Holy shit, my lawyer is the fucking MAN.
Went into court facing a maximum of 9 years off of 3 possession charges, only to find out that he managed to get my hearing moved forward by 2 hours and went before a visiting judge on my behalf. Reduced 2 felony charges and 1 misdemeanor weed charge to possession of paraphernalia, and I didn't even have to go before a judge or get ripped a new asshole by the prosecuting attorney. I paid a $100 fine and the situation's completely done with.
Fuck, man, that's a huge boulder of my shoulders.