@beenbetter yea i at first bumped my dose but went back to my usual dose and for 2 days i had to travel and left them at home and i had no issues but in my 3rd day i felt like shit and took it and felt fine. I now know when i get off the subs i May have an issue but there is always something. Thanks for asking beenbetter and how have you beeb
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Need help Subs and H withdrawal
- Thread starter Drewmitz
- Start date
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
Honestly.?
awful.
depressed so bad. A combination of things have really changed me and not for the better. I’ve pretty much quit working, (I work for myself) quit working out, quit fighting, (I box), quit fishing and hunting. Missed my fist turkey season opener ever and didn’t even care, quit everything in my life I got enjoyment out of. I’m so ashamed and guilt ridden I can’t hardly leave my bedroom. My father passed away February 9th and it’s been a downhill slide for me since that moment. A large part of me died with him. Believe it or not I actually knew he had died before we even got the call. When your that close to someone you just know. It’s weird. I can’t use my dads death as an excuse for my behaviors but I knew what would happen when these days came just not to what extent. If I could only muster up the strength to do what you and krazi, and ladyh, (who is kicking azz) have done, I would be golden. Maybe this is all bad timing. I’m wasting time, kicking the can down the road. My lovely wife is gonna give up on me. That’s when I will give up on myself. I know I sound weak and pathetic, but right now that is what I am. PLease keep posting drew, you too ladyh and krazicat. Y’all are doing great and believe it or not yalls success is keeping my head in this. Albeit barely but I haven’t thrown in the towel just yet. I would go inpatient but I have a father/daughter dance with my 6 and 9 year old daughters on may12th which is also my 11th anniversary to my wife. I want me back soooo bad. I know I’m in here somewhere. I know lots on here aren’t the religious type and that’s fine. Myself, I am very religious. I have strong faith. Attended catholic grade school and high school and both my daughters are in private catholic schools. It would be VERY easy for me to turn my back on God right now because of my situation but I know the power of prayer. My father wouldn’t have lived as long as he did, and my brother should not be here right now according to every doctor that looked over both. There were several atheist doctors that are now believers because of what they witnessed. I’m sorry to bore y’all with that stuff especially if it’s not up your alley and I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone but I feel like I have to reach for the hand of the lord for healing and strength.
I’m so very proud of you guys, lady, drew, krazicat, kristi etc..
even though I’m struggling and not winning the way you guys are your posts do help to show me this isn’t impossible. I love my family sooo much it hurts. I pray I open up and let Jesus in my heart and except that he will not give me more than I can handle before I screw up to the point of no return.
you guys rock!!
sorry again for the religious stuff. It may have been out of line. I don’t want anyone to think differently of me because of my beliefs as I would never think differently about anyone else for theirs.
Keep fighting for sobriety. I’m sure I’m actually fighting for my life.
awful.
depressed so bad. A combination of things have really changed me and not for the better. I’ve pretty much quit working, (I work for myself) quit working out, quit fighting, (I box), quit fishing and hunting. Missed my fist turkey season opener ever and didn’t even care, quit everything in my life I got enjoyment out of. I’m so ashamed and guilt ridden I can’t hardly leave my bedroom. My father passed away February 9th and it’s been a downhill slide for me since that moment. A large part of me died with him. Believe it or not I actually knew he had died before we even got the call. When your that close to someone you just know. It’s weird. I can’t use my dads death as an excuse for my behaviors but I knew what would happen when these days came just not to what extent. If I could only muster up the strength to do what you and krazi, and ladyh, (who is kicking azz) have done, I would be golden. Maybe this is all bad timing. I’m wasting time, kicking the can down the road. My lovely wife is gonna give up on me. That’s when I will give up on myself. I know I sound weak and pathetic, but right now that is what I am. PLease keep posting drew, you too ladyh and krazicat. Y’all are doing great and believe it or not yalls success is keeping my head in this. Albeit barely but I haven’t thrown in the towel just yet. I would go inpatient but I have a father/daughter dance with my 6 and 9 year old daughters on may12th which is also my 11th anniversary to my wife. I want me back soooo bad. I know I’m in here somewhere. I know lots on here aren’t the religious type and that’s fine. Myself, I am very religious. I have strong faith. Attended catholic grade school and high school and both my daughters are in private catholic schools. It would be VERY easy for me to turn my back on God right now because of my situation but I know the power of prayer. My father wouldn’t have lived as long as he did, and my brother should not be here right now according to every doctor that looked over both. There were several atheist doctors that are now believers because of what they witnessed. I’m sorry to bore y’all with that stuff especially if it’s not up your alley and I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone but I feel like I have to reach for the hand of the lord for healing and strength.
