Lolie
Bluelighter
Go get on some bipolar meds. They might help with the hallucinations at least.
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Negative ecstasy side effects, i need help with this one
- Thread starter Eyes On the Roll
- Start date
For me, the symptoms like eye wiggles, trails, and after-images went away after about a month. The hypnagogic delusions and things like 'electric jolts' while drifting off to sleep lasted about 5 years.
The depression, anxiety, depersonalization/derealization (brain fog) lifted slowly over time, and I would say I was at around 90% about the 5 year mark. My last major episode was around the 8 year mark. I haven't had any major episodes in almost 3 years.
A lot of the other stuff is tough to really tell, because most of the hard lessons in life, came about in the wake of my MDxx use. So it's really tough to say whether I would be more or less social, or more or less sharp, had I never touched drugs. I had problems before, and I have problems after. I was good at stuff before, and I'm good at stuff now. I don't really see any sort of quantifiable difference. Even if there is, there is no separating it from other poor life decisions, such as heavy alcohol consumption.
Sorry if what I type sounds a little harsh or panic-inducing, but I have some friends who used X to different extents, some used pure MDMA, some used potentially more random shit like pills. I have a friend who used it twice (pure), and said each time there was a marked difference in his memory which still has not fully faded after a few years, although it has improved. Another friend used it roughly once a week for a few months, used to be an honor student, does not use any other drugs... I can't tell myself, but his long-time gf said he went way down shortly after. It's been nearly a decade, and she considers him to be a bit slow, and I definitely see a lot of impairment in him as well. These two barely 'abused' ecstasy and one had pure stuff, others have also declined after XTC use.
My point is, (and good quote omgitsOP) not everything goes back to normal with time, this world (especially this , the drug world) isn't all fun and games. The OP may feel better when they read that things will completely stabilize with time, but it isn't always true and the OP may benefit from knowing some of the darker and possibly more real truths/possibilities.
I have gotten the panicky feelings after waking up, basically what you described but a few notches milder. Sometimes it goes away, sometimes it doesn't. This is vague, I know, but it's as true as I can make it.
Just remember that you are still alive and have plenty of time to potentially improve the situation or get used it, and eventually do something decent with your life again. And remember that life isn't fair at all... that's life, we all have to get used to that fact or life just gets more difficult. Take advantage of what you still have, and you may end up having a lot more in the future.
Oh, and Electroconvulsive therapy should only be used in the very worst of cases, or just short of suicide after all other alternatives have been tried, IMO.
Lastly, Try not to use 5-HTP in excessive doses and try not to use it for exceedingly long amounts of time, but for now it seems to be helping you quite a bit so no problem there.
Note
I am slightly benzed out, and I sincerely appologize for any rulebreaking. Something about my post seemed a little weird or potentially triggering... or whatever it may be. I don't feel all that fucked up, once again I apologize.
My point is, (and good quote omgitsOP) not everything goes back to normal with time, this world (especially this , the drug world) isn't all fun and games. The OP may feel better when they read that things will completely stabilize with time, but it isn't always true and the OP may benefit from knowing some of the darker and possibly more real truths/possibilities.
I have gotten the panicky feelings after waking up, basically what you described but a few notches milder. Sometimes it goes away, sometimes it doesn't. This is vague, I know, but it's as true as I can make it.
Just remember that you are still alive and have plenty of time to potentially improve the situation or get used it, and eventually do something decent with your life again. And remember that life isn't fair at all... that's life, we all have to get used to that fact or life just gets more difficult. Take advantage of what you still have, and you may end up having a lot more in the future.
Oh, and Electroconvulsive therapy should only be used in the very worst of cases, or just short of suicide after all other alternatives have been tried, IMO.
Lastly, Try not to use 5-HTP in excessive doses and try not to use it for exceedingly long amounts of time, but for now it seems to be helping you quite a bit so no problem there.
Note
I am slightly benzed out, and I sincerely appologize for any rulebreaking. Something about my post seemed a little weird or potentially triggering... or whatever it may be. I don't feel all that fucked up, once again I apologize.
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To sort of temper all this negativity a bit, I also know a fair few successful people who have used MDMA, who went on to become doctors and executives, and all manner of good things.
