Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
- Joined
- Nov 3, 1999
- Messages
- 84,998
hey guys (if you cant bother to read it all, theres a tl;dr section it would help to read it all though)
i've been receiving opiate treatment for coming on 6 years now, im only 24. i've spondylolisis (L4, L5 and S1) as well as sclerosis of the facet joint and have curvature in the lower back. sciatica seems to be another problem, as well as one leg being longer in length than the other - otherwise i'm a pretty healthy human being for the most part
i've been abusing opiates on and off for the most of these 6 years. it's only probably within the last 12 months where it's gotten to be a serious problem and i've become more aware of it, i'm not in denial about it anymore and am actively trying to seek help. ultimately i want to end up on the subutex program. i''ve been visiting my local ATODS for most of this year in hope of a spot opening up on the sub program; i refuse to go the methadone route for my own personal reasons.
over the last 4 months or so i've been seeing a therapist who specialises in addictions and she has been a huge amount of support and has been helping me turn the page and get on with my life away from drug abuse. this was up until a few days ago when i contacted the brisbane hospital i was supposedly on a waiting list for to attend a supervised detox and enter a physical/mental rehabilitation facility and start seeing a PM doctor. i'm not on the list apparently. she had been taking me for a ride as i understand it, supposedly liasing with doctors she's worked with before, having me update all my mri's and x-rays and a new consultation with an Orthapedic surgeon. having all this done was supposed to speed up my process and perhaps bump me above other patients given my circumstances. needless to say im fucking furious that i have been lied to and am not on any waiting list at all. i've got to start the whole process again by an assessment at the ATODS centre here in town. i am also having thoughts of not seeing her anymore - i feel the trust between us has been broken and is irreversible right now. and they say never trust a junkie
i feel as if im going round in circles again and it has been damaging my improvements. my motivation is dying and i'm at the point where it's all too easy to say "fuck it" and continue on with my bad habits. this i don't want, i've come so far and i'm not willing to give up without further fighting. i've been abusing my scripts again, mainly the IV route since i remembered my old way of prepping these nasty things that can gel up. i don't need any condescending remarks of that - i know the damage i'm doing and i use micron filters. i take all the necessary steps and precautions to eliminate as much harm as im doing. i've even changed from 27g to 31g since i've been injecting the morphine a lot of my cravings to continuously use and stay high have dissipated. it's what works for me, so try not to pass judgement. i tend not to use anymore than i'm prescribed too often either. my pain is also managed so it's not as if i'm sacrificing peace and comfort all for a rush and a couple hours of being high. i'm also not trying to justify my abuse.
my doctor is fully aware of me wanting to go through detox and is supporting me the whole way. what he is not aware of is that i'm injecting - a huge concern he had with initially prescribing this amongst me selling it etc. if he were able to, i would get subutex off him, but he doesn't have the appropriate license and the doctor in his surgery who does has filled his quota; i'm on his waiting list though. so basically it has come down to me and him working out a plan between us to keep me in as check as much as possible and away from abusing my meds and other meds i can get my hands on until i go to treatment. marijuana is no issue to him. he laughed when i asked him if it were going to be a problem "everyone is smoking these days, i'd rather you smoking ocassionally then being addicted to valium again" were his words.
one implementation is me having to drop him piss tests every month or two, randomly. i dont know the dates, but i know that every month or two im going to have to drop for him. for the most part this will keep me from scoring other drugs like i usually do - especially benzo's and other pain killers. pharmaceuticals are my poison of choice, i barely touch meth or any street drugs besides weed anymore.
i'm also going to be called in for random pill counts. this is another deterrant for me wanting to be greedy and overindulge. i currently don't have anything for breakthrough pain but have been given permission to use an extra 1/4 of a pill at a time when needed. sure i could just keep upping my dose every other week but that will raise red flags in no time. the dr has reservations of supplying me with an IR morphine formula as he said we will discuss options over the coming weeks once i am settled on the SR morphine.
obviously i'm also under careful watch regarding doctor shopping being on the medications prescribed; i don't need the hassle of fucking up treatment so dr shopping doesn't even enter the equation.
basically it has come down to me wanting to be on the subutex program but because of certain circumstances im unable to at the moment. so for the time being i'm managing my pain with full agonists and muscle relaxants. it's not your normal situation. i prefer bupe over any other opiates i've used for pain. it kills all my cravings and has been an aid in depression as well as anxiety issues. bupe has come to have a reputation as a shitty pain killer, but it's not the case for me.
so my question to all the other pain managment patients - or anyone else - in here is have you ever been under similar circumstances where you're aware of your addiction and are seeking help but unable to get that treatment as quickly as you'd like so you've had to implement other strategies into your treatment to keep you on the straight and narrow as much as possible? what have you done? did it work?
any other advice or input would be greatly accepted
i'll be updating this through my process.
hoptis, lil, madmick and doc - i was going to cross post this over in OD as well for a wider reception but will hold off for a while and get you guys to perhaps move it over there after a while of being in here. i mainly want views from australians but am unaware of how many PM patients circulate through here
tl;dr - im an addict on PM who is waiting to receive Bupe treatment. until then im wanting to hear of what strategies i could use with my doctor to help keep me off scoring other opiates/benzos etc, besides the morphine and baclofen i receive from my doc. i'm already dropping random piss tests as well as pill counts.
