Nice Guys finish last...........always

[Tarsarlan]

A few of you are prolly wondering why I havn't had my say in this thread yet 'cos I know at least a few of you know how I feel about this subject... Well basically I havn't had a chance to write a proper response yet and I didn't want to just say "Yeah I've got plenty to say, but I'll say it later" 'cos that would just be a wasted post...
Anyways...
I havn't had much luck with relationships in the past, mostly because I was too hesitant and too unsure of myself... It's only really been recently that I've been able to take that extra step and try to get what I want, rather than waiting for it to come to me... Where girls are concerned, things havn't worked out the way I'd have liked, and yeah, in one case it might have been because I was lacking in confidence and didn't make my feelings known when I should...
I don't believe I should have to be any less considerate, kind, helpful, caring, generous, honest, loving, compassionate, open, accepting, etc., in order to attract a girl... I believe the person I am is a person worth being with, and if the girls who I like know what I'm like, yet still don't want to further a relationship with me, then so be it... I will do my best to get some interest in me to blossom, but untimately I'll be doing what I want to do which I think she'll like, I'm not going to go out of my way to please her if it means sacrificing something I believe... And I don't mean I won't make comprimises and sacrifice some small amount of my happiness in order to make her happy, because doing so would make me happy, and in certain circumstances it would be fully worthwhile... But I'm never going to sacrifice who I am to try to please someone else...
If that means I finish last, then I'll see you all at the finish line, I'm taking my time...
If I'm too boring for someone, we don't have enough similar interests... If I'm not attractive enough, she's too superficial, or I'm just not her type... If I'm not smart enough for her, she's a friggin' genius... If I'm not confident enough for her, then she's confusing confidence with bravado...
Ultimately if there's something someone wants out of a relationship with me, unless they make it clear, I'm just going to do what I think is right, and if that doesn't meet with her criteria, then she'd better let me know or it's just not going to work out... and that goes both ways...
Anyway, there's more to come, but I can't use all the material for the book DJC and I are writing... (hurry up with it will ya DJC!

)
I hate being told that I just have to be patient, that I'll find her one day, but I believe it's true, but I'm not going to find her if I just sit around and wait for her to come to me...

 

[Mirage]

Ugh..
Fine fuck this nice guy shite!
Seeing as the though the general consensus is that nice guys are boring or whatever, next g/f I get , I'm gonna be totaly different to normal with her. I'll be an "ass" if you like.
Mind you I am half pissed atm as it was my best mates dad's finneral today.
But still. I'm sick of being just chris/nice.
It's really insulting to have chicks say "but your, ...nice".
*throws arms up in air*
fuckit.
ass it is for the next one. I will update.

mirage/pissed bastard out.

sense makey me lots.

 

[Mirage]

*just read tarls's post*
That's all well and good man.
But for me atleast ( i know there are others who are with me)
Waiting is fucking shit. I've waited long enough, I think it's my tuen for something.
It's all well and good to wait for someone who sint superficial about your looks etc. or for someone who you have heaps of similarities with.
But be realistic, I've been searching for a while and I've had my share of flings or whatever. Small relationships. maybe i've een looking in the wrong places or jsut found the wrong people etc.
But still I mean, ffs, I'm not going to wait my entire life for "the one".
I see so many other people being fuckwits and getting the goods so to speak. They seem to be getting more out of life than I will for a while. It's fucked
I'm sure I'm 10000% contradicting what I said a couple of posts ago. But things have chanfged. well alkamahol has changed me

But omfg. fuckthis I'm doing what I want from now on,. Not gonna live my life how other people think we should live. If it doesnt work then it doesnt work, and i'll come back to this "me". If it does then...bah!...hehe...
ugh, i probly shouldnt press the submit button...pffft

but i feel the need to vloice my feelings right now annd i've gone through the effort of typing (if you can call it that) this mesage. anyway....
bchange is here and i'm meeting it with open arms!
[This message has been edited by Mirage (edited 28 June 2001).]

 

[Tarsarlan]

Ahh but Mirage, I'm not waiting... I am actively looking, I'm just not going to go for any chick I find... I'm not going to wait for her to come to me tho...

 

[BayCityRolla]

Tesi - I just tell it how I see it.......

