☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Somatic Swirly Sepia Summer Sausage Stage Set Suppository

[psy997]

SKL, I love reading your writing. I finished all of HC, it was nothing short of enthralling. Possibly the most enrapturing piece of writing I've read in the past year or two to be honest. There's something about the enigmatic quality of your writing paired with the edge-of-culture narrative that gets my imagination whirring. Please feel free to send me any other writings you may feel so inclined to share, or updated versions of the manuscript. I can't get enough.


In regards to the isolation tank that I never reported on, I've just gotten back from a second go. This time an hour instead of the ninety minutes that was the session prior. To begin to describe the experience is unsurprisingly enough a bit like grasping water. Imagine meditation, holing on good MXE, floating on a river, and being inside the womb all rolled into one. It is the physical equivalent of holing; sharing the proprioceptive sensations of floating in a pool, drifting through outer space, or again, the sensations experienced on good dissociatives. Coupled with the peace and serenity of the hole and what one would imagine the proverbial womb to be like. There is no better feeling in the world dare I say. I felt my being expand and take hold of the great infinite as I so fondly remember from my days with MXE. Visions of The Fountain-esque environments, floating through space in an orb of my own being. Towards what? I don't know. To return to gestation. The growth of being. That space in which all is potential and nothing is unthinkable. I long to return already.

3-MeO-PCP also involved this go around, lending it's hand to the disintegration of physicality.

In short, breathtakingly beautiful, as fragile and soft as a newborn's head.

 

[Help?!?!]

Hey FBD, nice to see you! The social has been rocking lately, such great posts, and great conversation/subjects. I want to get back into discussing all this prime talk but I'm busy as of late. I'll find time though! Xorkoth I can't wait till your girls home! I'm really glad you found someone so special!

Love you all!

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Wow after all those years she still hasn't met a side of your family? Doesn't make feel so bad about 2 years then!

Yeah, 7 years now and we've never been out to California to visit them together. In my defense we've had no real trips together, we're both too broke. So yeah, 2 years on is nothin' man hahah!

Really, it's my mom's side here that would really care about the whole 'grilling the girlfriend thing' anyways. I imagine the Cali side of the family would just be happy to get an invite to the wedding. They all live so far away that I've only seen them every 3 or more years. There was a time where I didn't see them for 7 years even. Plane tickets ain't cheap these days It's a real shame, because I love that side of the family and I know my girlfriend would too.

 

[Xorkoth]

SKL: "The one that got away" then I suppose. Sometimes it's interesting to think about what-ifs, as long as you don't get too deep into it since, well, that's why they're what-ifs, you can't go back. Sure would be cool if you could go back and alter something. Then again, would any of us ever actually move forward, or would we end up in a cursed existence of never being satisfied and actually being able to go back and change that?

Really, it's my mom's side here that would really care about the whole 'grilling the girlfriend thing' anyways. I imagine the Cali side of the family would just be happy to get an invite to the wedding. They all live so far away that I've only seen them every 3 or more years. There was a time where I didn't see them for 7 years even. Plane tickets ain't cheap these days It's a real shame, because I love that side of the family and I know my girlfriend would too.

Yeah it's a damn shame travel costs so much. I mean you can road trip to Cali but it's really, really long, and the gas cost would be really high as well. My girl's mom lives in Hawaii and has very little money so she never even leaves her particular island (I forget which one). Last year before my girl came home from Cali she first went to visit her mom for 2 weeks, since it's cheaper to fly to Hawaii from Cali than it is from NC. It was the first time she'd seen her mom in like 4 or 5 years, I can't remember which. I wonder when I'll ever get to meet her? On the plus side, when I do, I'll also get to visit Hawaii which I've always wanted to do.

Xorkoth I can't wait till your girls home! I'm really glad you found someone so special!

Thanks man! I'll always remember that you totally called it!

