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Never been so nervous around a girl? Help please

hazmatz

hazmatz

Bluelighter
Joined
May 26, 2013
Messages
134
I met this girl about a year ago at a rave. She was very beautiful, skinny, funny, but she had a boyfriend at the time.

A couple of months later, they broke up and we started talking a lot more. We texted every day, flirted with eachother over facebook etc. we finally planned to meet up at a party (she lives over an hour away) and spend some time with eachother.

We had a great time rolling together, but I noticed that I was so nervous around her. Even though E breaks down all social barriers for me, I still found myself not talking much and being really aware of how I was standing, fixing my hair etc. just being around her makes me feel ugly.

The day after that, she got a boyfriend and it broke my heart. It was probably because I was so nervous. I had no idea that I was competing against anyone. So I became depressed and even a bit suicidal. We also stopped talking

It took me a couple of months to get over her. I was finally getting back up on my feet after the blow to my ego when suddenly she texts me again. We caught up a bit, she told me her boyfriend broke up with her. Great, I thought, I'm just her rebound. I promised myself I wouldn't fall for her like that again and that we would just be friends...

But here I am, madly in love with her once again.we are going to a festival together in a few weeks, just me, her, and a (girl) friend of hers. I'm going to be camping for several days with her & not to mention the 3 hour drive there.

What do I do? I just know I'm going to be so nervous but I can't fuck up this time. I know I'm not an ugly person, I get a lot of attention from girls usually and I'm a very charismatic guy, but around her I feel like an insecure mess. If I fuck up again, ill go back into the bottomless pit of depression again.

What do you guys suggest? What do I talk about with her for 3 hours in a car? Should I ask her to be my girlfriend at the festival in a few weeks? She told me she really likes me this time but I notice she is still flirty with every guy she meets on facebook. /:
 
Your the only person using 'ugly' to describe yourself (so stop it). You have not fucked up with this gal before so just relax - you met at a rave, your going to a rave so the obvious discussion is going to be about...Raves! Take a selection of music, different styles etc and chat with her and her friend about it, previous events, previous experiences with drugs etc (but keep the conversation light / fun).

She may be flirty with everyone but she is going to the event with you - she obviously is comfortable with you/likes you enough to be spending a few days with you so relax :)
 
Facebook is not real life. Plus, she's probably just friendly and not flirty.
As for what to talk about... music, friends, parties, books, tv shows, family. There are tons of things to talk about. Get to know her better, ask her questions about herself.
Just wait it out and figure out when to ask her to be your girlfriend, you don't have to figure it out right now, see how things progress :)
 
Damn, you found out she had just got a boyfriend the next day after rolling, that's tough. Think of yourself as a strong person for getting through that. It has made you stronger. Damn man.

if it doesn't work out, she is just one girl, there are more you will meet.

Some girl's really like shy guys esp once they find out who you are and they like you. Just be yourself for the trip, she's going with you so she at least doesn't mind you being around with her at the very least. she might even have some feelings towards you


Just don't let her toy with you, listen to your gut. If she makes you feel bad ie; getting with other guys (honestly, she has done already) then don't let it effect you. She's not worth your time if this is the way she makes you feel. If she does that sorta shit you know it's time to move on, fast. Remember, you're better than everyone else, do what you want to do and put yourself first in every situation. you are no.1 Unless she has no idea about how you feel about her, then it's not her fault. you have to tell her, or at least ask her out.


Does she know how you feel? Can you meet up with her before you guys head off to the festival?
 
Hi zzz101,

Yes, she is well aware of my feelings for her. After she started talking to me again after breaking up with the second boyfriend she told me she would "never do that to me again."

But you've got me thinking now...Maybe I shouldn't have even forgiven her in the first place. I mean, she screwed me over once, she'll probably end up doing it again.

I'm staying the night at her house the day before we leave so we can get a head start in the morning. So technically I could ask her to be my girlfriend there, but like I said, now I'm getting second thoughts...I SHOULD come first in my own life, not her.

Thanks for your empathy and input, I appreciate it. You seem like a cool guy.
 
Update: she's been texting me all morning asking how she can change herself to be more perfect for me :) looks like I don't have to worry about losing her.
 
Nice. just let it flow naturally.

Don't ask her to be your girlfriend, instead just ask her out. ask her out and do something that is just the both of your together.. She will fully get the idea as soon as you ask her out. And there's no pressure as with 'do you want to be my girlfriend'

Yeah you will also have a better chance with her if you shove her away IF she gets with other guys.. play the same game back to her, and you will have better odds at her coming back to you. ignore her and treat her as one of your 'worst' friends, because that what she would really be.

of course it sounds like she likes you though so go for it.
 
kytnism said:
aside from the flirtations on fb with other men; why/how does she intimidate and make you doubt yourself?
Click to expand...

I think a big part of it is that she's just very good looking & I feel like I have to try harder to get her to like me (although now I know that I don't). I've always had a bad self-image, although I know I shouldn't because when I think about it, there's really nothing unlikable about me.
 
Conversation should come naturally--it's what we call "chemistry".
No the gf asking at the festival. Personally, I always thought that was lame. But all the activities, drugs, etc.. not a good idea.

Also keep in mind, maybe she's looking for a rebound. Keep your guard up.
 
damn dude, you got bent out of shape for 2 months over a non-girlfriend? sheeeeit. but ya if you're that nervous around her make a move asap and if she ain't into it move on to the next one.
 
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