 

[Mirage]

lol @ me

Well what I said is pretty much how I feel, just badly executed, so I won't delete it.
Tar: I'm doing the same. It's just pissing me off how I seem to find the more wrong chicks.. i.e. only go out for a very short period of time. All around me my mates have been having 2 1/2 yr (Still going), 3yr (just broke up), 1 and a bit yrs(still going) relationships.
I need more than 1 night or a couple of weeks damnit!
Bah, I just need something to focus more heavily on, like my uni

(when I start). Life isn't bad it's just focusing on the bad things/what I don't have that drags me down. Should stop doing it eh

/end whinge
EDIT: my spelleeng blows this morning, more than usual

[This message has been edited by Mirage (edited 29 June 2001).]

 

[Munchee]

Tarsarlan and Mirage basically spelt me out at the moment(and Mirage dont worry I'm fucked too atm). I'm the nice guy like Tarsarlan said and I have basically fucked up last semesters uni getting all confused by a relationship and not being able to concentrate on my work (which is bad in final year and wanting to get into honours), like Mirage sort of mentioned. I will now be looking for a girl with a clear mind now because that last thing has ended for sure, finally (being shy doesnt help this though).
Cant wait to see your book Tarsarlan and DJC. Us nice guys will get there eventually.
Just to finish on a funny note. I have been told 6 totally different times now that I look like Blair off big brother (once by a dude too). So whoever it is that knows him, you will have to be the ultimate test of similarity. One chick even asked me if I went to the Blair look-alike contest at Heat nightclub, I just laughed and said "No I have never been to Heat and I probably will never go there". Although there was that Bluelighter Take Over Heat Nightclub idea a while back.... hmmmmm.

 

[Little VEGEEmite]

Whether nice guys finish last is just a simple question.
The reason why nice guys tend to finish last, as it's been coined, is because they could be considered to have morals and not wanting or need to ride the village bike. it is not that they don't want a ride, it is merely that they know that having a ride can lead to serious injuries if you fall off, hence not riding the bike at all. However, it could be considered that this is a cowards approach to life. Not trying something is no excuse to be afraid or have prejudice towards something (take pillers (people like us) vs the wider population).
anyways, what i am trying to say is that nice guys are simply waiting for the right person. i didn't end up with my girlfriend because i was looking for someone like her, it just happened. Nothing ever goes unnoticed, it is just a matter of time until you find the right person.
Ultimately, there are no losers in this game, merely fuckwits who need a good kick in the head (like most drunken wankers on a thursday night in inner city brisbane. how do girls put up with that bullshit?!) Karma happens.
Tarsy i hear you. i was in the same situation, actively looking but just hanging out. i found it to be the best approach and it sorta means you can afford to be picky as well. (sounds like a bastidic term, but it's sooo true). I had the same problems, and i wasn't sure if i was reading their signals right and also i was lacking in confidence. all i can say is good luck, coz your time will come. she'll knock ya socks off when you meet her too!
Psychokitten - i am pretty sure your guy friends would be flattered if you were more serious with them. i am really good friends with my girlfriend and this could ultimately be one of the best relationships you could hope for.
Life is a learning experience, without trying you're not learning anything, you're, merely living.
Good luck hunting out there kids!
LV
------------------
It's perfectly sane to be confused......
[This message has been edited by Little VEGEEmite (edited 29 June 2001).]

 

[rockee]

hmmm.. did I mention that I had to move from England, to New Zealand, then to Australia before I met ..[drum roll] THE ONE.....
and he wasn't even the type that I would have gone for in the past...there was just something about his wrists... [yes, I found his wrists incredibly sexy..go figure..] but we are true soul mates/best friends...oh, and many people think he's gay too.... (there is SOMETHING in that!)

 

[Mr E. Moore]

quote from scott:
I consider myself a typical nice guy and ppl always think I'm gay!! especially my boyfriend.
hehehhee does anyone else notice the slip up in that comment, I had a good chuckle!!

