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☮ Social ☮ PD Social: Nexus for gibberish of the psychedelicized genius and veritably insane

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This is coming along rather nicely.

Lorazepam and 4-AcO-DMT. The plan was to listen to some Keith Jarrett, hopefully from a better vantage point, standing on the shoulders of psilacetin. But I'm getting a lot of useful introspection done.

EDIT: Yes, my plan for Jarrett was executed brilliantly. <3 I am hearing and feeling his music on another level entirely. I would say that Keith Jarrett records are some of the best tripping music. Instead of being bothered by his vocalizations, you can see them in an entirely new light, as part of the incredible mechanic by which the musical genius is able to express himself, and this is very trippy indeed.
 
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Happy Tripping TAC :) *Depending on the state you might want to not read this post* :)

Finally decided to up and get a benzodiazepine RX - lorazepam specifically. I don't expect that it'll become a problem, particularly because I've decided to use it for strictly medical/therapeutic reasons, and only on important occasions.

It's good that it's at least a limited script. The trouble comes when you come into a large quantity of benzo in which you're free to self-medicate with. At first I used it just like you said, then it became a weekend thing; a replacement or potentiator for a friday night opie. Then it became the evening beer, first thing I do when I walk in the door. That's pretty much where it stabilized. Some particularly bad times precipitated by something would see me consume 15mg diazepam in a day, but normally it's about 7 total; 3.5 when I get in, maybe a bit more later.

The thing is, if I'm somewhere for a prolonged period of time and I don't have it; I'm Screwed! Also it makes waking up harder, to some degree. Sometimes it's not apparent and sometimes you feel like a lead weight. Even short half-life benzos/non-benzos (zopiclone) do it for me. Another important to mention effect of benzos I've read but not seen much on hereand felt quite a bit first-hand, is the propensity for them to give symptoms just like the flu; and not from w/d or taking too much, just a regular day. Weakness, upset stomach, guts inside out, cold sweats, hot flashes, rapid heartbeat. It's definitely not the actual flu, as it occurs often enough (but not regularly).
Basically if you feel like a lead weight in the morning, or feel any flu-type symptoms, back the f-off; it's a pandora's box of a slippery slope. Once you get going on it, it sort of takes care of itself.

Word. Hell... one of the most shocking, eye-opening, transcendent experiences of my life was had completely sober. (I woke up from a nap, and directly thereafter for some unknown reason proceeded to have an INTENSE DMT-breakthrough level spiritual awakening.)

Ya no kidding, my most powerful experiences are either dreams or catalytic life events (just had one). I always found with psychs that a low dose would show me just as much as a high dose would; it was all a matter of how receptive I was and what was in the air at the time.

You don't want it to become a problem. Benzos are great when used occassionally, I find them to be far superior to any other class of meds for anxiety and panic, but getting off them after getting addicted is not something you want to experience.

True words. For chronic anxiety benzos are definitely not the way to go; you need a preventative med, a benzo is just for acute attacks, and even then kinda suck. Keeping the attack from happening is so much better than trying to numb it out. Also I thought using benzos as an alcohol replacement was the way things worked with me, as my whole family drinks in the evenings, but alcohol just isn't my thing (too many side effects, fast metabolism, hangover in the middle of a drinking session, etc.). Well it does relax me, but it's taken me a ridiculously long time to realize how much my congnition has been affected. I used to have an amazing memory, and now, as my grades reflect; not so much. Still smart, can talk a prof's ear off about something most in the class don't have a clue about, but remembering every lecture slide when it comes exam time isn't something I can do like I used to be able to.

