☮ Social ☮ PD Social: Cross-dimensional chatter. Now featuring mesphereomeantoliopeme.

[PepperSocks]

^ I like that.

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

Avoidance is my ONLY coping mechanism. Pretty much. Not surprising my life is crap (but it's my crap, so I take it). Whoops gotta get up in 5 hours, bed time for reals now.

 

[TheAppleCore]

Thanks a lot for the advice, folks. It's also comforting to know that I am not totally alone in this. Actually I'd say that social anxiety / generalized anxiety seems to be a peculiarly common psychological affliction among the psychonaut-types. Maybe I'm just imagining that though.

Even when on benzos you're not really engaging; you're just removed of some tension. It doesn't really help with socializing.

Interesting. I get the feeling that, rather than attacking the root of the problem, which is the paranoid delusion, it simply soothes the pain of the delusion. Essentially a band-aid solution.

Benzos can help in certain cases but it's a pandora's box; once you start taking them, it's not easy to go back to living entirely without them.

That's the only thing that's kept me away from benzodiazepines for so long now. Not a single dose has passed my lips, but I am getting dangerously close. Have no idea whether that's a good or a bad thing -- common sense tells me NO, but my desire for a more normal and relaxed existence disagrees... hmm...

 

[swilow]

As I mature it seems to become increasingly apparent that my social anxiety is almost a mild form of schizophrenia. Innumerable, ceaseless, but very subtle subconscious delusions and hallucinations manifest as anxiety when I'm around or dealing with other people. I somehow interpret every word, gesture, and facial expression, subconsciously, as some form of disapproval or insult or ridicule directed at me. It's really an awful affliction, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I hope I can escape this disease someday.

I think you will escape it, or it will escape you. Without wanting to sound like I'm discounting your experience, that sort of feeling seems particularly present during the late teens and early twenties. It seems to be exagerrated by weed and some psychedelics. I wouldn't claim to be old or wise, but I felt my own fears decline over the last few years and I have noted it in several friends of mine too. Give it time brother

Incidentally, would any of you know of an unscheduled benzodiazepine or related drug that I could perhaps experiment with in the search to quell these ceaseless agitating delusions?

How bout kava? Its helpful. I would advise against a benzo though; the best thing for anxiety and paranoia is meditation and other trance-inducing states. That, and something like ayahuasca

 

[huolesoh]

* long post apologies, intuition flying too fast today *

combining it with the laws of thermodynamic is not something they did.

originality ++++++

i had a friend who got a huxley quote, good quote too, except she got it in this seriously tacky font !! but i'm not the type to tell her that !!!

whas wrong ????????????????? although upon reflection i think i know what's wrong

but money's money

sad truth. i've been trying to live without money the past year or so......... trollface.jpg
nonetheless, the trick is to learn the potent value of what you want and what you need............................. 'drop out' of overly-consumeristic slavery

Social rejection is often perceived when it is not actually present. It's as if the lack of unbridled super-acceptance is perceived as rejection

yes perhaps the fact we are all discussing things on the internet most people here perhaps chose to further develop their intellectual abilities over their social abilities as children, i know that was the case for me

i use to experience feelings of rejection but i've grown out of it somewhat. like when i was a young teenager i'd leave early because i'd think people wouldn't want me with them ??? but it was all in my head, perhaps something happened in childhood, but perhaps more likely went wrong in secondary school.....
i think rejection is a big part of being human - for example it's one of reason we all wear clothes everyday. but you really have to let your logical mind smash your irrational emotions sometimes, as fears can be rational but they can also quickly manifest under an irrational thought train
also doing exercise can be really really good for your body chemistry and your mind, and on a psychological level it's like you have to push your body and your mind………………….. TRY IT !! for example try running as far as you can until you can't run anymore - you have to EXHAUST this anxious energy, and then you should sleep better and be more relaxed the next day

i've learnt to realise it's also important to work out what people you personally fit well with - you don't have to like everyone, and there's probably good reason for the ones you dislike - i think social relationships are like jigsaw puzzle pieces; some people fit better with others

on another note i think i may be drawn to destructive women !!!!!!

ADHD or whatever issues I've had starting when I was 3 or 4

smoked cannabis all day a la mckenna; intuition flying too fast, difficult to catch up with. but i think my brain has been short-wired by the short attention span and instant gratification of a modern society - endless sugar snacks, bombardment with advertising, information overload etc etc
and on that note there's a guy who takes ayahausca, he was going to be in the film neurons to nirvana, anyway he thinks ADHD is a socially-created phenomena, which i think makes sense. but maybe it's not even a bad thing for the FDA to be dosing the children of the USA with amphetamines and uppers ???! maybe they need it to focus in a chaotic world ?? although maybe it could be suppressing creativity

but in the words of mr warhol, i haven't worked it out fully yet......

