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Negro is on break (from negro)?

I know, i know, this WASNT what youd expect in OD, especially from a pussy like me. Im trying not to lay anything down HARD on you guys, i will do what i can..01.........

Right, I know im "considered" an asshole, always tried to push the limit, the penultimate "junky", MORE than just "one toke over the line". And yes ive been a dick. This whole phreexian shit has associated me DIRECTLTY with him. BUT, i am negrogesic (all the letters from my first SHORT name are in that handle), and those of you that know me particularly are familiar with it, what the fuck......

OK, so, i had this right, after i kick IV heroin (not the stealy, lying junky, the sick want to get better, luckly had enough money kind). So christmas night, december 25, more correctly, early morning 26th, i do not believe there is an association with "christmas" or that particular date. It was not a dream because i was pacing back and forth untill the "prophecy" ended. I am not going into details, because i "sigh" hope you guys are all high, hanging out in the sub-stratosphere. I was STRAIGHT OUT tripping harded than any potent mimosa extraction, ayahuasaca, and this really potent cocktail, more of a mixture really, where i combined HIGH dose oxycodone and 5-meo-dipt. ed heroin on the 18th of this past decemeber (yes, high dose IV, TAR). I was CONVINCED i must have taken some 5-meo-amt, something, at first. The hallucinations I DEFINATELTY dont want to bring you guys down, this is NOT the dark side, and i NEVER talk like this.


I am not going inpatient, its worse than a prison for me. I went to check out a $$$ place out, and the doctor didnt even know what sugar was, you know, 9th grade


And partykid, i dont really think you can attest to this (paranoia as you said, i do not think my house is bugged yes, the US govermnet monitors shit, but it doesnt keep me up all night, im no tweaker, though no put down to hardcore amphetamine/base users, not at all, simply put, we are wired differently).

Yes partykid, you are a friend i have known you a long time (do you remember when i helped you out) but you never been addicted to 380mg of diazepam/night, ontop of ALL my dolophine (aka methadone). The number of viruses that are afflicting my computer will seem to let me do almost anything, in terms of online functions, ASIDE from bluelight. Coicidence or not, which I sort of am wary to mention, but there is an ANTI-bluelight movement, with their own little forum, and probably alot of people that i have CLAWS, "banned" that sort of stuff, though not unwarrented nor in a spirit of malice. But thinking before you fucking post partykid, no i am no pissed at anyone (strange huh).

Can you FATHOM how many times i could ended ALL this bullshit kurt cobain style, barel in my mouth with a 12 gauge 1 ounce solid slug in the camber. But, how could i destroy something i DID NOT create, what crime is larger, because it SURE AS HELL doesnt take balls to end your life. Yet i am NOT unique, youve all probably been plagued by similar, if not worse demon, so i am not complaining. I mean shit, we are talking right now.......

In anycase, benzos GENERALLY are NOT particularly neurotoxic, but at this ld50ish dose, it IS. Amnesia, loss of motor skill, just think about the half-life of this POISON (i have it label with skull and bones as poison, haha).

So after this catharsis right, the 25-26 december 2004 things changed. AS evident by this change in behavior, i woke up from a DEEP heroin sleep, and im rebounding hard, what appears to be some form of mania, paradoxical to the high dose benzodiazepines, and really not all that unique. I find it similar to a GHB dopamine rebound, just multiplied exponentially. I have the chemical solution to this uncomfortable mania available ANYTIME, im seriously suprised ive excerised this much will power so far. EVEN my thoughs of "chipping", my dreams of being in VAST poppy field, have fadded. MY way of thinking changed to an EXTENT, dropped 50 pounds, cant eat anything, you veterans know the story. Im am 21 years of age, a baby if you will, and just happened to be a bit smarter than the average bloke, strike that, more "intelligent" according to some nonsense SAT number, the standford 9 IQ test with EEG, extensive testing. But i see PLENTY of people far SMARTER than I, and they arent fucking hooked like a fish to what doctors call "stratospheric, or, UHD methadone and more significantly, diazepem.

Ive been straight with all you guys. A minorty though it had something to do with "dick-sizing", and even some of them came to realize my extreme frankness is a STARK warning. Real simple: Other drugs has always been a forum about HOW to get high, then its turned into the "new bluelight", i dont even know what the fuck "plur" means, but i will do my job, regardless if i recieve more distain from it than good.

Still a two month ex-junky (well at least heroin, im still a raging addict, not quite sure if i ever wont be) rambling about his, at least so far, most real powerfull catharisis in his (short) life, , more powerfull than a MEGA dose of n,n-DMT, DOM..........

