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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

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Yea OEVs on dissos aren't really the name of the game. Dissos are CEV, inter-dimensional territory really. I only had such a vivid and immersive open eyed experience because of the combination of A) a high dose of O-PCE, B) 5-10mg of 4-ho-met and thus a pysch being added and C) using MilkDrop - the best music visualizer ever created as far as I can tell - with well made presets on a big TV in a dark house. And it wasn't so much that I was experiencing a ton visually, but more so that everything I was experiencing visually was in sync with what I was feeling, hearing, and being. MilkDrop allowed for a synchronization of the inner and outer if you will. Like my dissociative hole was splayed on a screen instead of my mind. And I'm still unsure as to whether I actually like that or not. In a way it feels like forfeiting my human ability to create such landscapes and environments behind my own eyes. But either way, holy synchronicity hell.

Spiritnova, if you want a visual experience akin to psychedelics you aren't going to get it with dissociatives, but you can go to some pretty far out places behind your eyes with them if you'd like instead.

Img_9999, I think I listened to f#a#(infinity) > Slow Riot for a New Zero Kanada > Lift your skinny... > Yanqui in that order. With either f#a# or Slow Riot repeated somewhere in there. I can't decide which I like best. They all are so unique and perfect in their own ways. I do soooo love the sentiment expressed in the vocals of Slow Riot though, what with the judge and ticket and all. It feels so powerful to me, like a real revolution expressed through music. There's a strong association between it and Boards of Canada's final track on Music Has the Right to Children for me, the track about copyright laws. There's something in these pieces of music, something incredibly significant.


Would anyone care to explain Burzum to me relative to say GSYBE or hell, even BoC?


Oh and addendum for vortech, do you know of any visualizer better than MilkDrop? I figure if anyone were to know it'd be you :P
 
swilow said:
Favorite Burzum album? Mine's gotta be Hvis Lysett Tar Oss. So dark, mournful, intense especially Det Som Engang Var.

I've had some interesting times with Paysage d'Hiver... And Blut aus Nord! Holy dissonance batman! :D

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For the longest times Hvis Liset Taross was my favorite Burzum (Heh, odd coincidence but today I'm wearing a T-shirt with its album cover), but nowadays I think it's a tie between that one and Filosofem, I think the slow transitioning from the raw black metal sound to pure ambient on the album is just genius. And that dirty, fuzzy and extremely minimalistic production was the opening point to a type of sound I really enjoy.

On my last K-Hole though, I listened to Det Som Engang Var because I hadn't listened to it in a while.

Oh, I love Blut Aus Nord !! I can't really count how many spins I've given to "Odinist". Mmmh yes, that tasty dissonance. Awesome for tripping, I agree. The irregular time signatures and weird snare drum accents make from some interesting mind games.

psy997 said:
Would anyone care to explain Burzum to me relative to say GSYBE or hell, even BoC?
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I'm not sure what you mean by "explain", but the music is not very similar to GSYBE at all. Varg (The man behind the project) produced some "ambient" albums though, which MAY be somehow related to BoC in how dark they are, but they are much much more minimalistic and the production is considerably rawer. A much more digital sound too. I do enjoy some of the ambient albums, specially the newer ones like this one.

But really, what Burzum is most known for is doing raw, repetitive and trance-inducing black metal. You must have a taste for the harsher side of music to enjoy it, but in my opinion it is one of the more "universal" black metal bands in the sense that it's sonic experimentation, invidualism, concept and musical ethic is relevant far beyond what concerns to "heavy metal".

BTW, I never heard of slow riot for new zero kanada before. Checking it out right now :)
 
In case any of you are interested, I plotted the popularity of some substances over the fifteen years PD has been active and posted the graph in my latest blog post. I'm open to requests for plotting other substances too
 
DQh5PSb.jpg


e: @Kneel: I made my gut grow by approximately two bowls of chicken tortilla soup, does that count as gains?
 
Haha, nice. :) I've had those, that's for sure.

solistus said:
A watched tracking code never updates... :|
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Too true. I had a package from China that took 2 months once, I looked at that motherfucker every day and for a month and a half it just said "passed through Shanghai postal center". Then it was incoming to US customs for over a week. Drove myself crazy watching that thing.

thujone said:
In case any of you are interested, I plotted the popularity of some substances over the fifteen years PD has been active and posted the graph in my latest blog post. I'm open to requests for plotting other substances too
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That's really cool man, thanks for doing that. Out of curiosity, how many substances did you plot? Because there are SO MANY now.
 