 

[Dondante]

As I mature it seems to become increasingly apparent that my social anxiety is almost a mild form of schizophrenia. Innumerable, ceaseless, but very subtle subconscious delusions and hallucinations manifest as anxiety when I'm around or dealing with other people. I somehow interpret every word, gesture, and facial expression, subconsciously, as some form of disapproval or insult or ridicule directed at me. It's really an awful affliction, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I hope I can escape this disease someday.

TAC, one more piece of advice ...

Those are exactly the kind of issues that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was designed to deal with, group or individual therapy. Sure, those thoughts are not reality-based, but such thinking is not indicative of schizophrenia...they're called cognitive distortions and they're probably much more common than you think. Give some thought to trying out therapy. It may seem like a big investment (compared to popping a benzo), but a lot of people find it really helpful...and it won't lead to bigger problems down the road. Also, it's probably not a bad idea to cut down on/avoid cannabis as it can contribute subtle paranoid thinking.

p.s. Those thoughts are not "delusions" since you realize that they are false interpretations.

 

[RhythmSpring]

If I may butt in. I know this is "just another drug," but I have to say, as a fellow sufferer of social anxiety, I notice that it falls away significantly in the aftermath of Salvia trips. No surge of confidence, no nothing extra in my brain, no positive thoughts. Just stillness and awareness. I flinch, physically and mentally significantly less after Salvia. I often get insights during Salvia that show me where I'm wrong in interpreting my reality, whether it's other people's motives, my image, or my own motives. I learn.

Sure, it could be another crutch. But it's not benzos. And arguably, you learn more and more about yourself if you do it right. I consider Salvia a potent ally. Often misunderstood and misused, but valuable when treated right.

 

[PepperSocks]

I haven't done Salvia in so long. A lot of my first trips were with it. It was handy because I could smoke it right before bed, have a short, totally immersive trip and get to sleep right after. I do recall the afterglows being fantastic. I haven't done it in a long time because I seem to recall after the last time doing it, I promised myself I wouldn't do it again. I still have a bunch of extract kicking around.

In other news, a half hour walk in -10 weather makes you feel cold; I'd forgotten.

 

[Transcendence]

I feel like my entire life is winter, and spring/summer is just a weekend interlude.

It's strange traveling to other parts of the country when you grow up in New England. People here are mostly very business-like, non-personal and cold. Maybe a similar persona to Germans, although I've never been to Germany. I'm definitely like that myself usually. I kind of like it...there's not much of a sense of superficial flaky friendliness like I noticed in California. Although when I went to Ohio earlier this year I was pleasantly surprised: there's a real genuineness warmth to the populace there. I like the south-east too, except for maybe Florida.

 

[PepperSocks]

Ya, I've spent enough time in Florida to assess the culture. I wouldn't want to live there. There's so many cops and it's generally edgy. Also something I found really weird was the schizm between white people and other races. Up here everyone's intermingled and associates with each other. Down there a lot of latino immigrants are landscapers/crop pickers and when you walk by them, make eye contact and say "hey" or nod your head they just stare at you as if you're not supposed to associate with them. That seemed to be the basic system. They were working for the white people who ran the golf courses, and they felt subordinate to white people, so when a white person casually says 'hi' as a peer, it surprises them. It felt almost slave-ish, sorta creepy how the vibe feels as if the stuck up, rich white people like it that way.

 

[PepperSocks]

Do any of you guys listen to music while studying? if so, do you find it helps?

I've started in order to tune out the distracting noises but I can't tell if it helps or hinders. Listening to the beatles atm; been a while.

 

[adrian89987]

Depends on what I am doing. Never anything with words, but sometimes classical music or minimal electronic music or something. I listen to like four tet type stuff when working on lab reports, sends me into robot mode.

 

[Jesusgreen]

^ I think it hinders a little, ime.

