Be careful 420
No need to say anything
No need to say anything
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Neversick November - Getting/Staying Clean Thread
- Thread starter stardust.hero
- Start date
- Status
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Hey she seems to really love you . How can you pull out of this spiral 420?
smokemctoke420
Bluelighter
Your link is broke man.
And I just did 2 more so I'm to 7 bags which is 3X my tolerance plus a little more liquor. I'll be ok tho and I'm gonna stop now, nod or no nod. Thanks for you're concern NSN
And about what you said about the victim thing. I thought about it real quick and maybe I do that to her (if that's what you're referring to) cuz no one else shows me that they care the amount she does. In lonely as shit. She gives he hugs everytime I see her and they make me feel good. She tells me she loves me and shoes that she gives a shit that I'm getting clean. I have like 3 good friends and she is of them. Maybe I just wanna feel like someone actually cares. So if I pull shit like that ill get attention but I need positive attention, not negative attention like this and apparently idk how to get it any other way. Shit like that eats me up sometimes. It's extremely selfish to pull shit like that
And I just did 2 more so I'm to 7 bags which is 3X my tolerance plus a little more liquor. I'll be ok tho and I'm gonna stop now, nod or no nod. Thanks for you're concern NSN
And about what you said about the victim thing. I thought about it real quick and maybe I do that to her (if that's what you're referring to) cuz no one else shows me that they care the amount she does. In lonely as shit. She gives he hugs everytime I see her and they make me feel good. She tells me she loves me and shoes that she gives a shit that I'm getting clean. I have like 3 good friends and she is of them. Maybe I just wanna feel like someone actually cares. So if I pull shit like that ill get attention but I need positive attention, not negative attention like this and apparently idk how to get it any other way. Shit like that eats me up sometimes. It's extremely selfish to pull shit like that
smokemctoke420
Bluelighter
Hey she seems to really love you . How can you pull out of this spiral 420?
Idk at this point. Besides to go to group Tuesday then individual counseling Thursday and tell her what happened then take it from there. Idk. I'm gonna fail my piss test that's sometime this week but I'll be ok if I'm honest I think
So whats up.. why all the sudden back to hard core use.. whats it doing for you except psiising away allot of what you have acomplished.. she will love and care about you just as much, even if she isn't worried about you with the drugs.
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smokemctoke420
Bluelighter
Ill elaborate more tommorrow. I had to take some Benadryl cuz I was itching my right leg raw so I'm to tired to type a bunch right now but ill post something when I wake up.
sleep well and please post tomorrow%)
modelskinny
Bluelighter
I'm running out of justifications as to why the level of my alcohol consumption is appropriate. I can't seem to quit cold turkey, but then what's an allowable amount? Do I get special occasions when I'm allowed to have more? Excuses seem to flow left and right.
I feel weak for not being able to just get rid of it for good.
I feel weak for not being able to just get rid of it for good.
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Modelskinny,
You are NOT weak. Have you or are you seeking professional helping in dealing with your alcoholism? Its also not weak to seek help - it takes a STRONG person to admit that they need. Help. And we are here to support you. Your questions are tricky to answer as what may be a problem for one may not be a problem for someone else.
Questions you could ask yourself are:
Is your alcohol consumption affecting your daily life? Are others being affected by your alcohol consumption?
Is your memory / job affected by your alcohol intake?
Have others expressed concern about the amount of drinking you're doing?
Do you suffer from blackouts as a result of your drinking?
Take care,
Evey xxx
You are NOT weak. Have you or are you seeking professional helping in dealing with your alcoholism? Its also not weak to seek help - it takes a STRONG person to admit that they need. Help. And we are here to support you. Your questions are tricky to answer as what may be a problem for one may not be a problem for someone else.
Questions you could ask yourself are:
Is your alcohol consumption affecting your daily life? Are others being affected by your alcohol consumption?
Is your memory / job affected by your alcohol intake?
Have others expressed concern about the amount of drinking you're doing?
Do you suffer from blackouts as a result of your drinking?
Take care,
Evey xxx
90 days. Might go to AA tonight to get my 90 day chip even though I have only gone to two meetings since I quit drinking. Looking at the list that Eveleivibe posted is a good reminder of why I should continue to stay away from alcohol considering I was having regular blackouts, definitely having problems with my memory, others were expressing concern and others were definitely being affected (don't ever burn someone with a large chunk of smoldering palo santo- they will be pissed off!).
Been having drunk dreams the past few nights, which upon awakening I am always relieved that they were just dreams. Guess its better to get drunk in dreams so I don't have the hangover in real life.
Been having drunk dreams the past few nights, which upon awakening I am always relieved that they were just dreams. Guess its better to get drunk in dreams so I don't have the hangover in real life.
PriestTheyCalledHim
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2005
- Messages
- 14,714
I figured I'd check in. I've had some cravings or temptations but I have not acted on them.
