Paranoia from crack even after quitting

[Jabberwocky]

You're a strong woman @chinup . Staying away from that crap it's so bloody fkinv hard but you're an intelligent girl and you are aware that u deserve better than that. Much of love,
Nico xx

thanks so much. it is not easy. i think in a way, it having so completely stripped me of my humanity, and so quickly, makes it easier to stay away now even when get cravings for it.i just cannot go back to that state!!

 

[nznity]

thanks so much. it is not easy. i think in a way, it having so completely stripped me of my humanity, and so quickly, makes it easier to stay away now even when get cravings for it.i just cannot go back to that state!!

Uknow, my addiction got to a point so bad... I ws selling my clothes, begging on the streets, selling my books. Just for a retarded 5-10 min high, thst stuff literally makes you insane....what a bloody nightmare, I haven't smoked in 2 years and have no desire to ever do cocaine in Any of its various FORMS AND ROAs, ill pass.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Uknow, my addiction got to a point so bad... I ws selling my clothes, begging on the streets, selling my books. Just for a retarded 5-10 min high, thst stuff literally makes you insane....what a bloody nightmare, I haven't smoked in 2 years and have no desire to ever do cocaine in Any of its various FORMS AND ROAs, ill pass.

yeah, its nuts the things it makes you do. i was willing to do basically anything gross men would pay me to.

well done for getting 2 years!! i'm nearly 18 months from my last lapse, but haven't smoked regularly for nearly 3 years.

 

[nznity]

yeah, its nuts the things it makes you do. i was willing to do basically anything gross men would pay me to.

well done for getting 2 years!! i'm nearly 18 months from my last lapse, but haven't smoked regularly for nearly 3 years.

I've been coke free for 15 months exactly, so ure a lil bit ahead but aye! We both clean from thst garbage.so cheers for bothaussszzz ✌

 

[DeucerPro]

This is great reading this because sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in the world that quick crack. I quit so long ago —-and get this —- I revisited it not two weeks ago about $60 worth…

What the fuck?! Why just to make sure it still sucks? Why just to make sure I’m still not fully addicted again? I have a saying running through my mind all the time about everything which is if you don’t wanna get drunk you don’t go to a bar. So how come about once a year I have to go back and re-test the waters just to make sure I still hate the stuff ? That’s a different story.

So me I never liked it …you know everyone else would say but what about the first one? No I fucking hated it and four months in I was laying on the floor cheek to carpet bawling my eyes out knowing that I was on that exact same path with no deviation whatsoever that I had heard of my whole life. I can glance around my apartment and see how I had no idea how many assets I had and things that I could pawn… But I had walked that road exactly like they say it’s gonna happen and the only thing left at four months sans money, was to get on my knees and for me that was my jumping off place or so I said …. Because if you think about it, I’m pretty lucky I had money.

In my mind if I ever got to where I was sucking dick for a crumb then I was gonna kill myself like that’s when I would shoot myself in the head. And luckily after all of those years OK I can admit one thing I saw a thread about telling the truth… There was one time when I was so desperate it crossed my mind to get a boyfriend who sold - I’ve always secretly been ashamed of that.

And some ways for sure we were lucky but in those same ways we suffered some really intense consequences that will never go away. We were lucky because neither man or woman ended up sucking dick for crack and that’s the bottom line that or dying. Man I remember we smoked for at least a year before we ended up around some really bad people that were open 24/7 who gave us a water bong. I remember saying to people —this guy’s the devil because that’s not a gift because before I smoked out of a water bong I had never heard the Wawas, knew what headswimming was or much saw tree ninjas - or when the bushes down the road that look like a mass of people and you could see every bit of them but you wouldn’t hear anything… Well after the water bong raised that ante all bets were off and I realized oh my God … i may had survived on 40 to 60 a day but that was nothing because I had never really truly been high all I was doing was poking my sleep deprivation which I’ve always gotten a thrill out of the high from sleep depRivation.

This guy would call the second we would run out and if you try to leave his house he’d throw some shit at you and People would scramble to get it. He would stay up 14 days straight & the first few days he would start to Develop some sort of crack Tourette’s…and he would holler out cock & balls cock and balls! He would jerk out some huge dildo from some side table… He would turn on some porno and back then I was a different person I remember he turned it on right beside me and I’m trying to look away and I said sir! Sir can you turn it off please!? I remember he’s laughing and I just started crying because he just turned it up louder.

I remember searching for rats with his wife. I don’t understand why people are always looking for shit that doesn’t exist like flying little people or rats… In my mind it did take me six months to realize it was just an OCD but at least I was looking for that piece I dropped even if I looked 50 times in the same spot all night long after I ran out because that was my process of coming down. So…

I really thought I would die that way I had no doubt in the way that I got off of it is really stupid which I’ll tell you sometime but I just transferred because I’m a more more more person and I didn’t think that I could get away from it something that was so insidious and I’d been doing for so long that my mind when I would try to have a conversation with someone at work still because I still had a fantastic job … underneath every word or conversation or telephone call that had to be made, there was just underline current that no one else could hear but me and it was so loud and all it said was crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack crack to the point of being fucking maddening.

on a binge I decided that I was going to go down to the clinic and find someone because I knew I’d be able to find someone and that’s what I did. I came home and I didn’t know anything about that shit and I had stopped looking on the Internet or reading any of my medical desk references or pill identification books or DSM-III-R back then Because I didn’t wanna know.. I already knew it was bad. I remember four months and I took a hit turn around threw up for the first time and I thought that’s it I’m dying.

I did look on the Internet on that one because I was pretty sure I was dying and it said that nausea is the number 1 side effect to smoking crack which I didn’t know.

