Pass the splenda

Lying in my plastic bed, Thinking how things weren't so cool to me.
My baby likes to shoot pool,
I Like lying naked in my bedroom.
Trying on the dinosaur tonight,
It used to be so cool too.

Now I've got the needle,
And I can shake,
But I can't breath.
I take it away, but I want more and more.
One day I'm gonna lose the war.

I found myself humming that too myself on the way to the mdone clinic this morning. I have now made that drive 210 days in a row. The reward for my persistence is 140mg of cherry tasting defeat which I gulp down greedily every time. It suppresses the voice inside my soul that tells me there is nothing on this planet for me except heroin. Suppress not eliminate, and the last few days that voice has been screaming in my ear incessantly. I need to get high. I have been trying to drown it with methadone, benzos and weed for 210 days.

I fantasize about strong rushes and warm deep nods. The perfect shot, just the right shade of golden brown inside the barrel. A flash of deep red blood lets me know that everything is about to be ok. Then I come back to reality. I never can get high in my dreams. The ultimate cock tease, at least I cum when I dream about sex. Next to this sex seems so unrefined. After all I take my pleasure strait to the central nervous system thank you.
 
This strikes home for me quite a bit man thanks for writing it.

Tried to shoot you a p.m. but we ain't friends so it wouldn't let me.
 
it's terrifying how deep opiates can spread the roots of addiction in the mind. counting the days sounds awful, are you planning to try and taper off or is this supposed to be some kind of forever maintenance?
 
TheRapperGoneBad: I cleared out my inbox and sent you a PM. Try sending it again.

Thujone: I want to taper my dose down but I don't know if I will ever get off opiates. I have been addicted in one form or another for 7 years. I went to rehab last year and tried the abstinence thing. Made it 40 days until I was shooting dope again. That led to a 8 month run where shit got really bad. Which is when I got on methadone. The done saved my life probably but the longer I am on it the less of an opiate effect I get which fuels the cravings I think.
 
I do all sorts of drugs in my dreams regularly and never get high even in my dreams from it. You're right. It's a total tease for me too. I dislike dreaming quite a bit actually. Luckily for the tweaker monster in me this Christmas morning, however, I won't have to contend with another semi-unpleasant, weird dream tonight and maybe for another night or two after this one thanks to ice methamphetamine though. I love it. It's like steroids for consciousness feigns. It's what makes the South and West great. Well, it's what makes the South great anyway.
 
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