NOvember 2.0 (alcohol free)

[phactor]

I don't think I can stop drinking but keeping a limit of 4 or 5 beers and just getting a little buzzed seems like a better idea than quitting and then going back to my 12+ drinks in one night routine. Thats my take on it anyway, I don't enjoy being "drunk" but small amounts of alcohol are nice.

Best of luck too you. You sound very similar to me. You can stop drinking, it will just take time. I got stuck in a 3-5 beer pattern for years, and it still took its toll on me. I was convinced that I couldn't stop. Well I did, it just took lots of help and a real strong desire to do so. Use this time to try to decide what you really want to do, but take it very slow.

I also did not/do not like getting drunk. I was a "maintenance"/self medicator through and through. I hardly ever binged. If I got plastered my hangover would just be terrible the next day, either that or I just do not handle hangovers well.

 

[Sepher]

Reckon I'm 3 weeks plus without a drink now, and suddenly it's got hard. Where the hell does the craving come from? Been fine all the way through, half bottle of wine my g/f left in the fridge last week not bothering me in the slightest, but last coupla days craving like hell. Nothings changed, mood is much as it was previous two weeks, not unusually stressed, not aware of any obvious triggers, but looking at this week's half bottle of wine in the fridge a little nagging voice is telling me I could probably get away with a little glass, wouldn't hurt to try, just have a little bit, see if you get a reaction. I'm managing to dismiss it cos I know where that leads, and I'm forcing myself to take the meds despite my brain's protestations that 3 weeks is long enough ta very much and it would really quite like a shit load of vodka and delicious craft beers this weekend if I don't mind. STFU and leave me be stupid fucking brain, you're an idiot! :banghead:

 

[Dave]

See, the problem is that stuff like wine, craft beers, whiskey and the like all taste good. The only other drink I have outside of the liquor cabinet right now is water, and I'm finding the little bottle of tasty rye/bourbon blend calling to me damn near every night. Not enough to get looped, just enough to have a little taste, give some colour to the soda water I've been drinking boatloads of, maybe chill out a little.

And then I feel my moustache and remember that no. I'm not drinking. Period.

(and then I sigh a little, pour myself another glass of soda, and hop back on the couch for some more BL)

 

[phactor]

See, the problem is that stuff like wine, craft beers, whiskey and the like all taste good. The only other drink I have outside of the liquor cabinet right now is water, and I'm finding the little bottle of tasty rye/bourbon blend calling to me damn near every night. Not enough to get looped, just enough to have a little taste, give some colour to the soda water I've been drinking boatloads of, maybe chill out a little.

And then I feel my moustache and remember that no. I'm not drinking. Period.

(and then I sigh a little, pour myself another glass of soda, and hop back on the couch for some more BL)

When I first stopped, I drank a decent amount of coffee... mostly decaf. But to be honest, 97 percent of the time I am drinking water nowadays. Its good for you and if you drink to much you are also probably dehydrated.

This reminds me, I urge everyone to watch the caffeine when you first quit. Now, no caffeine is not an option for me, I love coffee. But I cannot have anything with caffeine in it past 1 or 2 in the afternoon.

I am doing fine, but I had quite the dream last night. I went into a liquor store to buy a beer, the store was filled with all types of different beers... but of course, I could not find the beer I wanted (a 22 ounce Stone Ruination... lol). I didn't get frustrated, but I do remember laughing.

 

[phactor]

I've spent several internet hours trying to figure this out. I have considered both of these, and I too wonder if this is the case.

The pressure under my ribs is gone. I felt it a slight bit last week when I ate a bunch of crap, but overall it has subsided. What hasn't subsided is the cold feet. Although I would say now instead of being varying degrees of cold 100% of the time, they're cold about 50% of the time and normal the other 50%.

I phoned a nurse today, and she didn't really give me much insight. Either way, I'm going to a doctor to find out what the problem is. I remember on my last big binge drinking night, now well over a month ago, having this massive cramp in my side. I don't remember which side it was now, but I remember I had to lean forward and arch my back to get relief. It almost felt like a charlie horse in my guts. It lasted maybe 10 minutes and subsided. These symptoms came on strong a couple days later.

I'm having what I would consider short spells of weakness from time to time, but they always pass fairly quickly.

