I have used nitrous oxide with some degree of regularity for many years now. It is one of my favourite substances, and I find its effects to be unique and fantastic. For me, it has always produced a wonderful state of euphoria, tactile and auditory hallucination, dissociation and a sense of noesis.
However, recently I have been experiencing some very strange and novel effects. On returning home from the pub, about a week ago, I decided to take a little nitrous, and filled a balloon with 2 chargers worth (16g). I inhaled as I normally do, and felt myself slip toward the state of anaesthesia that I generally enjoy. However, rather than the usual sense of mystical insight and simple fractals that I usually enjoy as a result of nitrous oxide inhalation, I was stunned to find myself sitting next to myself- that is, to my right there was a person who looked exactly like me. I will refer to this twin as “him” for the duration of this report, for the more I encountered him, the more it became apparent that, though he looks like me, he has a personality quite of his own. I stared, open mouthed in shock, when my twin said "Don't look at me, you're over there", and pointed. I looked where he had indicated, and saw him now running across the room. My vision was suddenly obstructed by a large red balloon inflating, upon the surface of which his face became apparent, until he opened his eyes and mouth wide, and the balloon burst in my face. When I recovered from this shock, he appeared again, running across the room. Once more, he said “Don’t look at me, you’re over there”, and pointed to a photograph that I have framed on my wall, a black and white photograph of a comedian. However, the face in the photograph was transformed, and was my own. At this point, I emerged from the dissociative state, and my first encounter with my twin was complete.
I was, of course, amazed and intrigued by these bizarre new effects I had experienced, and began to use nitrous oxide rather more regularly, several times a day. Each time that I entered the hole, I met him again. It became apparent that he had a mischievous personality- he would try to play tricks on me. For instance, he once appeared on the surface of the balloon from which I was about to inhale, the opening becoming his mouth, and I was so shocked that I released it, letting it fly around the room. However, his antics were often highly entertaining, and he would do different tricks for my pleasure, flitting and fleeting about, appearing and disappearing, always catching me off guard. His shadow would suddenly be cast upon the wall, performing fire eating; the next instant, he would be standing before me, and throw a cloud of glitter into my face before vanishing once more. He would appear dancing, and then suddenly his face would be inches from mine, bursting a balloon in front of me. His face would appear on any surface, and often catch me off guard, as this happened sometimes after I had emerged from the “hole” to which such illusions are usually restricted. I found this relationship so compelling that I used nitrous with greater and greater frequency, constantly wishing to spend more time with my trickster twin.
However, last night, he suddenly became quite sinister. There had always been a darkness to him, as one would expect from such a prankster. This, though, was something quite new. I inhaled my balloon, as had so many times before, and lay back to enjoy the effects. I felt the familiar feeling begin come over me, but then it seemed to fade instantly, so that I in fact felt completely normal. I was bemused, and I thought to myself that usually he would have appeared by now. Then, he appeared for the briefest of instants before vanishing again, running at such a speed that he was almost a blur, then once more he revealed himself, still sprinting, for an equally brief instant. Then, suspended in mid-air, his face materialised, but this time it was ghostly, ethereal, but detached from any object. This was quite different to his usual trick of having his face emerge from some solid object. He opened his mouth, as if to moan or scream, then the face slowly dissipated, like smoke blown by the breeze. I felt myself begin to emerge, when suddenly he was next to me, looming over me, leering and grimacing. I screamed. I have never, ever, screamed as a result of a drug induced experience before, even as my ego was torn to shreds on my most intense mushroom trips. This was truly scary.
When I emerged, this time for real, I thought to myself “That bastard! He really got me that time! I‘ll be damned if his tricks don‘t become more devious, more cunning and convincing each time we meet!”.
So, I filled myself another balloon, and inhaled. This time, there was no question of it being a simple prank. He had turned malevolent. Three of him stood in front of me, all silently staring at me, eyes wide open, their teeth bared in awful grins. The entire room became shrouded in darkness, and entities that I can only describe as ghosts or spirits began first ascending the walls, like shadows, then slowly creeping across the floor and into the air, towards me, until they began to wind around me, engulfing me in their dark, wispy forms. My doppelgangers remained motionless, perfectly still, and yet their eyes and grins seemed to grow inexorably wider. I realised that this was what it was like to have a bad trip; not just a difficult or challenging experience, but pure, unrelenting terror. At that moment, I was incredibly glad that nitrous oxide has such a short duration; though I managed to stay calm and rational, I doubt I could have maintained that for long. I am sure that, had I known that I had to endure such a state for hours, and not mere seconds, I would have despaired. However, I thankfully began to emerge from that horrid place. He had one more bit of wickedness up his sleeve, though- he appeared next to me, and clutched at me, gripping my bicep, as he faded away.
I have yet to use any more nitrous. On the one hand, I am fascinated by this unfolding drama, and desire to resolve whatever issue is manifesting itself in such a way. On the other hand, I am, frankly, scared. If anyone has experienced something similar, or has an opinion on how I should proceed from here, or would like to offer an analysis of what these visions might mean (or of what the underlying issue might be or whatever) I would be very grateful to hear it.
