☮ Social ☮ [PD Social General Talk Thread] Observation Tank for Fractallized Redundancy Modules

[pharmakos]

Chemo sucks. In an unexpected way. I have horrible acid reflux and hiccups caused by the chemo. Can barely swallow water even, but the cisplatin chemo I'm getting dehydrates thebhell out of you so I need to keep drinking.

Smoking weed helps in a way but also makes my lungs burn like acid reflux. Wish I had some edibles.

 

[Solipsis]

So sorry to have missed that you have t. cancer, pharmakos! Wow man that really blows, I hope you get it handled well..

my thoughts go out to you

 

[Cream Gravy?]

^^Hang in there man.

Gosh, I am really, really getting into Star Trek Online. I haven't been this addicted to a game since I was a teenager. It's effecting my productivity >.>

 

[Xorkoth]

I went river hiking on 2 great hits of LSD today with my good friend, we had a rejuvenating time climbing boulders and waterfalls and talking about the direction of our music and the state of the human experience and society. After that I went with my girl to see her aunt give a book reading for a book she just wrote, I got to meet her, and then we went to dinner with her dad and aunt and some other people... it was really fun. I got invited to a beach trip in August, right next to the other place I've camped at the beach in SC, which I loved. Really pumped about it. Her dad and I get along quite well, I think he really likes me a lot. This is I think the 4th time I've spent any time with him, he lives nearby but she tries to limit time with him because they've had a pretty bumpy past.

I'm totally in love you guys. Not like the last time either. That was built the whole time on shaky ground. There were always little secret resentments, she never really respected me and vice versa. Even though it was intense (in a good way) at times, especially at first, and it was real, this is so much different. This time it's built on mutual respect and beautiful things. There has not been one single negative thing, even for a moment, that's happened, everything has been beautiful and loving, and there have been things we've gone through. I honestly didn't think a relationship could be so peaceful but at the same time exciting and fun. I'm pretty sure I've found someone I can be with for the long haul here. She's perfect. I feel so comfortable and secure in what we have, and I know she feels the same way. Relationship karma for me.

All right, that's it. I'm going to make some bread this weekend, as well. "Tony's Loaf" -- everyone seems to like it. I'll post a photo later. Be pretty sweet to get a photo of Xork, Slip, and I together in the kitchen with flour all over ourselves, baking bread with deep, soulful, tripped-out eyes. nohomo

That would indeed be cool.

Chemo sucks. In an unexpected way. I have horrible acid reflux and hiccups caused by the chemo. Can barely swallow water even, but the cisplatin chemo I'm getting dehydrates thebhell out of you so I need to keep drinking.

Smoking weed helps in a way but also makes my lungs burn like acid reflux. Wish I had some edibles.

Damn man, that sucks. Maybe you can find or make some edibles? I haven't heard of that side effect of chemo.

 

[TheAppleCore]

I'm totally in love you guys. Not like the last time either. That was built the whole time on shaky ground. There were always little secret resentments, she never really respected me and vice versa. Even though it was intense (in a good way) at times, especially at first, and it was real, this is so much different. This time it's built on mutual respect and beautiful things. There has not been one single negative thing, even for a moment, that's happened, everything has been beautiful and loving, and there have been things we've gone through. I honestly didn't think a relationship could be so peaceful but at the same time exciting and fun. I'm pretty sure I've found someone I can be with for the long haul here. She's perfect. I feel so comfortable and secure in what we have, and I know she feels the same way. Relationship karma for me.

That makes me very happy to hear Xorkoth.



Hey, you know what's a really great cure for feeling bad? Taking the time to carefully think through why you feel bad, and what you can do to improve it. I know I know, it's too obvious, but I often find myself shoving my problems into the closet, which makes it so much worse.

C'mon PD, let's do the Soulful Strut:

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey, you know what's a really great cure for feeling bad? Taking the time to carefully think through why you feel bad, and what you can do to improve it. I know I know, it's too obvious, but I often find myself shoving my problems into the closet, which makes it so much worse.

That's the main thing I learned over the past 2 years, initially facilitated, in my case, by ibogaine. Feelings of depression or anxiety, except in some cases, are indicators from yourself that something is wrong or not working for you in your life. Although my instinct earlier in life was to shut down and self-medicate when I felt that way, once I started to honestly identify what the issues were (and I had known all along, but was unwilling to admit it to myself), I found the strength to make changes in my life, and once I did, the depression and anxiety disappeared and everything turned bright and exciting. It often feels easier to stick with what is familiar, but if it's causing you to be unhappy, then the feeling that it's easier not to change is just an illusion; it's easier in the moment, but it is easily worth the momentary pain and fear of changing something to be able to move into a better place in life.

