I don't know if this can help
okay MY FREAKIN LEGS HURT SOOOOOOOOOOOO bad i can deal with anything but the legs. what is this now day 5 i think. who ever said i shouldnt have thrown the subs out were right but god i just wanted to b done with this shit. i should have kept on tapering right on down but I COULD NOT GET PASS ONE MG. To b honest i had actually started like my sub way better than i did bfore because i was actually feeling an energy boost off of it and knowing me hell i just would have never been able to stop hell i had enough at that dose for the next freakin 6 months. i have a husband who is wonderfull but he just doesnt fuckning get it the whole addiction thing i mean and i am frustrated by that. should i maybe go get some tabs and half them maybe hell i dont know what to do. and trust me with the suboxone going out of my stupid addict brain my opiate receptors have came back to life and they r screaming give me an opiate any opiate. maybe i should have just stayed on suboxone forever maybe i will always be a fucking pill head i dont know. I just want to b one of those people that dont need a pill to get out of bed or a pill to have fun or a pill to clean my house etc etc. I am not having a good morning. i dont know what to do.
I am new here to posting, but have been lurking for months. I am currently doing the exact same thing you have been doing. I have read so much about it, but I am a very stubborn person, but I am starting to believe in these lesser doses working. My thing is, I am a strong believer in endorphin deficiency, and believe it will be scientifically proven one day. Some people just cannot help themselves. A diabetic cannot help the fact that they need insulin, to be normal every day. Do they want to take that insulin? Do they think it's fun? Of course not, but it's a necessity to them.
It seems you were doing very well at these low doses. I am not here to tell you what to do, I just wanted to give some input. If you could get down to the lowest dose that is comfortable to you, then my opinion is why change it? Now, if you want to do that, I commend you for not wanting to depend on a pill for the rest of your life. You are a stronger person than I am.
Suboxone has saved my life. I fell in love with opiates the first time I took a lortab after wisdom teeth removal when I was 16. I remember talking to my then girlfriend on the phone that day, and I was saying things that she had always wanted to hear, but I never could get the words out until I discovered the world of opiates. That day, I didn't even know what I had taken, just knew it was for pain. I didn't know what an opiate was, I heard of heroin, but could not have told you to save my life what drug category heroin was in. I thought heroin, cocaine, and crack were all just drugs, and didn't realize there were different categories of drugs.
I am a recovering alcoholic, I nearly died in 2007 from pancreatitis, after mixing booze and any opiate with tylenol in it for a few months. I was not expected to live through the night at one point. After I got out of the hospital, and had to learn to walk again, at then the age of 26, I knew I could not go back to drinking, or it would kill me. I really enjoyed opiates more than alcohol, I drank so much because it intensified my opiates.
I then discovered suboxone in September of 2008 after taking roxicodone for a while, which was easy to get a prescription for after having pancreatitis. In February of 2009, I lost my medicaid, because they found out I was making too much money, and I could no longer afford suboxone. I tapered myself off what I had left in two months, which was not long enough. For two or three weeks I had no energy or motivation whatsoever. It slowly started coming back, but my brain just did not feel normal. I ended up getting so desperate I relapsed back on alcohol in July of 2009. After a two week drinking binge I knew I would die if I kept it up, and went to rehab. While in rehab, my mom was able to get my medicaid reinstated.
I am now back on suboxone, have been since October of last year, and am lowering my dose, and finally overcoming my stubbornness to stop taking higher doses. This is just me personally, and my own personal choice, but I plan on staying on suboxone as long as I need too, if that's what it takes for me to live a normal, healthy life. If that means forever, so be it. Your friends and family may try and make you feel guilty about taking something that is "addicting," but I don't hear diabetics families fussing about them taking their insulin, to lead a normal, healthy life.
Like I said, that is my story, and I hope you do what works for you, and that it turns out great. If it turns out that you need to stay on maintenance, then don't worry about it. There are some people who may need it long term, some not. There may be a day where I do stop, but right now, I am not going to break something that is fixed. And I am not going to let my conscience, or any person make me feel guilty about it.
I wish you the best of luck in your recovery.