After the last 2 week's events I saw a shrink, agreed that pregabalin and mirtazapine were no good for me, admitted my self-medication of diazepam, and sucked up the fact that maybe I should inhibit some serotonin reuptake. Obviously this leaves my empathogens off the list of things I like to experience around the holidays, and for the next long while. After a few days, I already feel a bit better (could be placebo), but I find waking up in the morning isn't as dreadful or terror filled, I'm generally less anxious, but without the dulling effect akin to benzos. I've begun tapering the diazepam, and I know I have a way to go but I hope to be done by the time the next semester begins. Without the SSRI I doubt I'd be feeling like this, or feel completely able to drop the benzo. Even if it is placebo, the SSRI gives me a feeling like something else is in the works, and I'm not depriving my system of something it 'needs'. It's a substitution, but a good one, and in time I'll drop it too.
Funny of all things, school is what makes me realize what benzos actually do. Outside school I'm completely functional, to the best I ever was, but higher level processes and memory are more easily affected. Just be aware; grades are a better indicator than you'd think. OTOH, as we all know; they're complete bullshit. ;)

I feel as though I've really gotten to know some of you and even tried to cheer you on in tough times and congratulate you for the better ones. Rarely do I get to have an honest, non judgmental talk with someone about psychedelic use; usually people either don't wanna talk about it or if they do they only wanna hear the more theatrical terrence mckenna style tripping stories with the whole shebang rather than have fully fledged meaningful conversations.

What i'm trying to say is- I love you guys <3=D

Ditto man,

I know what you mean. Even with smart people who aren't completely absorbed in myth, I'll talk about psychedelics and therapeutic use and they'll say something along the lines of "Now there's a good idea for Christmas; we can serve MDMA instead of wine and dance around the fireplace". Meaning well, and they're just joking, not belittling a proven therapy, they have no perspective of what the experience is actually about. I'm not sure how long it's going to be before psychs are known to have more to do with quiet introspection/thoughts/feelings than 'crazy colours'.
The other side are the ones who treat them like stimulants; like taking 40mg of 2C-E and going to a party or running around the streets; jeesh. In a way I wish I had more of that in me, lack of fear/inhibition.

No winter break for me yet, I am working my hiny off to finish off my to-do-list before the end of the semester. But overall, despite the occasional requisite bummer day, I am doing very well, & feel very successful.

Good to hear man. My first semester was my best; I did have 2 arts courses so the workload wasn't as intense, but I think the initial enthusiasm helped too. It does wear off though, second semester I had harder courses, and was getting used to the place. My marks dropped off because I just lost that initial drive, you gotta try to keep it going, or at least don't just let yourself flop down and relax.

I've got a physical chem exam in a couple days; scared shitless. Had the worst prof too; just droned on reading his course notes. Phys/chem/math courses have to be done with active examples; reading theory and formulas is absolute garbage. Anyways I'll be glad when this one is over. Don't take phys chem unless you have to. If Roger's around he'll likely back me up on that one :p Hope you're well buddy, saw you might be leaving for a bit, no need to reply for this, much love bro :) <3


So I've been gone a while, first it was mid-terms and assignments, and it just flowed into the last 2 weeks. My best friend was in a major car accident and has a major traumatic brain injury. It wasn't known for sure if he was going to live, and the jury isn't fully in on what kind of recovery to expect, but that the timeline will be long. So that sent me for a loop, he is my oldest and at times has been my only 'real' friend. We've known each other since we were 3 and I can't recall much time in which I didn't know him. He's always been the one I've gone to when I was down an out and didn't have anyone else in the world. He still lives in my hometown and we don't see each other too often anymore, but the thought of him not being in my life at all was absolutely devastating. My tear glands got one hell of a work out for a solid week there, and then I kind of turned around. It took time to sink in that he is in fact still alive and in time I will be able to see him again.

