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Recovery Oxymorphone hell...slowly reclaiming my life

Super glad to hear you're doing well - and that you're feeling good about the holiday coming up. I don't really know how I feel about it. It is going to be a waaaaay better thanksgiving than I've had in a long, long time, but holidays always make me feel a little uncomfortable (they did prior to my developing issues with drug use though, so it's more than just those kinda issue - I think it's more about family just being challenging related to stressfulness).

Thanks for continuing to check in with us P0ke! It's always wonderful to hear from a long time SLer :)
 
Hey b dog, TPD, Sim, and all my friends here on BL... I hope you all made it through the Thanksgiving holiday and maybe experienced some positive emotions along the way?

I had 9 months clean and sober on Saturday, 11/25. I haven't made it to a meeting yet to pick up a chip and/or a key tag... working... but it is all good.
 
P0kemama said:
Hey b dog, TPD, Sim, and all my friends here on BL... I hope you all made it through the Thanksgiving holiday and maybe experienced some positive emotions along the way?

I had 9 months clean and sober on Saturday, 11/25. I haven't made it to a meeting yet to pick up a chip and/or a key tag... working... but it is all good.
Click to expand...

Congrats, POke!!!
 
P0kemama said:
Hey b dog, TPD, Sim, and all my friends here on BL... I hope you all made it through the Thanksgiving holiday and maybe experienced some positive emotions along the way?

I had 9 months clean and sober on Saturday, 11/25. I haven't made it to a meeting yet to pick up a chip and/or a key tag... working... but it is all good.
Click to expand...

Likewise, congrats! I think I had the first low stress thanksgiving I've ever had. It was nice.
 
Just want to say hello and process a little bit... I can't believe it has been a year since i started tapering seriously. Even though I didn't get totally clean until February last year, I began putting clean days together a few months before. I remember how crappy, physically, I felt, as I would continually go through mild (although at the time it sure didn't feel mild) withdrawals.
I am only experiencing some tiredness this time of year due to such short days... man, it seems like I wake up and before you know it, the sun is setting. I was not aware of the seasonal shifts to such a degree in years... it is nice to have clarity of mind.

I also notice that I laugh to myself like a crazy lady at the return of my temper... I thought my mindfulness practices had "erased" it... no... it was the numbness of the opiates. I relish feeling angry when someone crosses my boundaries now... it is good to be fully alive in mind, body, and spirit.
I have choices whether to act on my anger or not, say something or not... and this is the gift of mindfulness.. I am empowered in my choices as to my behaviors, and hence, the consequences of said behaviors. Life is good.
 
Have you ever heard of Thich Nhat Hanh? People seem to love it or hate it, but I thought his book Anger was really spot on. I never thought I really had angry tendencies until I learned that frustration is just another form of anger.

Anyways, so great to see you’re doing well! Thank you for checking in and letting us know how you’re doing. A lot of people disappear from SL either because they want to move on in their lives or because, well, they start using in harmful ways again. So it’s always a pleasure to hear from a successful “old timer” ;)

How is your job treating you these days? You’re a healthcare professional IIRC?
 
I love Thich Nhat Hanh! I have read some of his books years ago... so simple, yet so profound. Whenever I wash a teacup, I think to smile, and wash it mindfully. :)
 
Just checking in to say the holidays clean and sober were so wonderful this year. The colors were so bright, the smells more pungent, and the music sounded so much better. I was thinking back to my tapering efforts during the holidays last year, and making sure I had enough pills for times when visiting with family, to be followed by lethargic, leaden days when I had just enough opiates to stay out of physical withdrawals.
I would not go back to that way of life for anything! I went to my recovery clubhouse and was so happy to be able to put my name up on the board for February... ( clean date anniversary's can be listed for the present month and then the next month)... if I keep doing what I am doing I will celebrate a milestone end of February. However, I am so careful not to project into the future... I do need to live my life about a week at a time... I plan out about a week, as that keeps my life manageable and I can tweak my calendar when necessary.
I have had a break from one of my commitments over winter break, and got in a lot of meetings and have noticed a profoundly positive effect on my mood and my thoughts.
I am not saying life is perfect, but it is better, for me, to be clean and sober rather than using. Happy New Year's!
 
Heyo P0ke!!!

I've talked with you off and on since well before the taper really hit and you've been such an inspiration! I remember in the early days of you starting this journey, I'd think that you would rationalize using quite a bit. Then one day you just hit the ground running and never looked back. That really inspires hope. Your story here is going to continue to help so many, myself included.

I finally bit the bullet on Nov 30th and had my torn shoulder fixed. I was on a fair amount of opiates but thankfully I was done with them within about 3 weeks. Now about 90% of my days don't include my doc. Also finally sent out the msges to my people that send the texts about stock and told them that I no longer want the updates if stuff comes in. The shoulder still hurts and recovery is 6-9 months, but since I'm already doing so much with it without opiates, I just have to grit my teeth through the hard days and appreciate the easier ones.

Anyhow, much love P0ke! I love your updates!

-SK
 
Hello, my friends, thanks so much for checking in... you all mean the world to me... Squeaks, b-dog, still kickin... what would I have done without my online community at the time of those nasty withdrawals, and dark depressive days??? I have tried to explain to my daughter and I don't think she can comprehend how much we draw strength and support from each other without ever meeting in person.
I now have 11 months down...and heading for that one year mark. Life is not all peaches and strawberries... but I have learned to deal with the ups and downs without using.
It has been so worth it to be clean... much better than I imagined while going through w/d.
 
I just had a BIG surgery last week, and I?m in the lineup today for one more. Congratulations on 11 months Poke!
 
Wow P0kemama!

I remember when you started you journey and it has been nice to see that things have still been going on well.

Two weeks without opiates for me now and I wish I could some day say that I have been 11 months free from that stuff. I haven’t abused opiates since I started ORT and didn’t relapse even when I was switched to oxycodone again because of back pain appearing again (but luckily diminishing after 6 months of gym and losing 66 pounds).
 
Wow, POkemama. What an inspiring thread to read. Thanks so much for posting it! So happy for you!
 
Mr Root! You were a presence in my recovery... I remember wishing I too could attend a rehab/treatment center such as yours!! Congrats for the two weeks clean and losing 66 pounds... both are major accomplishments. As you know when on ORT... this is a one day at a time journey... for me, at least it is.
Honestly, I would not go back to opiates at this time... the clarity I am experiencing continues to bring joy to me! And my pain is managed (wryly written) with Celebrex used judiciously and aspirin/tylenol at other times. But I often make it through an entire day without taking anything for pain.. life keeps my attention focused on more positive and at times, negative (lol) things.

Melhell: thank you!!
 
Hi all,
I am just sharing the good news: today I have one year clean and sober!! My life has truly improved and I am so grateful for all the support I have gotten here on Bluelight... especially during the long months and months of trying to taper and failing miserably... thank you all for not pulling the "tough love" crap on me during those times... I was beating myself up emotionally so badly that I don't know what would have happened.
Thank you for the patience, kindness and wisdom that was shown by all!!
 
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