☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Somatic Swirly Sepia Summer Sausage Stage Set Suppository
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Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Dreams are strange. You may be right about mine psy, honestly it just kind of felt like a fun dream except for the bodies but even that was just sort of happening, it never hit me emotionally, it was just what was going on.
My ibogaine dreams were the weirdest dreams ever. My mind seems to work on some weird subconscious levels. Almost every other report I've read on ibogaine, people remained fully aware and had some sort of guided journey through scenes in their life where they relived things are were able to see how they acted badly, or whatever. For me, I just dreamed really weird dreams the whole time, there was no guiding presence, I didn't relive any past scenes, I wasn't aware I was on ibogaine most of the time, and the dreams were extremely otherworldly and I felt they were entirely random and unrelated until the end when I reflected on it. And actually some of them were totally random. Like in one of them my brother and I were gods and we went skiing down mount olympus. The fuck does that have to do with anything?
My theory is that the way my brain needed to process my opiate/post-relationship situation was subconscious and symbolic, rather than some sort of direct head-on thing. I mean when I took ibogaine I already knew what had been wrong, I had already started to move past it. What I needed in truth was a push away from the state of stagnation and impassivity I had found myself in as an adult. The ibogaine experience was chaotic and weird, and coming right out of it I was like, the fuck was that? Oh well, I feel great from the metabolites and I don't feel any opiate withdrawal. Then a little later it clicked, something clicked, it was barely related to conscious processing, it's like in one moment I felt changed on this deep, root level and had the desire to take care of myself, get in shape, eat better, pursue my passions and make goals that felt attainable. I suddenly felt connected to my old self again, like this 10-year (or even longer really) gap was bridged in one moment, and I felt happy and inspired and sane again, and from that moment on my life has been different and I've never felt the desire or need to revisit opiates because I'm happy with myself and I don't need to mask anything, and without the need to mask something, it's like, I'd have to be insane to subject myself to that torture again. In fact I WAS insane, but now I'm not anymore. But it all happened on some subconscious level that the dreams were processing, without any input from me consciously. So strange. But such a blessing.
Anyway ever since ibogaine my dreams have been way more intense. It's pretty cool but I think my brain is unusual.
My ibogaine dreams were the weirdest dreams ever. My mind seems to work on some weird subconscious levels. Almost every other report I've read on ibogaine, people remained fully aware and had some sort of guided journey through scenes in their life where they relived things are were able to see how they acted badly, or whatever. For me, I just dreamed really weird dreams the whole time, there was no guiding presence, I didn't relive any past scenes, I wasn't aware I was on ibogaine most of the time, and the dreams were extremely otherworldly and I felt they were entirely random and unrelated until the end when I reflected on it. And actually some of them were totally random. Like in one of them my brother and I were gods and we went skiing down mount olympus. The fuck does that have to do with anything?
My theory is that the way my brain needed to process my opiate/post-relationship situation was subconscious and symbolic, rather than some sort of direct head-on thing. I mean when I took ibogaine I already knew what had been wrong, I had already started to move past it. What I needed in truth was a push away from the state of stagnation and impassivity I had found myself in as an adult. The ibogaine experience was chaotic and weird, and coming right out of it I was like, the fuck was that? Oh well, I feel great from the metabolites and I don't feel any opiate withdrawal. Then a little later it clicked, something clicked, it was barely related to conscious processing, it's like in one moment I felt changed on this deep, root level and had the desire to take care of myself, get in shape, eat better, pursue my passions and make goals that felt attainable. I suddenly felt connected to my old self again, like this 10-year (or even longer really) gap was bridged in one moment, and I felt happy and inspired and sane again, and from that moment on my life has been different and I've never felt the desire or need to revisit opiates because I'm happy with myself and I don't need to mask anything, and without the need to mask something, it's like, I'd have to be insane to subject myself to that torture again. In fact I WAS insane, but now I'm not anymore. But it all happened on some subconscious level that the dreams were processing, without any input from me consciously. So strange. But such a blessing.
