Hello, I am 25 years old served in the US Army and made it back home. I went through alot of things and addictions but im at a point in my life where I don't want to go through another moment of this torture.
I started off with pain pills, went from 1 pill a day to 20-30 7.5 MGs daily. After I couldn't get pills anymore I went to Poppy seeds and actual Poppy's where I would order off the internet. About a year and a half ago I had enough of it all so I read about Imodium AKA Lopermide. So I took 14 pills 2mg each pill and it completely took away all my w/d and I felt normal again. Being a addict and having 0 willpower since this all started I now sit at taking 3 bottles each with 72 pills in a bottle daily!!!! I am dying, my body is dying. I have spent the past month trying to get off and I can't. I went 4 days without them and by that time I felt my liver shutting down every possible withdraw effect I had while going through withdraw from Poppy's and pain pills I not only had but it was tripled. The mental withdraw is out of control and I often consider doing off with myself. I can't tell any of this to my family because they don't understand. I went to them for help, I was told it's all in my head that I just need to suck it up and be over with it. ANYONE who has gone through this with any Opiate will say easier said then done. I will steal, I will lie, Does not matter from who but I will do whatever I need just for that fix for the day. My life is a living hell, I have been homeless. I have been divorced. I have seen shit in the army that fucked me up for the rest of my life. So I come here today to ask for help. I don't know where else to go or turn to but im at my limit and these few days coming up could be my very last.
Today I thought it was all going to be over. That I finally found a way to fight this. I went to the Suboxone doctor.. I told him the complete truth And how much and how long I have taken Lopermide AKA Anti Diarrhea pills. I told him of my addictive personality and if I can't go on something that will help the craving I wont be able to get off them. I just don't have the willpower anymore. The doctor says this.. I have good new and bad news. The good new is im not going to charge you for your visit. The bad news is I called around and it's not supposed to pass the BBB and if I give you Suboxone it wont do anything for you since it doesn't attach to the same receptors. This is complete BULLSHIT. I don't care how much study you do on this drug Its a Opiate. I go through ALL the withdraws but it's much more intense. Back to the doctor. He said he can't give me it and he asked well what if I just give it to him? What if I preform my own study about the drug because we have never seen this before? The other doctor says the DA will have his ass.. I respect this doctor and Im not pissed off at him. I pissed off at the people who said this drug was ok, That it's impossible to get addicted to, that it's all in my head. What im feeling isn't in my head. I made it through war and back With PTSD but I came out ok. I didn't break when I see people killed in combat or had to do some brutal things myself. But this.. this fucking drug broke me down to my very core. I don't have money, I can't hold a job because the withdraws are so bad. I am a nobody in this life and it's something I came to understand is my fault. If you ever plan on taking this drug to help you.. Don't fucking take it for more then you need it. Fuck what people say about it not being able to be abused to addictive because it doesn't pass the BBB God made everyone diffrent.. Could it be possible that it get's through to some people? Especially when taking the amount I am? Hell YES it is.
Once again I say.. I need help. I need to know what to do You guys are the last group of people I have to turn to..
Thank you all for even reading this, And I hope everyone can get through the hell that has been given to them in the form of drugs.
I started off with pain pills, went from 1 pill a day to 20-30 7.5 MGs daily. After I couldn't get pills anymore I went to Poppy seeds and actual Poppy's where I would order off the internet. About a year and a half ago I had enough of it all so I read about Imodium AKA Lopermide. So I took 14 pills 2mg each pill and it completely took away all my w/d and I felt normal again. Being a addict and having 0 willpower since this all started I now sit at taking 3 bottles each with 72 pills in a bottle daily!!!! I am dying, my body is dying. I have spent the past month trying to get off and I can't. I went 4 days without them and by that time I felt my liver shutting down every possible withdraw effect I had while going through withdraw from Poppy's and pain pills I not only had but it was tripled. The mental withdraw is out of control and I often consider doing off with myself. I can't tell any of this to my family because they don't understand. I went to them for help, I was told it's all in my head that I just need to suck it up and be over with it. ANYONE who has gone through this with any Opiate will say easier said then done. I will steal, I will lie, Does not matter from who but I will do whatever I need just for that fix for the day. My life is a living hell, I have been homeless. I have been divorced. I have seen shit in the army that fucked me up for the rest of my life. So I come here today to ask for help. I don't know where else to go or turn to but im at my limit and these few days coming up could be my very last.
Today I thought it was all going to be over. That I finally found a way to fight this. I went to the Suboxone doctor.. I told him the complete truth And how much and how long I have taken Lopermide AKA Anti Diarrhea pills. I told him of my addictive personality and if I can't go on something that will help the craving I wont be able to get off them. I just don't have the willpower anymore. The doctor says this.. I have good new and bad news. The good new is im not going to charge you for your visit. The bad news is I called around and it's not supposed to pass the BBB and if I give you Suboxone it wont do anything for you since it doesn't attach to the same receptors. This is complete BULLSHIT. I don't care how much study you do on this drug Its a Opiate. I go through ALL the withdraws but it's much more intense. Back to the doctor. He said he can't give me it and he asked well what if I just give it to him? What if I preform my own study about the drug because we have never seen this before? The other doctor says the DA will have his ass.. I respect this doctor and Im not pissed off at him. I pissed off at the people who said this drug was ok, That it's impossible to get addicted to, that it's all in my head. What im feeling isn't in my head. I made it through war and back With PTSD but I came out ok. I didn't break when I see people killed in combat or had to do some brutal things myself. But this.. this fucking drug broke me down to my very core. I don't have money, I can't hold a job because the withdraws are so bad. I am a nobody in this life and it's something I came to understand is my fault. If you ever plan on taking this drug to help you.. Don't fucking take it for more then you need it. Fuck what people say about it not being able to be abused to addictive because it doesn't pass the BBB God made everyone diffrent.. Could it be possible that it get's through to some people? Especially when taking the amount I am? Hell YES it is.
Once again I say.. I need help. I need to know what to do You guys are the last group of people I have to turn to..
Thank you all for even reading this, And I hope everyone can get through the hell that has been given to them in the form of drugs.