I mention this, because after re-reading the last few posts, someone might get the impression that ecstasy turns you into a drooling retard, which certainly is not the case. Despite experiencing all the things I mentioned, I had lots of friends, graduated College, dated girls, exercised, and held down a job. I think it was just a fair bit harder to do these things than it had to be.
I mention this, because after re-reading the last few posts, someone might get the impression that ecstasy turns you into a drooling retard, which certainly is not the case. Despite experiencing all the things I mentioned, I had lots of friends, graduated College, dated girls, exercised, and held down a job. I think it was just a fair bit harder to do these things than it had to be.
Im not sure if the mod for this section would like to move this to the Ecstasy Discussion section?
What your describing is pretty normal after abusing MDMA - the problems with thinking, short term memory and even the waking up in your sleep screaming. If you look around the site for Night Terrors you will see that a lot of people who have abused (mainly) stims / MDMA have them. Some people have the experience where they are awake but unable to move and there is another person in the room with them etc
The good news is if you stop the drugs and alcohol (If your drinking) get some sleep, eat well and look after yourself these symptoms usually vanish and you will be back to normal again. Obviously though the more you have abused the drug and your body the longer it may take to feel normal again.
Good luck and please feel free to PM me if you have any problems or questions etc
Bear
What your describing is pretty normal after abusing MDMA - the problems with thinking, short term memory and even the waking up in your sleep screaming. If you look around the site for Night Terrors you will see that a lot of people who have abused (mainly) stims / MDMA have them. Some people have the experience where they are awake but unable to move and there is another person in the room with them etc
The good news is if you stop the drugs and alcohol (If your drinking) get some sleep, eat well and look after yourself these symptoms usually vanish and you will be back to normal again. Obviously though the more you have abused the drug and your body the longer it may take to feel normal again.
Good luck and please feel free to PM me if you have any problems or questions etc
Bear
Eyes On the Roll
Bluelighter
well it deffinately makes me feel better to finally be able to put a finger on what i was experiencing, refering to night terrors. I am also positive that i would experience night terrors like this as a younger kid, and they involved hallucinations with spiders. As i recall i would get them when i had a high fever, or when i was really stressed and depressed about my parents divorce.
I deffinately can tell that i am a little slower with my mental processes. sometimes it takes an extended period of time for me to remember an important peice of information that would normally stick out in my head. I am prescribed adderall, supposed to take 2 20mg IR's daily, but i only do for school. i did go through a period of abuse with them last month, though. I am also wondering, taking my prescribed adderall as directed deffinately helps me focus and think clearer (which has become a lot harder after X abuse), and without taking my adderall, school will be a lot more difficult than it used to be last year.. I was wondering if taking the adderall as prescribed, on school days only, if it would be a bad idea? or if i should cancel my subscription. I know i have damaged my brain to a certain degree, and would really like to refrain from causing any more harm/woould like to reverse as much damage as possible while i'm still young. The adderall certainly helps and makes school a lot easier.. but is it just going to cause more problems with my brain since i already have a lot after mdma use?
sldo, i THINK adderall acts on dopamine, and i have heard of a supplement that is like 5-HTP, but acts on dopamine instead. I beleive it's called F-DOPA or something like that.. should i take that while taking prescribed adderall, with a healing brain from post-heavy-mdma use?
I deffinately can tell that i am a little slower with my mental processes. sometimes it takes an extended period of time for me to remember an important peice of information that would normally stick out in my head. I am prescribed adderall, supposed to take 2 20mg IR's daily, but i only do for school. i did go through a period of abuse with them last month, though. I am also wondering, taking my prescribed adderall as directed deffinately helps me focus and think clearer (which has become a lot harder after X abuse), and without taking my adderall, school will be a lot more difficult than it used to be last year.. I was wondering if taking the adderall as prescribed, on school days only, if it would be a bad idea? or if i should cancel my subscription. I know i have damaged my brain to a certain degree, and would really like to refrain from causing any more harm/woould like to reverse as much damage as possible while i'm still young. The adderall certainly helps and makes school a lot easier.. but is it just going to cause more problems with my brain since i already have a lot after mdma use?
sldo, i THINK adderall acts on dopamine, and i have heard of a supplement that is like 5-HTP, but acts on dopamine instead. I beleive it's called F-DOPA or something like that.. should i take that while taking prescribed adderall, with a healing brain from post-heavy-mdma use?
