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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

octSOBER - let's do this!

Its Octsober for me too. Day 2.

I'm miserable using heroin and miserable when I'm not...a month of soberiety has to make me feel like even a vestige of my former self...wont it?
Getting that 'biggest loser in the world' feeling now; like someone stole my soul. I plan on visiting NY in mid-November, but if I dont feel any better by then what the hell is the point.
 
so i have done half the amont of subutex today as yesterday now i just have to see how i do when i get my good opioid drugs + xanax but i feel like i got this... i hope
 
I remember this.

I abstain from exploiting my passions. I'll try it a go.

I'm just quitting booze though.

Is that cool?

Oh and I cut my klonopin daily usage from 4mg to 1mg this past month. Pretty stable once daily dosing at 1mg.

I think that's pretty good.
 
I'm proud of you too, Thou. And cutting down on the klonopin is also a big thing to be proud of.

So end of octsober day 2 for me... feeling OK. Took 2mg loperamide, helped the digestive issues immensely. Feeling extremely sober, lol. I feel like my mind was a lightbulb and now its a laser :D
 
well i made it through work with only .5mg of ativan rather than the regular 1.5mg and i felt better knowing that i didn't need the extra mg. Of course i still used my regular combo of pst and eph to get me through but it's a start. I wish i had a few weeks off work to just detox myself. I'm going to push to make it one day at work with no benzos, something i've only done once or twice in the last two years. Hope everyone else is doing well.
 
I really encourage you to do that RobotRipping. Just keep in mind throughout the day the favor that you're doing your body and that this could be the start of reinforcing a good habit. Hopefully you'll be able to take more sober work days and move yourself in the right direction.
 
MASSIVE news re: the Klonopin taper Thou!!! Holy shit I am impressed, and so happy for you, of course...

RobotRipping said:
well i made it through work with only .5mg of ativan rather than the regular 1.5mg and i felt better knowing that i didn't need the extra mg. Of course i still used my regular combo of pst and eph to get me through but it's a start. I wish i had a few weeks off work to just detox myself. I'm going to push to make it one day at work with no benzos, something i've only done once or twice in the last two years. Hope everyone else is doing well.
Click to expand...

I enjoyed reading this, RobotRipping, thanks :)

Detoxing from BZDs is one of the most horrifying experiences I have had to deal with... Several times, and I'm still taking a horrendous amount of Xanax and Halcion each day :( I read articles and anecdotes from others on what has essentially been, for me, that elusive chapter of my life known as "Life After Benzodiazepine Discontinuation."

I respect you for making it through towards progress, and for having the noble goal of eventually ridding yourself of these chemicals for good. I've made the push three times before - once brief, unexpected (theft of my meds) and resulted in bad seizures... The other two, though, were under the care of a trusted physician. And each damn time I got down to 5mg Valium TID I'd either convince my doctor, myself or both that this was a mistake; that BZDs can actually exert something positive onto my life.

After eleven years of arbitrating myself to having these damn little pills anytime I'm uncomfortable or have difficulty sleeping, going about my business in the world without them feels every bit as intuitive and welcoming as camping nude in Winter with no supplies.

Another thread currently on this page inspired me today to revisit the idea of at least drastically reducing the amounts of Xanax (2mg IR 2-3.5x/day) and Halcion (1+ mg/night) that I take. I'm wary because a horrid legal indiscretion of mine from late August continues to rattle the very stuff I pass off as strength; I have no idea whether or not this might be the proper time to set myself p to endure the taper and the likely PAWS as I go through all of this. Another part of me feels that the added adversity this would impose on me would, in some way, prove constructive with respect to my desire to learn as much about myself throughout this process as I possibly can.

It's tough to find equanimity, especially clouded by alprazolam-induced cognitive fog.

I really want this, though.

Thank you for your thought-provoking post...

~ Vaya
 
I'm taking it easy this month. I'm trying to stick to just weed and a drink with dinner, and am also going to cut down the cannabis. I intend to use some 2Cs for a couple of friends' birthdays too. I know that's not exactly sobriety, but it's quite a difference to filling my face with booze and drugs every day. It's the dissociatives and the downers I really want to cut out, and I think that if I can do that, I'll be a more sociable, alert, aware, person.
 
Vaya said:
After eleven years of arbitrating myself to having these damn little pills anytime I'm uncomfortable or have difficulty sleeping, going about my business in the world without them feels every bit as intuitive and welcoming as camping nude in Winter with no supplies.
Click to expand...

This really struck home for me. I felt the same way when I used to be on benzos; I had a pretty bad habit. I wish I could say there was some easy trick to get over it, but there isn't -- you just have to march off into the woods, naked and with no supplies. But ya know what? (to extend your analogy) it gets a little warmer every night you're out there. After a while, you stop shivering all night, and you gather new supplies and rags to clothe yourself with, and build everything back up from there. Before you know it, you're living well again. Just speaking for myself personally, I couldn't really start to heal until I accepted the whole process (suffering included) as an inevitability, and looked at it as a painful but necessary growing experience.

Like I said before, it really is a process. If I may interject some humor, its a Chief Wiggum kind of situation:

tumblr_lhznlmYKbU1qzzr9ko1_500.png


"this is going to get worse before it gets better"
 
just got my hydromorphone and did half of what i usually do and i must admit i want to do more for the euphoria but i can live with just this pain relief i have right now
 
I think I'm the first to fail :(

Well...at least October has 31 days..
 
Pretty much. Don't give in to the black-or-white mentality, it's a small slip-up, you can get back on track.
 
I know October has already started, but can I join in on this too?!

My nominated drug for octsober is pot.
I have fallen in and out of various addictions over the past 5-6 years, but the one drug that I have never properly ditched is weed.
I have been a chronic daily smoker for a few years now, I tried giving up in June and that led to pretty awful anxiety issues for me.
Recently I screwed my heart up from over using stimulant type drugs, so I have been clean from all but pot for about 1 month.
Though, since the incident, my weed intake has more than doubled..
I know I can stay clean off everything else, its just the grass, and the intense anxiety which comes with quitting.
This thread is really cool, I think it can help me stay focused. It's such a good way to help achieve my goal.
 
2 years ago i did Febfast....it was the hardest fucking month of my life but it also changed my life. Don't beat yourself up if you fail, we fail so many times before we succeed. Any month of the year can be your test if you're ready for it.
 
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