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Needing advice on relationship + drugs.

Y

yellowoak

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 4, 2009
Messages
4
I've been with someone for 5 years. In that time, we have had various serious relationship issues, but all but on have for the most part been resolved. Every since high school, I have had a great interest in psychedelic substances. I enjoy using them and I enjoy studying them. He, on the other hand, strongly dislikes psychedelic substances. He greatly enjoys drinking (both casually and to the point of inebriation) and also enjoys using painkillers (though he does so very infrequently).

There is a specific problem that I am having right now, but it is very similar to numerous issues that I have had in the past. I wish to go camping in the nearby desert with my friends about 20 miles out from the nearest city. While there, we would be doing MDMA (arrive during the day, take MDMA at night, leave the following day). The area that we would be going to does not have any deadly animals or dangerous plants - really, no unusual hazards.

He is not at all okay with this. After a drawn out argument, he has said that he would require there to be a sober sitter (which I agreed to find) and that I (or the sober sitter) obtain CPR certification. I have agreed to both.

The problem is that I can't get him to understand why he's being unreasonable about it. He is completely okay with me going to the desert unless I am doing psychedelics. He claims that the risk is too great if I injure myself because no one could take us to medical facilities, but I have done psychedelic mushrooms with him while camping before. I've explained to him that when he drinks alone without telling anyone, he is much more likely to injure himself than I would be on psychedelics and no one would be able to get him necessary medical assistance if he was unconscious from his injury, but he keeps telling me that the situations are not comparable. I am perfectly willing to find a sober sitter, but it upsets me greatly that he isn't be rational about requiring it - it feels like he's just being overprotective.

With the CPR, I can't get him to understand that it's complete overkill. It is very difficult for me to find a CPR class in my area (I've tried), and when I do find one, it will no doubt take an entire one of my days (I'm rather busy with work and having trouble getting my medication for a sleeping disorder that makes me constantly tired). I offered to study CPR on my own and have him quiz me on it, but he became very upset and said that I was trying to get out of having to do anything.

Additionally, he is not happy that I have not met one of the people who would be attending the camping trips. A good friend of mine knows him well, but my boyfriend keeps saying that he's a stranger and that it's unsafe. He has trust issues in general, but in instances like this, it is prohibiting me from doing things I enjoy doing.

More than anything else, I just want him to be rational about why he doesn't want me doing drugs in certain circumstances, but it is incredibly hard for me to accept his limitations when he is willing to use alcohol in a far more reckless fashion.

So this is where you guys come in. Am I being unreasonable? If not, does anyone know of a good way to convince him that psychedelics are safe? He's perfectly aware of the scientific studies that say they are, but he won't apply that knowledge when it involves me using them. I've been trying for number of years to convince him, but everything I've done has helped make very little progress. I just need some advice. :/
 
Noodle said:
slr > pd
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Do you mean to say that this belongs more in Sex, Love, and Relationships more than it belongs in Psychedelic Drugs? Because I had originally posted it in SLR. If you moved it to Psychedelic Drugs, though, sorry 'bout the mix-up.
 
CPR is easy enough to learn from a video. You can practice it on your bf (but not as hard as you would need to do it if it was required for real. People who receive real CPR sometimes end up with broken ribs.)

As for him not being rational about it, it's going to go one of three ways if you're going to stay together:

Things stay the same, you keep tripping and he keeps hating it. Not good.

You change his mind (nobody can tell you how to do this aside from having a heart-to-heart talk in which he agrees to let you say everything you need to before he can reply) - don't appeal to the harmlessness of the substances, appeal to the fact that you are an adult. You forgive him his vices and he should treat you like a fellow human being and forgive yours.

Or you quit.
 
LooSiD said:
don't appeal to the harmlessness of the substances, appeal to the fact that you are an adult. You forgive him his vices and he should treat you like a fellow human being and forgive yours.
Click to expand...