In regards to the isolation tank that I never reported on, I've just gotten back from a second go. This time an hour instead of the ninety minutes that was the session prior. To begin to describe the experience is unsurprisingly enough a bit like grasping water. Imagine meditation, holing on good MXE, floating on a river, and being inside the womb all rolled into one. It is the physical equivalent of holing; sharing the proprioceptive sensations of floating in a pool, drifting through outer space, or again, the sensations experienced on good dissociatives. Coupled with the peace and serenity of the hole and what one would imagine the proverbial womb to be like. There is no better feeling in the world dare I say. I felt my being expand and take hold of the great infinite as I so fondly remember from my days with MXE. Visions of The Fountain-esque environments, floating through space in an orb of my own being. Towards what? I don't know. To return to gestation. The growth of being. That space in which all is potential and nothing is unthinkable. I long to return already.

3-MeO-PCP also involved this go around, lending it's hand to the disintegration of physicality.

In short, breathtakingly beautiful, as fragile and soft as a newborn's head.

Wow, sounds like you had a more profound experience than I did... then again I was super high on weed which tends to make things cloudy. I only got that one chance, I got to do it for free though.

Well today I woke up and my voice is back, but hoarse and weak feeling. But hooray, I can talk! Man, you never realize how much you'll miss your ability to speak until it's gone. I was feeling so weird the past few days, I can't even really explain it, I felt helpless and flat and kinda depressed. I was sick of half-sleeping through the night so I took some etizolam last night and it sure did the trick, slept deeply through the night and I think that helped. Appropriately used benzos can be downright... appropriate. :D

 

[Xorkoth]

Anyone ever had any experience with using that solid red plastic film from an auto shop to fix a broken tail light cover? I got run into while I was parked and away from my car some months ago and they didn't leave a note. It broke the red cover off and dented my bumper and back panel, but the lights all still work. But I'm unable to pass my inspection because the red cover is gone and I can't update my registration which is now expired. Just the parts alone for my car are almost $200, and to install it you have to remove various interior and exterior panels, basically they want you to have to take it to a dealership. So all in all it would be costing me several hundred dollars. But they make a red film (really a millimeter or so thick plastic with an intense adhesive backing) that's supposed to be for repairing holes/cracks in the existing cover, but I've gotten 4 sheets of it, enough to cover the whole area, and actually make myself a new red cover out of it. It's the same color red, etc. I was told at the auto store that they will "probably" pass me my inspection if I cover the area completely. Just wondering if anyone has tried something like this. Ultimately I won't get pulled over for missing tail light cover with it on, but even more than that I need to update my registration. I can probably find a place that will do it. Just wondering if anyone has any insight.

 

[psy997]

Well I'm feeling down in the dumps now. A huge wave of sadness has crashed upon me from the current situation with my ex-girlfriend. An artist that we both really like is playing at my favorite club here on Friday, and she texted my best friend inviting him to join her and friends. He of course invited me to come to which I asked for him to ask her what she thought about that. And she replied that she wasn't sure, because it'd been since _____ that she'd seen me, and that was a weird time. Except that I've seen her three to four times since, two of those actually hanging out, and the time ____ not even having been weird as far as I or anyone else that was there knew. I'd say it's weird she said she hasn't seen me since ___ except that when I think about it, the times I have seen her she's been completely dissociated from the situation and me, one of those times being us going to a show together - an artist that's new album is our fucking album, man - where it was like she wasn't even there, just anxious to be anywhere but in the present moment. All of this because of her goddamn new boyfriend, who she started seeing when we still had a thing, unofficial, but everything besides a label, who's jealous and isn't comfortable with us hanging out. I feel like I can't even begin to describe the dynamic here, maybe I am, I'm probably not. But it just brings me sorrow to no end to see her limiting her essence, her love, her heart (not in a romantic way) because of a man's wish for her to do so because of his inability to be comfortable with her intimacy with another man. Yes, he has a right to be cautious considering we hooked up after they had started dating. But that's not my goddamn fault that she went off and found someone else and apparently fell in love while she was still in love with me. Their whole fucking relationship is based off lies considering she never even told him everything that happened, only that we kissed, and she cages herself every moment she's with him. FUCK FUCK FUCK. And to think she was constantly saying how afraid she was of us not being friends once I was back in town and us not together because there wouldn't be a sexual/romantic aspect to our relationship, that she just couldn't imagine life without me as a friend, how I'm her best friend and it would kill her for me to pull away. And then whadya know? She goes and pulls away because she was too scared to stand her ground and hold firm boundaries of what she wants and needs in a friendship with me to this dude and so allows him to make her feel uncomfortable having a relationship with me. Goddamnit. It pisses me off, but it also makes me so, so sad. We talked about marriage, growing together spiritually, etc etc. She was/is one of the best friends I've ever had. I confided everything in her and her me. And now nothing. Fucking nothing. And she doesn't even have the decency to tell me that. I send her a message saying I still have a desire for her to be a part of my life, it makes me sad that she's not, and I'm here whenever she's ready. And she just sends back a bullshit yea, I want that too yadda yadda. She's just totally dissociated from me. I understand, I do. There's a conflict that is inherent between her new boyfriend and I because she cares about me deeply and I her, and he doesn't want that. But to think that she was the person that re-ignited my walk on the spiritual side of life, teaching me so much, being wise beyond her years, and then this. It's insanity.

