Zeta:
Glad I had a real positive trip last of my 4-aco-det and some mxe Did almost feel like a had a sub breakthrough dose for a bit. Was real easy to slip my self slip in and out of a deep dream like state when ever I'd close my eyes.
We were sick when you posted about that trip before so forgot to respond about it then but just wanted to say thanks for the update too.
It sounds great and definitely like what I'd expect from that kind of combo. Really makes me want to use some of our 4-AcO-DET again, it's definitely been too long.
@Kaleida ignore this if you like but all your personalities seem to get on with each other. Is this so? Reading your posts you sound like a group of friends. I hope so.
I enjoy your posts and always wonder who will post and what they might say.
I don't mind the observation, and I definitely can't speak for everyone on that, haha, but would agree that in general that's been the case as of late.
I don't want to imply that there aren't a lot of friends in here, but it would probably be more wholly accurate to say that we work together well. There are a lot of differing opinions in here about most things, but we try to run all significant decisions that impact us all through a group vote, and work on finding different ways for each of us to get their fair share of time out at the front as well, if they want it. We've still got a long way to go before it's truly balanced but we've only been working on it for a little over a year and a half now, and I think (and hope) we've made some pretty good progress. It's easy for us to remain dedicated to figuring this out too because we know the alternative all too well; when multiple alters are fighting for control of the body at the same time it causes adverse symptoms such as severe tension headaches that we used to have on a daily basis and never understood why and took a lot of drugs trying to combat in futility, and now we almost never have them and immediately recognize them and change our behavior when we do and they go away. This is actually a well-known issue in the DID community, all of it but the headaches specifically, and it was a huge relief when we realized it was a dissociative symptom we could control rather than an unidentified sign of a serious health issue as we always worried before. I don't want to act like avoiding that stress is the only motivation though, we do get along better the more we open up to each other, and it's been quite a learning experience to do as well.
I actually seem to the one who is most actively interested in psychedelics, which is why I've been making most of our simpler posts here as of late. We think Lambda had been doing a lot of posting before when I was bit more heavily dissociated until recently, we actually think I had sort of repressed myself into the background from some past negative drug experiences that I've been working through on our most recent trips after we started realizing all this, and now she's taking a bit of a break in the background too; she's awesome to have around for trips and in general still too though even when she's not playing the active role, she's better at managing the state of our body to make sure we don't trick ourselves with anxieties about uncomfortable feelings we could easily avoid, she's very focused on psychedelic safety in general, which might be part of why she took over after I started psyching myself out. Delta has also been an active contributor in the past we're fairly certain, she seems to be the most interested in tryptamines of us and has a lot of theories about them, whereas I was traditionally drawn towards LSD the most but am also really falling in love with phenethylamines as of late. While psychedelics seem to be the most readily favored drugs in here, we also have others like Omicron who really loves MDMA and has been thinking a lot about getting into empathogens again recently after several years away from them, and she absolutely
loved the reaction we got from 4C-D yesterday, the intensity of which was quite surprising to us, and actually fronted for a lot of that, as we're fairly certain in retrospect she did for a lot of our old MDMA experiences to. And I could go on, but I think you get the picture....
There are a lot of us in here who are really into drugs, even if in different ways from one another, and that's something we as a subgroup of alters increasingly bond over, so you're most likely to see those of us posting here and to see that bonding reflected in it as well, but we have others who are really much more focused on other aspects of life too and don't show up here so much, and who we may not bond with in the same way, but who we are still happy to work with to maintain the peace. They may not post as much or at all but they'll likely often still at least show up in our trip reports from time to time as they do come out regularly, and I will note that even for those of us who don't care much about psychedelics or drugs in general as an interest like I do, there is a surprisingly high interest in using them for therapeutic purposes, which there seems to be a general consensus on the efficacy of in here. Actually, we have a rule that anyone who wants the next psychedelic experience for themselves just has to ask, and we have set up a ritual of making sure that alter is the one to specifically prepare and take the dose and remain at the front through the coming up as it seems to easily anchor them to that specific experience in the same sort of way that we are normally triggered out by our individual interests.
Anyway, just some more insight into all of that.... Feeling a little verbose right now after regaining normal cognition from our wonderful experience yesterday. I appreciate your compliment about our posts too and know that the others do as well.
These posts and particularly the individualized reports have actually been a pretty nice way to enhance our bonding as well by helping us to learn more about how the others view the world and these situations, it's not always easy to tell when someone is leaving things unsaid when most of your communication is internalized anyway.
@Kaleida I never knew that was something you faced. It's interesting, explains your current posting style. Seems like things have been going well for y'all though, I too have taken a break from most drugs this past year, for a variety of reasons. It can be very sobering for lack of a better term lol
It was quite a surprise to us as well, though I would be lying if I said we weren't always 99% sure
something was going on, and that it wasn't a constant struggle trying to understand why at times we felt so insane, or bipolar, or hypochondriac, and what have you despite the fact that we clearly weren't actually breaking from external reality, and seemed to have moods that were rather balanced except for the times they would just suddenly drastically shift and remain stable again for a time, and clearly saw that the physical symptoms that didn't seem connected to anything wouldn't go away just because we genuinely tried to stop worrying, and so on. The surprise was really just the disbelief that it was
that explanation, but after taking the time to learn about how DID actually presents itself normally and apply that to what we know about our entire life, in retrospect it has made a
lot suddenly make a massive amount of sense to the point that it seems almost laughably obvious. It's incredible what you can deny is atypical when you don't actually know the difference firsthand, but DID actually seems to do a pretty remarkable job of hiding itself from those who have it.
Things have been going pretty well though, really much better than they ever have been before.
And I couldn't have said it better myself! Going sober for now has had a huge impact on our perspective of things especially since it's our first time since figuring this all out and I'm incredibly glad we did it.... The original motivation was simply that we need to stop using cannabis for the time being for job-searching reasons but we decided to go bigger with it from there, but stopping cannabis has honestly had the more significant impact of all; we still don't really have any problems with it inherently and most of our issues came from the fact that we were not using it with respect but instead more so as a defense mechanism, but the biggest thing of all is just how dramatic of an impact abstaining has had on our dissociative symptoms, I can't even begin to tell you how much clearer and less hectic it is in here now. It's very obvious to us now that THC basically potentiates our symptoms the same sort of way it does hallucinogenic drugs and that that was providing a very large amount of confusion with respect to trying to understand what we're going through, and we do look forward to returning to it again but this time with a much healthier understanding of what effect it has on us and what sort of relationship we should form with it from here on out. As for psychedelics though, we just don't trip very often most of the time anymore (for our standards anyway, not more than once every two weeks with very few exceptions) and just didn't feel it was getting in the way much, but we were definitely missing the apparent therapeutic effects we get from them in the meantime and wanted to try evaluating them from our more sober perspective now too, hence the 4C-D.
Congrats on staying sober yourself, too! ☺ I'm glad to hear that it's going well for you and hope that things are just in general too. ?