Eyes On the Roll
Bluelighter
Also, today i noticed a side effect that was most likely caused by my ecstasy abuse, and is visible to others.
My eyes seem to have a film over them, some call it a "glazed" look. The whites of my eyes aren't completely white either. I looked at my eyes in the mirror today and realized that the whites of my eyes have a yellow tinge beneath the glazed transparent film.
Apart from the eyeball, there are also changes around the eye socket and underneath the eye. Underneath my eye (where old people have bags) my skin is an obvious shade of purple.
From a small distance, my eyes seem to have a shadow over them, because my eyes are yellowish and glazed and not clear and crispy bright white anymore, also cause of the purple shade of skin. Apart from my eyes, i look physically good and in good health. No matter how rested i am, and how clean i keep myself, the glazed/yellow eyes and the purplish skin underneath seems to linger.
I think yellow eyes have been attributed to heavy mdma use in many other people. I knew a drug dealer that rolled on X almost daily.. for months and his eyes became yellow as well
My eyes seem to have a film over them, some call it a "glazed" look. The whites of my eyes aren't completely white either. I looked at my eyes in the mirror today and realized that the whites of my eyes have a yellow tinge beneath the glazed transparent film.
Apart from the eyeball, there are also changes around the eye socket and underneath the eye. Underneath my eye (where old people have bags) my skin is an obvious shade of purple.
From a small distance, my eyes seem to have a shadow over them, because my eyes are yellowish and glazed and not clear and crispy bright white anymore, also cause of the purple shade of skin. Apart from my eyes, i look physically good and in good health. No matter how rested i am, and how clean i keep myself, the glazed/yellow eyes and the purplish skin underneath seems to linger.
I think yellow eyes have been attributed to heavy mdma use in many other people. I knew a drug dealer that rolled on X almost daily.. for months and his eyes became yellow as well
@ last two posts,
Adderall acts mainly on dopamine and norepinephrine if I'm not mistaken. Most people who take a stimulant will not do better in school, despite the claims. However, those with the right issues may benefit from taking it (i.e. ADD, I guess). At that dose, the adderall will slowly begin to make you feel a little fuzzy. In the long run, it will cause a small amount of brain damage, but if it benefits you try to make up for it by studying a lot now that you can concentrate more easily. Even at very low doses, Adderall is neurotoxic to some extent.
Could you be talking about carbidopa or L-tyrosine?
The only drug that has made my eyes bloodshot and yellow on its own is high-dose diphenhydramine (a.k.a. Benadryl)... a bit off topic though. The yellow and purple should clear up slowly. But don't count on my comment. Good luck!
Adderall acts mainly on dopamine and norepinephrine if I'm not mistaken. Most people who take a stimulant will not do better in school, despite the claims. However, those with the right issues may benefit from taking it (i.e. ADD, I guess). At that dose, the adderall will slowly begin to make you feel a little fuzzy. In the long run, it will cause a small amount of brain damage, but if it benefits you try to make up for it by studying a lot now that you can concentrate more easily. Even at very low doses, Adderall is neurotoxic to some extent.
Could you be talking about carbidopa or L-tyrosine?
The only drug that has made my eyes bloodshot and yellow on its own is high-dose diphenhydramine (a.k.a. Benadryl)... a bit off topic though. The yellow and purple should clear up slowly. But don't count on my comment. Good luck!
Lolie
Bluelighter
I think you're noticing some things which were probably always there and attributing them to the MDMA now.
Legerity
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2010
- Messages
- 2,965
^^^Yes, don't stress yourself too much looking for signs of damage. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself right now.
If you start looking at each cognitive process and questioning whether or not it is as fast or accurate as it was in the past, you stand a good chance of driving yourself insane.
How about some meditation? Good for just about everything.
Warped Reality
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2010
- Messages
- 569
My short term memory loss is terrible too! I hate it :s
I thought I might allay some fears about MDMA use and long term effects. I started taking pills in 1988 and went out raving most weekend for several years always necking lots of MDMA. Apart from sleep paralysis , muscle tremors and Zaps during that period I have had no lasting effects (23 years ago) I stopped taking them regularly in 94 and have only indulged a handful of times since then last time probably 10 years ago.
Darksidesam
Bluelight Crew
That's a lot of mdma to consume..
Very frequently too.
It's definately the worst drug of choice to binge on when your depressed.
