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New to dating someone with a child

Lucy20

Lucy20

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
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I have a boyfriend who is absolutely amazing, helped me get clean, there for me in every possible way. Hes perfect for me but, he gets his 10 year old for the summers.
I never had kids and never wanted them but i love this man so i want to accept his child but the child is a monster. His mother dont teach him manners or anything and its driving me insane. He doesn't listen, will ask you the same question 100 times, will shoot water guns and talk to strangers, i have to barricade the shower door, but his dad feels guilty for not seeing him much and there are no consequences.
How do i bring up the topic that your kid is a brat and driving me insane politely? Or should i just stfu and let the summer pass?
I feel kinda bad because this guy was my nurse through detox and it seems kinda selfish on my part. Just with PAWS it is hard, wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't a spazzy kid
 
Buy yourself a bigger water pistol.

Buy him a remote control dune buggy. Give him a kite. Make cakes. Keep cookies. Buy multipacks of crisps. Buy him cool trainers. Have coca cola in the fridge. Oh yeah and most importantly - get him a bicycle and a quality football. Leave the manners to everyone else you can't change the kid now and you don't want to be the wicked stepmother. Just be there to pick up the inevitable pieces and offer him a slice of cake and a clean shirt.

Boys are disgusting, depraved monsters so it's going to get a lot worse I'm afraid.
 
If it were ME, id just let it ride. Summer isn't forever and if things go good (and you happen to still be with him), he might grow up a little bit, by the next time you see him (next summer I'm guessing?).

Saying something can POSSIBLY ruin the relationship (are you willing to take that risk?). If you can nothing, there is no way it can. The kid will "grow up" eventually.

This is just my opinion. Doesn't mean I'm right at all lol.
 
leet said:
Buy yourself a bigger water pistol.

Buy him a remote control dune buggy. Give him a kite. Make cakes. Keep cookies. Buy multipacks of crisps. Buy him cool trainers. Have coca cola in the fridge. Oh yeah and most importantly - get him a bicycle and a quality football. Leave the manners to everyone else you can't change the kid now and you don't want to be the wicked stepmother. Just be there to pick up the inevitable pieces and offer him a slice of cake and a clean shirt.

Boys are disgusting, depraved monsters so it's going to get a lot worse I'm afraid.
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definitely this - get involved, don't let the behaviour affect you badly - reward 'good' behaviour - ignore the rest - ride the time out, it's just for the summer - the kid sounds a bit hyper so make sure he has plenty to spend his energy on and you'll live more peaefully
 
Thanks everyone, im just really not used to kids at all. I don't want to be the evil step mom but fk i understand why i don't have kids lol
I don't think i will metion it because it would seem rather selfish. Just almost 2 much with my mental state right now.
This kid has spit on strangers and everyone looks at me wondering why the heck im not saying anything. Boggles my mind that someone could have a kid and not teach it to not act like a wild animal
 
There are issues with Both his parents!! I know you Love his dad and it will be easy to blame the Mom, for not doing the right thing by the kid?
But at 10 years old and a Male child, A lot falls on the dad here ( being a Dad of male child)
So understand that you are not his mom, just in a relationship with his Dad. You will do anything within Reason to help Dad with his son. This is Not your job, it will be very easy to have All three against you!!! Sounds to me like No One wants to be the Parent!
 
Your just going to need to ride this out for the summer. Try and find things to occupy his mind like Leet is saying. But the whole spitting on someone in public is troubling, the boy deff isn't feeling the best inside. If you love your boyfriend you have to just stand by his side and follow his lead, but you can give guidance in a loving manner. My daughter lives with my ex in another state so I don't get to see her that much anymore.

Like a few days a month and her mom has a toddler from a relationship after hours that is a handful. Always climbing on me when she is sick and sneezing boogers, lol. Sometimes her Mom will bounce and i watch the kids for the day and it's stressfull a bit. Thankfully my daughter is more well behaved and adores me so it's fine. Your boyfriend needs to be in his sons life even if just for the summer. I can see the way it effected my daughter when her Mom and me split and i went to Prison, those years i was gone did damage.