So why just a couple of weeks ago would I smoke like $60 worth? Well since I quit I’ve tried it maybe 4× Two of those times I was drugged which is a trip because it happens so little in life then two times in a row it happened here. All right then the third time was in September when I was going to have brain surgery the next day . I wanted to get high because I don’t feel like I ever get high anymore. So I was racking my brain I know now people have slowly admitted that always used powder that now they’re crackheads. They are so embarrassed about it always and I just assume they’re doing meth but now eventually it comes out that it’s white because are usually bitching about how bad they got ripped off because they bought powder and now they can’t cook it down or help this isn’t even real because it tasted it’s got lidocaine procaine novacaine or something in it - it burns great it’s too white but that’s what this was two weeks ago… In September I said out found someone who told me to go get a party pack which I did and I spent about 70 or 80 bucks and ended up with five dollars worth. for as freaked out as I am about carrying paraphernalia or anything much less in a plastic bag … I still remember what it was like so long ago driving down the freeway that no one in their right mind would ever think you were lighting a crack pipe. And i only had enough for one hit anyway. I have a name for that when someone rips you off when they could rip you off day in and day out if they weren’t so fucking stupid but I’m going to spare you of it … it’s very much like that time when you’re sitting in a parking lot and someone says I’m pulling in like 150 times over several hours every five minutes - that kind of time… And that’s what kind of move that girl did… So I was totally unsatisfied of course but I didn’t like even the five dollars.

So, two weeks ago I met this girls house which I never go to anybody’s house and she pulls stuff out it’s awful white in big chunks and she says is it possible to cook these down she said cause I don’t think it’s real. I said of course I don’t even do it without cooking it down anymore and I said but hey - is it recon or is it crack? Because if you just try to smoke some recon of course you would think it was no good although it is awful white.

So I proceeded to cook it down and share it made more than we started with with just a little bit baking soda because that’s your friend man. Took me a long time to figure that out - that not necessarily less sodiumbi is more sometimes more is more. now the stuff that sits on the bottom you must get rid of that fast because that will screw it up. If you’re free cooking or cooking anything and you’ve got that bacon soda that settles in bottom pour it out because you already know what your stuff looks like it looks oily but you can get all of that out on a butter knife with a little piece of ice at the end of the spoon or whatever you use. Then get rid of that water and that old baking soda heat it again and then it will take baking soda and as long as it keeps taking it & it will puff up. It’s often surprising that it makes more is all.

so I don’t have any crackpipes anymore which is me I do have that I don’t have any more crack lighter so I can King lighters which it baffles me that people here are using fix to smoke crack a baffled me in Utah that people are using bics which i have a story about that one…

Have you ever been in a room where all over the floor the top of a bic lighter that’s been removed - they are thrown everywhere? Not a king lighter, not a regular lighter but an actual bic lighter top? Someone out there knows this answer but to me I had never in my life seen it and wow it does work and it is kind of amazing.

So we proceeded to use her metal pipe and bic lighter which is just sucking up soot - The whole time me saying I need to go to the house and get a water bong lol and some new brand chore and find some kind of lighter other than a torch or this BIC.

Either way I don’t think any of that happened and we smoked it all and you know I smoked crack. I will admit something new I noticed. The next day she had taken at least a 20 back with her and I asked her if she had re-cooked it since I was a cooker… She said she tried but messed it all up and was unable to get anything out of it. But what I noticed is I was craving it the next day which is a first!

I’d say it’s time to stay far far away from that shit but two weeks b4 that I met a neighbor who pulled out a plate with a couple lines on it. Now he’s from the bar which is real close by… And because I felt absolutely nothing from this BFG or big fat gagger as it should’ve been … I don’t know what it was and I don’t know why I didn’t feel it. EXCEPT that bar key bumps seldom are even coke or I just can’t tell. However that didn’t make me want any more of anything really which has to be a lie because why would I have so readily jumped at the chance to try to re-cook the stuff well probably because it was right in my face . I mean it was a lot of stuff she argued the whole time saying it can’t be real. Which it could’ve been because they’re good enough now that if you touch your tongue it goes numb it does smoke perfectly it does taste perfectly it just doesn’t get you high . Well all I had to do was try one hit and handed to her and she said oh yeah it’s real which it was and perhaps that’s the whole reason that I’ve had a little bit of craving right afterwards a week or so ago which would be because that’s the most I’ve had since I quit. So I had enough to get high.

Now I realize this is probably the worst post ever for someone who just quit for all I’ve posted and for that I apologize. It’s very much like I’m glamorizing.

All I wanted to say is I find it amazing that so many of you when I thought maybe it was just me - ever escaped.

The money was a blessing bc it kept us off our knees but it was also our downfall because our memories have never been the same, the serotonin cascade problem never corrected itself and only requires drugs of different kinds or more drugs… It got so bad that I was jumping all the time when I was clean or when I was using. I remember even riding in the car to go get it I would imagine that the car beside me while I was in the passenger seat was actually veering into us. I would jump like really jump like a knee-jerk reaction and it would piss off my ex big-time because he took it as me attacking his driving. It had nothing to do with that it was me imagining shit that wasn’t really occurring when I was clean! It took some time for that stuff to go away but I figure it’s probably contingent on how heavily and for how long and if you used daily every five minutes your habits actually were. So the longer you used as in years and if it’s daily then you’re gonna have some withdrawal and you’re gonna have some problems… You’re gonna have some postacute withdrawal for sure if you keep using something like I always have it’s really never ending but anything is better than crack! I saw someone talking about other routes of administration even other routes of administration are so much better, Imo!!

 

[PrincessCrizzack]

any idea why crack tourettes is a thing? one of my friends had it..but only when he was high.. on other shit too not just crack