 

[InterestingFACT]

Regarding vaping: prelimary research suggests a strong connection between it and emphysema and/or obstructive pulmonary disorder. This is, in my opinion, just common sense and should have been recognized as a likely symptom/side effect by the public even before any formal studies were done on the matter: both PG and glycerol are strongly hygroscopic materials that only slowly pass through membranes by by diffusion, rather than by any facilitated or active transport mechanism. So they pull water into the lungs, they bloat up surrounding lung tissue as they diffuse through nearby cells (meanwhile pulling along or collecting water in those cells: te result is (temporary) impaired gas exchange, while the lungs are wet and bloated, elevated pulmonary pressures, plus hypervolemic damage to capillaries and tissue.

--This is also why water based lubes render your fingers gross and bloated and wrinkled after too long--and also why they're generally not so great for anal sex (bowel swelling and tissue damage and sensitivity don't exactly go hand in hand with "relaxing and opening up."

All of this being said, it's still decidedly healthier than smoking real tobacco--not just because of the tar/polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons/other cancerous shit, but also because there's no MAO inhibition while vaping (plays a huge--perhaps even the primary--role in dependence lability of most nicotine products, caused in cigarettes by acetaldehyde and formaldehyde from combustion of ethylvanillin and vanillin, both of which are naturally occurring components of tobacco leaf but which have been conveniently fortified in cigarettes "for taste" since the 70s--long before we the public were allowed to know that these chemicals were pharmacologically active and played a significant role in tobacco dependency.

Regarding tianeptine: if you do consider continuing to use it (it is good stuff), consider either buying the sulfate (hemisulfate) salt, or converting your tianeptine sodium to a sulfate (just a two layer phase extraction, no actual reaction takes place--it can be done in a kitchen in less than an hour with no equipment (though a Büchner funnel/vaccuum set up makes things a little quicker and more convenient, but it's not necessary, and in an case could be very cheaply acquired or even more cheaply created from household bits and pieces).

The hemisulfate isn't as "drug-like" as the sodium salt is--it comes on slowly without a rush, gradually builds up and then gradually fades away over the course of the day, pretty much eliminating its recreational and/or addictive effects (though of course this doesn't preclude the possibility of withdrawal after coming off the drug--but all currently popular antidepressants cause a discontinuation syndrome that is arguably much more).

Ostensibly ~40mg in the morning should be equivalent to 3 doses of ~15mg of the sodium salt over the course of the day. I do think it's not quite long lasting enough to cover a full day--though at least in my experience (not severely depressed, no current or historical opiate dependency) the gradual taper of its effects meant I didn't feel any urge to redose and/or take a booster dose of the sodium at night. This is very much unlike my experience with tianeptine sodium where even when used at a standard therapeutic dose with a typical dosing scheme, I found myself "dipping" in mood/irritability/etc. between doses sufficiently that I began looking forward to the next dose.

I saw that pattern as potentially developing into something dangerous, so I wouldn't use tianeptine sodium again. However, tianeptine sulfate seemed great, to me. I only stopped taking it because it was just an experiment and I ran out: it's fairly expensive (though, like I mentioned above, you could make it yourself from the cheaper tianeptine sodium), I found it to be mildly cognitively impairing anyways (tianeptine in general), and I didn't much have a need to go on an antidepressant anyways.

 

[TheAppleCore]

It often feels easier to stick with what is familiar, but if it's causing you to be unhappy, then the feeling that it's easier not to change is just an illusion; it's easier in the moment, but it is easily worth the momentary pain and fear of changing something to be able to move into a better place in life.

That's something I really need to work on. I'm such a wuss, because I often hesitate to venture outside of my comfort zone. It's rather surprising that I'm so adventuresome when it comes to altered states of consciousness. I wish I had that level of courage when dealing with physical, 3D reality. But I'm only "brave" when it comes to the abstract and subjective realm.

[...] there's no MAO inhibition while vaping (plays a huge--perhaps even the primary--role in dependence lability of most nicotine products, caused in cigarettes by acetaldehyde and formaldehyde from combustion of ethylvanillin and vanillin, both of which are naturally occurring components of tobacco leaf but which have been conveniently fortified in cigarettes "for taste" since the 70s--long before we the public were allowed to know that these chemicals were pharmacologically active and played a significant role in tobacco dependency. [...]

Wow, that's shady. It shouldn't surprise me though. Interesting FACTS abound in your post; you seem to know a lot about the subject.

I've noticed that most nicotine users consider it a pointless addiction, and discourage curious newcomers from experimenting with it. Unlike cannabis users, which often praise the plant for its medicinal or therapeutic benefits, I never hear nicotine users describe tobacco as a positive influence in their lives.

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

Happy birthday NKB, today is birthday number 26!

