Hey SONN! And hey psy, sounds like you had a beautful experience.
Last night I ended up doing MXE with a couple of friends. I hadn't done it by itself, not on top of DOC or mescaline or something, in quite a while. I had 30mg, then another 30mg, then 25mg, then 15mg, for a total of 100mg. After the 85mg, we started watching a music documentary, and for me it got kinda weird, the sound seemed to be coming through a filter and I couldn't make sense of the plot, something about it made me feel... incomplete. Usually when I do MXE there is this feeling that everything happening is connected to the trip and has some meaning or makes perfect sense in the moment. But this time I got this weird feeling of emptiness, almost like I had gotten stuck in this moment where there was nothing. Right after I took the final 15mg, I started feeling like the stuff I was holding (a beer and an e-cig) were utterly massive, and the fact that I was holding them made no sense. At the same time I almost felt sober, the physical feeling shrunk to a tiny pinpoint. Then some stuff happened, a neighbor came over to complain about someone parking in a spot and even though it was my friend who wasn't tripping that dealt with it, the energy of that interaction seeped into me. We smoked a bowl then and it kicked it into super high gear. All of a sudden I was skirting the hole, but still up and hanging out with my eyes open. The most unbelievably intense physical feeling was coursing through me, seeming to be trying to pull me down through the floor, through the earth, and hurtling through space. It reminded me of the feeling, internally, when I did hole on MXE, where it seemed like I was in an eternal moment that was more real than anything else. It was quite overwhelming because there were other people around. We went outside to try to shift gears and we all sat down and were more or less unable to talk (we all had about that much). The feeling kept growing and growing, though it didn't seem possible. I was starting to find myself wishing it would start to come down because my goal had been to remain in a social and talkative state but I was far beyond that. After a little bit I started to get the cold sweat, nauseous feeling. I tried to throw up but couldn't. Finally I realized I needed to just separate and lay down because I was starting to freak out a bit. So I muttered (barely able to get words out) "guys I need to go lay down". I stumbled inside and crashed down on the couch, and closed my eyes. Immediately that physical energy was able to converge into a circular loop centering around me and it transformed from overwhelmingly intense to the most comfortable physical feeling in the world, a feeling I remember from the time I holed on MXE. Mentally/visually basically nothing was going on, I was just basking in the feeling of perfection and feeling myself slowly turning and rotating. I remained there for hours although I had been meaning to just stay for a bit, and everyone else went to bed after a while. I couldn't really sleep but all night I was so utterly comfortable, except when I would open my eyes and get up to pee (which happened many times), at which point I would get dizzy again. I think I finally slept from like 7am to 9am, then I got up and came home. I drank water throughout the night because it seemed like a good idea, and plenty this morning too. I feel fine this morning, a bit tired and slightly buzzy, but totally fine and functional.
So, 100mg total of MXE is definitely too much for me to remain in a state where I can hang out with people. I haven't been that altered/fucked up in a long time, I was pretty close to panicking a few times. The whole trip was actually pretty weird, the last time I did MXE in this setting everything felt perfect, and like it came together, and like things were happening. This time it felt extremely disjointed and confusing, like I couldn't tell what was even happening.
MXE is pretty weird.
Next time I'm gonna keep the dose lower.