It's not even about our romantic relationship. I am completely over that. I just feel so, so abandoned and betrayed by her pulling away from our friendship. I've never felt lonelier in my entire life than I do now. And the past year has been spent traveling around the country, hell, around the world, meeting new people and making fantastic and close connections. I have friends in over half the states in the US, in South America, Australia, France, Finland, the UK, everywhere, yet being abandoned and left in the dust by my best friend is the hardest and most soul-crushing feeling. I'm crying again just typing this. I know I'll come to gain perspective in minutes, hours, or days, but right now it just feels like no-one's there if she isn't. The dissociation, lack of awareness, and seeming ignoring of what's going on is astounding and heart-breaking.

 

[Just A Guy]

On the subject of PD -- I too, have to say that the discussions in this forum, and especially the people involved in them, are a happy place for me. I don't suffer from depression or anything -- knocked that shit out back when I was in the service in the latter part of the 20th century. I'd experienced some of the shittiest humanity had to offer and made it through. That's not to say I don't have bad days or anything, but at least it's all "par for the course." But the folks in PD (and I don't agree with everyone's world views, for sure) are all people I could get down with, live with, be a part of society with -- and I love that. That's all part of why I still come back to Bluelight, even though I've read 1000's of pages of text on a plethora of pharmacological substances, and pretty much have harm reduction down to a tee (even though I don't always apply common sense, in search of a high) --this community has a lot to offer, and I enjoy what it does every day. Thanks, everyone, and I'm sorry I haven't really contributed this year. Of course, I did say I was going to take 2016 off... and I did! (for the most part) All of my 4-aco-dmt is gone. My lysergics are used up, and even though I still play with the random stim (usually 4-FA -- it really is my favorite for a bunch of reasons) I don't use like I used to. But the conversations on PD are usually fantastic. I wish everyone would share more music and art, actually. Rarely have I been disappointed in what anyone's shared while "high."

By the way, I started writing a book about my own and anecdotal experiences of using pharmacological substances. I'm pretty excited about it. I've got about 50 pages on my own experiences, and another 100 of others' experiences, on a plethora of sustances, mainly psychedelics and stimulants, but virtually nothing on opiates or substances that affect gamma-aminobutryic acid (which is something I'd like to try sometime, so I have a platform to write from.) I'm going to ask my sister (an art major) to help me with some cover art, and I'll try to publish this spring.