Anyway ever since ibogaine my dreams have been way more intense. It's pretty cool but I think my brain is unusual.
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TheAppleCore
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Morninggloryseed
Bluelight Crew
My hobby besides guitar and bass and music production is making my own ejuice amnd vaping it. It literally costs me under$2 USD to make 30ml and they taste solo good. Mmmmm nicotine.
TheAppleCore
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^ How does the effect of pure nicotine compare to tobacco leaf? Supposedly there are MAOIs in tobacco that alter the character slightly, or so I'm led to believe.
Cream Gravy?
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I've been feeling so melancholic. I had a wild ass acid trip Wednesday night and it was amazing... but here I am, having socialized again the last two nights, feeling more empty and alone than ever. Why am I empty? Why do I feel alone in a crowd of friends?
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Volsam
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I usually treat it as a sign to listen for the inner voice - most likely it is a perfect condition for spiritual growth and personal insights. I usually perform meditation practices, go out of society for awhile, play some music. Or sometimes I loose the connection instead and will be abusing substances and being a general dick to everyone, also feeling pretty down low. To feel great again, I'd need to form new thought patterns and to keep them running. Transcendental function (that is to transcend the meaning of everything) in our brains is inescapable and sooner or later everyone comes to realize that. Maybe find a good book to feed the head...%)
We are all alone but we are all connected, whether we want it or not, imo.
Nice music choice!
Morninggloryseed
Bluelight Crew
I think that may be true though I cannot characterize what the differences are.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
My good friend does that, it's so cheap and he makes great flavors, he uses tiny amounts of essential oils, he makes a chamomile spearmint that's fantastic. I quit vaping like a year ago because it was feeling really bad for me, I got a bad feeling and I noticed I started having a chronic cough worse than cigarettes. Then I started dipping and smoking cigarettes instead, and that got bad too. A few weeks ago I quit all tobacco except for occasional use at a party or something if offered... I was surprised by how quickly I stopped thinking about it really at all. I'm really happy about it because I just had this assurance in my brain that it was going to lead to the end of me eventually. It was the result of a 3-MeO-PCP and ALD-52 combo trip (just around 65ug of ALD too, the combo is incredibly powerful and synergistic), I had been wanting to stop, and I was just like, I'm gonna stop, this is dumb. And I did.
Maybe there is something that's not working in your life and it needs to be changed/addressed? It sounds like you're experiencing depression, which is generally (except in some clinical imbalance cases) your subconscious mind trying to tell you something. I'm sure you'll be good, just listen to yourself.
Also, your twenties, especially early/mid, are a tumultuous time. Or they were for me and a lot of people I know. It's the long transition from child to adult, it certainly doesn't end at 21 or whatever. It's the time where you really figure out and solidify who you are. Looking back, my twenties were so intense. Things are much calmer now, my emotions are far more stable.
coelophysis
Bluelight Crew
I had been wanting to stop, and I was just like, I'm gonna stop, this is dumb. And I did.
Gotta love that realization and being face to face with it, because then you feel like the ball is truly in your court.
Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Yeah it was one of those underwhelming "ah ha!" moments. Underwhelming because it was no great realization, I just suddenly was like, wait, I don't have to do that if I don't want to. It's up to me. Duh!
xammy
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Morninggloryseed
Bluelight Crew
slow at work so hoppin on the PC...
Damn I really need to get turned onto some of the LSD analogues. Only tried the 1PLSD which I found subpar...at least compared to LSD.
I hope I never quit vaping. I've convinced myself in a hard core way that the way I do it (make my own with candy-making flavors that do not burn, lab-grade nicotine, and pharma-grade VG) is harmless but that is what I want to believe, so ya know. Vaping really is my favorite recreating drug of all...well maybe tied with pot...but then what is recreational? Vaping calms me and warms me, pot inspires and calms me...and makes me a better musician...that seems medicinal too. Deprived of everything, nicotine is what I missed the most.
