It's just a bunch of different things, man...
....I'm seriously thinking about packing up some of my shit, and just leaving. No note, no phone call, nothing. Just kind of disappear like a ghost. A puff of smoke blown away in the wind. Because honestly, I feel like a lot of people would just be a LOT better off without me. Especially my family. And definitely my girl. Why she loves me, I'll never understand. She could do so much better. Shit, man... she deserves better.
I just can't take this shit anymore, man. I hate waking up. Because when I do, the first thought that runs through my mind is "is today finally the day that I decide to bite the bullet and swallow the shotgun?" My chest is like a fucking dam on the verge of collapse. I just don't see the fucking point anymore, man, honestly. If something happens to me, it's whatever. A few people will be sad, maybe even cry...then maybe be upset for a few days, then resume life like nothing happened. Everybody would be fine.
You know, sometimes when I'm driving down the highway, I think about hitting 90-100mph, and just plowing into one of the supports that holds up a bridge. Shit, I can practically envision that shit when I'm driving past one. But, there's a chance that the car, or some kind of debris could end up hurting someone else, so that's a no go.
Gah, maybe I should take my ass to TDS, so y'all ain't gotta deal with this stupid shit.
I need some fucking heroin.