Stimulants Near lethal OD. I think I have permenant brain damage. PLEASE help.

[500]

That's where you'd be wrong. Firstly there's a massive difference between panic and anxiety attacks. Panic attacks can't properly be described to someone who hasn't suffered them, but yours sound bang on like very, very strong panic attacks (particularly the tingling and numbness).

Their coming out of the blue is very common too; my panic attacks have always come out of nowhere (when sober, relaxed, etc.), ever since I smoked a joint while peaking on two very strong MDxx pills and had my first panic attack.

I'd strongly recommend you lay off weed and pretty much any other drugs for a long time. It's been 4 years since my first panic attack and I'm still on a downer-only diet, can't handle stims anymore.





Anyway, if you're still concerned, think about it logically: Work out the BA of basic Adderall at the dosage you took, and compare it with LD50's (roughly 100mg/kg). You'll see you're nowhere even remotely near to having physically endangered your body. Also, consider; if your episode truly was an OD, why would it re-occur while sober, at another time?

There's a difference between the psychological trauma that an overwhelming drug experience can bring, and neurological damage from a drug overdose. Basically you can fuck your software up without doing any damage whatsoever to your hardware; your panic attack/s were a software response to a software-only problem, meaning nothing permanent has been "broken". Panic attacks do, in most cases, diminish in occurrence and intensity (they have done for me), but such an experience will leave an indelible mark on your mind that will most probably bar you from using stims again in such high doses (then again individuals vary). The important thing to bear in mind is that you treat your problem as a psychological-only trauma (therefore avoid psychologically distressing situations such as Adderall abuse!), rather than a physiological issue.

Im about 130lb's, 5'8. No amphetamine tolerance, and the baking soda makes amphetamines MUCH stronger from personal experience. 50mg adderall IR along with some underlying condition could and DID cause a overdose that I could have died from.

My heart rate was past 180, I had 3 seizures before they gave me benzos in the ER. And even after almost a month Im still suffering grand-mal seizures and constant myoclonic seizures.

Truly unbelievable that you could possibly even bring up bullshit panic attacks like your trying to insinuate "its all in my head".

Ive never suffered from panic attacks, or anxiety. In fact before and during most of the myoclonic seizures Im completely calm and anxiety/panic free. The bigger ones freak me out though.

Ive had a neurologist tell me, after taking 2 MRI's, a EEG, and a EMG. That I have a unknown seizure disorder due to damage in my temporal lobe. Sorry, Its getting really fucking annoying with people still accusing me of this just being some stupid panic attack.

What rational reason could you even justify calling these "panic attacks/anxiety"?

Do I need to fucking upload a video of me having a seizure before most of you people stop assuming im some stupid kid that can't handle his drugs that just had a "panic attack"?

What do you want. Seriously?

 

[500]

That's where you'd be wrong. Firstly there's a massive difference between panic and anxiety attacks. Panic attacks can't properly be described to someone who hasn't suffered them, but yours sound bang on like very, very strong panic attacks (particularly the tingling and numbness).

Their coming out of the blue is very common too; my panic attacks have always come out of nowhere (when sober, relaxed, etc.), ever since I smoked a joint while peaking on two very strong MDxx pills and had my first panic attack.

I'd strongly recommend you lay off weed and pretty much any other drugs for a long time. It's been 4 years since my first panic attack and I'm still on a downer-only diet, can't handle stims anymore.





Anyway, if you're still concerned, think about it logically: Work out the BA of basic Adderall at the dosage you took, and compare it with LD50's (roughly 100mg/kg). You'll see you're nowhere even remotely near to having physically endangered your body. Also, consider; if your episode truly was an OD, why would it re-occur while sober, at another time?

There's a difference between the psychological trauma that an overwhelming drug experience can bring, and neurological damage from a drug overdose. Basically you can fuck your software up without doing any damage whatsoever to your hardware; your panic attack/s were a software response to a software-only problem, meaning nothing permanent has been "broken". Panic attacks do, in most cases, diminish in occurrence and intensity (they have done for me), but such an experience will leave an indelible mark on your mind that will most probably bar you from using stims again in such high doses (then again individuals vary). The important thing to bear in mind is that you treat your problem as a psychological-only trauma (therefore avoid psychologically distressing situations such as Adderall abuse!), rather than a physiological issue.

That's where you'd be wrong. Firstly there's a massive difference between panic and anxiety attacks. Panic attacks can't properly be described to someone who hasn't suffered them, but yours sound bang on like very, very strong panic attacks (particularly the tingling and numbness).