I’m so very proud of you guys, lady, drew, krazicat, kristi etc..
even though I’m struggling and not winning the way you guys are your posts do help to show me this isn’t impossible. I love my family sooo much it hurts. I pray I open up and let Jesus in my heart and except that he will not give me more than I can handle before I screw up to the point of no return.
you guys rock!!
sorry again for the religious stuff. It may have been out of line. I don’t want anyone to think differently of me because of my beliefs as I would never think differently about anyone else for theirs.
Keep fighting for sobriety. I’m sure I’m actually fighting for my life.
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
Oh, drew, what kind of sub dosages are you using now if you don’t mind me asking. And how is your sleep, depression, cravings etc.... been able to work?
seeing a counselor or anything?
Sorry for all the questions. Your just doing so well and I wanna be there with you.
seeing a counselor or anything?
Sorry for all the questions. Your just doing so well and I wanna be there with you.
Hello Beenbetter,
I slipped up this week someone who i think of as a Brother who is closer to me then my own brother had a seizure hit his head and now is on life support. After i went to the hospital tobsay my prayers i called my dealer. I?ve been at this hospital since Monday crying and he has seizures due to his drinking.
I have been on your road and even thought of just ending it all but i think of my mom the one person who never gave up on me and i can?t do that it would kill her. As depression it?s for me due to a lot of things like loosing my fianc? of 9 years because of my drug use (no one knew cause i don?t lean out or steal or look like an addict) i told her because i was going through WD and wanted to be honest but after the 2md time she threw me out. This on top of me loosing my job, loss of 3 friends in 5 months and now my best friend made me loose my faith. If you have faith don?t loose it because faith can help so much people who are not in our situation would never understand. I have a messed up family dynamic i give to them all even put down the down payment for my moms house and no one (except my mom) cares. I moved into my basement until i find another job and get my shit together. Don?t feel bad or be hard on yourself, i am so hard on myself that i fail before i try. I used for the past 4 days because i can?t deal with this loss but i know when i stop i have to use and it scares me. Loss is hard especially if it?s someone who you love dearly like your father or for me this man who is closer to me then my brother.
My cravings are hard and when i get them i will take a sub or call someone i am close to and that helps. My depression cripples me, i stay home and sleep and don?t even watch tv i will read but i end up crying and thinking of who and where i was a year ago and what can happen to us in a year. Sleep in get none i take tramadole but even then if i get 4 hours I?m lucky. I started taking 10-12 mg subs a day and now I?m on 4-6 subs a day and that helps.
Don?t ever apologize for how you feel or what you are going through in fact tell people to fuck themselves. You have to be able to do what you need to do for you and your family and not think of others and how you feel they think of you. One thing i learned is if i try to make everyone happy i will never end up making myself happy.
If you have your faith use it and don?t loose it. Don?t think of other people if you want my advice use a long weekend to dry out start to taper down and when you have 4 days off start with the subs because you still will be messed up woth the shits and cold and hot sweats.. don?t praise me man i fucked up but o have not found a way to deal with this loss. Always remember this takes time and if you skip catch yourself before it becomes a fall. People make mistakes and you have your family to get the strength . I wish i had that i am all alone and feel like people gave up on me. Depression happens but realize you are going through it and now that the weather is better go out for walks or hit the gym.
I slipped up this week someone who i think of as a Brother who is closer to me then my own brother had a seizure hit his head and now is on life support. After i went to the hospital tobsay my prayers i called my dealer. I?ve been at this hospital since Monday crying and he has seizures due to his drinking.