Well I'm feeling down in the dumps now. A huge wave of sadness has crashed upon me from the current situation with my ex-girlfriend. An artist that we both really like is playing at my favorite club here on Friday, and she texted my best friend inviting him to join her and friends. He of course invited me to come to which I asked for him to ask her what she thought about that. And she replied that she wasn't sure, because it'd been since _____ that she'd seen me, and that was a weird time. Except that I've seen her three to four times since, two of those actually hanging out, and the time ____ not even having been weird as far as I or anyone else that was there knew. I'd say it's weird she said she hasn't seen me since ___ except that when I think about it, the times I have seen her she's been completely dissociated from the situation and me, one of those times being us going to a show together - an artist that's new album is our fucking album, man - where it was like she wasn't even there, just anxious to be anywhere but in the present moment. All of this because of her goddamn new boyfriend, who she started seeing when we still had a thing, unofficial, but everything besides a label, who's jealous and isn't comfortable with us hanging out. I feel like I can't even begin to describe the dynamic here, maybe I am, I'm probably not. But it just brings me sorrow to no end to see her limiting her essence, her love, her heart (not in a romantic way) because of a man's wish for her to do so because of his inability to be comfortable with her intimacy with another man. Yes, he has a right to be cautious considering we hooked up after they had started dating. But that's not my goddamn fault that she went off and found someone else and apparently fell in love while she was still in love with me. Their whole fucking relationship is based off lies considering she never even told him everything that happened, only that we kissed, and she cages herself every moment she's with him. FUCK FUCK FUCK. And to think she was constantly saying how afraid she was of us not being friends once I was back in town and us not together because there wouldn't be a sexual/romantic aspect to our relationship, that she just couldn't imagine life without me as a friend, how I'm her best friend and it would kill her for me to pull away. And then whadya know? She goes and pulls away because she was too scared to stand her ground and hold firm boundaries of what she wants and needs in a friendship with me to this dude and so allows him to make her feel uncomfortable having a relationship with me. Goddamnit. It pisses me off, but it also makes me so, so sad. We talked about marriage, growing together spiritually, etc etc. She was/is one of the best friends I've ever had. I confided everything in her and her me. And now nothing. Fucking nothing. And she doesn't even have the decency to tell me that. I send her a message saying I still have a desire for her to be a part of my life, it makes me sad that she's not, and I'm here whenever she's ready. And she just sends back a bullshit yea, I want that too yadda yadda. She's just totally dissociated from me. I understand, I do. There's a conflict that is inherent between her new boyfriend and I because she cares about me deeply and I her, and he doesn't want that. But to think that she was the person that re-ignited my walk on the spiritual side of life, teaching me so much, being wise beyond her years, and then this. It's insanity.

It's not even about our romantic relationship. I am completely over that. I just feel so, so abandoned and betrayed by her pulling away from our friendship. I've never felt lonelier in my entire life than I do now. And the past year has been spent traveling around the country, hell, around the world, meeting new people and making fantastic and close connections. I have friends in over half the states in the US, in South America, Australia, France, Finland, the UK, everywhere, yet being abandoned and left in the dust by my best friend is the hardest and most soul-crushing feeling. I'm crying again just typing this. I know I'll come to gain perspective in minutes, hours, or days, but right now it just feels like no-one's there if she isn't. The dissociation, lack of awareness, and seeming ignoring of what's going on is astounding and heart-breaking.

Hey Psy, all I can say is, "this too shall pass." Don't hang your own happiness on the decisions and actions of others. Keep those to YOU. Not only will you be in charge of your own happiness, it has been my experience that it will make you more attractive to people. Sorry you are so sad right now. Maybe it'll be make you stronger. I hope so! But whatever the case, reevaluate your situation and put yourself on top of it! You WILL be fine. Unless you are a puppet, (and you are not) you are in charge of yourself.

 

[Just A Guy]

Ahhhh yeah. Justin Jam 3 on Full gain. It's awesome. The beats are off (you know that) but I love it. And I love you dude! (And I'm not even high.) Always share your music, man. I may not always comment, but I've always listened. I like it. "Hi! I'm Mr. Mises! Look at me!" No, but seriously, it's always good stuff. I'll check out the second link once I've auditioned this one. I like the bass in this, by the way. Can't believe I've never tried the 'meo PCP -- you all seem to have experienced great results, I really ought to try it. -- glad your girl comes home soon. She's sooo good for you bro (and I've seen her, too, and she's cute as fuck, not that that matters).