I'll have to try the essential oils. That sounds fantastic.
Xor...how is your music act going these days?
I gotta get some new recordings of my playing. I have seriously taken off in a great way. All of the music I made you guys listen to back a few years ago was...well I did not play like I do now. Making a recording vs live music is a whole different ball of wax. Got a new bass guitar (cheapee but has excellent pickups and is a solid instrument all around) and that really has helped me to develop. The palette of sound available to me with these active pickups is stunning. I have a unique approach to the bass guitar...I like to blur the lines between bass and rhythm guitar. I will handle the bottom end notes with my thumb and then play two or sometimes three note chords with my fingers. I play through two amps...a bass amp that is clean and a second amp (for guitar but whatever) that is well driven so it literally sounds like two instruments are going...a bass and rhythm guitar. Speaking of rhythm guitar...I inherited a stratocaster. And consequently my rhythm guitar is starting to become tighter and more impressive than ever (not that rhythm guitar impresses most people). I play that through the same two amp setup and it works for me. Below is my new bass. I look pretty cool on it if I do say so myself.
Damn I really need to get turned onto some of the LSD analogues. Only tried the 1PLSD which I found subpar...at least compared to LSD.
I hope I never quit vaping. I've convinced myself in a hard core way that the way I do it (make my own with candy-making flavors that do not burn, lab-grade nicotine, and pharma-grade VG) is harmless but that is what I want to believe, so ya know. Vaping really is my favorite recreating drug of all...well maybe tied with pot...but then what is recreational? Vaping calms me and warms me, pot inspires and calms me...and makes me a better musician...that seems medicinal too. Deprived of everything, nicotine is what I missed the most.
I'll have to try the essential oils. That sounds fantastic.
Xor...how is your music act going these days?
I gotta get some new recordings of my playing. I have seriously taken off in a great way. All of the music I made you guys listen to back a few years ago was...well I did not play like I do now. Making a recording vs live music is a whole different ball of wax. Got a new bass guitar (cheapee but has excellent pickups and is a solid instrument all around) and that really has helped me to develop. The palette of sound available to me with these active pickups is stunning. I have a unique approach to the bass guitar...I like to blur the lines between bass and rhythm guitar. I will handle the bottom end notes with my thumb and then play two or sometimes three note chords with my fingers. I play through two amps...a bass amp that is clean and a second amp (for guitar but whatever) that is well driven so it literally sounds like two instruments are going...a bass and rhythm guitar. Speaking of rhythm guitar...I inherited a stratocaster. And consequently my rhythm guitar is starting to become tighter and more impressive than ever (not that rhythm guitar impresses most people). I play that through the same two amp setup and it works for me. Below is my new bass. I look pretty cool on it if I do say so myself.
My good friend does that, it's so cheap and he makes great flavors, he uses tiny amounts of essential oils, he makes a chamomile spearmint that's fantastic. I quit vaping like a year ago because it was feeling really bad for me, I got a bad feeling and I noticed I started having a chronic cough worse than cigarettes. Then I started dipping and smoking cigarettes instead, and that got bad too. A few weeks ago I quit all tobacco except for occasional use at a party or something if offered... I was surprised by how quickly I stopped thinking about it really at all. I'm really happy about it because I just had this assurance in my brain that it was going to lead to the end of me eventually. It was the result of a 3-MeO-PCP and ALD-52 combo trip (just around 65ug of ALD too, the combo is incredibly powerful and synergistic), I had been wanting to stop, and I was just like, I'm gonna stop, this is dumb. And I did.
Cream Gravy?
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Oh my effing god. I just made an intense long and very detailed paragraph about my woes and instead bluelight turned it into just two fucked up quotes. Well fuck me BL, why not!? This happens too often. Not sure how to even explain the problem. I should just start copying everything I write before I post it to save myself this trouble...