Yeah, this one's from China too. Been waiting ~20 days on it. Previous orders w/ this supplier came through in like 6-7 days, it was nuts, but I guess they changed how they ship because now it's First Class International instead of Priority Express International. Oh wells, it's marked as out for delivery as of half an hour ago, so my goodies shall soon arrive.
 
My pet peeve recently is people using synchronicity like it is a different word. When an alignment is intentional, engineered, or 'causal' as the word is used in the definition, it is synchronization or synchrony, and there is no deeper relationship in the alignment. Synchronicity is an acausal alignment that has a deeper meaning than a random coincidence.
 
A friend got me to watch the first episode of 'World of Dance' and one of the judges kept saying synchronicity to describe the alignments of dancers doing the sama thing at the same time (again because they intended to do the same thing at the same time it is called synchronization). I facepalmed that this is now an accepted use of this trendy word.
 
Ahhh, I see your point. Yeah that's annoying. On the other hand, it's pretty amazing that "synchronicity" is a trendy enough word to appear on a popular national TV dance competition show.
 
I'm feeling relatively depressed today. It's certainly largely due to the current state of my brain regarding phenibut withdrawal (is that still going on? I don't know but surely there is at least some PAWS going on now), and lots of alcohol use, with a lot less yesterday. It's manifesting though because of a very real thing, which is that my girlfriend is really depressed right now. It hurts me so much to see. I can't make her do anything about it either. She's going to see a nutritionist soon because she thinks she's probably nutrient deficient because of her stomach issues and inability to eat a lot of stuff. I think she almost certainly is, but I also think that's just a side concern, and not the root cause. She knows it's not the root cause either. I really want her to do some therapy about it because I just see it getting worse and worse. This is the worst period since I met her, and she says it's not the most depressed she's felt but it is the longest she's felt depressed without it cycling back up, and I can see she is starting to feel a loss of hope that it can get better. I don't know why she's resistant to therapy, I mean she had some attempts at it in the past but seemed to not have very good therapists, plus I could see her not really participating in the process fully.

It's really starting to affect me. It makes me want to cry. I fucking love her so much and I want her to be happy. She's wonderful, everyone thinks so who knows her. But she has all these negative thought patterns that are self-defeating. We talked about it a lot on a hike last weekend, it was pretty deep. On the weekends, neither of us works, and we spend a lot of time together and a lot of time in nature, where she can shed all the stuff that makes her feel depressed and we have some really nice weekends. But then it's back to the week and it's like it didn't happen. She's so good to me and we have an amazing connection and I'm extremely happy with her and would like to be with her for the foreseeable duration... but this is a real issue. I don't want to always be supporting a depressed person. I feel bad even saying that. If she wasn't in my life there would be a terrible void in her absence.

I thought I was going to have band practice today, but it's tomorrow instead. So I think I'm gonna go to her house after work to hang out with her. I hope I feel less depressed by then because usually I am a ray of sunshine for her, and it makes her smile and she has a better day than she would have, and it drains me some but it's okay because I have lots of stuff in my life that charges me. When we're both feeling low, there's no balance. But I still find comfort in her presence and in her arms. I'm not sure if I should try to hang out with a friend instead, but I don't really feel much like socializing either.

AHHHHHH fuck man, I can't wait til my brain is balanced again. I need to get my balance back so I can be things for people and myself effectively. I just feel fragile right now. I think I need to play piano until it feels better.
 
I finally have some 4-HO-MPT in my possession. I went ahead and weighed out a 25mg capsule so it will be ready when I decide to take it, but I'll probably wait at least few weeks so I can make the most of it. Then again, it's just sitting there, enticing me, ready to be taken at a moments notice. =D There's a decent chance I'll end up taking it within the next few days when I have nothing else to do.

After taking it, I'll have tried 11 out of 12 of the methyl, ethyl and propyl combination tryptamines. Damn you DET, why are you so hard to find!?
 
solistus said:
A watched tracking code never updates... :|
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I feel you. Just had something show up I'd been waiting on for 3 weeks, it got held up in customs coming in from Japan. Wasn't anything but 3 arcade push buttons and a dushwasher in the box and I gave $45+ for 'em. Can't find the matching ball top so I have the entire set either. ><

I've started building joysticks for fun and this stuff is for my new personal one. I've already got $400 in the damn thing and most of the parts aren't even here yet. Waiting on my custom metal box to come in so I can put it together. Also need the LED control board to show up. I'm going to program it to flash the LEDs in certain patterns depending on what order they're pressed in. I picked up playing fighting games again when I got off opioids (well stabilized on methadone) and this was how I rewarded myself. I looked in my savings account one day and had a TON of extra money. Didn't realize I was spending so much money on pills until I didn't buy any for 4 months.
 
