Honestly.?
awful.
depressed so bad. A combination of things have really changed me and not for the better. I’ve pretty much quit working, (I work for myself) quit working out, quit fighting, (I box), quit fishing and hunting. Missed my fist turkey season opener ever and didn’t even care, quit everything in my life I got enjoyment out of. I’m so ashamed and guilt ridden I can’t hardly leave my bedroom. My father passed away February 9th and it’s been a downhill slide for me since that moment. A large part of me died with him. Believe it or not I actually knew he had died before we even got the call. When your that close to someone you just know. It’s weird. I can’t use my dads death as an excuse for my behaviors but I knew what would happen when these days came just not to what extent. If I could only muster up the strength to do what you and krazi, and ladyh, (who is kicking azz) have done, I would be golden. Maybe this is all bad timing. I’m wasting time, kicking the can down the road. My lovely wife is gonna give up on me. That’s when I will give up on myself. I know I sound weak and pathetic, but right now that is what I am. PLease keep posting drew, you too ladyh and krazicat. Y’all are doing great and believe it or not yalls success is keeping my head in this. Albeit barely but I haven’t thrown in the towel just yet. I would go inpatient but I have a father/daughter dance with my 6 and 9 year old daughters on may12th which is also my 11th anniversary to my wife. I want me back soooo bad. I know I’m in here somewhere. I know lots on here aren’t the religious type and that’s fine. Myself, I am very religious. I have strong faith. Attended catholic grade school and high school and both my daughters are in private catholic schools. It would be VERY easy for me to turn my back on God right now because of my situation but I know the power of prayer. My father wouldn’t have lived as long as he did, and my brother should not be here right now according to every doctor that looked over both. There were several atheist doctors that are now believers because of what they witnessed. I’m sorry to bore y’all with that stuff especially if it’s not up your alley and I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone but I feel like I have to reach for the hand of the lord for healing and strength.
I’m so very proud of you guys, lady, drew, krazicat, kristi etc..
even though I’m struggling and not winning the way you guys are your posts do help to show me this isn’t impossible. I love my family sooo much it hurts. I pray I open up and let Jesus in my heart and except that he will not give me more than I can handle before I screw up to the point of no return.
you guys rock!!
sorry again for the religious stuff. It may have been out of line. I don’t want anyone to think differently of me because of my beliefs as I would never think differently about anyone else for theirs.
Keep fighting for sobriety. I’m sure I’m actually fighting for my life.