Problem is, I will always consider heroin as "sweet lady h", the bitch that RARELY talks back, there is SOMETHING about a non-thebaine derived opiate/opioid, diacetlymorphine, the "better" way to cross the BBB, and a TAR heroin by-product (funny, i like GOOD tar heroin better than good brown, white, or even worse, some short acting fentanyl analogue POWDER, or the tan rocks straight off the key.) And, i do SO much better on tests (mmmm standardized) when ive had a hit of diacetyl, or 6-mam. I found i am NOW eligible to take my mcat, an "official" email congradulating me that i must had deleted MONTHS ago. So maybe i will my old dream of what huxley tried (and failed) starting a socialist colony and I can be the M.D, og-chem pharmacologist, prescribing diamorphine or peoples DOC, no money, no heirarchy, EKG's. EEGs, CT scanners, gas chromatograph, electron scope; essentially a "Retox" facility, MORE than compensating for our common lack of endogenous endorphins. And the music we would make......

But back to stark reality, Rachamin hit it on the head,

Fight the good fight. Just for the the record, I'd venture that you are not being paranoid in the least. After causing someone a hissy fit I also ran into unusal problems here at BL [PM, etc]. As others have said, take it easy and give yourself time to regroup.
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Rach, PM me, if you will it......


Also, you guys (no im not homosexual, but i dont really know if a mujer is good for this job, you guys know fairnymph, a nice girl i suppose, but getting loaded on ultram and prednisone?......) know, I am looking for a group of some HARDENED skagheads (ok yes, i have a soft spot for IV smack addicts, tweaking or smoking base ALL the time might be a BIT too out there for modding here, and im not really looking for psychonauts/aka psychonerds, but if youre experienced in all, merry fucking christmas). I am planning put this forum into some serious shape, we will look like we are on roids, but will-full/compassionate moderater/solidier, NOT looking for a power trip. And, im not very formal, i dont need a copy of your Bachelors of Sciences etc, because its experience THEN qualifications, in my book.....

My PM box fills fast, so please no "I snort 3 oc80's a day" PMs, but i have much more open mind except when im fiddling with sweet lady h (man id love to fix up a .8 gram hit, that bitch would be so big id have to use a 5cc rig). But fuck, the next morning, i would bash my head through the drywall.........

If you'd like to express your compassion, do it in front of everyone, PMs arent necessary, do it HERE.............

SO, negro shuts up here, sorry for wasting my fellows time with an alinear rant by some loon manic from reality, but i dont think negro is going anywhere, at the very least metaphorically (you guys know its not racist, yet i am not blackfrican, dont ask me how i picked this name because i dont know)........

Get high my friends and rejoice, LAUGH!!!!!!!!!

And numb your brains (i can think of more ways than i have fingers and toes to accomplish this alone) and watch the movie "Brazil", as i am, more or less, "Sam Lowry"....

Will be back, in the not too distant future,
- negro
 
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good luck negro, you'll come through it fine, i'm sure

i've been avoiding this forum lately, but i'll try to come in here to help out in your abscence :)
 
:)


^^^The first smile face ive EVER used on the net, or anywhere for that matter.......

Man do i feel like a little faggot right now (not derogatory)

And Tat, you are right, i hated to see you go but you did what you had to do, something more important.......

We will talk, tat the cat.........
 
You seem like a very cool guy, and I really appreciate how you helped me with my questions during my time of need. I'm pretty young for a junkie ( 18 ), and I've learned many different things from reading your posts.

You're very knowledgable, and I look up to you in a way...although I'm not sure you're a very positive role model for a youngster like me ;)

good luck bro
 
^^^Dont make me feel bad man.......

But, if you gonna bang something, you bang it right, this is HARM REDUCTION, and i will tell you how if you are SET to do it, even though your pain hurts me. NO ONE is forcing you, but yes you are right and are only 4 years younger than I, and if we hung out, you;d have to back hand me to the face to get me to shut up talking about drugs pharmacology (music is a different story). I appear like some anti-christ figure (ive even been called it straight out). I am not. I did have a satanic like prophecy of apocolypse and 666 on my clock, a very common drug or, that is, lack of drug hallucination on the 18th of decemeber (which was like the worst horror flick youve seen;i hate that shit), but satan would probably lie to me and NOT scare me straight.

This is not a cult, its been called it, and honestly i used to act the part (getting better looking females that im generally capable of, which is an advanced for of "wooing", but i knew about mind control and all those "evil" things, misdirected, if you will things. "Island" by aldous huxley is SORT of about mind control, but directed in a better way (which sort of inspired him to start that socalist colony, in the desert photots in my gallery, but only foundation is left. But in your words, i probably not the best influence because i am sick, am FAR from a saint, , but yea, find some pure friends, even if they arent as intelligent as you, although im getting a bit abstract here as the pure is extremely abstract. I dont want to get all earth worshipy on you, but you know, something MORE pure, like a dog, a cat or even a rat (not a ferral one, i suppose they have their parasitic purpose), but like things that seem out of earthly, like, mozarts reqiuem mass, his last offering to god as he was dying, but im guessing here man.........