Just A Guy
Bluelight Crew
For those who have been following my story since I made the decision to put down the stims and psychs back in August, here's the latest:
While on the worst binge of stims, and probably the low point of my life, when I was taking increasingly disgusting amounts of ethylphenidate and the like, I'd lost a baggie of the stuff at a party. I was worried that the wrong person (or animal) would get hold of it, so I told the hostess that I'd lost it, and in the process lost some good friends (understandable). Since I've been sober, (except that one DXM relapse during that 3-day weekend I was alone w/ the flu) since then, and would be at about ninety-some days right now, I figured I'd try to amend things with that old friend. I'm going to share his words with you all, because they are fucking powerful. This is the kind of truth an addict needs to hear, even when he or she is on the level. I agree with him, by the way, and yeah it's that kind of shameful guilt that sits in your heart forever, but also makes you stronger for knowing it:
"OK, first off by losing what you did you could've killed my dog or worse yet a child could have found it and died or you could have been picked up driving home and lost [your kids] for the rest of your life. Then your erratic behavior actually scared my wife and her cousin who used to hire you for odd jobs but doesn't now because you scare her to death (at least that's what she told me). You need help, you should never place your addictions ahead of the welfare of your kids. If you need help, get it. I was clean and sober for almost 15 years because I spent 1 night in jail. The disappointment that I brought my Mom was all the encouragement I needed at the time. I had......HAD a brother who killed himself over an addiction to crack, I put him into treatment 7 times as well as electro shock therapy, which obviously didn't work or he'd still be alive today. I have no patience for speed freaks especially when their irresponsible behavior can affect the lives of others or even worse kill someone due to their own carelessness. If this sounds harsh, too fucking bad, you need harsh. If you really are getting the help you so desperately need then I'm all for it and you. If you think it's something that you've got under control, you don't and won't until you admit your powerless over your addiction. Best of Luck."
Even though I've been really good w/ my discipline, just like any of us, I know it can slip at any time. This was timely.
Peace.
While on the worst binge of stims, and probably the low point of my life, when I was taking increasingly disgusting amounts of ethylphenidate and the like, I'd lost a baggie of the stuff at a party. I was worried that the wrong person (or animal) would get hold of it, so I told the hostess that I'd lost it, and in the process lost some good friends (understandable). Since I've been sober, (except that one DXM relapse during that 3-day weekend I was alone w/ the flu) since then, and would be at about ninety-some days right now, I figured I'd try to amend things with that old friend. I'm going to share his words with you all, because they are fucking powerful. This is the kind of truth an addict needs to hear, even when he or she is on the level. I agree with him, by the way, and yeah it's that kind of shameful guilt that sits in your heart forever, but also makes you stronger for knowing it:
"OK, first off by losing what you did you could've killed my dog or worse yet a child could have found it and died or you could have been picked up driving home and lost [your kids] for the rest of your life. Then your erratic behavior actually scared my wife and her cousin who used to hire you for odd jobs but doesn't now because you scare her to death (at least that's what she told me). You need help, you should never place your addictions ahead of the welfare of your kids. If you need help, get it. I was clean and sober for almost 15 years because I spent 1 night in jail. The disappointment that I brought my Mom was all the encouragement I needed at the time. I had......HAD a brother who killed himself over an addiction to crack, I put him into treatment 7 times as well as electro shock therapy, which obviously didn't work or he'd still be alive today. I have no patience for speed freaks especially when their irresponsible behavior can affect the lives of others or even worse kill someone due to their own carelessness. If this sounds harsh, too fucking bad, you need harsh. If you really are getting the help you so desperately need then I'm all for it and you. If you think it's something that you've got under control, you don't and won't until you admit your powerless over your addiction. Best of Luck."
Even though I've been really good w/ my discipline, just like any of us, I know it can slip at any time. This was timely.
Peace.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
Day 89
Amazing hero
I'm kicking off early tonight.. hope you all are doing great tonight.
I'm kicking off early tonight.. hope you all are doing great tonight.
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Just a quick 'well done n pat on the back' to anyone who is/has stayed clean. You're all doing great n though you are having good n bad days - you are inspiring the rest of us. Keep going. You can do this!!!
Day 12 for me. First time giving it my all to stay clean after using heroin for about a year and a half. The last few months got so out of control I'm extremely lucky to be alive. I am still continuing to smoke cannabis and thought the occasional drink would be ok but I've never been able to drink in moderation. I woke up hungover and almost ran to buy a bag but didn't and am very happy.
The only problem I keep running into is filling my day with things that will keep me interested and busy because for so long my life was a cycle of going on runs and getting high.
The only problem I keep running into is filling my day with things that will keep me interested and busy because for so long my life was a cycle of going on runs and getting high.
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Well done, Collie. Day 12 is ace! Have you considered volunteering? Maybe helping out in a homeless shelter or something like that?
Evey x
Evey x
I've always thought about volunteering but never got my foot in the door. I'm thinking about not continuing to smoke just because it puts me into a familiar state of my mind where i'm comfortable doing nothing. That could be very dangerous to me.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
Day 90 
3 months 
3 months - Status