Dude thanks for all the props everyone! I could have died it was a big deal and so hard to flush 96 oxy's I got for essentially pennies! All I know is one thing a junkie would NOT do such a thing and I snorted H for 5 years like I'm at the point where my tolerance has been so all over the place like exponentially so that I don't even know what it is anymore and an overdose is not even just a possibility it's likely. I have not overdosed yet to my knowledge but I used to pass out on the nod a lot. I have a very low natural tolerance, when I first started using half a perc (2.5mg oxy) was MORE than enough for me it was too much. Same with hydromorphone railing a 2mg dilly would have me in heavenly bliss back then. I am so proud of myself for flushing that shit it was SO hard to do when I was waking up junk sick on the third day like right then and there I knew I was going to lose control and everything. and I still have this foxes attention, totally : ) she's just thinking things through in her mind, while I subtly influence her choice whether to accept my second date with cute and well thought out texts periodically throughout the day. She doesn't text much but if I get a random how are you? and even if I get no response after that like it was 6 hours after we last talked I know she is thinking about me, I'm on her mind randomly and that is what matters! Well what matters is I am still trying because yeah she is not someone to give up on so easy haha! Wayyyyy too sexy lovely girl just a cute skinny blonde really smart, 2 degrees like me but in totally different studies, massive tits
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I don't even know how like she is so slender and we don't really do tit jobs up north so much LOL like she defs wouldn't do that at least I don't think lol she is all into natural healing and wellness and vegetarian eating and stuff like me (and also a bit of a total hypocrite like me too). like I am fucking crazy about her I can't explain it I just feel the energy between us and I know why she is so cautious even though she senses it too. She has had shitty boyfriends and been through some shit for sure and like drugs and stuff too I was really surprised about that... she is very tricky to get to know. Like you think she's this way then she turns out to surprise me in a totally different way I'm always tripping out like WTF you are SO funny and nobody even realizes it or appreciates it! Anyways. I am still working on this second date I thought it would be easy but it's not. It's cause we are essentially deciding if we want to date or not. Anyways I am defs doing the right thing at the moment and whatever choice she makes I'm cool with that obviously like it's her life haha. I just know she might do well with me is all... she needs someone down to earth to bring her down from the clouds her energy is wild and what better than a stoned tripper for that? LOL it is so contradictory but so true!
It's all a trip for me man it's part of this psychedelic journey I remember when I started taking 2c-c I told myself hey dude you are totally going to find love sometime while you are tripping out on this drug. I am not creating expectations I have none with her, but in a way I did find love. I had the most amazing date of my life and found someone I actually really really like so like... I am crazy about her haha and she has been interested enough to ask me on a first date. I'm not even thinking about it like that anymore, that's the only way to make it happen anyway! But yeah like I remember the very first week into my 2c-c journey when I realized how sociable I had become with women (this is from getting clean) I was like dude... you are going to meet the love of your life on this shit. Like I just sensed it, and now it's coming back just when I am doubting myself with her. I'm not anymore. I got this. Well, I have around 100mg of 2 grams left now, and I am working on getting my second date with someone I have honestly fallen for completely like serious anyone in my real life friends knows I am fcking crazy about this girl. I don't care if I have know her a few weeks or a years I would like her so much to be in my life! I just realized this now, while also tripping on 2c-c. I totally forgot that I was talking to chicks everywhere and anywhere about a month ago but just casually, and then I actually randomly met someone who turned out to be... well... a fucking heartbreaker man like she is a lovely lady. Lovely.
It's so weird how as soon as I flushed the oxy's it's like I got a random warning from her (but it was like unrelated) and then now we are talking normally again. It is so fucked up I swear on my life there is a cosmic connection going on with me right now. The choice to date her or not is actually related to my choice on whether or not to relapse on opiates. I can't explain it, and it is one of the most profound things I have ever experienced because I can literally see how my very thoughts change the reality around me, the very way that I think, like if I'm having cravings or not it doesn't even matter if I'm using, just thinking about it. I am so done with that shit, and now I have a beautiful blonde fox's attention at least. We are not talking much I can tell she is thinking because to me anyway, a second date for us means we are going to date and she probs knows this too. Just giving her space (and cute messages... I told her if she was an essential oil blends she'd probs be geranium + grapefruit lol it's so true! And it goes back to how I tried that combo in the shop where the hot harry potter witches work like it's all interconnected... that combo really made me laugh and giggle and was uplifting just like her! And ambrosial aroma lol.
So yeah I realized how serious my addiction is today (yet again). I fell asleep from 2 to 10pm and I woke up to frantic calls from my buddy (from here actually). He called my roommate said I was just sleeping but he's like is he? Or is he dropped dead from a fuckin overdose nodding? Cause he was the only one I told that I nodded out so. fucking. hard. the other day and we just talked for an hour was like dude I knew right away you were fucked. I told him I flushed them or he probs would have asked them that I wasn't sleeping and may in fact be overdosing but you can never trust a junkie when they say shit like that right? For all he knows I might not have flushed them, and was calling me like 10 times tonight. Really put things into perspective for me because literally nobody knew about this except the other chick I work with who I joke around with a lot and we are great friends...
her bf said something really funny about me when we met up to smoke a joint (and give her an ounce because she spends way to much on weed). She's just like honest dude you are so cool and easy to talk to and stuff but what he said was honest chillest compliment from random person I ever got! He said... "he's super chill, you don't feel like you JUST met the dude." LOL but honestly that is the sickest compliment or whatev ever to me, like I honestly have ever got from anyone. She says it's rare he says anything like that about people and totally didn't expect it, we were just chatting about random shit, mostly about growing weed and going off on tangents about it lol.