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I have submitted this report (slightly edited) to Erowid with the ID# 87193.
However, recently I have been experiencing some very strange and novel effects. On returning home from the pub, about a week ago, I decided to take a little nitrous, and filled a balloon with 2 chargers worth (16g). I inhaled as I normally do, and felt myself slip toward the state of anaesthesia that I generally enjoy. However, rather than the usual sense of mystical insight and simple fractals that I usually enjoy as a result of nitrous oxide inhalation, I was stunned to find myself sitting next to myself- that is, to my right there was a person who looked exactly like me. I will refer to this twin as “him” for the duration of this report, for the more I encountered him, the more it became apparent that, though he looks like me, he has a personality quite of his own. I stared, open mouthed in shock, when my twin said "Don't look at me, you're over there", and pointed. I looked where he had indicated, and saw him now running across the room. My vision was suddenly obstructed by a large red balloon inflating, upon the surface of which his face became apparent, until he opened his eyes and mouth wide, and the balloon burst in my face. When I recovered from this shock, he appeared again, running across the room. Once more, he said “Don’t look at me, you’re over there”, and pointed to a photograph that I have framed on my wall, a black and white photograph of a comedian. However, the face in the photograph was transformed, and was my own. At this point, I emerged from the dissociative state, and my first encounter with my twin was complete.
I was, of course, amazed and intrigued by these bizarre new effects I had experienced, and began to use nitrous oxide rather more regularly, several times a day. Each time that I entered the hole, I met him again. It became apparent that he had a mischievous personality- he would try to play tricks on me. For instance, he once appeared on the surface of the balloon from which I was about to inhale, the opening becoming his mouth, and I was so shocked that I released it, letting it fly around the room. However, his antics were often highly entertaining, and he would do different tricks for my pleasure, flitting and fleeting about, appearing and disappearing, always catching me off guard. His shadow would suddenly be cast upon the wall, performing fire eating; the next instant, he would be standing before me, and throw a cloud of glitter into my face before vanishing once more. He would appear dancing, and then suddenly his face would be inches from mine, bursting a balloon in front of me. His face would appear on any surface, and often catch me off guard, as this happened sometimes after I had emerged from the “hole” to which such illusions are usually restricted. I found this relationship so compelling that I used nitrous with greater and greater frequency, constantly wishing to spend more time with my trickster twin.
However, last night, he suddenly became quite sinister. There had always been a darkness to him, as one would expect from such a prankster. This, though, was something quite new. I inhaled my balloon, as had so many times before, and lay back to enjoy the effects. I felt the familiar feeling begin come over me, but then it seemed to fade instantly, so that I in fact felt completely normal. I was bemused, and I thought to myself that usually he would have appeared by now. Then, he appeared for the briefest of instants before vanishing again, running at such a speed that he was almost a blur, then once more he revealed himself, still sprinting, for an equally brief instant. Then, suspended in mid-air, his face materialised, but this time it was ghostly, ethereal, but detached from any object. This was quite different to his usual trick of having his face emerge from some solid object. He opened his mouth, as if to moan or scream, then the face slowly dissipated, like smoke blown by the breeze. I felt myself begin to emerge, when suddenly he was next to me, looming over me, leering and grimacing. I screamed. I have never, ever, screamed as a result of a drug induced experience before, even as my ego was torn to shreds on my most intense mushroom trips. This was truly scary.
When I emerged, this time for real, I thought to myself “That bastard! He really got me that time! I‘ll be damned if his tricks don‘t become more devious, more cunning and convincing each time we meet!”.
So, I filled myself another balloon, and inhaled. This time, there was no question of it being a simple prank. He had turned malevolent. Three of him stood in front of me, all silently staring at me, eyes wide open, their teeth bared in awful grins. The entire room became shrouded in darkness, and entities that I can only describe as ghosts or spirits began first ascending the walls, like shadows, then slowly creeping across the floor and into the air, towards me, until they began to wind around me, engulfing me in their dark, wispy forms. My doppelgangers remained motionless, perfectly still, and yet their eyes and grins seemed to grow inexorably wider. I realised that this was what it was like to have a bad trip; not just a difficult or challenging experience, but pure, unrelenting terror. At that moment, I was incredibly glad that nitrous oxide has such a short duration; though I managed to stay calm and rational, I doubt I could have maintained that for long. I am sure that, had I known that I had to endure such a state for hours, and not mere seconds, I would have despaired. However, I thankfully began to emerge from that horrid place. He had one more bit of wickedness up his sleeve, though- he appeared next to me, and clutched at me, gripping my bicep, as he faded away.
I have yet to use any more nitrous. On the one hand, I am fascinated by this unfolding drama, and desire to resolve whatever issue is manifesting itself in such a way. On the other hand, I am, frankly, scared. If anyone has experienced something similar, or has an opinion on how I should proceed from here, or would like to offer an analysis of what these visions might mean (or of what the underlying issue might be or whatever) I would be very grateful to hear it.
---
I have submitted this report (slightly edited) to Erowid with the ID# 87193.
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