I was a complete basket case and when I got back to uni I got an appt. with a shrink, and spilled my mental history and diazepam. He didn't ask about stims/psychs and I didn't tell; seems kind of irrelevant anyway. Going in there I knew the only thing that is going to be of any good to me is an SSRI. I've been through the SNRI thing a long time ago; too edgy, no benzos obviously. It took me a few years to let the SSRI hang-up go. The idea that they numb you out, make you emotionally flat, third hand gossip about supposedly irreparable damage to the 5-HT system; basically all the reasons you read about on BL about why they're bad. Oh, and you can't trip on them.. doors bang shut. :P

Oh well, I'll sacrifice my sporadic empathogen use and see where this takes me. Obviously a few days is not enough, and any effect I feel now is likely caused by getting over the crest of bawling my eyes out all the time.
I do notice waking up is much less sharp, or filled with dread. It gives me a method to actually get off the benzos. It might be placebo, but I don't think lack of fear upon waking would be present in that case. Either way it seems to work and hopefully it keeps ramping up while the benzo ramps down. :)

Good one NKB

fractalbroc.jpg

What is that?? I've seen it before, and in course material, but I can't for the life of me remember its name.
 
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PSox -- Really sorry to hear about your friend. That sounds absolutely horrible. :( I had a friend-of-a-friend undergo traumatic brain injury, and he virtually ended up with a full recovery, despite predictions that he would be permanently disabled by the injury. The human body can do miraculous things, sometimes. :)

Anyway, I hope the SSRI's work out for you. There is nothing more liberating than freedom from psychological illness / emotional imbalance. I was seriously considering the SSRI path as well, but at this point probably the only thing holding me back is that my lifestyle is still pretty deeply intertwined with psychedelic drug use. That, and, as you mentioned, all of the warnings of nasty side-effects that you read here on BL, that the doctors seem to conveniently ignore. ;)


PSox said:
Even with smart people who aren't completely absorbed in myth, I'll talk about psychedelics and therapeutic use and they'll say something along the lines of "Now there's a good idea for Christmas; we can serve MDMA instead of wine and dance around the fireplace".

Now, that kind of talk always really irritates me. My gut reaction is to be insulted by people who belittle, and make light of psychoactive use like that. But of course, their intention is not to insult, they just suffer from naivete.
 
So I threw a pinch of some tobacco bits from my jacket pocket into my tea (caffeinated), it's a smooth feeling. *

Was cruising through an old social, so here's a lil' something from a year ago:


Ahhhh. Man, santacon was fun. Sooo much whiskey, and sooo many drunk santas. I walked a lot too. Also, the night ended early, we started at like 2pm, and ended at like 8... still, 6 hours of drinking is a LOT.

Nothing like packing a trolley full of drunk, crazy santas


*edit: significant diuretic effect. Peed like 4 or 5 times in two hours. The mood lift was nice, will have to experiment with this ROA/combo more. I should stop with the tobacco though, it's bad for my disease, it'd suck if I get another flareup before I'm even done tapering off the steroids I'm on for the last one. But tobacco is such an affordable ($0) and innocuous way to get rid of my compulsion to be on something...
 
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that ticon song is really nice! reminds me a bit of the tron soundtrack for some odd reason....

pepper, sorry to hear about your best friends misfortune. i hope all will be well....

TAC, i think mdma is really a nice fit for Xmas... all the love, and sharing, and joy of giving... sounds pretty mdma no? :) and now, imagine a santacon with mdma instead of booze.... raving santas!!! with glow in the dark rudolph noses!!! just like gloving but with noses! nosing? :P

i kid, i kid.... mainly because im in a good mood due to it starting to snow! its beginning to look wintery which is always nice. for the first month. then by february its already too old...

cheers
 
Gettin' off the benzos is definitely a healthy thing to do, I hope the SSRI works out for ya P-Socks.

Thanks man, so far it's good. The background anxiolysis is a very different feeling from the direct benzo-type I'm used to feeling. I'm in the bioaccumulation phase and there is a bit of funniness; buzzing in the head, mild dizziness, CEV's when going to sleep.

I must admit a good part of the reason you see me on here typing huge posts (not that they're false; I just feel more compelled to express myself), is use of plain stimulants. Likely not the best thing to do when in the ramp-up phase of an SSRI, but I think that's what's responsible for the buzzing feeling and CEV's. One thing I do like about SSRI's is the neuroprotection they provide. No comedowns or day-after sketchyness. My stim use has been mild, but it's stopping too. A 2-3 day stint with ~4 hours sleep a night is enough.