Your boyfriend thinks your gay??? probably why he's going out with you hehhe

 

[shmeghead]

LOL@Scott
well spotted Rot,, didnt see that the first time.
'Nice guys' (in my lil opinion) are not necessarily individuals that are constantly walked over.
But they are individuals that don't like walking over others. THey are the guys that will turn up when you need them. The one's that although they don't alway succeed, they generally mean well.
It's not a matter of your physical state, your sexuality, your nationality, religion or anything else other than your perspective on life and those around you.
An asshole will please himself regardless of those around him. A 'nice PERSON' will take into account those around him.
I personally am a very goal orientated person and will accomplish my goals 'no matter what', but in accomplishing my goals I have no intention of hurting anyone else. If pain is necessary, that is where communication & honesty kick in. And once most situations are explained any potential 'pain' that may have been caused is generally diminished to some extent.
The only time, these days, that i will 'lose my mind' is if someone close to me is hurt. My upbringing taught me to always appreciate those close to me & protect them when needed.
I have often said to friends that Assholes are put on this planet to help us appreciate the good people in our life.
8-D
------------------
Peace All
Namaste

 

[Mirage]

..they are individuals that don't like walking over others. THey are the guys that will turn up when you need them

^
|
Agreed.
As for my alcohol assisted ramblings about trying to be more of an arse next chance I get. Pfffft

. I've been thinking about it and, well, I just don't want to do the things I see other guys doing. I am, however, going change a few things about myself. I think I'll shut up now before I exasperate you anymore with my personal issues and pointless ramblings.

[This message has been edited by Mirage (edited 29 June 2001).]

 

[vixen2]

nice guys dont finish last....
it may take longer for a chick to come around and realise that the one she is with is an asshole but eventually u reach a point when u can no longer rationalise and explain his reasons for being a creep as n e thing other than him being an asshole. i am sure everyone here has gone out with someone who was completely wrong for them but they made excuses for y they r right. love isnt rational it just happens and when it ends the fact that these girls r turning to u means that yes u r important to them. nice guys arent finihsing last they r just finishing later and should b grateful they r finishing at all so quit ya whinging coz guys r the same as girls and like they said b4 choosing an amazing looking girl who doesnt want n e thing mroe than to fuck u around and a quite ordinary girl who is plain and doesnt have n e outstanding features, i know most guys pick the gorgeous chick. reality is we choose whats appealing to us at the time. subconsciously maybe all ur friends want is to fuck around. they know to some extent what they r getting into. point is its not the asshole guys who girls tend to end up with.... nice guys finish first eventually

 

[Tarsarlan]

*prepares stance*
*watches the thread go flying to the top*
*bows to the defeated thread*
...And I bet you didn't even see me move...
Just wanted to bring this back while I'm enjoying being single...
Also wanted to add this thought... If you don't think of it as a competition then you can't finish last...
*goes looking for that book he started*
[ 25 February 2002: Message edited by: Tarsarlan ]

 

[semi]

Being a S.N.A.G. is just a sophisticated way of getting into someones underpants.

 

[Genasirus]

Fark it I may as well have a speel *winds up ... unleashes hell>>>>>>>>>>>>:
*Cough* Erm... so anyway.
Typical nice guy, 'your a great friend' yada yada. 'I think of you as a friend, on hangon, yeah the dude i was seeing last week? well he got so tanked he threw up on me saturday night then pashed my sister... yeah.. but hes really nice otherwise.... You? No your still just a good friend"
Sif that isnt a recurring theme. But then I dont need to reinterate what everyone has already said, simply put, I suffer from the same 'sure your not gay thing?' but now I've finally got into a relationship I consider to be the best of my life.
Its been going on about 8 months now, were living together etc etc. (Most of the ppl that know me have met Rachael). Cept I suffer from being chronically overprotective... its sort of in my nature anyway, but now that I've finally found someone who I can relate to that will appreciate me and interact with me on a level we both want... I freak out every time another guy comes near her because I think it might slip away.
Shes already done 'date the fuckhead' thing a few times, and everyones telling me shes just progressed to the stage where she wants something more stable, she wants the 'nice guy'. I think all women have this little spat where they realise assholes arent the only thing on the planet... I just happened to wander past at the moment Rach was up for it (if you'll excuse the pun ) I guess...
I spent a very long time looking for 'the one' and lying to myself that it was in those around me. Then I ended up in such an emotional hole I just said 'fuck it' totally forgot about everything and then 'the one' really did just land in my lap.
To use terms like 'the one' etc are a bit full-on, because we are all human and we all evolve not only physically but emotionally and mentally... only time will tell but at the moment things are definately on the sunny side.
The point of all this to the guys is that it does eventually come around, and hopefully when it does for you, dont let any insecurities youve built up due to your past experiences ruin one of the best things you'll experience in life.
TrEbLe OuT
Regards, Phil
Genasirus
P.S. When I did meet her for the first time, she was in the middle of a 'date the fuckhead' relationship. I simply went 'This is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with' and did everything in my power to get her... I didnt care for the consequences, I got off my arse and went 'Fuck it, this is mine'. I' mean going over to see her every possible second, buying her presents, basically anything I could think of (and she was receptive to it all, its not like I was just stalking someone here) and from it Rach realised something much better was around. Led to a bit of confrontation with the ex b/f during and after, but hey, whats life without a little blood and tears. When it comes down to it, winning is everything, so if you really do see something you want, dont hide behind being a nice guy, you can be nice and still get what you desire.
[ 26 February 2002: Message edited by: Genasirus ]

