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No More PillThrill!

Pillthrill

Pillthrill

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 12, 2007
Messages
10,853
Location
USA
Thats it. I've had it with the pills!
They hurt my body and my mind and my soul.

My bf knows when I'm high and doesn't like it. I'm not the woman he fell in love with! He asks me if I'm high off Tramadol or something else and I LIE! I LIE to the man that I love and HE KNOWS!

He doesn't say much just is quietly irritated and mad and avoids me. If I keep this up I won't have him.
NO MORE. NO MORE PILLS.

Day 1 - Feel like crap. My nose is running like crazy. I feel like I have a nasty cold

Day 2 - My nose is like a fucking faucet. I try to explain to him that I think this might be withdrawals but he doesn't seem to believe me. Oh well.I take Tylenol 3s and it takes the edge off and it stops. But apparently I took to much because he tells me I'm "acting funny"! Damn it!

I'm on day 3, my whole body hurts.
I have to get my shit together. I need to do school, find a job and all that.
But Tram will depress the FUCK out of you if you don't use it.

Psychologically addictive as fuck, even though it makes me more sick than it feels good anymore.
I feel shaky, flu like, and VERY often throw up. He sees this and knows. I don't eat. I don't care of myself.

On top of this I have no money for weed so I'm dealing with day 2 or 3 or more without that too. Nothing to take the edge off. I just need some distance from the ick and everything spinning around me!

The mood swings are crazy. I just want to cry out of no where. Getting trolled in the CD social made me cry for god sakes.

I can't sleep either. Not at all. I'm all fucked up and backwards and reality is a nasty state to be it.

I would LOVE to be stoned to at least get some distance from all these emotions, this roller coaster. It keeps me up at night just mind racing like crazy.
There is a whole other thread on that crap!

But I have to do this and Tony knows I'm TRYING.
Even the thought of Tram makes me wanna puke, gag even! And if that isn't a sign I need to quit NOW I don't know what is!

*sigh*
Pillthrill, as the handle once said is no more (with any luck, and will power)!

(I'm sorry I've had 2 DS threads this month but I'm struggling and I know if anyone will understand you guys might. So any words of wisdom or support mean the world to me. Thanks).
 
I admire the determination, wish you lived closer i'd hook you up with some greenery for the scenery ;)

Hang in there right now its either make or break. Once you're clean you'll never regret it
 
Though I have virtually no experience detoxing off of tramadol specifically, I want to try to remind you that it will get better. But it's a tough road, especially right at first. I was a daily kratom user for about 6 months and immediately followed that with 2 years of chronic poppy pod tea abuse. I started playing around with benzos and GHB when I would withdrawal. The end result was highly erratic behavior, I crashed my car, woke up to the police and emergency personnel in my room from an overdose, got into a fight with my dad... I had to quit the drug use. And so I did.

I spent many days sick but it was worth it to finally abort the cycle of addiction. I'm not perfect and I still want to continue using but I realize the negative effects it had on me so I'm wary to return. It doesn't feel like it now but you will get better and likely feel a lot better than you did during periods of tramadol abuse. Tram has a complicated mode of action too so it's kind of like wding from an antidepressant and opiate at the same time... doesn't sound fun at all. I commend you on coming to the realization that your use isn't going anywhere, this is the first step IMO. I realized that for probably 18 months with poppy tea but I couldn't break the cycle. It's nice to be clean again though, I made it 38 days which is much longer than I've been clean from it EVER.

Good luck and stick with it!
 
Just wanted to say good luck in your journey. Last week I went through full blown WD for 2 days which was enough for me. I am a weak woman! I am doing a doctor assisted tapering down and will listn to what the doctors says to do. Trying to do it my way almost killed me.
 
I can't add much to what Quasi already said. He's right, the wds from the anti d effects of the trams really sucks. Crazy how we'd keep taking fucking pills even though the thrill is long gone. You may get quite bit of relief from some
5HTP. It helps some with mood and stabilizing the emotional rollercoatser. It also helps with the feeling of taking something, aside from the wds. I'm not sure what your daily dose was and if you need to worry about seizures from the tram CT. Not trying to be a dick, you just need to be safe. If your feeling really bad it may help to get a Dr to prescribe a few things to help you through the worst of it. Clonodine would defdinitely calm you down, something non addicting like trazadone would help you get some sleep. Not sleeping makes things so much worse. Benadryl might help. Sure this is stuff you already know, but just throwing it out there. Time away from the crap is your best bet, like you said. Weed might help you with the wds, but will it make things worse with your bf if your stoned. IDK. Hang in thee, it'll get better.
 
aw girlll. you can do it. stick it through! and just get some over the counter sleep aids at night. they stop working after a week or 2 if you take em every night though. but that should help with knocking you out so you're not up all night.
 
Keep up the good work! I used to love tramadol before I became addicted to other opiates. They are completely addictive........I used to feel absolutely amazing on them. It is a strong habit to break, and I have heard that the withdrawal is extremely disphoric, moreso than traditional opioids. Stay strong and I am sure you will make it through and this tough time will be but a bump in the road when you are looking back.
 
I hate to say this, trams a great drug and all, but the tolerance thing with it is absurd.

