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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

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Man I finally got into the second Malazan book. Introduce a whole new grip of characters and it took me a week to get to page 225. Now in two days I am at 500. Once it gets moving its good... but fuck I hope the third book isnt the same. Then again kaybe I do.
 
Uh dude, the second Malazan book is horrifically beautiful. Some of my favorite from the whole series so far and I'm on book 8 now. But also one of the most heart-wrenching.

All of them basically start slow and then get insane. I've felt that way about every single one except the 4th one which was gold the whole way through. What a fucking series. I'm totally addicted.
 
Easily the best fantasy series. I can't wait to finish it, but I think I'll have to read the first five again.

This song rules. Kinda folky sad stuff:

 
Oh and swllow, the template is definetly wrong. I had this crazy visionary mushroom trip when I was 19 and saw all my anxodty, fears and negative thoughts linked to what man has made out of society. It was horribly futuristic/terminator style and I felt assurance that wanting to not be like that/be me is okay. Flipped to a vision of mountains and emptyness, but ypu could tell there were people around living. Felt so at home and at peace.

Since then Ive pretty much been like "fuck what society tells me. I will make my own decisions and last as long as I can until it gets better or murder/suicide n shit"

Anyway. just ordered the 3rd and 4th Malazan books. Prolly gonna smash these last 300 pages this weekend. Duijker is becomming a character I like. Kalam I fuck with. What in the fuck is Apsalar about to do, and will that bratty evil whore Felisin figure out what the fuck is going on and begrateful or turn straight evil as fuck. That whole Talon guarding her makes me think her sister the adjunct is fuckin around with everyone else that wants Laseen dead as fuck

New Stormlight "Oathbringer" nov 14. Woooot wooot. Dunno if I can finish Malazalan and then re read the fucking 1200 pages each of the first two stormlights before then though.
 
yepyepwoah said:
Oh and swllow, the template is definetly wrong. I had this crazy visionary mushroom trip when I was 19 and saw all my anxodty, fears and negative thoughts linked to what man has made out of society. It was horribly futuristic/terminator style and I felt assurance that wanting to not be like that/be me is okay. Flipped to a vision of mountains and emptyness, but ypu could tell there were people around living. Felt so at home and at peace.

Since then Ive pretty much been like "fuck what society tells me. I will make my own decisions and last as long as I can until it gets better or murder/suicide n shit"

Anyway. just ordered the 3rd and 4th Malazan books. Prolly gonna smash these last 300 pages this weekend. Duijker is becomming a character I like. Kalam I fuck with. What in the fuck is Apsalar about to do, and will that bratty evil whore Felisin figure out what the fuck is going on and begrateful or turn straight evil as fuck. That whole Talon guarding her makes me think her sister the adjunct is fuckin around with everyone else that wants Laseen dead as fuck

New Stormlight "Oathbringer" nov 14. Woooot wooot. Dunno if I can finish Malazalan and then re read the fucking 1200 pages each of the first two stormlights before then though.
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Epic poo.
 
swilow said:
Fuck I hate being a physical entity at times, I have pain down my right side/back/shoulder and right arm/fingers/wrist, into my right hip and groin, through my thighs and down calves into my stupid, burning numbing right foot and this horrible stomach feeling like there is something blocking my oeophagus. Its a stomach ulcer which I appear to have reawoken by getting much too fucked up and loose last week and doing sloppy CWE on codeine/ibupfrofen combo in my car. :\

I am pretty nervous about work this week, I said some very odd things to my general manager-type guy. I'm not entirely sure why but I decided to have a good old sit and chat with him (me and him never do this, he does not really engage with staff) in his office and really told him some stupid, made-up shit. I was trying to fuck with him a bit, he's a total dick and has had me in shit for "threatening behaviour", but I really didn't need to do this. Anyway, I have a meeting with him on Monday morning which could be strange. I wonder if I should get fucked up again! :D I'm pretty sure its about my constant lateness and increasing absenteeism but upcoming awkward conversation really play on my mind.

I should stop taking codeine, I am so tolerant to it now and I am convinced that I am damaging my liver. I imagine it is in pretty bad shape.

Shit.