 

[eddi spgeddi]

at the end of the day all the nice guys are the winners.
you see to be an arsehole guy and pick up lots you're prolly good looking and at the moment surviving primarily on your appearance. physical attractiveness has a time limit. one year you wake up and you just dont have it anymore. you've spent you life enjoying the spoils of beauty, but now they're gone. your self worth was based on this image projected by you, and now its gone your self esteem plunges and you feel worthless.
on the other hand the nice guy has developed communication skills, and prolly professional skills too and starts to become the more attractive option for the women folk in his age group.
beauty may well be the cruelist torment god can dish out. give me a girl who can light up the room with her personality... actually i've got one... mrs spgeddi is the most beautifull person i know.
big man on campus... small man in the real world

Also wanted to add this thought... If you don't think of it as a competition then you can't finish last...
wisdom and beauty and single
line up behind me girls!!
[ 26 February 2002: Message edited by: eddi spgeddi ]

 

[harraser]

Originally posted by Blindside:
There's no point over-analysing situations like this, cos there's nothing that can be done. Just accept your lot in life, be grateful that you have relationships with these people that are well above the superficiality of a booty-call, and know that if it's going to happen you've got to make it happen.

here here.
Ive always thought I was a nice guy but the "testing your limits" thing that was spoken about before goes for guys too...sort of. the reason I broke up with my last girlfreind was coz she never stood up for herself so I found myself being an arsehole all the time,when I realised that I was being a cunt to her I had to break up with her coz she would just let me do it, and how can you respect someone like that? so I realised that in myself as well, I dont just take it anymore if someones constantly being a cunt because I cant respect myself if i do.hermmmm sorta losing the plot here. Ive given up looking for thee right girl, I thought Id found her but then she chose an arsehole instead..... kay sara. if I find someone "YIPEE" if not, what can ya do?

 

[Pseudo G]

Just thought I'd add my thoughts.
I'm a nice guy most of the time, but I can be a right arsehole when I want to. Certain situations call for it.
From my experiences, chicks don't neccessarily go for the nice guys, or the not so nice guys. But simply looks. Which ever one looks better. Simple as that. Instinctively people are driven to reproduce, and to reproduce with the most suitable genetic material so that their offspring succeed themselves (reproduce again). Makes life and relationships sound rather shallow, but you can't argue with instinct.
Personality, sense of humour, it all counts for dick unless you have the, or a look to draw them in. Chicks don't see personality, or sense of humour initially. You need looks to hook em, and personality to land em.
Something I have also noticed, is that good looking guys (acording to most girls) are arrogant arseholes who use their looks to score and have no real intention of having anything but short physical relationships with women who seek real love and understanding. Its those guys that give the rest a bad name.

 

[Pseudo G]

Just thought I'd add my thoughts.
I'm a nice guy most of the time, but I can be a right arsehole when I want to. Certain situations call for it.
From my experiences, chicks don't neccessarily go for the nice guys, or the not so nice guys. But simply looks. Which ever one looks better. Simple as that. Instinctively people are driven to reproduce, and to reproduce with the most suitable genetic material so that their offspring succeed themselves (reproduce again). Makes life and relationships sound rather shallow, but you can't argue with instinct.
Personality, sense of humour, it all counts for dick unless you have the, or a look to draw them in. Chicks don't see personality, or sense of humour initially. You need looks to hook em, and personality to land em.
Something I have also noticed, is that good looking guys (acording to most girls) are arrogant arseholes who use their looks to score and have no real intention of having anything but short physical relationships with women who seek real love and understanding. Its those guys that give the rest a bad name.