i'd appreciate if you read the whole thing but i know what the general consensus of long posts on the internet is lazy sods:D
i've been receiving opiate treatment for coming on 6 years now, im only 24. i've spondylolisis (L4, L5 and S1) as well as sclerosis of the facet joint and have curvature in the lower back. sciatica seems to be another problem, as well as one leg being longer in length than the other - otherwise i'm a pretty healthy human being for the most part
i've been abusing opiates on and off for the most of these 6 years. it's only probably within the last 12 months where it's gotten to be a serious problem and i've become more aware of it, i'm not in denial about it anymore and am actively trying to seek help. ultimately i want to end up on the subutex program. i''ve been visiting my local ATODS for most of this year in hope of a spot opening up on the sub program; i refuse to go the methadone route for my own personal reasons.
over the last 4 months or so i've been seeing a therapist who specialises in addictions and she has been a huge amount of support and has been helping me turn the page and get on with my life away from drug abuse. this was up until a few days ago when i contacted the brisbane hospital i was supposedly on a waiting list for to attend a supervised detox and enter a physical/mental rehabilitation facility and start seeing a PM doctor. i'm not on the list apparently. she had been taking me for a ride as i understand it, supposedly liasing with doctors she's worked with before, having me update all my mri's and x-rays and a new consultation with an Orthapedic surgeon. having all this done was supposed to speed up my process and perhaps bump me above other patients given my circumstances. needless to say im fucking furious that i have been lied to and am not on any waiting list at all. i've got to start the whole process again by an assessment at the ATODS centre here in town. i am also having thoughts of not seeing her anymore - i feel the trust between us has been broken and is irreversible right now. and they say never trust a junkie
i feel as if im going round in circles again and it has been damaging my improvements. my motivation is dying and i'm at the point where it's all too easy to say "fuck it" and continue on with my bad habits. this i don't want, i've come so far and i'm not willing to give up without further fighting. i've been abusing my scripts again, mainly the IV route since i remembered my old way of prepping these nasty things that can gel up. i don't need any condescending remarks of that - i know the damage i'm doing and i use micron filters. i take all the necessary steps and precautions to eliminate as much harm as im doing. i've even changed from 27g to 31g since i've been injecting the morphine a lot of my cravings to continuously use and stay high have dissipated. it's what works for me, so try not to pass judgement. i tend not to use anymore than i'm prescribed too often either. my pain is also managed so it's not as if i'm sacrificing peace and comfort all for a rush and a couple hours of being high. i'm also not trying to justify my abuse.
my doctor is fully aware of me wanting to go through detox and is supporting me the whole way. what he is not aware of is that i'm injecting - a huge concern he had with initially prescribing this amongst me selling it etc. if he were able to, i would get subutex off him, but he doesn't have the appropriate license and the doctor in his surgery who does has filled his quota; i'm on his waiting list though. so basically it has come down to me and him working out a plan between us to keep me in as check as much as possible and away from abusing my meds and other meds i can get my hands on until i go to treatment. marijuana is no issue to him. he laughed when i asked him if it were going to be a problem "everyone is smoking these days, i'd rather you smoking ocassionally then being addicted to valium again" were his words.
one implementation is me having to drop him piss tests every month or two, randomly. i dont know the dates, but i know that every month or two im going to have to drop for him. for the most part this will keep me from scoring other drugs like i usually do - especially benzo's and other pain killers. pharmaceuticals are my poison of choice, i barely touch meth or any street drugs besides weed anymore.
i'm also going to be called in for random pill counts. this is another deterrant for me wanting to be greedy and overindulge. i currently don't have anything for breakthrough pain but have been given permission to use an extra 1/4 of a pill at a time when needed. sure i could just keep upping my dose every other week but that will raise red flags in no time. the dr has reservations of supplying me with an IR morphine formula as he said we will discuss options over the coming weeks once i am settled on the SR morphine.
obviously i'm also under careful watch regarding doctor shopping being on the medications prescribed; i don't need the hassle of fucking up treatment so dr shopping doesn't even enter the equation.
basically it has come down to me wanting to be on the subutex program but because of certain circumstances im unable to at the moment. so for the time being i'm managing my pain with full agonists and muscle relaxants. it's not your normal situation. i prefer bupe over any other opiates i've used for pain. it kills all my cravings and has been an aid in depression as well as anxiety issues. bupe has come to have a reputation as a shitty pain killer, but it's not the case for me.
so my question to all the other pain managment patients - or anyone else - in here is have you ever been under similar circumstances where you're aware of your addiction and are seeking help but unable to get that treatment as quickly as you'd like so you've had to implement other strategies into your treatment to keep you on the straight and narrow as much as possible? what have you done? did it work?
any other advice or input would be greatly accepted
i'll be updating this through my process.
hoptis, lil, madmick and doc - i was going to cross post this over in OD as well for a wider reception but will hold off for a while and get you guys to perhaps move it over there after a while of being in here. i mainly want views from australians but am unaware of how many PM patients circulate through here
tl;dr - im an addict on PM who is waiting to receive Bupe treatment. until then im wanting to hear of what strategies i could use with my doctor to help keep me off scoring other opiates/benzos etc, besides the morphine and baclofen i receive from my doc. i'm already dropping random piss tests as well as pill counts.
i'd appreciate if you read the whole thing but i know what the general consensus of long posts on the internet is lazy sods:D