amber_dawn
Bluelighter
Borderline personality disorder
-
H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
OMG Benzo Withdraw...
- Thread starter amber_dawn
- Start date
Borderline personality disorder
amber_dawn
Bluelighter
Okay, so it's been a while since I originally posted this, and I feel as if I should update what happened from this point forth. I pretty much said fuck the doctor who wanted me to cold turkey with depakote, which sounded like a nightmare. As fate would have it, a friend of mine had just come into town, and had an excellent xanax hookup. I ended up going another month or so getting high on xanax and klonopin I bought from friends. Eventually it became too stressful, as benzos aren't nearly as easy to find as opiates when you need them. Plus, I was tired of being addicted, as I originally posted. So I decided what the hell and I told my very kind and understanding general practitioner. I told her honestly that I was addicted, and needed help getting off. I was surprised with how caring she actually was. She wrote me a klonopin prescription with a 30 day taper plan.
I fucked up a little at the beginning, trying to get high of course. But after that I forced myself to go through with the plan. I DID go through withdrawal. When I got down to about .5 of a mg for a few days, I got really sick. Its embarrassing, I peed the bed twice. I had a fever, was shaking, runny nose, and doing the whole kicking legs thing. But my anxiety level wad minimal and i certainly didn't feel like I was about to have a seizure, thank god. The wd only lasted about a week, and the weird thing was I had a few doses left (like 1/4 of a .5 mg). I took them like I was supposed to, and that was that. I didn't get really sick at that point, I guess my body had already adjusted since 1/4 of a half is like...nothing anyway.
I was all good for a few months, and I only had dreams once or twice (dreams of finding or someone giving me lots of benzos lol) but felt like I had recovered. Unfortunately, a few months after that I relapsed and took a few klonopin and a xanax. I remembered all the reasons I love them, and had a great night. But then I slept for a ridiculously long time and woke up phening hard. I couldn't find any, which is a good thing. I feel like this is going to be a long struugle, but I refuse to get back to that point, that horrible shaking, panic-stricken, flu from hell withdrawal point again.
Sorry if this update is a bit depressing. But I wanted to say it is possible to taper off benzos. Just do it slow, if a doctor won't work with you, try another one. You might still get sick, but it won't be as bad.
I fucked up a little at the beginning, trying to get high of course. But after that I forced myself to go through with the plan. I DID go through withdrawal. When I got down to about .5 of a mg for a few days, I got really sick. Its embarrassing, I peed the bed twice. I had a fever, was shaking, runny nose, and doing the whole kicking legs thing. But my anxiety level wad minimal and i certainly didn't feel like I was about to have a seizure, thank god. The wd only lasted about a week, and the weird thing was I had a few doses left (like 1/4 of a .5 mg). I took them like I was supposed to, and that was that. I didn't get really sick at that point, I guess my body had already adjusted since 1/4 of a half is like...nothing anyway.
I was all good for a few months, and I only had dreams once or twice (dreams of finding or someone giving me lots of benzos lol) but felt like I had recovered. Unfortunately, a few months after that I relapsed and took a few klonopin and a xanax. I remembered all the reasons I love them, and had a great night. But then I slept for a ridiculously long time and woke up phening hard. I couldn't find any, which is a good thing. I feel like this is going to be a long struugle, but I refuse to get back to that point, that horrible shaking, panic-stricken, flu from hell withdrawal point again.
Sorry if this update is a bit depressing. But I wanted to say it is possible to taper off benzos. Just do it slow, if a doctor won't work with you, try another one. You might still get sick, but it won't be as bad.
Last edited:
deltakappamu
Bluelighter
Thanks for updating us Amber. Glad you seem to be doing much better..keep it up!
phatass
Bluelighter
@Amber... How long ago did you relapse? are you still using? how much?
drbl00dmoney
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2013
- Messages
- 2
I have desperately wanted to be free of my benzo dependency for nearly a year. Been taking at least the prescribed amount 2mg daily for many years.
So ive tried the taper. Tried the cold turkey. Tried the replacement benzo taper. They all have put me in the same endless psychosis (neverending?) The inability to function. The sickness and pain are nothing compared to the GODDAMN WEIRDNESS. The...creepy shaking strange utterances that i can only seem to muster. Possibly a few seizures. COr whatever the hell those things are. My point is this: I don't know if my wd symptoms are creeping my friends and roomates out but god they should be. Im a slo bering convulsing baby. How longcan i go through this without losing my life? My loved ones that just about saved my life should never have topt up with this. And this room and those people whom i owe so much are all that I have.
I am only able to function at a level to poorly dictate this because a week cold turkey ended ten minutes ago when i found the rest of a script that i had presumed lost forever.
How are you able to keep the people and semblance of residence ld god.
THESE PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY DONE SO MUCH FOR ME BUT I DON'T KNOW IF THEY REALIZE THAT I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH TO PUT THEM THROUGH THIS MUCH LONGER. Im sure they wont ever have respect for me again.
employment seems to be a far unobtainable thing in the throes of what is either endless this or absolute this, intermittent ly
So ive tried the taper. Tried the cold turkey. Tried the replacement benzo taper. They all have put me in the same endless psychosis (neverending?) The inability to function. The sickness and pain are nothing compared to the GODDAMN WEIRDNESS. The...creepy shaking strange utterances that i can only seem to muster. Possibly a few seizures. COr whatever the hell those things are. My point is this: I don't know if my wd symptoms are creeping my friends and roomates out but god they should be. Im a slo bering convulsing baby. How longcan i go through this without losing my life? My loved ones that just about saved my life should never have topt up with this. And this room and those people whom i owe so much are all that I have.
I am only able to function at a level to poorly dictate this because a week cold turkey ended ten minutes ago when i found the rest of a script that i had presumed lost forever.
How are you able to keep the people and semblance of residence ld god.
THESE PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY DONE SO MUCH FOR ME BUT I DON'T KNOW IF THEY REALIZE THAT I LOVE THEM TOO MUCH TO PUT THEM THROUGH THIS MUCH LONGER. Im sure they wont ever have respect for me again.
employment seems to be a far unobtainable thing in the throes of what is either endless this or absolute this, intermittent ly