I've been on dozens of different psych meds over a 15 year period...
For an anti-psychotic you want Clozapine, it is the best, has almost no effect on libido/orgasm, minimal weight gain, VERY effective. Only reason its not used more is because 1 in 100 people develop a blood disorder from taking it, so you need monthly blood tests which are annoying. But as i said its recognised as the best anti-p. Only a few psychiatrists will prescribe it. It is very sedating but given you take it at night it is kind of good, insomnia is never a problem for me. If you get 9 hours sleep you will wake up feeling fine. It also has pronounced anti-depressent qualities aswell, and works VERY well with conventional anti-depressents (potentiates them and speeds up their action). Believe it or not its an old one, from the 60s but the blood disorder thing has effected its rate of use. Apparently in China they use it FIRST as they know its the best, despite the blood risk.
From what you said For anti depressent i suggest you ask to try Buproprion (aka Zyban in Australia). It is a fairly powerful stimulant, i was wired to the eyeballls for the first week or so. It has weight LOSS as a common side effect, and appetite supression - i've even heard of people taking it recreationally and also for treating meth addiction. Only prob is you'll need an open minded psychiatrist to get it, as its not used much for depression - it is actuall used as a quit smoking drug. Initially it worked well for me but when the speedy feeling stopped so did its beneficial anti-depressent effect. Only other issue its not on the PBS so each script will cost you like $80. But do a google search - a LOT of people have found it works very very well.
I am now on Pristiq for my anti-d which seems to be okay... it is an SNRI, a fairly new one, but my sex drive and ability has totally gone and i am slowly gaining weight. But its pretty much the only anti-d that has worked consistently for any length of time. I was looking at trying MAOI anti-d if Pristiq didn't work which would've sucked given you have to radically change your diet (no cheese or red wine amongst other things). The other anti-d which was good for me was Cymbalta and apparently it is now considered one of the best and more and more people are switching to it or starting with it - it worked brilliantly for me for about 4 months until it started to cause terrible fatigue which took me 3 months to realise it was the Cymbalta causing it. Cymbalta is also an SNRI and also effected my libido and ability, they all do to some extent. Zoloft is the one which affects sex drive and ability least and is also a bit stimulating which is nice (im not a morning person so having stimulating meds is nice for me).
I spose i want to say most of all that ALL psych meds do is NUMB you. Both anti-psychotics and anti-depressents do it. You don't feel the lows which is good but your highs go too. And they are VERY habit formig (read: addictive). I've tried 5 times to come off the clozapine with no success. and i've come off anti-depressents a few times and it is horrible.
Oh and avoid benzodiazapines (valium etc) as they are BADLY addictive. I had a valium habit for a few months, taking 5 or 6 a day and coming off them cold turkey was very very unpleasant.... NOTHING is as good as valium for curing anxiety, but just don't take it for more than a few days in a row. I always drop a couple of valium before i go out socially, it relaxes me and stops me from getting the paranoids or feeeling depressed when i'm out... if my mood starts to spiral, especially if im drinking as well, it can get bad and a few valiums prevent this from occurring
Good luck with your search - final advice is to just keep trying as EVERYONE is different in what psych meds suit you. Like i said i've clocked up 15 odd years and its not fun, but if you need them then you just need them.. no different to diabetes, or any other condition that needs medication. and don't forget counselling - counselling is likely to be more beneficial in the long run than medication. psych meds are a BANDAID solution to mental illness - they treat the symptoms not the cause.
Good luck and send me a private message if you need more help or advice!!!! Hang in there!!
WC