Misdirected knowledge is as we know, extremely dangerous and uhhh shit i have to take my diazepam its getting late....(shut the fuck up negro)

- negro
 
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negrogesic said:
:)


^^^The first smile face ive EVER used on the net, or anywhere for that matter.......

Man do i feel like a little faggot right now (not derogatory)

And Tat, you are right, i hated to see you go but you did what you had to do, something more important.......

We will talk, tat the cat.........
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I just skimmed through most of the posts here, well anyway i just wanna say you were (are) a terrific OD mod. :) tc
 
negro...

Empty that box...unless you are having the same problem as me. In any event, hit me up on my e-mail. Keep your head up, you know it does get better.
 
Negro, no need to get offended buddy, I was only joking. Yes we are friends but you should know who I am and how I speak (I mean we have known each other since day 1 on this site pretty much) .. you should know that I do joke around and that you should not take words like what I said earlier to heart. I did not mean disrespect or for you to be insulted. No need for the blowup.
 
Thanks and good luck

On a side note about your computer. As much as I doubt BLers are fucking with your computer it is a possibility but so is just random viruses and spyware. The internet is a rough place. I work on computers for a living and I see viruses and spyware on almost every computer that comes in here.
You seem like you have some money, for a minimal investment you can have all of your concerns eliviated. Just call your local computer repair store and the could most likely set you up. Feel free to PM me. I would love to help you with any computer related questions you have.
 
I have seen some really bad computers in my time. Try a full reinstallation preferably of Windows XP if you have a copy. The problem with Norton Internet Security is it slows the system down manically. It seems to have stopped 'Trojan Horse' virus a few times. Still this definately sounds more malicious what you are getting than just wear & tear. Kazza would do nasty stuff to my computer but since I dont have broadband I dont even bother with it. Hang in there geezer, just keep praying that it is not all doom & gloom..
 
Rosclot said:
Thanks and good luck

On a side note about your computer. As much as I doubt BLers are fucking with your computer it is a possibility but so is just random viruses and spyware. The internet is a rough place. I work on computers for a living and I see viruses and spyware on almost every computer that comes in here.
You seem like you have some money, for a minimal investment you can have all of your concerns eliviated. Just call your local computer repair store and the could most likely set you up. Feel free to PM me. I would love to help you with any computer related questions you have.
Click to expand...

No one should ever pay to get rid of a virus or spyware. You can simply download adaware and spybot search and destroy to get rid of that stuff yourself. All the software is available online, and if you don't have the patience for that save your stuff and do a reformat.


Also don't use anything Norton. It will slow down your machine and all their products are crap.
 
junksick said:
No one should ever pay to get rid of a virus or spyware. You can simply download adaware and spybot search and destroy to get rid of that stuff yourself. All the software is available online, and if you don't have the patience for that save your stuff and do a reformat.


Also don't use anything Norton. It will slow down your machine and all their products are crap.
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Well I am glad you are wrong because that is how I pay my bills.
I have dealt with plenty of virus and spyware infections that the normal person could not deal with. So you say just wipe and reload, what if he has stuff he does not want to lose. Backup it up you say, can't backup programs can you?

Anyways, the point of my post to get professional help was more for on how to secure his computer from outside attack in the future not so much about his existing issues.
 
It is hard for me to articulate the sheer level of appreciate your support. I thought i was going to maybe get a ton of posts saying that because i inflicted i deserve the pain, whic in an extent is true..... ; As gay as it sounds (again, more shit i would NOT normally say), your guys support allows me do to my job)etter.....

I even quit marijuana, which i do think HAS its use, particularly its anti-emetic effects , but im not a huge fan of CBN and CBN and some other less important trichromes. Then again, REALLY good 2 foot indoor clones that mature in 3 months if you trick with the light timing and even, they tend to have almost TOO much THC and not enough CBN and CBD so you end up with beautiful plants, but with SUPER high THC content, and you that makes you trip a bit too, excessive THC making it simply TOO pscyhdelic (i eventually realized i dont like them, except for smoked or IV n,n-DMT (i hate that 5-meo-dmt shit), and the n,n-DMT which i will rarely useand only smoke or IV (ayahusca, yage , yuck.....) becaise i HAVE had some BAD and scary as shit bad-trips by trying to push the evelope by dosing TOO high on some good mimosa n,n, DMT freebase oil.....
Also, partykid, mr. picasso, you know me back what 5 years ago, im not angered, i just was unsure of what your intentions were.............. And as i mentioned, I
am serious about RECRUITING searching for some SERIOUS veterans so we can back OD back into BETTER tham. I might be particularly young, so was dave, doesnt mean a whole lot. But i DO need both experience and qualifications, though as i said, nothing really forum, i am relatively good judge of character and things of such nature. Yes its a thankless job, but i havent burnt out yet, stil think there is plenty of hope (another recent to my

Again, sincere apologizies for laying down heavy shit in a forum pa\qwat least what i felt, was heavy on you guys. Then again, im not on the street laying in a ditch (if you have been before thats even better veteranish experience, but you cannot perpepuate misinfo. A mod, especially in OD, is an unforgiving, and people seem to know show appreciation. But i suppose this is not "negrogesic" talking, i would have NEVER posted this kind of dark-side/trip-reports kind of stuff, even in their respective forums.