I don't know if I've tried that approach. I will give that a go - I hope it works out well. Thank you for the good advice.

isotopic_parody said:
I'd have him come with you and be the sober sitter if he's so worried.
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I would, but he's out of the country for the next month. :\
 
Perhaps indicate that you do value his intuition - as it can serve us well - but that intuition is often coloured by social stigma such as that attached to drugs. Do a proper risk analysis: ask him to list the specific risks he envisions, and address those one at a time.
 
Your boyfirend is a bit of a dumbass. No, your not being unreasonable, don't worry about it, you know nothing will happen so personally I wouldn't even bother with a sitter, it's xtc, not acid or something serious where you might actually need to consider having one, do you really need one? I think you should dose him with some. Sure he'd be pissed right up until it took effect, then he might pull his head out of his ass.
 
If he's out of the country do it anyway.

& No, your not being unreasonable.
 
you're boyfriend is a fucking hypocrite and it sounds like hes a control freak.

go with your friends and have fun in the desert regardless of what he says- its your life.
leave the boy at home though as he sounds like a dumb fuck who'd ruin everyones trip.

in fact yes, he is a dumb fuck if he thinks its safe to guzzle down meds and drink etc,
but somehow drugs with no detrimental effects on human body & health whatsoever (lsd for example) isnt ok?

JACKASS !

your boyfriend :
ass-no_head.jpg
 
sega, its not the drugs that he seems to think would be damaging, It seems its more the combination of drugs and desert climate. which is a justifiable fear for someone to have. I mean, If someone were to get bit by a snake that could end badly, I do think he is being a bit over protective of you though yellowoak.

If You really care about him dont just turn your phone off and go to the desert. That would be a lot more assholeish than him wanting you to be safe.

Just explain that you are going there, that you will have your phone in case there are any problems, that you have thought about things that could go wrong and have plans in case of their occorence.

Make sure he knows you are going because this is something you really want to do, not something you are doing to spite him.

I think thats the respectable thing to do. I mean, its not like he doesnt want you to have fun, he just wants to make sure you are safe when you have fun.
 
dump the chump

there's a million other people equally as attractive and interesting out there who wouldn't try to control your life instead of just being in it with you. No need to suffer any assholes in life. There's so goddamn many of us out there, you're better off just moving on until you find someone who is more in tune with you and him/herself.

he sounds like a meat head anyhow
 
Plenty of people do drugs at Burning Man in the middle of the Nevada desert and manage to not kill themselves (although there is always a medical presence on site for the idiots that get heat stroke or burn themselves on fire displays). Bring tons of water and food, warm clothing and cool loose clothing as well as sun block.

Tell your boyfriend that you're going to take all the sane precautions. If you're experienced with being altered then tell him so. If he still refuses you should consider what your relationship status with him should be.

Of course you should ask if he wants to dose with you guys! Could be that.
 
tbh a good first aid kit + some benzos are probably a better idea for a psychedelic experience in the desert than cpr training..
more than likely cuts, burns, dehydration, over stimulation will be the only injuries. :)

ignore the bf and enjoy.
g. (envious)
 
If he drinks to the point of inebriation then maybe you should see how he reacts if you ask for him to have a babysitter along to stop him doing something dumb when he's drunk. More likely than you needing to use CPR on your trip IMO.

I wouldn't use that one if you're trying to calm the situation but could help him see your point of view.

Oh and don't rely on your phone. Take a map, compass, first aid and GPS and lots of water of course.

Maps are always good to look at when you've got visuals :D
 
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He sounds ignorant and misinformed. You might be able to buy him a book that explains the safety levels of what you are taking, or something along those lines that are scientific and fact driven. If he refuses to accept facts from proper sources like a book then the ignorance turns into stupidity and you have a problem imho.

I take it he has never taken anything before? My boyfriend is that way. He is ignorant and a bit paranoid. When he found out I was planning on taking stuff he asked me to promise him I would do it at his place first. I told him the technicals and he seems concerned. However, I can tell he is willing to learn even if he is not interested. He is just concerned for my well being which I find absolutely romantic. (The fact that he will go out of his way to examine something he is against and re think it through based on facts and first hand experience.)


Knowledge is king. If you can't get through with proper facts then you have a problem.
 
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