Their coming out of the blue is very common too; my panic attacks have always come out of nowhere (when sober, relaxed, etc.), ever since I smoked a joint while peaking on two very strong MDxx pills and had my first panic attack.

I'd strongly recommend you lay off weed and pretty much any other drugs for a long time. It's been 4 years since my first panic attack and I'm still on a downer-only diet, can't handle stims anymore.





Anyway, if you're still concerned, think about it logically: Work out the BA of basic Adderall at the dosage you took, and compare it with LD50's (roughly 100mg/kg). You'll see you're nowhere even remotely near to having physically endangered your body. Also, consider; if your episode truly was an OD, why would it re-occur while sober, at another time?

There's a difference between the psychological trauma that an overwhelming drug experience can bring, and neurological damage from a drug overdose. Basically you can fuck your software up without doing any damage whatsoever to your hardware; your panic attack/s were a software response to a software-only problem, meaning nothing permanent has been "broken". Panic attacks do, in most cases, diminish in occurrence and intensity (they have done for me), but such an experience will leave an indelible mark on your mind that will most probably bar you from using stims again in such high doses (then again individuals vary). The important thing to bear in mind is that you treat your problem as a psychological-only trauma (therefore avoid psychologically distressing situations such as Adderall abuse!), rather than a physiological issue.

Im about 130lb's, 5'8. No amphetamine tolerance, and the baking soda makes amphetamines MUCH stronger from personal experience. 50mg adderall IR along with some underlying condition could and DID cause a overdose that I could have died from.

My heart rate was past 180, I had 3 seizures before they gave me benzos in the ER. And even after almost a month Im still suffering grand-mal seizures and constant myoclonic seizures.

Truly unbelievable that you could possibly even bring up bullshit panic attacks like your trying to insinuate "its all in my head".

Ive never suffered from panic attacks, or anxiety. In fact before and during most of the myoclonic seizures Im completely calm and anxiety/panic free. The bigger ones freak me out though.

Ive had a neurologist tell me, after taking 2 MRI's, a EEG, and a EMG. That I have a unknown seizure disorder due to damage in my temporal lobe. Sorry, Its getting really fucking annoying with people still accusing me of this just being some stupid panic attack.

What rational reason could you even justify calling these "panic attacks/anxiety"?

Do I need to fucking upload a video of me having a seizure before most of you people stop assuming im some stupid kid that can't handle his drugs that just had a "panic attack"?

What do you want. Seriously?

 

[Pegasus]

^Dude, chill out. Why are you trying to convince us?

Do I need to fucking upload a video of me having a seizure before most of you people stop assuming im some stupid kid that can't handle his drugs that just had a "panic attack"?

No one ever said this, not even once. Everyone emphasizes that panic attacks are serious.

Sorry, Its getting really fucking annoying with people still accusing me of this just being some stupid panic attack.

"Just" a panic attack? See, you're not understanding what a panic attack is... Regardless, you have your answer, don't you? Don't get so worked up, this site is here to assist people...

 

[500]

You guys are fucking unbelievable.

After having many tests done I was diagnosed with a seizure disorder by my neurologist, and prescribed keppra.

THEY TOOK MY FUCKING DRIVERS LICENSE FOR 6 MONTHS, and possibly even more. Do they do that for silly fucking panic attacks?

Ive been accused of lying by my family, by quacks, and by alot of dumbassess on this forum. It pisses me off so fucking much when someone accuses me of lying about these seizures. And every time one of you fucking dickheads accuse me of just having "psychosis" or "panic attacks". Thats what your doing.

What happened to me has ABSOLUTELY NOT A SINGLE FUCKING THING TO DO WITH PANIC ATTACKS OR ANXIETY. Everyone can go fuck themselves, before and DURING alot of the myoclonic seizures Im completely relaxed and calm.

How does that even sound like a stupid fucking silly imaginary "panic attack". You can all go fuck yourselves and Ill enjoy my ban from this website full of fucking idiots who have done nothing but accuse me of being a liar.

Fuck all of you.

 

[Pegasus]

^You're obviously paranoid and delusional (responding to criticisms that don't exist, etc), you should get that checked as well...

(or you're a troll...)

 

[500]

^You're obviously paranoid, get that checked as well...

Go fuck yourself you dumbass. Im not paranoid, Im angry for the fucking extreme amounts of stupidity the members of this forum have displayed in this thread.

After many tests Ive had a neurologist tell me what I already know. That I have a seizure disorder. Yet you dumbassess STILL have the nerve to accuse me of just having "panic attacks".

Telling me I have "psychosis" or that these things are just "panic attacks" is calling me a liar. And I don't appreciate it. Your delusional if you can't understand why im justifiably angry at you fucking idiots on this forum.