PSox -- Really sorry to hear about your friend. That sounds absolutely horrible. :( I had a friend-of-a-friend undergo traumatic brain injury, and he virtually ended up with a full recovery, despite predictions that he would be permanently disabled by the injury. The human body can do miraculous things, sometimes. :)

It's amazing how far he's come already. It was touch and go as to whether they were going to bother resuscitating or not. He's making amazing progress and able to have short, simple conversations. Main problem is like lot of TBI's; he gets really angry sometimes, but for short periods and he's fine again. One of those things that gets better with time I guess; people around just have to be supportive and patient.

Anyway, I hope the SSRI's work out for you. There is nothing more liberating than freedom from psychological illness / emotional imbalance. I was seriously considering the SSRI path as well, but at this point probably the only thing holding me back is that my lifestyle is still pretty deeply intertwined with psychedelic drug use. That, and, as you mentioned, all of the warnings of nasty side-effects that you read here on BL, that the doctors seem to conveniently ignore. ;)

Yeah, it's rare I come in here and it's been more than a week since your last dabbling. ;) I was there too; I held back for the exact same reason of inhibiting trips. I was also concerned about reducing the breadth of emotion in daily life. I've always been an emotional person on the inside; old fashioned, simple north american on the outside (and on the inside also I guess), but I've always enjoyed the pinnacle heights I would reach completely sober listening to the right piece of music at the right time, looking over a marsh, meadow, 300 year old oak. From what I read, I was afraid of losing the ability to feel that. The thing is it took me a long time to realize was that those pinnacle heights are great when experienced infrequently; being emotional too often (as was/is my case) is what depression/anxiety is all about. A little smoothing out of the waves to me seems like a good thing; even if it means I won't hit the ultra highs for the time being.

No doubt, the ability to feel such high levels of happy awareness are truly a gift and a part of a full life. I fully intend to lose the SSRI at some point, but in order to stabilize my psyche and gain a social life, it's what has to be done.

I was also worried about how doctors love to omit any information regarding those effects. In all honestly though, in my case I find it irrelevant. I know what the drugs do, the differences between them, etc. I'm really just my own doctor; as most of use here are. When we go to the doctor, we really just subtly manipulating them to get the script we need. If I were to let my shrink choose and not have said anything, I'd be on effexor right now. As for someone who goes to a doctor to actually use their expertise because they don't know how to fix their problem, I feel sorry for how they get jerked around. It seems like everyone planning on taking a long term medication should do their own research so they can give the doc a nudge in the desired direction; essentially just remotely operating their prescription writing arm. Of course they only allow nudges in a therpeutic direction; saying "Hmm, I'm not sure about effexor, I think percocet would be a better option" isn't going to fly.

that ticon song is really nice! reminds me a bit of the tron soundtrack for some odd reason....

pepper, sorry to hear about your best friends misfortune. i hope all will be well....

TAC, i think mdma is really a nice fit for Xmas... all the love, and sharing, and joy of giving... sounds pretty mdma no? :) and now, imagine a santacon with mdma instead of booze.... raving santas!!! with glow in the dark rudolph noses!!! just like gloving but with noses! nosing? :P

i kid, i kid.... mainly because im in a good mood due to it starting to snow! its beginning to look wintery which is always nice. for the first month. then by february its already too old...

cheers

Snow's falling here too. :)

Thanks for the wishes man, he's got lot of people rallying around him. :)

MDMA is an amazing fit for Christmas. My first experience was the first Friday night of Christmas break, 2004, just turned 17. Scary how long ago that was, sure doesn't feel like it.