The drummer finds his groove 1/4 in! Yay

 

[Xorkoth]

You been spyin' through my window bro??

But yeah she's a cutie.

This just-in... a jam!

Yeah the beginning is a little rough. It changes feels totally like 1/3, or maybe more like 2/5 of the way in, the entrance to the major section is really great. First there's a false entrance, but you'll know when it arrives. Reminds me of the Dead.

 

[Just A Guy]

I spy, through my little eye... yeah. I can also feel the Christmas jive, too. AND I can totally feel the 'Dead. I really like your guitarist. And to the drummer's credit, he really fills it for the rest of the song. He's like me, though. I find similar annoyances with my own playing that I find in his his.

 

[solistus]

+1 on the PD love train. You guys are like family to me. I've probably shared more of my triumphs and tribulations with you lot than with any of my real life friends, family, lovers, or therapists. I don't even use psychedelics on any quasi-regular basis these days, but PD social is truly a special lil' corner of the internet. So much love, acceptance, and support to be had... I hope I get the chance to meet some of my fellow PDS vets in meatspace sometime. I wasn't a very active mod, and it's been years since I wore that bold tag on my BL account, but I'm glad I had the opportunity to do my own small part to shape and maintain this forum, and I'm proud as hell of all you mods past and present who have worked to keep our lovely community alive and well.

I spent pretty much all morning texting back and forth with Sara. She's still sick, and busy as hell between two jobs and grad school, so it looks like it'll be a bit longer yet before I get to see her again, but she'll be done with the semester and one of her jobs in about a week, so hopefully we can spend a lot of time together over the holidays in between familial obligations. I also slipped in a description of our status as "dating" and she didn't disagree (even though we've only actually been on one date so far), and this time she initiated the conversation instead of me, so I'm feeling really good about where this is going. Needless to say, I've completely given up on the whole "don't get too attached too soon" thing. Fuck the unwritten rules of millennial dating. Fuck the usual game of emotional chicken, pretending not to really give a shit to avoid getting hurt. I'm trying this crazy new idea where I just let myself be happy and hopeful. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? I haven't felt this way about anyone in a really long time; I forgot how good it feels to be thoroughly infatuated with someone. She's kind, selfless, brilliant, and beautiful - I guess you could say that's my type

OK, y'all are probably sick of me rambling on like a lovestruck teenager, haha. Suffice it to say, I'm feeling pretty great about life right now.

 

[swilow]

PD.

Seems like many here wanna write books. I like.

You wrote a book iirc xorkoth? Or started too?

 

[Help?!?!]

Xorkoth I love listening to your music and appreciate that you put it on here so I can listen to it. On a good dissociative it makes me feel like I'm right there while the songs being made! I don't ever fear posting much of anything in PD, you guys are the most accepting and awesome group of people!

 

[Xorkoth]

Thanks Help. Feelin' the love today in PD.

+1 on the PD love train. You guys are like family to me. I've probably shared more of my triumphs and tribulations with you lot than with any of my real life friends, family, lovers, or therapists. I don't even use psychedelics on any quasi-regular basis these days, but PD social is truly a special lil' corner of the internet. So much love, acceptance, and support to be had... I hope I get the chance to meet some of my fellow PDS vets in meatspace sometime. I wasn't a very active mod, and it's been years since I wore that bold tag on my BL account, but I'm glad I had the opportunity to do my own small part to shape and maintain this forum, and I'm proud as hell of all you mods past and present who have worked to keep our lovely community alive and well.

Meatspace, I like that. :D You're in Texas, right? I used to go to texas (Dallas) from time to time to do training for my job (whose headquarters is in Dallas) but given that no one trains me, I train people, and company money is held tightly for expenses such as that now, I have no idea if and when it will happen again. But if it does I'll look you up. I could have met roger&me (wish he was still here ) on one of my trips there, unfortunately just didn't think of it at the time. However I have met a variety of you, and everyone's been great... but of course.