Again, go fuck yourself.

 

[Pegasus]

"Persecutory delusions (also known as querulant delusions) are a delusional condition in which the affected person believes - wrongly – they are being persecuted."

"According to the DSM-IV-TR, persecutory delusions are the most common form of delusions in schizophrenia, where the person believes "he or she is being tormented, followed, tricked, spied on, or ridiculed."

...Lol, alright, I'll stop now. I don't see this going anywhere.

 

[500]

"Persecutory delusions (also known as querulant delusions) are a delusional condition in which the affected person believes - wrongly – they are being persecuted."

"According to the DSM-IV-TR, persecutory delusions are the most common form of delusions in schizophrenia, where the person believes "he or she is being tormented, followed, tricked, spied on, or ridiculed."

...Lol, alright, I'll stop now. I don't see this going anywhere.

At what point in this thread did I say or insinuate that I wrongly believe someone is attempting to persecute me, or that someone is "out to get me".

If you cant understand why Im angry, then your the delusional one.

Ive had a neurologist who is MUCH more qualified then ANY OF YOU FUCKING INBRED MORONIC IDIOTS on this forum diagnose me with a seizure disorder after doing many tests.

Ive been constantly having seizures since the overdose. Do you realize how fucking unbelievably infuriating it is when a bunch of FUCKING IDIOTS come along and try to tell me that these fucking seizures are just imaginary bullshit "panic attacks/anxiety", or that its just "psychosis".

It makes me fucking angry, because your all just a bunch of fucking idiotic drug loving morons with no clue what your talking about. Do you know how fucking angry it makes me when Ive been having pretty bad seizures, and then some dickheads come along and accuse me of lying, saying that there just "panic attacks" or some other similar bullshit.

Your a bunch of fucking idiots. Go fuck yourself.

EDIT; I apologize to vaya, no one else though

 

[superluminality]

I can hardly blame you for being pissed, 500....The assumption about panic attacks was highly presumptive and rather silly to begin with, but the way pele persisted with it well past when you gave confirmation that this was far more than that must be infuriating.

It's quite possible that you already had the latent seizure disorder before this, and the amphetamine just bright it out, rather than actually causing it per se. In any case, let me be the apparently first and only person so far to say that this is very clearly NOT "all in your head."

 

[Vaya]

EDIT; I apologize to vaya, no one else though

I don't need your apology, dude; what I'd love to see even more is for you to take a step back from this sophomoric verbal outburst of yours, acknowledge that your symptomatic descriptions had been difficult to follow at times, see that no one is "accusing" you (a word you have used so many times I cannot count) of "lying" or "faking" seizure symptoms (although red flags go up for me, given my specific knowledge base, when you claim you've being diagnosed with a seizure disorder that you cannot name and then flying off the handle when good people attempt to clarify information in order to answer your original question and to help you), understand that those who have answered. at length (and with intelligence and respect) are, in *all* cases (each post being unexceptional to this rule) attempting to analyze and nurture this problem as if it were their own - or at least, to the best of their ability in answering your difficult-to-answer medical questions. Because that's what we, the "drug loving morons" here at Bluelight do. Attempt to help one another.

If we know so much woefully less than your neurologist, why don't you take your concerns to him? As it has been said, we're not doctors or diagnosticians. We don't know you, and based off of a texted internet description, you expect that we be able to definitively answer your complex brain function/seizure disorder queries. You've berated some of the best advice I have seen offered to anyone on Bluelight in a while with tangential and disorganized thought processes and inappropriate language/interactions, and I think Pegasus should have run further with his quoting of diagnostic criteria from the DSM-IV-TR; you've been doing nothing but responding to perceived, however imaginary, threads from those being the most friendly to you.

It's strange to me that you've answered not one of my own clarifying questions, either. That indicates to me that you have no answer to provide, and because you have no answer to provide, those that have explicitly questioned the legitimacy of this post at all due to your behavior have every reason to do so, and that I am beginning to join them in their skepticism.

In any case, let me be the apparently first and only person so far to say that this is very clearly NOT "all in your head."

Please apprise me of where it was, once I'd learned that he'd actually had a seizure, that I suggested that his symptoms were psychosomatic in nature? (I'm not being facetious, please, by all means, grant my request).

