Vastness
Bluelight Crew
Yeah, that's the problem with ketamine for so many people I think... I often feel like if I treated it like another psychedelic... ie, get it, line up a K-holing dose, boom, then sit back, watch the show, and reintegrate after... then I'd maybe get more out of it... but I just like using it too much, I like to ease myself in with lower doses, like the ritual of cutting lines, just relaxing in lower doses for a while... then when I do hole (IF I even do, sometimes I find I can't if I spend the whole day dosing smaller) it's just much messier and spangled and when I come out of it, of course, I'm just craving jumping right back down the rabbit hole... or at least taking something to soften the increasingly uncomfortable aftermath, thus further blurring my memory of anything magic that happened, like forgetting a really interesting dream...@Vastness yeah, it's no good, my fantasy would be to keep it to once a year like Christmas mass or something, but I don't know if I could manage it. I think it's because I've already done a lot of damage to my brain with other drugs and am in an endless struggle to re-gain some of what I've lost that I can really, really see how K walks back the progress I've made and I hate it.
I agree that something always comes back, if only a sense of the ineffable. I feel like one of my problems is that if I come out of a particularly rewarding Ketamine experience with some retention or a blip of an insight I immediately redose and lose it all.
And, it is just pro-depressive for me, it's sad, I know this is unusual, but I can track back posts I've made in this forum for years speculating about why I feel so bad and scrambled after a K-binge... and, it DOES just erode your awareness and intellect in many ways, I'm convinced of it. Again, it's sad because it is a magic substance. I think in a way, maybe I'm kind of resentful towards it because it's a psychedelic tease, haha, always promising more than it delivers...