This post is sort of an au revoir as I blast off into MXE's own dimension. Coming in waves. Just, just about capable of typing this :D



I shall send you trippers love and happiness from beyond before I return :D

 

[kingme]

you know what ive been missing? long periods of sleeeeeep.

its amazing what a few extra Zs will do for me, every now and again. usually during the week i sleep maybe 6-7h/day, but with friday and saturday nights still keeping me up most of the night, its wonderful to see how my body and mind can recover given a few extra hours of sleep.
theres also great beauty in the dreamworld.
its interesting how the visuals from psychedelics are nothing like the dreams we may have. is it the believability? the preciseness? or the simple awareness that makes them different?
ive dreamt that i was tripping yes, but even then the visuals were different. sure, they looked similar, but it wasnt the same.

the brain is a wonderful universe.
guess today im just happy to have slept for this long... now on to more healthy activities for the day, including workouts, going out with friends and having sexy time with the girlfriend.
getting ready for the busiest but thankfully last week of work for the year....

cheers!

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

Getting a good night's sleep is the shit man, I was getting only 6~7 hours a night for a while and my mood took a hit, also got increasingly irritable in the mornings, getting up an hour later has definitely helped.

Not-really-a-job-worky thing is a go, might be getting $40-60 a week coming in for a short time (at least two weeks maybe?), which isn't much to most of you, but is a hell of a lot to me since I get by on $30 a month on average (the fortune cookie I got the other day saying my finances would soon significantly improve wasn't lying). It'll let me take a trip down to SD or visit friend person in LA when they're back on break or something. Of course, I'm probably just gonna end up blowing it all off on H and booze...

Picked up a liter of vermouth today, gonna have a lil' now to chill and get to maintaining our lovely forum, excelsior~!

PS - doing charitable work definitely made me feel better, certainly better than doing anything for compensation...still not the type to stick my neck out to volunteer/become involved in things, but whatevs.

 

[PepperSocks]

you know what ive been missing? long periods of sleeeeeep.

Me too. I have quite the sleep debt accumulating. Up all night tonight and I still have a ton of stuff to do today. I might try to catch a couple hours but I can't sleep through the whole day, which often happens once I fall asleep. The other option is to keep going, but that'll fry me and can be highly counter-productive.

 

[kingme]

sleep is a dificult thing to master, but can be most rewarding if you somehow manage it. going for long wihtout it can be misleadinlg, in that you can still function relatively normally, but only become aware of the degradation of efficiency once you get proper rested.

powernapping ive yet to learn. i can sleep for a couple of hours, but usually if i am still tired, just give in and go on sleeping longer.

ive heard some drinking coffee just before taking a nap, in order for it to kick in right when they are supposed to be getting up, thus adding to the push to stay awake...

 

[PepperSocks]

I tried getting a few hours in this morning, but no luck. I'm still awake from yesterday. Breakfast, tea, and more studying..

 

[adrian89987]

ive heard some drinking coffee just before taking a nap, in order for it to kick in right when they are supposed to be getting up, thus adding to the push to stay awake...

That's an odd concept to me. Personally when I drink it coffee it is kicking in while I am drinking it so there's no way that I'd be able to take a nap.


The amount of grading that I need to get done today is ridiculous. Crushing them dreams all day.

 

[Jesusgreen]

Wow, the "M hole" is an incredible place. It feels a bit like how discovering the K hole with Ketamine felt now, like if I had been crawling all along and I finally learnt how to walk. (Or, more appropriately, walking all along and finally learnt how to fly )

Very vivid audio and visual hallucinations. Seemed to last forever. There was a loud buzzing noise similar to extremely high doses of psychedelics and I remember whenever the buzzing got more intense I'd be propelled into an alternate reality, exploring at my own will.

What was crazy though was I was still able to do things during this - I could type on my phone, I could go to the toilet, I was completely capable of normal actions. I'm not sure how, given my vision was so blurry I couldnt even *see* my phone screen etc, but wow.. I watched the intro to Koyaanisqatsi during one of the waves that brought me into the hole and it was utterly amazing.. shame I didn't want to turn my PC back on as I have the whole film, unwatched, on there. I know what I'm doing next time I hole for sure though! :D

Today I feel an amazing afterglow, much more of a true afterglow, ala Ketamine, than the left over stimulation that lower doses left me with.

The one problem is I'm missing so many chunks of last night's experience, including my dosages and how many redoses I took. I can't remember how much I had left in the bag prior to the experience so I can't work it out from the current wait, but I can guess that I probably took upwards of 60mg, maybe 70, 80, or even higher. Next time I'll try and write it down though, as I wasn't expecting to forget, and that really damages the potential for a decent trip report.

sleep is a dificult thing to master

Especially with drugs hah. I passed out somewhere between 10am and midday last night, I can't remember since most of it is a blur. (Probably a result of adding alcohol) Just woke up and it's 7:45pm..