Say something to ease my burden, PD.

Otherwise I'm surprised and happy to say that my mother got me a purple (my favorite color) orchid as an early birthday gift today.

 

[Just A Guy]

Happy birthday, man! When I was 26, I was single and without kids. All that changed a year later. Have a great one, Never.

I miss nicotine, I won't lie. But I don't miss smoking or vaping. But nicotine's always made me "sharper" and "alert."

 

[spacejunk]

Happy birthday!
Don't get hung up on age and numbers - they're just a construct. You are what you are.

But honestly? 26 is young. Don't fall for that weird hype that childhood/teenage/early 20s years are the peak of your life.
When i was younger i thought being in your 30s was old. Now i look back on how foolish that was.
Hope you have a good year dude.

 

[tokezu]

Happy Birthday! I have to agree with spacejunk, the older I get the more it seems these numbers are totally meaningless. How would you feel today if you wouldn't know it's your birthday?

Pharmakos, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I wish you all the best!

TheAppleCore and Xorkoth, I know all too well what you guys are talking about with not wanting to leave the 'comfort zone' even up to a point where it doesn't really offer any comfort at all anymore. What has helped me a lot in identifying the things I would like to change has been keeping a diary about the mood I am in. This has allowed me to look past the illusion of "I always feel the same. Never really good, never really bad, just always meh." and realize that doing or not doing certain stuff, does influence how good I feel. Also I was and still am impressed how effective writing down my thoughts is at breaking through depressive thought loops, suddenly it's just clear as day what I want to change and how to go about it. Actually changing stuff can still be a challenge though.


In other news Explosions in the Sky are coming to my city in june. Guess which lucky bastard was just put on the guestlist. :D

 

[pharmakos]

happy birthday, NKB. my sources say that a purple orchid stands for admiration and respect. and royalty.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Happy birthday NKB

When I was a kid my favorite color was purple. I know a lot of people who say it's their favorite. Something about it.

If I had to pick a favorite color these days though, I don't know if I'd have one. I like so many colors I don't know which I'd pick. Maybe I'm just more of a magenta color guy now.

 

[pharmakos]

purple is interesting, and is different than other colors in a way.

take the spectrum/rainbow.... ROYGBIV (red orange yellow green blue indigo violet, if that acronym is unfamiliar to anyone that didn't go to american school)... mix R and Y together, and you get the color right in between them, O... mix Y and B together and you again get the color right in between them, G... but mix together R and B and you get the color way off to the fucking left I or V. nuts.

the visible light spectrum actually roughly occupies one "octave" of the electromagnetic spectrum. low red is about half the frequency of high blue. but purple... purple gets into the next octave up a little bit.

 

[swilow]

Yeah, I like purple too- one of my preferred colours (not to wear though). It has that regal quality and really deep purple (hmm) has an air of arcane mystery to it.

But, the other day, I drove behind on the freeway behind a car who's colour I simply could not identify. I've never experienced that before; it was almost a blend of pink, brown and salmon. I kid you not in saying my brain simply could not process it as an actualy known shade. I'll see if I can find a picture...

Chemo sucks. In an unexpected way. I have horrible acid reflux and hiccups caused by the chemo. Can barely swallow water even, but the cisplatin chemo I'm getting dehydrates thebhell out of you so I need to keep drinking.

Smoking weed helps in a way but also makes my lungs burn like acid reflux. Wish I had some edibles.

Man I hope you are feeling okay... Are you well enough to try and procure/bake up some edibles? I fucking wish I could do something for you from down here.

Say something to ease my burden, PD.

You made it!

Happy upcoming solar rotation NKB

Happy birthday!
Don't get hung up on age and numbers - they're just a construct. You are what you are.

But honestly? 26 is young. Don't fall for that weird hype that childhood/teenage/early 20s years are the peak of your life.
When i was younger i thought being in your 30s was old. Now i look back on how foolish that was.
Hope you have a good year dude.

I am 33 and I look back on my 20's as a total void of utter bullshit fuck. The only thing I achieved was a few addictions, some scars and health problems and a racking up of debt. My 30's, on the other hand, have been pretty good so far having studied to near completion, working full-time and owning my own shit. I've decided to simply write off my 20's as a traumatic learning experience.

Now that I am older with less headhair and greying beard hair, I've freed myself from suffering considerably, though am still a sucker for self-punishment. I would rally hate to have to live my 20's again; I was angry, aggressive and highly antisocial. I'm basically much less angry :D

 

[pharmakos]

Man I hope you are feeling okay... Are you well enough to try and procure/bake up some edibles? I fucking wish I could do something for you from down here.

Doing a lot better today. I think my first round of chemo is pretty much out of my system now... Haven't had any since Friday. Now I've got a week and a half to recover before my next round starts. (I'm doing four cycles of one week on, two weeks off.)