It's always been a Christmas ritual for me besides for the last 2 years to take an MDMA dose right at the beginning of Christmas break when I had nothing to worry about, and Christmas day was a few days away. I'd do it on my own in my room, usual entactogenic experience, but I'd be riding an afterglow throughout the Christmas festivities after the rest of the family showed up. It was a wonderful thing I had going. So far no family members to participate with me, but my sister has expressed an interest. She is reading about therapeutic use, but if she does do it, I don't think it will be for a while.

This year I have an unwelcome coincidence; I just started an SSRI; I just received 6-APB which I was planning on trying on the first chillin, free night of the Christmas break. From what I've gathered, the jury's pretty sure that it would be a complete waste of material.
An interesting bit of psychedelic/SSRI interaction info was reported multiple times though. Classical psychedelics, while not as intense, are more positive and uplifting. With LSD having that ultra-high affinity, it's a good candidate. I've always had a ridiculously low tolerance for psychs; especially tryptamines (Xorky couldn't believe I managed to trip off 3mg of aMT; humorously true). I would be at a very decent ++ on 100ug, and full bore, vibrating walls, orbs of carrier wave sound-synchronized colour, balls to the walls +++ on 150ug. I figure if an SSRI attentuates it, but gives it a more positive push, 200ug of LSD might be the perfect ride.

Me and some friends have amassed a decent collection of old vinyl records (lots of folk and Beatles); awesome to listen to while tripping. I never heard the white album like I heard it on LSD. Revolution 9 was surprisingly discovered to actually be a highly structured piece of music, and certainly not a bunch of jumbled, random noises. Same thing happened with Pink Floyd's Atom Heart Mother. Songs that you don't notice anything special about all of a sudden reveal their underlying architecture. It's almost overwhelming when you hear a song you've listened to before, but your mind can't keep up with all the new notes your finding. It's usually accompanied by a big smile. :)
 
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TAC, i think mdma is really a nice fit for Xmas... all the love, and sharing, and joy of giving... sounds pretty mdma no? :) and now, imagine a santacon with mdma instead of booze.... raving santas!!! with glow in the dark rudolph noses!!! just like gloving but with noses! nosing? :P

i kid, i kid.... mainly because im in a good mood due to it starting to snow! its beginning to look wintery which is always nice. for the first month. then by february its already too old...

cheers

i did santacon in my town last weekend. I was pretty high on MXE. Id never heard of it until this year. It was a lot of fun. At one point we went to the Grove Park Inn which is a really expensive resort here (Obama stayed there when he came to visit.)And the people at the Grove Park were all in shock to see a bunch of fucked up santas invading their space. I saw one of the santas stop at a table where a family was having dinner. He gave each kid a candy, gave the dad a condom and the mom a small bottle of liquor. It was hilarious.
 
^Sounds awesome, dammit, I need to go to one of these things.

Why isn't tobacco as a tea additive more popular? Smoking fucking cigs doesn't make me all smiley like this.

I feel the need to push my musical tastes on y'all some more. The Books and Dr. Dog are both totally PD friendly bands:

NSFW:




P-socks said:
I must admit a good part of the reason you see me on here typing huge posts (not that they're false; I just feel more compelled to express myself), is use of plain stimulants.

If that's what it takes to get you over here in PD, I'm not complaining.
 
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what's this like? always been intrigued.. the idea of psilocin but with more of a DPT character instead of DMT sounds very interesting to me. i guess what i'm wondering is 4-ho-dpt to dpt as psilocin is to dmt?

IMO, yes. 4-HO-DPT is awesome. Should be on any tripper's list. It's very joyful and positive, and very emotionally vibrant in general for me. It also has a really awesome and unique flavor of ego dissolution, which I always describe as being "melted by the heat of the core of the sun, in the best way possible".

TAC, i think mdma is really a nice fit for Xmas... all the love, and sharing, and joy of giving... sounds pretty mdma no? :)

Yes, sounds lovely indeed. :) I was just criticizing people who would make a joke out of such a thing, instead of embracing the idea seriously.