I have gotten those when I was binging the worse, when I was 22, 23ish. Some of the people I lived with did as well, we were getting wasted all the time. It wasn't the best decision. Anyways, I have gotten my organs checked and they are fine (thankfully). However, my uncle (who was very bad for a very long time, is not finally trying to get sober with limited success) has effectively destroyed his liver with a combo of Percocets, Oxies and Alcohol. He also suffers some brain damage as well. It took alot of use, but it is now noticeable. He has puked up blood and has definite cognitive damage. Scary stuff.

I am not sure how he allowed it to get that bad, but he is far from the only one. Oftentimes when I say that to someone they say "you never know". Which I guess is sort of true, but I really doubt I would have ever allowed it to get that bad. His damage is from decades of use. He has a child and he spent a large part of his day in an alcohol and opiate stupor. For years.

But you should get that checked out, it just takes a quick blood test. Its good to have the peace of mind that comes with a good test result.

 

[Sepher]

One week to go, and it's the usual pattern. I can go for a month but no more, and fall off the wagon. I didn't plan it, I swear to G*d I didn't. I just 'forgot' to take the tablets. I'd notice every day that the stash of meds I keep in my work drawer just in case I 'forget' to take them at home for breakfast had run out, and I needed to restock, but never quite got round to it. Kept 'forgetting' to take them once I got home after work as well. Lots of noticing I was 'forgetting' going on, but still 'forgot'.

Soon as I realised I'd not taken them for 4 or 5 days it was all over. Tested the waters with a small beer looking for a reaction to the meds, didn't get one, that was it. Vodka and Stella, happy days. Been drinking the last 3 nights, got vodka and coke on the desktop as I type. Wouldn't mind if I'd got any enjoyment out of it, but I haven't. I just feel sick at myself, and angry with myself, but even now I'm wondering how I'm gonna get more booze cos I've no money. Maybe I can borrow some money from work, it's only over the road? G/F will be home soon, and I'll just nip out to the shop and hide the vodka from her. I'm seriously entertaining thoughts like that, cos I'm fucking spineless.

The worst thing is knowing I could have taken a tablet at any point over the course of a week and I'd still be sober, and knowing that no matter how pissed off with myself I am I'll still drink what's left knowing it will cause a row when my G/F gets home later this evening, and then I'll use that as an excuse for more.

Can't believe I can beat Heroin but can't beat fucking booze FFS. I don't know what to do any more.

 

[effie]

Sepher, it's not spineless at all

Alcohol addictin is a very difficult thing to break.. it's so readily available, more socially acceptable and can easily become ingrained into your life.. so don't beat yourself up! Everyone has slip-ups and setbacks, it is entirely natural.. do you think you'd be able to go back on the tablets now? If you see it as you fucking up then I imagine it is difficult to get back on the wagon, but if you try to see it as a natural part in kicking alcohol then it might be easier? Could you try to talk to your girlfriend too - explain how hard you are finding it, before a row erupts?

Was there any particular trigger for forgetting your tablets? I know how easy it is to do that, believe me.. our brains are very good at fooling themselves.

 

[Sepher]

Was there any particular trigger for forgetting your tablets? I know how easy it is to do that, believe me.. our brains are very good at fooling themselves.

No. There really wasn't. My mam had surgery for cancer 3 days ago. I was watching meself to see if I used it as an excuse. I really don't think I did? I wasn't worried, I really wasn't. Far as I know there's nowt to worry about, it's done and dusted. I'll worry about it when someone tells me I need to. That's not it. There are no obvious triggers Effie. It's just I kinda lose my momentum. I run out of positives after a while.

N x

 

[effie]

Ahh.. I'm sorry to hear that.. at least it will hopefully make it easier to knock the alcohol on the head again if overall your life is okay? Is there anything you think could help you to get your momentum back when it runs out? Maybe listing the advantages of not drinking - your health and finances and relationship with your gf for example, and trying to remind yourself of it? I know how hard it is though..

I think with this episode the key is to not blame yourself for it and let that become a reason to carry on drinking, but to accept what happened and yourself and to pick yourself back up and try again.. I know this is over-simplifying things but I do think you shouldn't beat yourself up