Someday i would like to be able to have her for the whole Summer vacation like he does. Just try and stick this out because you love your man Lucy. At the end of the day the dad needs to start disciplining this kid because he should not spit on people and bug out in public with you. Does he like VideoGames? Nintendo is a great thing to soak up a boys time.
 
I sure wouldn't put up with someone's kid spitting on people but I don't have the patience for kids anyway.
 
Both parents are essentially at fault. My boyfriend has only had his son in his life for the past couple years. (Bad split/mom moved to Germany/drugs) He feels bad disciplining his son out of guilt. I understand that and i understand why the poor kid acts out.
Oddly enough he has grown quite fond of me. I play video games with him and take him to the park(usually in the evening with less people) so it seems he is gaining a bit of respect.
And i don't take bs, if he acts out i will just stop playing with him. Seems to work but only a short time and only with me. I do love the little guy and wish he had a better childhood. I am doing what i can and not having kids myself it is quite tough.
And im still not sure if i should even be threatening the video game. His father hasn't said anything and actually did the same thing.
So who knows, maybe this childless ex junkie can help his dad and him. Every child deserves to be taught how to be a respectful adult
 
I know one thing though from personal experience & it is..........when I was with my ex & I looked after her daughter & we made plans for me to get "clean" & become a family as my case is 99.9% the same as yours that kid pushed me to breaking point.

When she was in bed I used to crave a bag of gear sssooo badly simply to unwind from the days stress, I wish you the best I really do.
I get the feeling though your a bit stronger than I am when it comes to the gear, I'll admit it I'm a goddamn drug addict & heroin is my main love in life.
 
Zopiclone bandit said:
I know one thing though from personal experience & it is..........when I was with my ex & I looked after her daughter & we made plans for me to get "clean" & become a family as my case is 99.9% the same as yours that kid pushed me to breaking point.

When she was in bed I used to crave a bag of gear sssooo badly simply to unwind from the days stress, I wish you the best I really do.
I get the feeling though your a bit stronger than I am when it comes to the gear, I'll admit it I'm a goddamn drug addict & heroin is my main love in life.
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Thanks , im actually surprised im not craving, especially with this situation. I just remember all the pain drugs have caused me and i could never go back to that.
I did go back to my place today though for a few quiet days
 
So this lil' shit is only around for the summer, then you're free? Just grin and bear it. It'll be over soon. This is why I do not want anyone with kids. I chose not to have kids for a reason and I'm damn sure not putting up with someone else's brat.

He really should've been disciplined with a belt on his ass by his parents, but he's getting older and it will be too late. Things will only get worst with him, he's completely out of control. They've created a monster.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
This is why I do not want anyone with kids. I chose not to have kids for a reason and I'm damn sure not putting up with someone else's brat.

He really should've been disciplined with a belt on his ass by his parents, but he's getting older and it will be too late. Things will only get worst with him, he's completely out of control. They've created a monster.
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You took the words right outta my mind, I personally 100% back this viewpoint.
 
You've said that he grew up without his father and that his mother had/has drug issues - sounds like the kid is struggling in a big way, and I hope someone in this boy's life can get him the help and guidance that he so clearly needs. I would like to say that it amazes me that people are so quick to suggest beating the kid with a belt as a solution, but yeah...nah.

Sad.

OP, the kid is acting out to the point where he is spitting on strangers and you need to barricade the shower door, and you're asking how to bring this up with your partner? You two haven't spoken about the kid? The father isn't worried?

I mean, just talk to your boyfriend...his kid is in deep shit. And sure, it must be annoying for you to deal with through the summer and all, but would be nice if one of the adults in this situation could at least have a think about addressing the potentially life-ruining emotional and behavioural issues the child is struggling with, don't you think?
 
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