoth. Divorce sounds extremely difficult but is mainly symbolic. People getting divorced have usually come to the awareness that their relationship is no longer making them happy; the divorce is the final bit of that realisation. The next step is the rest of your life. :)

For me, my time away from Bluelight has actually made this place seem like a foreign country to an extent. Different mode of being that I may have forgotten. Maybe best left forgotten.

On the subject of True Detective. This song. Shivers...

 
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