Yeah, right? It's amazing how much money you can spend on drugs without fully realizing it. Since I've been off opiates I've gotten myself about $2700 worth of music equipment. :)
 
So I copped some of this phenibut you kids be raving about. Also gotphenylpiracetam.. haha gonna leave Lucy alone this weekend:!




Maybe...
 
Whoa holy shit... my good friend just texted me and told me that at the house he was working at this morning, they found their son dead in his room from a drug OD while he was there... he rushed in to help but he had been dead since last night, and everyone was screaming and crying. What a fucking thing to witness while you're at work... :|
 
oh man, that's awful. so many people seem to be dying over there. i'm sure this is especially upsetting for you, having lost a friend to an overdose recently :(
what line of work is your friend in?

i just typed a huge post, but somehow managed to 'select all' then delete it. damn.
i was just saying that i tend to feel the hurts and sadness of people i love more acutely than if i was feeling that way myself.
seeing my girlfriend unhappy makes me terribly sad. it's tough.

i think your lady has a pretty amazing partner though. i don't really know what to say, besides the fact that one cannot possibly have enough hugs.
if it's any help, perhaps you could give her a hug from me? a trans-pacific, intercontinental (koala) bearhug. :)


i've dealt with a (relatively mild) mental health issues over the years, and spent a lort of time in counselling to help me sort through it.
i was really fortunate to have free counselling with a clinical psychologist through the drug treatment place i went to to help me with some addiction issues.
i really made the most of it, and saw her (the same psych) every week for about 3 years.
she really helped me identify, then work on the various issues that lead me to fall into addictive behaviours. one thing i really came to understand is that depression is quite a self-perpetuating problem, and it tends to "feed" itself.
i often don't realise i am "depressed" - and i'm not the kind of person that labels any feelings of unhappiness as depression.
sadness - to me - is a perfectly valid response to life at times, and i don't think it's necessarily "bad" to feel sad.

i tend to recognise depression, however, when i just cannot find the motivation to do things like get out of bed in the morning.
but when i feel that way, i try to beat the depression by not yielding to the desire to stay in bed, cancel my plans, call in sick for work or whatever.
if i do let depression get the better of me, by hiding away and wallowing in my feelings - it "feeds" the depression, because i later feel more isolated, guilty and it tends to confirm any suspicions i may have that i'm not a good person, or not worthy of people's friendship, etc etc.
it's a vicious circle.

it's hard when it's someone else's depression, because you can really only do so much to help - but i would suggest doing whatever you can to keep active and do something that brings you joy.
you often tell us of your beautiful hikes through the forest, which is something i really love to do when i'm trying to deal with some shit in my head.
last time i was feeling a bit lost, i got a message from my drummer, asking if i wanted to go with her and her boyfriend for a hike in Wombat State Forest, a beautiful place about 40 km out from Melbourne. it's a bit like swilow's neck of the woods...

anyway, it really brightened me up.
this is all probably a bit obvious, really - but i can totally relate to you feeling down because she's blue.
obviously your phenibut detox is going to be contributing to this too. i think with things like that, it can be important to notice, and realise when it's withdrawal or PAWS adding to (or causing) feelings of being emotionally unsettled (whether it's depression, anxiety, anger or whatever else).
it used to frustrate me when i was younger, and my friends would get emotional in the days after a big party or trip or something.
i'd have to remind people "you're still coming down, remember?" which would occasionally put it into perspective. i certainly tried to look at my own feelings of unhappiness in that way. when you've been up doing speed for a couple of days, then feel incredibly lost two days later, it makes sense - and i think withdrawal is much the same.
to me, the emotional effects of detoxing (off anything) is one of the worst bits. it certainly is for opioids, in my experience.
even when the physical discomfort passes, there is often a feeling of unease that's hard to place.
i can imagine phenibut WD/PAWS could be a bit like that.

anyway, i hope you're feeling better soon.
let your girl know how much she means to you and maybe try to find some way of letting her know how special she is.
i can see how much you love her - it shines through in all your posts, but not in a cringeworthy way, or in a way that comes off as needy or co-dependant.
keep your chin up man, take care. <3
 
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