I have a heart for all you guys here in OD, of course i have a bit of favoritism for opioid users (you either do hardcore, in the safest manner possible, or you dont do it all, right?) even if you curse me or like "mrcontin" which requires BANNING. You can tell this forum is a shadow of its former self. But i think we can start benching 375lbs at at least 5 reps (of course metaphorically) once i get you veterans in here with moderator power (i need not reiterate the whole power trip thing, or delusions of grandeur, but it appears that i am doing as such).....

So guys have fun, be safe, i think i ALREADY took my break. My PM box IS functional, and if you have a particularly dire matter then dont feel any reservation to contact me. And mods, like i said its thankless job, but we DO help people, that is why i am here (as i was saying im eligible for the MCAT and will only have to do a 6 month residency, although probably some sleazy north african ER or something). But i am not a physician in the sense i do not want to treat patients, but i already have, been involved in multiple "triple-blind" clinical pharmacology tests (not paid), sometimes when (my minor) i am a composer for self masturbation as they say, but i But i finally reliazed i dont want to be an M.D pharmacologist working as a lab rap doing R&D for fucking abbot or roxane. I am the ONLY composer at my work with just an an arranger under me (there are countless programmers, which get fired all the time and they KNOW, the producers and other bosses even admit that they are getting a good deal out of me, but even though i know the despite knowing the security gards personally, i have to be pat down EVERYTIME i come and go, as they mainly looking for mini-disks, so obviously the original soundtrack is worth alot more moeny than im being compensated. Whatever, im not greedy, i just 4-5 million so I retire at 30 and live relatively comortable wife and children (5 million dollars might sound like alot, and at the rate i spend money it would burn through my portfolio like thermite, thats why i need a stable wife that realizes the nessesary evil of money. I am not particularly greedy, but i want children and a good faithful wife and ALOT of viable, unadulterated fresh PROPERTY, and have MANY acres of viable, unadulturated land (800-1000 acres) and would have hundred of acres just for poppies and maybe sound outdooor marijuana (might have to be a different country, i know you can grow poppies in city, my country of orgins (no siciians generaly ont consider themselves "italian", and they dont give a crap so long as i OWN the property, and i would try my hardest NOT to isolate the morphine, and use acetic anhydride to make diacetylmorphine, or 6-monoacetylmorphine. I would smoke both the COOKED but still pretty raw opium and maybe with marijuana.

I am a composer. I have a steady realitvely high paying profession yet
i write almost ALL my music on old school quill and ink pen and paper (which i do have to write to the millisecond, and i have just one person working under me who arranges my shorthand hand-written music to the computer. I writing feverishly fast, without the use of an instrument as as tool, but unlike most people i dont use an instrument, which was like a birth defect i was born with, but its good money even for video game scoring job even though i STILL am spending money as if i thought it was garbage, and the salary is again good for my age, if i was working, as i did for a LONG time, 80-100 weeks like i was, it amounts to somewhere in between the head pharmacist and a commerical airline pilot).

I again apologize for even more of this (i hate being a fucking buzz-kill) half-assed accidental "stream of consciousness" type writting, which i never do, i am being alot more open. I am just STILL trying on sobriety, reality or whatever you wish to call it, definately not normal negrogesian high on heroin posts, going off on all sorts of alinear tangents, which appears to be a result of a IVing 1200mg of uncut reality (evidently sweet lady H can talk back, but she didnt just talk back, that bitch screamed like fuck)...

Bear with me, but like i said before, be safe, and get fucking LOADED..........


No im not out of the selva oscura yet, but as far as i know:
- negro is back/black
 
very odd i have seen more posts closed or commented by negro in the last few days more than normal i could be wrong or just paranoid
 
Please forgive me; I've been eating Xanax and drinking all morning so I'm having a little trouble comprehending the point of this thread. That being said:

Negrogesic is a stand up dude and a fine mod here in OD. So good luck with whatever it is you're doing (kicking junk, tapering off Valium, using more psychs?)

Be good and good things will happen, but remember even strong men yeild and sometimes feeling good is good enough...
 
Are you having a breakdown negro? It happens to the best of us, but I dont understand what you are saying either. Are you detoxing or trying to or just real fuckered up?
 
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