Even just taking it once when your already depressed is really not a good idea, i learnt this back in november.
What comes up , Must come down. (even a balloon filled with helium eventually comes back down to the ground lol)
What i recommend to you, is to stay away from mdma for at least 6 months. You need to take special care now and get yourself regenerated. You are lacking in a vital neurochemical, Serotonin.
Serotonin is responsible for lots of things:
- Energy levels / motivation
- Our moods, thats why we get a 'comedown' following an mdma session, because we are lower in serotonin
- Our appetites
- Our sleeping patters/ Quality of sleep
- Concentration
I also think it has a fair bit to do with your memory too.
What i'd recommend is that you consume some of these foods everyday:
Broccoli (Anti anxiety)
Walnuts (Anti anxiety + Serotonin raising)
Bananas (Serotonin raising)
Milk (Serotonin raising)
Chicken (Serotonin raising)
Turkey (Serotonin raising)
Oats (Serotonin raising)
Small amounts of dark chocolate (too much might add to the anxiety) (Serotonin + possibly dopamine raising)
Tuna (Serotonin raising)
Sardines (Serotonin raising)
Free range eggs (Serotonin raising)
Cheese (Serotonin raising)
One of my favourite things to do is to put 2 bananas, 3 tablespoons worth of oats and 1 pint of milk into a smoothie, blend it very very well and thats quite a nice drink too.
and try and eat foods like potatoes alongside it, as it could possibly have something to do with the conversion process, of converting L-Tryptophan into serotonin.
Also getting sunlight (i dont mean getting a tan lol) but just sunlight during the day should have you a lot, as that is part of the conversion process.
Perhaps throw in some Sour Cherries into your diet too, they are meant to raise melatonin.
Dont sit in front of bright lights an hour before sleep, turn monitors/tv screens brightness down
Light exercise such as long walks may help you too.
Good luck,
My approach is a Food approach rather than taking 5-Htp and such.
Very frequently too.
It's definately the worst drug of choice to binge on when your depressed.
Even just taking it once when your already depressed is really not a good idea, i learnt this back in november.
What comes up , Must come down. (even a balloon filled with helium eventually comes back down to the ground lol)
What i recommend to you, is to stay away from mdma for at least 6 months. You need to take special care now and get yourself regenerated. You are lacking in a vital neurochemical, Serotonin.
Serotonin is responsible for lots of things:
- Energy levels / motivation
- Our moods, thats why we get a 'comedown' following an mdma session, because we are lower in serotonin
- Our appetites
- Our sleeping patters/ Quality of sleep
- Concentration
I also think it has a fair bit to do with your memory too.
What i'd recommend is that you consume some of these foods everyday:
Broccoli (Anti anxiety)
Walnuts (Anti anxiety + Serotonin raising)
Bananas (Serotonin raising)
Milk (Serotonin raising)
Chicken (Serotonin raising)
Turkey (Serotonin raising)
Oats (Serotonin raising)
Small amounts of dark chocolate (too much might add to the anxiety) (Serotonin + possibly dopamine raising)
Tuna (Serotonin raising)
Sardines (Serotonin raising)
Free range eggs (Serotonin raising)
Cheese (Serotonin raising)
One of my favourite things to do is to put 2 bananas, 3 tablespoons worth of oats and 1 pint of milk into a smoothie, blend it very very well and thats quite a nice drink too.
and try and eat foods like potatoes alongside it, as it could possibly have something to do with the conversion process, of converting L-Tryptophan into serotonin.
Also getting sunlight (i dont mean getting a tan lol) but just sunlight during the day should have you a lot, as that is part of the conversion process.
Perhaps throw in some Sour Cherries into your diet too, they are meant to raise melatonin.
Dont sit in front of bright lights an hour before sleep, turn monitors/tv screens brightness down
Light exercise such as long walks may help you too.
Good luck,
My approach is a Food approach rather than taking 5-Htp and such.
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littlepenguin
Bluelighter
You're not having psychosis.
Likelihood of you getting schizophrenia is unlikely.
You are using drugs that mess with your brains neurotransmitters. It takes a few days/weeks/sometimes even a month or two or more to restore 'normal' functions. Especially with bipolar, I think sometimes things can take a longer (or shorter, in some cases) time to heal and go back to 'normal.'
