After my ex and I broke up, and I started trying to date again, I was really curious about a polyamory sort of situation. I have some friends and acquaintances who do that, and it seems to work for some of them. When I started dating my girlfriend, we took a good while to actually define what it was, and I really thought I wanted that with her. But then after a little while I realized that I really didn't like the thought of her with someone else. It was actually only like 3 weeks into it, when she was in California for a long time and I knew she was at her ex-boyfriend's place trimming buds, she didn't have phone service usually or Internet and when she didn't reply to me for days I kept envisioning her still being casually romantic with her ex, and it really bothered me. I struggled against accepting that that was how I felt because I really wanted to try to experience polyamory, but ultimately I realized it's not for me. I just like monogamy, even though there is a part of me that would like to be able to experience other people. But I'd be a massive hypocrite if I did because I wouldn't want her to.
I wish I didn't feel those feelings of jealousy, but I do. I don't think, intellectually, that I should have those feelings, but I can't help it. Fortunately I do not have an issue with jealousy at all, like I'm not inventing the feelings in my head and unfairly putting them on people, I have no concern about it at all in my relationship and I didn't in any of my other relationships either. But if romance outside the relationship was in fact happening, it would be really hard for me to deal with.
Wow, an entire inbox full of PMs so important you can't delete them? Impressive! You could copy and paste some into a separate document and save it, and remove those PMs.