I'm really just my own doctor; as most of use here are. When we go to the doctor, we really just subtly manipulating them to get the script we need. If I were to let my shrink choose and not have said anything, I'd be on effexor right now. As for someone who goes to a doctor to actually use their expertise because they don't know how to fix their problem, I feel sorry for how they get jerked around. It seems like everyone planning on taking a long term medication should do their own research so they can give the doc a nudge in the desired direction; essentially just remotely operating their prescription writing arm. Of course they only allow nudges in a therpeutic direction; saying "Hmm, I'm not sure about effexor, I think percocet would be a better option" isn't going to fly.

You said it, man. Doctors always seem to have an agenda that disagrees with mine. When I went to my doc in LA for a therapy recommendation, he was trying to push Xanax on me. Then, when I changed my mind, and went to a GP here in Boston for a benzo script, there was a lot of pressure on me to go with the SSRIs instead. But, I was the victor in the end. ;)

Why isn't tobacco as a tea additive more popular? Smoking fucking cigs doesn't make me all smiley like this.

Interesting. In fact the only other occasion in which I've heard of tobacco being used in an infusion is when it is used sparingly as part of a traditional ayahuasca brew. You'd think it would be more popular if it were so effective, yes.

I want to find a suitable way of enjoying nicotine. I can definitely enjoy a cigarette, but the smoke is just so vicious to my poor lungs. A cigar can be mouth-puffed, but that just makes me feel sick, not enjoyable in any way. Perhaps I should try an e-cigarette.
 
I've been watching a pretty good amount of this guy lately, and he really seems to know what he's talking about most of the time.

http://www.youtube.com/user/herbgardner00?feature=watch

this really makes me think we should have more of this site dedicated to supplements and herbs and stuff.

There could be a big and dandy for most of the supplements on the market with info about which varieties are most bioavailable and we could catalogue which brands have purer/fresher/higher-quality product and archive the known benefits of said supplements and any research that has been done on them thus far.

also, I recently picked up some st. johns wort rather compusively, does anyone know if that stuff will really do anything good for me?
 

Nice one man! Listening to the first one at the moment, loving it. Keep putting out those tunes :D

Best of luck with the SSRIs PSox, just be careful not to become completely reliant on there, my mother's been on them the past 15+ years with no sign of stopping, and along with not being able to stop they don't even help her any more.

On the flip side I've seen people who used the SSRIs to give them a bit of a kick up the backside and get their social/work life into gear, then dropped them after 4-12 months, and it's helped wonders, so I hope you fall into the latter crowd :)

While I normally tend to hate on SSRIs, if used in the short term they can be a wonder drug for a lot of people, just try not to become one of those people who gives in and lets them become a permanent ever shortening crutch.

@NKB: Damn I need to get some of that Romanesco stuff just so I can eat it while I'm tripping. :D

Man, so I bought some 6-APB last week, I was a little short on cash, so I asked my friend at the table if he'd cover the rest in exchange for some psychedelics or something? He said sure, then later in the night he was like "Instead of the psychedelics can I have some of the 6-APB?" so I said sure and dosed him. Now I get the dealer asking me where the rest of the cash is, apparently he never paid him.. Both of these guys are supposed to be my friends too, sometimes I really don't know where I am with people.
 
Has anyone else REALLY gotten into the emerging trap scene right now?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUu0KIvTe44

^How badass is that??!? I really can't get enough of this genre and really like the direction it's going


also, jesus, that stinks about your friends being all financially flaky, what an awful issue to disrupt what would probably otherwise be a pretty great friendship.
 
Has anyone else REALLY gotten into the emerging trap scene right now?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUu0KIvTe44

^How badass is that??!? I really can't get enough of this genre and really like the direction it's going

o maybe you will like some of these beats from a couple years ago then
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3IwDrrkEM8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5K6VZcARiU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qm3RCh-ZAQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mqRbfZhcWQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtkCDmztMQI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFiG0nNoaTs
 
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