I also have bipolar and I have insomnia because I am too scared to sleep because of the recurring nightmares I have. That, and I enjoy stimulants. Both are contributors to night terrors and insomnia. Insomnia in itself is a contributor to night terrors. I have found and read that Melatonin really helps with sleep, especially with those who have bipolar. It's relatively cheap and you can find it in any vitamin or grocery store. I take it about an hour before I want to go to sleep, and I find it works best on an empty stomach. Also for sleep, it may sound girly and stupid, but inhaling certain oils/scents really can calm you down. Lavender and vanilla work best. I found a thing similar to vicks vapo rub (similar in its consistency) but it is scented w/vanilla and lavender and I rub a little under my nose and on my chest and it puts me out every time. Or lavender/vanilla incense.
It is great that you are in tune with your body and mind and are perceptive to things going on with you, but I think you may be looking into things a little too much. As someone said above, I think you may be noticing things that were already there before the drug usage, but now you're just looking around for any little thing. Don't underestimate the limitless side effects that drugs can have on your body and the havoc that you are putting it through. However, the human body is incredible and resilient, and is probably going to repair itself quite well from the junk you're putting in it.
Good luck
Likelihood of you getting schizophrenia is unlikely.
You are using drugs that mess with your brains neurotransmitters. It takes a few days/weeks/sometimes even a month or two or more to restore 'normal' functions. Especially with bipolar, I think sometimes things can take a longer (or shorter, in some cases) time to heal and go back to 'normal.'
I also have bipolar and I have insomnia because I am too scared to sleep because of the recurring nightmares I have. That, and I enjoy stimulants. Both are contributors to night terrors and insomnia. Insomnia in itself is a contributor to night terrors. I have found and read that Melatonin really helps with sleep, especially with those who have bipolar. It's relatively cheap and you can find it in any vitamin or grocery store. I take it about an hour before I want to go to sleep, and I find it works best on an empty stomach. Also for sleep, it may sound girly and stupid, but inhaling certain oils/scents really can calm you down. Lavender and vanilla work best. I found a thing similar to vicks vapo rub (similar in its consistency) but it is scented w/vanilla and lavender and I rub a little under my nose and on my chest and it puts me out every time. Or lavender/vanilla incense.
It is great that you are in tune with your body and mind and are perceptive to things going on with you, but I think you may be looking into things a little too much. As someone said above, I think you may be noticing things that were already there before the drug usage, but now you're just looking around for any little thing. Don't underestimate the limitless side effects that drugs can have on your body and the havoc that you are putting it through. However, the human body is incredible and resilient, and is probably going to repair itself quite well from the junk you're putting in it.
Good luck
pastelcircus
Bluelighter
does anybody know exactly what the 'zaps' are?
i used to refer to them as jolts and would get them when i was coming down from some hefty drone binges and i've been afraid that they were like mini-strokes? or anyrisms?
also, is there a difference in side effects from one extremely high dose vs a dragged out binge?
i used to refer to them as jolts and would get them when i was coming down from some hefty drone binges and i've been afraid that they were like mini-strokes? or anyrisms?
also, is there a difference in side effects from one extremely high dose vs a dragged out binge?
The zaps are a common symptom of sudden serotonin depletion. Usually seen with sudden SSRI discontinuation. It's not a stroke, but it's pretty damn unpleasant.
Large doses will do more acute damage than the same dose drawn out, but neither are recommended. MDMA is something that is to be enjoyed as a rare treat.
Large doses will do more acute damage than the same dose drawn out, but neither are recommended. MDMA is something that is to be enjoyed as a rare treat.
snowboarder7791
Bluelighter
you know i never had zaps before.. i have always spaced out my rolls ( for the most part except twice) at least a minimum of 30 to 40 days sometimes longer... been going on 15 years now.. never had a bad comedown no zaps never really got the manic mondays etc, always test my rolls.. maybe i should consider myself lucky i guess...
Your not taking enough E then, or your taking pretend E what do dose on?
The thing about that era, and especially in the UK, from all accounts I've read, is that you were taking MDMA pills. Pretty much pure MDMA without adulterants. The shit being sold in North America these days is rarely pure MDMA. For whatever reason, chemists are failing all over the place at making ecstasy. If someone were to consume the same amount, mg for mg, what you did over those years, but taking today's drugs, they would be eating their meals out of a straw in a matter of a few years.