I spent pretty much all morning texting back and forth with Sara. She's still sick, and busy as hell between two jobs and grad school, so it looks like it'll be a bit longer yet before I get to see her again, but she'll be done with the semester and one of her jobs in about a week, so hopefully we can spend a lot of time together over the holidays in between familial obligations. I also slipped in a description of our status as "dating" and she didn't disagree (even though we've only actually been on one date so far), and this time she initiated the conversation instead of me, so I'm feeling really good about where this is going. Needless to say, I've completely given up on the whole "don't get too attached too soon" thing. Fuck the unwritten rules of millennial dating. Fuck the usual game of emotional chicken, pretending not to really give a shit to avoid getting hurt. I'm trying this crazy new idea where I just let myself be happy and hopeful. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? I haven't felt this way about anyone in a really long time; I forgot how good it feels to be thoroughly infatuated with someone. She's kind, selfless, brilliant, and beautiful - I guess you could say that's my type

OK, y'all are probably sick of me rambling on like a lovestruck teenager, haha. Suffice it to say, I'm feeling pretty great about life right now.

That's awesome man. Sounds like she's definitely got some interest. I personally think dating "rules" are stupid too. People can't be reduced to sets of rules, and playing dating as a game only works for people who are so standard they see life as a series of rigid definitions. And I like what you say about letting yourself be happy and hopeful. That's important too. You gotta grab life by the horns and just ride it, you can't live in fear and doubt. Good luck man, I hope it works out for you.

PD.

Seems like many here wanna write books. I like.

You wrote a book iirc xorkoth? Or started too?

I started to, in like 2011. Haven't touched it except to make a few tweaks in my recent read-through since that year. I will finish it or something like it one day. Right now trying to focus more on music. I get my writing kicks in when writing about drug experiences... I hesitate to call them trip reports these days because I like to write them as stories instead. Except when trying new things that not much exists on, such as DOPr, DOET, and DOiP recently, I wrote those more TR-style.

On a totally unrelated note, last night was weird. I'd been feeling really good all day, my voice is back, no symptoms of cold/sickness at all. But I went up to go to bed, and all of a sudden my throat started tickling really bad. I resisted the cough for quite some time and then I just couldn't anymore, I started coughing so hard that it made me throw up. Then the tickle kept coming back. And I was WIDE awake, I mean it felt like sleep was never going to come. So I took etizolam, for the second night in a row, because I have Christmas Jam (a huge awesome concert I paid $60 for and is a yearly tradition for us) on Saturday and I'll be damned if I'm not fully recovered by then because I'm trying to party my ass off that night. The etizolam worked like a charm, it always does, best sleep aid ever. I wish I hadn't taken it two nights in a row but it doesn't matter. The thing is it's been harder and harder for me to fall asleep and stay asleep lately. I think it's because I haven't smoked weed in a week and a half or so, I basically never go that long without it. The last time I went without it for over a week I remember sleeping was hard then too. As a kid and teen I had insomnia often, then I started smoking weed and I figured I grew out of it but I think it was just the weed. So... band practice tonight, my throat feels fine, maybe I should smoke weed tonight... I like sleeping, and I hate laying there unable to sleep, it really sucks. And using a benzo to sleep regularly is a terrible idea and not a route I'm willing to go down.

Good news is I feel totally fine, did first thing upon waking, even better than yesterday. So I'm hopefully in the clear... crossing my fingers.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Dudes. For real. We're all here and now.

Stories are the natural evolution of the trip report.

 

[Delsyd]

PD social is having a revival of love and comraderie lately. It's nice that a good bit of the old school guys are still here too.
Like JAG, I also have little interest in reading the threads about psychedelics. The only ones I read are the dissociative and the lysergamides threads because those are the only things that really interest me, but I hop in to social almost every day.

Xmas jam this weekend will be awesome. I'm excited to see Bob Weir perform his new songs, and I'm really excited to see one of my all time favorite bands Govt Mule. It's also cool to see that a lot of the bands that we've had on our podcast are now playing concerts as big as Xmas Jam.