Definitely going to try to get some edibles together before the next round starts. Biggest issue is money... I've got $20 to my name. Even my parents are struggling right now. Hopefully the girl at the Social Security office was able to fast track my disability claim like she said she would try. There's a big chance I won't get any government assistance funds til after my treatment is over tho, since the system moves so slowly. Yay America. At least I should get a big backdated check when it does happen.

 

[swilow]

Doing a lot better today. I think my first round of chemo is pretty much out of my system now... Haven't had any since Friday. Now I've got a week and a half to recover before my next round starts. (I'm doing four cycles of one week on, two weeks off.)

I am glad you are feeling a lot better today . Chemo seems very rough, I saw my uncle go through that about 2 years ago and he was very ill. He was too nauseated to eat and had lung cancer so struggled to smoke. I managed to help him with some potent oil that he essentially could vape. His case was very different, he was riddled with cancer and had radiotherapy also.

Do you get medical marijuana in your homestate?

Definitely going to try to get some edibles together before the next round starts. Biggest issue is money... I've got $20 to my name. Even my parents are struggling right now. Hopefully the girl at the Social Security office was able to fast track my disability claim like she said she would try. There's a big chance I won't get any government assistance funds til after my treatment is over tho, since the system moves so slowly. Yay America. At least I should get a big backdated check when it does happen.

That's good, there is a nearing horizon of funds and cannabis for you. In Australia, I guess our healthcare system, being basically free, has 'learned' how to deal with rapid influx of needy folks. But, despite everything, we are lucky to be living unhealthily at such a time in human history.

 

[TheAppleCore]

Happy birthday NKB! I mean, ahem, THR! (Why did I think you were older than 26?)

Here's a purple swirly thing for you:

I think I'm gonna make some bread today... I've had some pre-ferment sitting in the fridge for 4 or 5 days, gotta use that shit.

Sweet... my dad makes homemade bread too. Good stuff. He makes it from sourdough cultures that he orders online.

Totally agree, but I don't think it actually is a matter of a conspiracy being played upon us in order to keep us sick and sending money, but rather than this post-modern society of ours is kind of possesed by the idea of efficiency in everything. Even in terms of human health. Got sick ? Hey, pop a pill and you'll feel better. You'll still be sick, but you can feel good enough to keep on working and keep up with the productivity.

It easy to see how that mentality lead us to a medicine primarily focused on attacking symptoms, not disease. I actually believe in our science-founded, biochemically rationalized, materialistic modern medicine. It don't think you can cure cancer praying to the earth or eating weeds or something. You can't replace your rotten teeth without a surgical intervention based on anatomical knowledge. But I do see that our symptomatic medicine is a flawed model based on flawed intentions which spread to almost all the aspects of our society.

To make matters worse, no-one teaches us to stay healthy. We are fed garbage, we live in neglect of our bodies, we are always in a hurry, and those of us who live in the monstrous metropolitan areas breath poison everyday. Nowadays it's almost subversive to choose to eat healthy, pay attention to the body, work a healthy amount of hours and keep a healthy mind. Mental health actually plays a really important role in maintaining a functional body. Chronic stress can cause immunosuppression.


Sorry about the rant but is something I feel very passionately about and it really pisses me off.

No need to apologize. That's a great post. I especially agree with your assessment that people are far too content with patching symptoms instead of treating the root causes of disease. I think it's because they don't really understand the difference. If they did, then perhaps something like MDMA-assisted psychotherapy would already be mainstream.

This reminds me of when I was a teenager, and asked my doctor what he could do to help me with social anxiety. I thought that I would get a recommendation for a good therapist, but I was pretty disgusted when he just wrote me a Rx for Xanax and booted me out the door. Good thing I had the sense not to start popping those things left and right.

There are some wise docs out there, though. When I was in college I convinced myself that I had ADD. I went to a psychiatrist and complained about being unable to focus on schoolwork. He said, "you don't have any trouble focusing. You just don't feel like doing the work. If you don't want to do the work, either switch majors, or stop wasting your parents' money and drop out." That's some of the best advice I was ever given. I dropped out of college and I couldn't be happier with where my life is going now.

 

[swilow]

I like that purple swirly thing TAC.

You still making tunes these days? I decided about three weeks ago to try and perfect the hardstyle kick sound; surprisingly complex to get the tone and timbre right but I got there sort of Multiple synths, huge compression, layered distortion, running shit through formant filter... I don't even really like hardstyle that much, but I really love the idea of kick-bass combined in a single instrument, similarly found in trap with the pitched 808 kicks. Its led me to begin using more distortion and effects when synthesising kicks- opened a bit of stuff up for me...