Cream Gravy?
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Essentially last night I went out to the bars with a large group of friends, but one of the gals there was a girl I have a particular crush on, and so instead of having fun I sat there and moped because the sight of her makes my heart leap into my throat and my legs turn to jello and my mind turn blank. It doesn't mean anything really, it's simply a crush. She's got a boyfriend, I've got a girlfriend... I'm too anxious around her to even say a word to her. She makes me ache inside. I spent almost the whole night either trying not to stare at her or to rather just stare at my un-drunk beer. I hate these emotions. I love my girlfriend and I see ourselves together forever, but when she's not there for me to see how she's more beautiful than all the women in the world, I cannot focus on her. I'm tired of these childlike crushes overwhelming my sensibilities. I shouldn't be having them. I want to grow out of it. I want to be asexual. Instead I'm hyper-sexual and my weak ass mind doesn't have the strength to use higher thinking to get myself out of these loops. So over and over, here I go. The same old pains, just a different day.
I had a much better and more eloquently written couple paragraphs, but they're gone, and I haven't the will to rewrite them... curses.
Supposedly going to a party tonight. I might take some drugs, I might not. Unsure what kinda party it'll be. Need to try and feed my snake tonight now that I think of it... well, maybe drugs are out. She's been refusing feed for 5 months now; if she doesn't eat tonight, I'm about to blow a huge wad of cash taking her to the vet. She's getting to be a bit thin now and has lost 10-15% of her body weight. It's really unnerving. Come on Sunflower... *in a Napolean Dynamite voice* eat yer food!
I had a much better and more eloquently written couple paragraphs, but they're gone, and I haven't the will to rewrite them... curses.
Supposedly going to a party tonight. I might take some drugs, I might not. Unsure what kinda party it'll be. Need to try and feed my snake tonight now that I think of it... well, maybe drugs are out. She's been refusing feed for 5 months now; if she doesn't eat tonight, I'm about to blow a huge wad of cash taking her to the vet. She's getting to be a bit thin now and has lost 10-15% of her body weight. It's really unnerving. Come on Sunflower... *in a Napolean Dynamite voice* eat yer food!
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Xorkoth
Bluelight Crew
Yeah every so often I have one of those insta-crushes. It happened last night, I stopped in at the gas station at the bottom of the hill and went in to the counter. A girl came in behind me, about my age, maybe a year or 2 older. SO gorgeous, kind of hippie which I love. She was all smiles and made some comment offhand about something on the counter and I looked at her and she was looking at me with the biggest, most attractive smile, with a flirty energy. I gave her a nice smile back and then paid for my beer and kerosene. I was kinda preoccupied by this intense and immediate attraction I felt for her, there are plenty of times I feel attracted to someone physically in a powerful way, but there was this whole energetic thing, like every so often I see someone I can almost see what would come of it, like they don't even seem like a stranger right away or something. Happened really powerfully with my girlfriend. Anyway, I was distracted and I left my beer on the counter and started to walk out, and she was like, hey, you want to get your beer? I was like yeah, good call, and gave her another big smile, and she just gave me this huge, awesome, radiant smile back. I was pretty sure she was into me. Then as I was pumping my kerosene, she walked out to her car. Some music was on, and she looked at me, smiled, and shook her ass at me and skipped to her car all silly-like. I was just like, damn man, if I was single I would be talking to her right now. SO ATTRACTIVE, oh my god, just totally gorgeous. I thought about it the whole rest of the night, with a feeling of "what if". Pretty annoying, I'm really happy with my girlfriend, but it's like, man, WHAT IF?
Here's hoping for your snake to eat.
I hate that shit man, it's the worst. But yeah I always type long posts in a text editor and paste them in to post them, for that reason.
Here's hoping for your snake to eat.
I hate that shit man, it's the worst. But yeah I always type long posts in a text editor and paste them in to post them, for that reason.
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