Shit yeah, you're not wrong. I can't do it, I gave up a while ago. I'm going through the motions, ie. work and fulfilling obligations but I'm usually fucked up, not sure it all counts really. :\ But maybe we have this stupid template in our heads from years of being mindraped by bullshit expectations and its the template that's wrong. Anyhoo.

Pregabalinergic wonder awaits. I quite like how it takes ages to kick in, I usually forget about it and then I suddenly realise I'm chilled as fuck and feeling somewhat euphoric. Though I've been taking 300mg twice a day for the last 4 days, its losing effect rapidly. I'm pretty determined though.

***

Here's some sad music by Swedish prog rock/metal band Pain Of Salvation of their latest album, The Passing Light of Day, which is a really great, dark, sad, wistful, weird album. I haven't heard these guys for nearly ten years- they are sometimes progressive for no good reason- but they have some really heartlfelt and meaningful lyrics and emotional tracks. Its kinda 90's sounding at times, but they are great muso's, production is beautiful

These two tracks are consecutive on their latest album and they are really nice, first one is a bit heavier but really melodic, next one is a ballad.





I know no-one ever listens to this bullshit but it makes me feel good to share something that is moving me. :)
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I don't really get rock/metal enough to be into it, but I do like that first tune. I always prefer female vocals to male which instantly reeled me in. Good tune.

And yes, being an adult is definitely hard.
 
despite all the cruddy circumstances in my life lately, i'm actually feeling pretty good and happy the last few days. the weather finally has turned here in Michigan. was able to go outside without a coat!
 
things are moving very slowly. going along at the speed of government, since i'm on Medicaid. Medicaid is disputing the high dose chemotherapy, calling it experimental. so now they want me to do a round of low dose chemotherapy to tide me over until we can get the high dose stuff going. have an appointment with the doctor that will oversee that in about 12 hours actually, hopefully i'll finally get some dates solid so i can start making plans.
 
I just awoke from what I think is a recurring lifelong dream involving irradiated water and the apocalypse. It has me so on edge that I couldn't turn the light back off and just go to sleep, and it's 3:45am. I'm so glad I have tomorrow off. Such a weird dream... I swear, either it was a scene by scene movie I've seen, or I have had this same dream once every few years and just forget about it each time. I'm not sure which. I will now endevour to see if this dream was in fact a film.
 
^A hint of Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome?.

pharmakos said:
things are moving very slowly. going along at the speed of government, since i'm on Medicaid. Medicaid is disputing the high dose chemotherapy, calling it experimental. so now they want me to do a round of low dose chemotherapy to tide me over until we can get the high dose stuff going. have an appointment with the doctor that will oversee that in about 12 hours actually, hopefully i'll finally get some dates solid so i can start making plans.
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That sounds both frustrating and positive. What cunts they are to quibble about that. Hopefully they hurry up!

<3
 
It's not a Mad Max film, I've seen all of them and I remember them. In my teens I was heavily into post-apocalyptic films/books/games and so perhaps my mind has created a blend of these in my unconscious, manifesting this uniquely disturbing nightmare of mine.

There was something more to it... more like a zombie apocalypse type scenario. The inhabitants of some urban area repeatedly venture into this dangerous fenced off zone for some reason, where there are mutated people who've become cannibalistic/animistic/violent. Something almost theme-park about it. There's a church involved, there's something about the mutants being incapable of reproducing... the residents who venture into this zone have to escape it again before these automated shutters closed it off again. It was really weird, much more disturbing when fresh in my memory. I've just spent the past two hours looking at film plots from the past century of dystopian films and I can't find any match. I think it's a fabrication of my own mind... strange though, it felt so familiar.

Humph...
 
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Happy to hear you're staying positive / are in a good mood pharmakos :)

I woke up feeling really shitty, have been taking very little of my pregabalin for a few days, but got drunkish and stoned while I had responsibilities today. I mean it's fine, I can pick it up thursday but switching up my routines is difficult for me, as nice as the break / vacation was. And people getting really difficult about the study I applied for, calling back and forth, that freaks me out.

