Paradoxical Reaction to MDMA?

[Mr.M.301]

I recently obtained some MDMA powder from a fairly reputable source. Others who bought the same powder from this source claim that it was of high quality, and it passed their reagent tests. Of course, I can't be 100% certain of exactly what was in the powder, but let's assume, for now, that it was fairly pure MDMA.

I am fairly experienced with a number of drugs, but I had never had the opportunity to try MDMA before, so I was fairly excited to try it out. I am not on any medications (no SSRIs, MAOIs, antidepressants or anything like that), last drug use was probably 20mg of mixed amphetamine salts around a week ago, maybe a few hundred mg of aspirin within the past several days. Set/setting were all pretty normal and good, just my girlfriend and I in my apartment on a weekend afternoon. I split 250mg into two doses, and poured each bit of powder into some soda. I drank the solution and gave the other cup to my gf without specifying exactly what it was (she knew it was some kind of drug but her drug knowledge/experience is very limited).

We resumed playing computer games and waited. After about 30-40 minutes, there was a rapid, intense feeling; an exhilaration almost, with a light-headedness and slight disorientation/confusion set in, with some hot/cold body feelings. "This is the come-up" I thought, and I care-freely abandoned my game to move towards the bed, expecting to feel amazing in a few moments. We got into bed and started cuddling and kissing, and my girlfriend started babbling about how amazing she was feeling, about how amazing touching me and being touched felt, etc. Soon, though, I knew something wasn't right... I wasn't happy. Outside of the initial excitement of feeling the come-up, there was no euphoria at all. In fact, I was feeling dysphoric if anything. Over the next several minutes, I just lay there, curled up, thinking "what the fuck is wrong with me?" and musing about the pointlessness of my life, what a waste of time living was because it was ultimately purposeless. Meanwhile, my girlfriend was behind me, caressing me and babbling like a child non-stop about how amazing she felt, thanking me for letting her try this, telling me how amazing and wonderful I was, etc. I didn't let her know about this until a while later because I didn't want to ruin her trip.

The depressing feelings mostly subsided over the next few hours, as I was distracted by other activities. I'd say by about 3 hours I was mostly back to baseline, just feeling intense dissapointment at having such a poor experience.

So I'm left wondering still, "what the fuck is wrong with me"? From what I've read, MDMA causes intense euphoria and empathy by flooding the brain with serotonin. Is it possible that my brain is not producing enough serotonin normally, so there wasn't enough to cause euphoria?

I've read a number of people saying that there are reported cases of paradoxical reactions to MDMA but none saying how or why that could happen, and most others automatically attribute any negative effects to cuts or impostor substances. Like I said, I'm not completely 100% ruling that out in this case, but I really don't think that's what the problem was. I realize this post wasn't super technical as with most ADD posts, so move it if you absolutely must, but I'm looking for a discussion/theory on the underlying mechanism(s) on how this could happen, so that's why I posted it here. I'm willing to read and research more upon your suggestions.

Thanks.

 

[nuke]

That was how my first time with MDMA went. Occasionally people don't react the same as the majority to it.

It's a drug. Not everyone reacts the same way to chemicals being released. I doubt it has anything to do with subjective amounts of serotonin, the theories underlying depression and serotonin only somewhat makes sense anyway, e.g.

The anxiolytic effect of SSRIs is thought to be from down-regulation of serotonin receptors. So, if MDMA depletes serotonin and inhibits serotonin synthesis for a few weeks, why does it not have long term antidepressant effects like SSRIs or tianeptine? And the answer is, it can, but obviously in some people and not others.

 

[llama112]

Well your girlfriend was getting the "normal" affect of whatever you two took so it seems to me like you just had a weird reaction. Sometimes I get that way on m, wondering the purpose of life and stuff, but I always have the euphoria. I can understand why you would feel disappointed though.

It could have been cut with something that didn't react well with your body for some reason. But we really have no clue what was in it sooo :s

But yeah - people react differently to different drugs. Why wouldn't you have as much serotonin as others anyway? I wouldn't think that would be it.

Try a different setting perhaps. Mdma can be great for clubs / raves / parties. Maybe try it there and see if you react differently. If you are put in the wrong situation, you can still have a bad time. But your situation doesn't seem like an unhappy situation either.

 

[augustaB]

There's nothing much to say in response. Your gf obviously felt the effect. If I may inquire, why had you been taking so much aspirin? Have you been unwell?
You seem to have felt the onset, but nothing else. Maybe try again some other time, when you are well and have built up good serotonin reserves during the summer.

 

[Mr.M.301]

There's nothing much to say in response. Your gf obviously felt the effect. If I may inquire, why had you been taking so much aspirin? Have you been unwell?
You seem to have felt the onset, but nothing else. Maybe try again some other time, when you are well and have built up good serotonin reserves during the summer.

I meant that sometime in the days prior to dosing MDMA I may have taken up to a few hundred mg of aspirin (2-3 pills worth) at some point for minor aches/pains. I don't think that it had any effect but just wanted to be thorough in listing any drugs that I'd taken prior to this. I wasn't feeling ill.