• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

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  • Words Moderators: Shambles

November 11, 2005

I

IAmTheWalrus

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
241
you frustrate deteriote elaborate and she hates all of it isn't what she wants your love is all she needs and you don't give it pisses me off I go up, up, and away first it's the jaw and the tongue soon follows then her fingernails taptaptaptearscratchtear your eyes out of your head home buddy not tonight sounds good come on over and we'll have a good time for you to go friend we need to be alone when we're alone I like it but you ruin that is a mighty big one but I will take it like a soldier bitch you don't like it when I slap you in the face it love the sex with you is no good if I can't kick you down a little more please yes now i'm comfortable numb...ahhhh...I want to cuddle me in your arms, touch my hair, caress my cheeks-not those cheeks you ass don't touch my ass I'll kill you stupid fuck me even though I don't want you is what I want to hang out again sometime maybe I'll give it to you then there how do you like it when it's not your call me out on it and I'll give it up to you much like I always do you even like me very much?

just need opinions. can you comprehend it? if so, how much of it can you get? interesting read? my perception is all fucked up.
 
Yeah I think this style has all sorts of possibilities when it's done well, like it is here. I like your use of the technique where a word ends one 'embedded sentence' and starts another at the same time, for example:

your love is all she needs and you don't give it pisses me off
Click to expand...

Also there's a definite rhythm to it. Nice work!
 
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