You are one motivated dude, I envy you a lil'. I read philosophy/philosophize for my own benefit, but I can't quote people and their theories like legit educated folk.
Yeah I was like that for the past three years, but managed to step it up this year. Even my professors noticed, I've had some good compliments lately and I think it'll be reflected in my grades. You get graded on effort more than anything, I've found. I have to say it's more than partially due to taking control of my pot smoking. I curbed it back to weekends this semester and it's been my best yet! Cannabis is somewhat of a funny drug in my view, it seems to instantly rob motivation like nothing else. It also induces a state of seemingly mild dissociation which-although nothing like K or PCP, can still lead to strange states of dwelling on random issues and feeling "stuck" in life.
double edit
I need to stop being a bitch and take it, sigh. Short version: Stopping my medication was a bad idea. Man, and I had such an iron stomach when I was younger.
Considering one of the main issues I've delt with this semester is sexual abuse of one of my housemates, I've trained myself to reject statements like "I need to stop being a bitch and take it"-think around those thought-loops like a runner would avoid obstacles. It's the logic of domination, which isn't something you can let run you. To put it a different way, would you let someone else speak to you like that? Chances are no, or you would at least re-think your relationship towards them. That's my multiple-personality/multiplicity based analysis of negative thought loops. Don't let your mind abuse you, it's a beautiful thing!
I can do some more if you find my comments helpful, but I has to get back to reading
Earlier I got myself a shitty $15 watch and some "authentic" Polish potato-based vodka, Luksusowa, after venting at my school's counseling office. Along with a similarly priced stainless-steel ring I got last week, I'm starting to look pretty blinged out, if I do say so myself. DO IT BIIG!