A couple days ago my coworker gave me a line of coke. Today he showed me some heroin. I've only had heroin once in the last 7 years, before that I had a little addiction going on for a couple years. Well since he's shown it to me I can't stop fantasizing about shooting it. I haven't asked him for any yet but am strongly considering it. I feel I have better self control these days and also heroin (and other opioids) cost more than twice what I used to pay for them in Jersey which is a lot more than I like to spend on drugs.

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah gotta love that our podcast is getting some notable people. Wish we would have started having them sign the wall earlier!

Careful dude. I know you were good with that u$0 shit but just saying... I wouldn't do it. But you're not me.

Yeah Christmas Jam!! Thank god I seem to be finally not sick anymore.

 

[swilow]

Its amazing how many here have or had opiate addictions. I still struggle with this stuff myself. I now 'just' take codeine. But its usually a few doses on 4-5 data a week. Still its mild enough and I hardly get withdrawal from use. It makes me feel less depressed. Totally stops suicidal thoughts which have plagued me for the last years. I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me.

 

[SKL]

I myself am back on Suboxone. I'm in kind of a miserable situation right now with work, and depressed, although other meds (and high dose testosterone) help a lot ... boredom is, of course, just a bad thing. Idle hands being the devils workshop, etc.

I've been creative, too. Just hit the 40,000 word mark with my novel, which is about 150 pages (I'm writing in MSWord but have it set up to approximate what it would look like as an actual book; of course once I submit it to an editor I'll take that out but I'm using this to share with friends.) I'm calling this the first of three parts, I think, although there's a lot of ground that I intend to cover, it's nonlinear, impressionistic, jumps around a lot, right now running in parallel is the protagonist when he is young and naïve, and when he is at the top of his game, but, of course, pride comes before the fall. Much of it is also structured around the women in my life, the succession of which shapes and frames the narrative as well.

Hence, Human Consumption: Life, Love & Crime in A Drug Scene. The title of course is a play on words that would be familiar to many Bluelighters, but it's also meant to have a lot of other connotations, how drugs consume our lives, etc. I just hope people don't mistake the head title for a book about zombies

But anyway, if you want to read it, just PM me. If you got a URL for a PDF file from me before to read it, the same URL has the (substantially revised) new version of about 150 pages. I'm not going to put it in public for all to see but I would love to hear what some of you think about it.

psy and others thanks for your kind words about my writing and for taking the time! I've substantially revised the structure and some of the beginning text but mostly continuity just continues ...

 

[Delsyd]

Careful dude. I know you were good with that u$0 shit but just saying... I wouldn't do it. But you're not me.

Thanks man, i will definitely be careful if i end up getting some. I wouldnt really say I was good with U4. I got 2g for my wife and I and used it every day until it was gone, which was around 1 week. After that i just didnt buy anymore but i did find myself thinking about it, fantasizing about it and looking for it on oversees vendor sites. The key to me being good with opiates is not having them around, if they are around i want to use them. So I only get what i intend to use for the binge and then put it behind me for a while.

Its amazing how many here have or had opiate addictions. I still struggle with this stuff myself. I now 'just' take codeine. But its usually a few doses on 4-5 data a week. Still its mild enough and I hardly get withdrawal from use. It makes me feel less depressed. Totally stops suicidal thoughts which have plagued me for the last years. I hope this doesn't come back to haunt me.

Yehp, opiates and dissociatives are the only things I really have a hard time controlling my use with. I find many similarities between the two. They are great escapist drugs with dissociatives being a psychedelic version of escapism.

I myself am back on Suboxone. I'm in kind of a miserable situation right now with work, and depressed, although other meds (and high dose testosterone) help a lot ... boredom is, of course, just a bad thing. Idle hands being the devils workshop, etc.
...

Sorry to hear that brother. I hope things start looking up for you soon. Youre certainly in our (L*L and I's ) thoughts. We miss and love you.
Your book brings me great joy to read. Im going to go ahead and reread it with out being on 3 meo pcp and see how it is. Reading while dissociated was great though, it had a similar effect like watching movies on dissociatives where you feel like you are in the movie.