Suboxone has a similar anti-depressant affect to tram except its less intense and longer lasting. But with sub it lasted the whole time I was on it.
With tram I think after the fourth time I took 350mg I could barely feel the mood increase at all. After a couple weeks straight the pills basically felt like drinking coffee. They DID get me very high the first time I took it, but one reason I got off trams as quick as I did was I appear to have built a tolerance to it faster than any other opiate I've ever been in.

As fucking horrific as the addictive side of my personality is, I just couldn't fathom the point of taking a drug that after only a few days was rendered to nothing. It can't just be me. I mean day 1 it was euphoric, pain free, I had energy & warmth. By day 5 I couldn't feel ANYTHING.

So I have pretty much put tram in that category of "useless drugs" ever since. They're ok to take every couple of months, but I couldn't understand ever abusing them. Not to mention the higher I'd raise the dose the more nautious I'd get, and w/out any positive symptoms at all to compensate, I said bye bye trams.

Hopefully the withdrawal process will be as quick and painfree as possible. Good luck!
 
PT I know you wouldn't post this if you didn't mean it. I realy have a good feeling that your not just dicking yourself around right now. Taper hunny. Tram WD is incredibly depressing, as u probably know, and its just not worth going CT if the WD going to be that fucked up. If you can't taper, ok than just go CT :P

I just went CT off of heroin and it was hell, but honestly 5 days later I am feeling so much more myself!!! Its great =D
 
Good luck mate! love is a great light at the end of the tunnel :) - and whilst u can see him hurting and that hurts - you're still inlove with the guy and him with you - even in this difficult time :) - hang onto that mate!
 
You're not alone in your struggle, I know, I know, easy for us to say because we're not withdrawaling but I'm sure many of us can relate. Please be thankful that you're not attempting to quit a 4 year IV diactyl/oxyC addiction, I've been on tramadol as well n they'll definitely get ahold of your mind thats for damn sure. I'm assuming a quick taper isn't possible? You wrote that you didn't have any loot so I'm guessing thats outta the question.

I'd be glad to share these gross orange hexagons with you but we're a bit far apart, n it might just lead to switching dependencies.

I'd try to obtain some loperamide, melatonin(OTC sleep-aid) and some ibuprofen(i know advil is a joke but it helps a little) and maybe some valerian root. Eating a A-Z multivitamin couldn't hurt either.
 
I thought you were leaving us when I first read the title. Nice to see otherwise.

I too have been in the process of kicking pills over the past few months (it is a process for me, I am not strong enough to stop all at once). Almost ready now, and it feels good. I still dose with plant extracts of many kinds, but kicking pills has done much for my self-image. I do not feel like a junkie anymore (not sure if I ever was, but it sure felt like it at times, taking handfuls of pills to get high, being fucked up around family, et cetera....).

Feels good. Feels really good.
 
jackie jones said:
I thought you were leaving us when I first read the title. Nice to see otherwise.

I too have been in the process of kicking pills over the past few months (it is a process for me, I am not strong enough to stop all at once). Almost ready now, and it feels good. I still dose with plant extracts of many kinds, but kicking pills has done much for my self-image. I do not feel like a junkie anymore (not sure if I ever was, but it sure felt like it at times, taking handfuls of pills to get high, being fucked up around family, et cetera....).

Feels good. Feels really good.
Click to expand...

That has to be one of the best feelings in the world. I still have another couple of weeks myself most likely before I'll be able to jump off my taper but I've already noticed profoundly how its changed the way I feel around people.

You genuinely feel on "their level", a very broad statement I know, but you just feel "there", like you can look people in the eyes and not subconsciosly wonder if they know your high. Even when I'd look in the mirror and tell myself "you can't see a thing", I'd always just feel like people knew. Even though in reality 95% of them prob had no clue, it feels to liberating to not need to wonder about it.
 
Stick.at.it.

Whatever you do - stick at it!! Give yourself time, after what feels like for-ever, but really is only a very short short shoooooooort time, you WILL feel so much better girl.

You are doing a very very good thing, love is worth holding onto. And YOU are worth looking after and treating well. Just give yourself that time. Keep at it PT, keep at it keep at it. It's hell, but it ends.
 
Could you imagine if physical withdrawals lasted 4 weeks everytime and paws for 4-6 months? I don't think anyone would ever get off opiates.

It really does just come down to a battle against time. Day by day as long as you come out with your head above water, and you're still swimming towards the seas of sobriety, its inevitable you will land on freedom island.
 
Hey PT this is so awesome to hear hun. I am really proud of you <3
As others have said, you're doing great!! It will get better from here on in. You WILL get through this! If you ever want to rant please feel free to PM me <3
 
Congrats on your recognition for the need for big change & your putting yourself into it!
 
I'm on day 3, my whole body hurts.
I have to get my shit together. I need to do school, find a job and all that.
But Tram will depress the FUCK out of you if you don't use it.

Psychologically addictive as fuck, even though it makes me more sick than it feels good anymore.
I feel shaky, flu like, and VERY often throw up. He sees this and knows. I don't eat. I don't care of myself.
Click to expand...
no way i could do all that at once during w/d. you may just have to accept that you're not gonna be yourself for a while. i get the 'simple things seem like huge tasks' too

if you have healthy habits like diet and exercise, w/d can disrupt that, but it's best to try as hard as you can since they'll help your body out. it's not good to not eat/drink and be in w/d
 
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