What put a smile on my face though is going to supermarket and discovering an error in the sale on some nice beers (twice this happened recently) - bottom line is, since it's a bit of a luxury supermarket chain (no 1 here i think) they are really great to customers and always side with you... so I got those 2 for 1 as the incorrect label indicated, and they gave me 5 veg&herb mini promo starter kits as a thank you for reporting. How on earth did nobody notice? It was too good to be true.
Oh well, boring anecdote but I'll just file it under 'the little things in life'.
 
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Dreams are weird that way. I have these dream worlds that are immensely familiar to me, some of them are compilations from my childhood/places I've lived, but some aren't, as far as I can tell. But they're still these places I always remember upon waking with a really intense sense of familiarity, almost like deja vu.

pharmakos said:
things are moving very slowly. going along at the speed of government, since i'm on Medicaid. Medicaid is disputing the high dose chemotherapy, calling it experimental. so now they want me to do a round of low dose chemotherapy to tide me over until we can get the high dose stuff going. have an appointment with the doctor that will oversee that in about 12 hours actually, hopefully i'll finally get some dates solid so i can start making plans.
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Fucking beaurocracy... :\
 
I'm experiencing a little bit of uncontrolled chaos in my life lately, I moved out of the apartment I was living in with my girlfriend, our relationship is kind of "On hold" right now, but things aren't looking very good.


For additional dilemma, for years we were having an "open relationship" and in that context I was having something with another girl since mid-January, things got a little bit complicated and I think I'm more emotionally involved with her than I would like to. So now that I moved out I'm not sure what to do about that, I think I would like to keep on seeing this girl but I feel weird doing it, I can't help feeling it's kind of unfair that I have this emotional buffering while going through the end of a long-lasting, pretty important relationship. I feel bad with myself, but then again, I'm not sure why should I force myself to be unhappy just because I think it's the fair thing to do. I dunno. It's hard being a good person in this world. It's also hard trying to find out for yourself ways to do things that aren't the default ways to do them. The cliché goes "if the path before you is clear you're probably on someone else's" and I find it true. Sometimes I just don't feel happy just "accepting things as they are supposed to work for everybody else" and then I try to find for myself the limits of things, what would work for me and what hurts me. But it's complicated, for moments I inevitably find myself trapped in my own decisions.
 
Pharmakos, rest easy, God has a plan and his third eye winks at you.

Girfriends, man, I'm polyamory, so I don't fux with anyone to the contrary. I'm half female amyway, so I can Fuck myself like I am a trans going out of style.
 
I have a secret, I can't wait to meet her, all flesh and belly I'm going to swim my fingers around her source circuitry, at the solar plexus, that why they call it the belly button, push it to hit yo energy.
 
Howdy PDS! Time for your semi-annual "Tsoli remembers BL exists" update ;)

I'm in a relationship-y thing and it's going really well! We met each others' parents last week... I think it's been like a decade since I introduced my folks to someone I was seeing. We haven't done the whole DTR thing yet (thus me referring to it as "a relationship-y thing"), but we seem to have moved beyond that initial "trying to gauge whether the other person is interested and worrying whether each date is going well enough to get another one" phase and onto unabashedly being really into each other and looking forward to our next chance to spend time together. After a couple years of ill-fated relationships, unrequited crushes, and bad first dates, I had almost forgotten how good it feels to be in a supportive, affectionate, satisfying relationship with mutual interest and attraction. Sara's had a busy work schedule over the past few days, but she has tomorrow and Thursday off, so hopefully I'll get to see her again soon :)

I finally kicked my (furanyl-)fentanyl habit. The new relationship helped a lot on that front, actually - alternating between being a junkie who gets uncomfortable going more than a couple hours without a fix and being too dopesick to get out of bed wasn't exactly conducive to dating. My brain is also doing a better job of producing feel-good chemicals endogenously these days :)

I found my psychedelic stash again! It had been buried in the ungodly mess of my room, but I had a burst of energy last night and decided to straighten up a bit. I had more left than I remembered - a couple hits of blotter and a couple more hits of L on candies (that L is like 3 years old at this point, so I'm not holding out much hope for it, but it has been in a cool, dark place, so maybe it's not completely degraded?), a little bag of changa, and a couple grams(!) of 2C-B. I'm tempted to take some of the latter tonight - it's been a while, and I'm kinda craving some better living through chemistry.
 
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