I have been on your road and even thought of just ending it all but i think of my mom the one person who never gave up on me and i can?t do that it would kill her. As depression it?s for me due to a lot of things like loosing my fianc? of 9 years because of my drug use (no one knew cause i don?t lean out or steal or look like an addict) i told her because i was going through WD and wanted to be honest but after the 2md time she threw me out. This on top of me loosing my job, loss of 3 friends in 5 months and now my best friend made me loose my faith. If you have faith don?t loose it because faith can help so much people who are not in our situation would never understand. I have a messed up family dynamic i give to them all even put down the down payment for my moms house and no one (except my mom) cares. I moved into my basement until i find another job and get my shit together. Don?t feel bad or be hard on yourself, i am so hard on myself that i fail before i try. I used for the past 4 days because i can?t deal with this loss but i know when i stop i have to use and it scares me. Loss is hard especially if it?s someone who you love dearly like your father or for me this man who is closer to me then my brother.
My cravings are hard and when i get them i will take a sub or call someone i am close to and that helps. My depression cripples me, i stay home and sleep and don?t even watch tv i will read but i end up crying and thinking of who and where i was a year ago and what can happen to us in a year. Sleep in get none i take tramadole but even then if i get 4 hours I?m lucky. I started taking 10-12 mg subs a day and now I?m on 4-6 subs a day and that helps.
Don?t ever apologize for how you feel or what you are going through in fact tell people to fuck themselves. You have to be able to do what you need to do for you and your family and not think of others and how you feel they think of you. One thing i learned is if i try to make everyone happy i will never end up making myself happy.
If you have your faith use it and don?t loose it. Don?t think of other people if you want my advice use a long weekend to dry out start to taper down and when you have 4 days off start with the subs because you still will be messed up woth the shits and cold and hot sweats.. don?t praise me man i fucked up but o have not found a way to deal with this loss. Always remember this takes time and if you skip catch yourself before it becomes a fall. People make mistakes and you have your family to get the strength . I wish i had that i am all alone and feel like people gave up on me. Depression happens but realize you are going through it and now that the weather is better go out for walks or hit the gym.
Do not feel bad for yourself that?s what you don?t want to do. People are human and mistakes happen and you see and know you made a mistake and that?s the first step now try to figure out what you can do to stay clean. Spend time with your kids that?s a distraction and also helps build with your family. Don?t ever get down on yourself and remember when you fall you can get up. My friend was an alcoholic and has a sezuie and he does not have another chance, WE DO!!!
Please keep in touch i will do whatever o can to try to help, keep your faith don?t loose that and beleive on yourself this is something you have to do for you and when you start to clean up it will be hard but you will see how much life is better and you can do it o beleive you can
Please keep in touch i will do whatever o can to try to help, keep your faith don?t loose that and beleive on yourself this is something you have to do for you and when you start to clean up it will be hard but you will see how much life is better and you can do it o beleive you can
Beenbetter
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2017
- Messages
- 200
thanks for the little extra push drew. I really needed it. I know I can do this. I just let everything get to me soo much and I feel like a loser every time I give in. I know it?s not a sprint, it?s a marathon. Time to buckle down. It?s the sleep that breaks me every time. I feel like if I could could sleep I could get this beat. I am gonna hold onto my faith and push on. Keep your faith. I?ve seen miracles. My brother was sposed to be a vegetable but he pulled through lt. It was a long bumpy road but he made it. I will pray for your friend.
Thank you but on Wednesday they are going to take him off the machines and donate his organs and this caused me to break and i relapsed for one day but to be honest it was just an excuse i needed to use again and thank god it was only for one day. I feel like a loser but i am back on the track i want to be on. One thing is knowing that we have an issue and another is doing something about it. We all have stories to tell and reasons to pick it back up but at the end of the day we are accountable for our own actions and all i can say is that it?s a tough and hard road to walk and we may fall down but we have to get back up and continue to walk that mile. As far as sleep well i have always had sleep issues so that?s one thing i have grown use to it and it sucks getting 4-6 hours a night and on the weekend getting a power sleep (12 hours or better,once i slept for a full day) i can recommend melatonin or sleepy time tea that works for me or ask your doctor for Trazodone, don?t take ambient because once your on it you can?t get off it i know first hand. I took it for like 4 months and slept great then i ran out on vacation and i could not sleep for like 2 days no matter how pissy drunk i got then my doctor told me it was addicting and once on it you need it, that was the last time i ever used it. The melatonin works but you get used to it so i switch up from melatonin to trazmadone to sleepy time tea to Zquile so i can Rey to get 6 plus hours a night. I knownyou can do this if you focus and really try and don?t do what i did and find any excuse you need to use