One of These Days

[BayoFiyo]

One of these days
I'll break away
from the losing game
my wide words play.
One of these days
I'll be free to see
the blinding shine
in you and me.

Now I'm caught
across the line,
snapped in two,
trapped in time.
A heated mind melts frozen feet,
While sweet rhymes wade through hurried heartbeats.

Let me take your hand
Riding the crest's fall to land,
I'll take you away for a while
but when I'm gone
does love withstand?

One of these days
I'll break away
Like you've always heard me say
One of these days...
One of these days...

what do you think of these as song lyrics?

 

[New]

I like these as lyrics, undefined yet specific. I'm sure you know exactly what they're referring to.

 

[BayoFiyo]

thanks, yeah since i've started with music a year or so ago I haven't had any experiences to write about. But I feel that is about to turn, so I'm trying write about a state of existence and I'm trying to get it to relate to other people even though it's about my bleak being. do you think I should find a way to express "caught across the line" in terms of passing a starting point? I mean I guess once the melody is added to it that might be a little more evident but I'd like to write lyrics that can stand on their own. I really don't take offense to someone saying something doesn't work because I've only just started.