She was really worried about me too like she knows there is nothing she can do but she was also like are you okay? During our morning shift since she knew I had relapsed... it is when I told her how much I like my foxy friend (she knows her too through work).
Anyways just have a lot of stuff on my mind atm and I like talking shit it's just what I do haha I like to write I have crazy anxiety so it's just one thing I do for it. and I slept all day for 2 to 10pm... I have no idea how I wasn't even tired I was junk sick! I woke up not sick anymore. I thought it was going to be a fucking 10 day ordeal again and I was cool with that, but I already feel great!
Also, I have been tripping essentially non-stop for about a month... at least 3 weeks. So when the 2c-c is out, I decided that is naturally when my trip should come to a halt (no lecture please lol, I am 29 and my longest psychedelic 'binge' prior to this was 2 days haha... it's just that time of my life I needed change)... and holy fuck did I get it, my whole entire life has changed everything has. So much more positivity! And now I can work with that sober when that lovely 2c-c runs out. I don't even need it anymore the only reason I am using it is because this experience has been sacred. This experience has truly been beyond words I mean I have seen myself transform from a junkie to clean in a single month (like I am SO over it I feel like it's been 3 years!) and not only that like the reason I am not ending my trip. I am clean I know that. I wouldn't have flushed the pills if I wasn't clean. It's this chick, I met her on 2c-c (I am totally myself on 2c-c though or it wouldn't have even worked I don't manipulate unless it's for a fix). But, I feel like this is going to come to some sort of finish soon. Either she is going to pass me off and move on, or we are going to fall in love and I will know as soon as she randomly texts me about the second date (she is so random like that I'll ask her a question and she responds like 10 hours later after we talk about a bunch of random shit... she doesn't ever forget anything though). So, I figure to allow the natural course of things to progress and rail the last of my 2c-c while, whatever happens with this extremely profound life changing experiences unfolds as it should, whatever that may be. It has been the most beautiful transformative experience of my whole entire life and I was blessed to fall asleep today when I was junk sick and woke up feeling clean again! I wasn't even tired wtf it was 2 - 10pm so like who falls asleep at that time but I do work nights but it wasn't that. I was too sick to sleep it makes no sense.
You know what the most tripped out thing about all this is? The entity I keep seeing this past year... I dunno she is a few pages back I could go 'talk' to her through the painting if I wanted to right now. She is always around me and yeah my entity is hot lol. I don't know who or what she is but she is defs damn sexy like appears to me in a super attractive, and dark energy kind of way. She is very shy! Just like this girl is but you wouldn't know it I feel like it's her defense mechanism or some shit lol it's too cute... anyways, I blessed a stone guardian angel medallion with her spirit... the spirit of the entity I have seen on DMT, once while sober with my eyes half closed resting (as soon as she could tell I could see her standing over my bed watching over me, she turned a 180 and vanished in a second I was like WTF), I have seen her waking up in the morning laying on her tummy with her hands on her face just staring at me waking up and giving me a bratty little smirk just like when she cuddled up to me when I was on DMT and I could feel her touch and visually see her behind me smirking at me. She is probs getting pissed off at me telling you guys this she is a shy entity! But she knows I have a crush on her LOL (the entity to be clear
yes I am NOT schizo btw and I don't even care if I am because this has been so fucking epic!) and she knows I can't keep shit like that to myself it's rare when I like a girl. can't stand most of them really but this entity... foxyyyyyyy LOL. Dude how the fuck do I have a crush on a painting like that is how far out I am these days. Maybe a chick in physical form would be a more realistic option? But yeah my whole entire point... okay this stone entity FELL OFF when I relapsed. She fell of me, and then shit started going bad like me and my foxy friend stopped talking and I started using again everything was spiralling out of control! I am presently debating whether to put her on the same hempwick bracelet (those stoner beeline things I make bracelets and random necklaces and stuff with).... I think she needs a new one. She is a hot chick entity after all she probs doesn't like being on a hemp bracelet that is all worn out since I never take it off and shower with it on and stuff. So I am making her a new one tonight! Defs still on my left wrist (I was just thinking about a necklace, but I'd probably end up strangling myself with hemp) but yeah I need that angel back on me!
I also had st joseph the patron of the unemployed but I am keeping that around for a friend in need since I am working again and have like 6 business plans. If I can even find that one I seriously found it in the dust on my balcony and had a job in a week of putting it on... and like, randomly looked up the name and was linked to a prayer for the unemployed on youtube it was crazy! Alrighty I'm trippin on 2c-c and need to remember to eat dinner right now and also remember that I work in three hours because when I woke up I thought it was 10am not 10pm and I had slept through my shift LOL.