~ vaya

 

[K8eBayB]

I saw the OP's post and read through the first few responses and was getting ready to just post about my own experiences with panic attacks and adderall. I'm glad I read the whole thread though, because it seems that it was something more serious. First off, OP: I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. If you didn't know before, you probably do now, that ER medicine is meant to stabilize and then to make a referral. They aren't specialists, they know a bit about everything and sometimes they miss things. I've had my own bad experiences with ER docs and I'm sure you have noticed that the average person doesn't look at people who use drugs very positively. Yeah you would think doctors would be more open minded, but a lot of times they aren't. They sometimes let their own opinions affect the care they give even when it shouldn't.

Second of all, I understand how you could be frustrated when you are convinced that something happened and nobody is listening. But you have to understand that your first post left a lot unanswered and nobody is going to take the time to answer if they aren't trying to help. This board isn't medical professionals, although sometimes those that answer do have expertise, it is a group of diverse people offering their opinion and trying to help answer your question. I hope that things turn out ok for you. seems like you knew something wasn't right and did the right thing in getting a second opinion from a specialist.

The one question I have is about the alcohol. You said you can't drink anymore because once the alcohol leaves your system you have a seizure. Did you drink heavily before? The only reason I ask is because alcohol withdrawal can bring on seizures.

 

[500]

I say stupid shit in anger and cringe reading it in retrospect. O well, Im surprised I didn't get banned or something. Do mods just not give a shit about immature bursts of anger like that?

Vaya, every time I see my neuro he says alot of shit, most of which I will admit I don't understand. He says so much shit and its very confusing. But basically what I can get out of him is that something in my temporal lobe is damaged, and he says its causing myoclonic seizures and tonic-clonic seizures.

Where still doing more tests and all kinds of shit. He throws around so much fucking terminology I dont get its crazy, but basically Im just going to call it "seizure disorder" for lack of a better term.

Im on 2000mg keppra daily, shit doesn't work, I had a grand-mal this morning. I need something really fucking powerful, benzos work great, but I would prefer a long lasting barbiturate like phenobarbital. Ill never get that though.

I don't expect sympathy from anyone on here, nor help, nor advice. I don't even know why I began bitching about my personal life to the internet anyway.

Honestly Im surprised people didn't react by throwing angry insults back at me or just banning me. Ive been going through extreme fits of rage lately, and something just triggered it.

Im really surprised to even see a ounce of kindness in those comments after the extremely insulting comments I just left.

EDIT; My alcohol usage before the OD was pretty occasional, like no more then 1-2 times a week. So that probably wasn't a factor, I was drunk the day before the OD though. But I can't drink now, I tried drinking twice last week, and everytime I started to sober up it triggered a really bad seizure. I was at my friends house and he was close to calling 911.

I honestly don't think I deserve advice from anyone on here though. You should be mad or atleast insulting me. Something, I mean I said some really insulting shit and your just responding all nice.

EDIT; Im just not going to come back to this website. Sorry for acting like a jackass, Im just not going to even come back here because it causes me stress. Ill keep my personal problems and anger issues away from the internet in the future.

 

[Fixed5217]

At what point in this thread did I say or insinuate that I wrongly believe someone is attempting to persecute me, or that someone is "out to get me".

If you cant understand why Im angry, then your the delusional one.

Ive had a neurologist who is MUCH more qualified then ANY OF YOU FUCKING INBRED MORONIC IDIOTS on this forum diagnose me with a seizure disorder after doing many tests.

Ive been constantly having seizures since the overdose. Do you realize how fucking unbelievably infuriating it is when a bunch of FUCKING IDIOTS come along and try to tell me that these fucking seizures are just imaginary bullshit "panic attacks/anxiety", or that its just "psychosis".

It makes me fucking angry, because your all just a bunch of fucking idiotic drug loving morons with no clue what your talking about. Do you know how fucking angry it makes me when Ive been having pretty bad seizures, and then some dickheads come along and accuse me of lying, saying that there just "panic attacks" or some other similar bullshit.

Your a bunch of fucking idiots. Go fuck yourself.

EDIT; I apologize to vaya, no one else though

I know how you feel dude, at least to have someone write off your reality as a 'panic attack'
popping = stroke?, but highly unlikely. lay off the stims as people have said and eat a nutrient rich diet in combo with exercise to recover man

 

[PinK~cloud]

It is clear that you are worrying about this issue, 500. I realize you were "diagnosed" with having a seizure, but I figured I'd post anyway. Anyway, the sheer fact that you continue to post in here worried as shit shows you are dealing with some sort of anxiety surrounding your recent traumatic event.

I had a similar event happen years back in high school. I had smoked like 20 bowls (with no tolerance to pot) and did a little adderall. The paranoia induced by marijuana, combined with similar feelings from amps were too much for me. I for sure had a panic attack. When I woke the next day I thought my vision was different or something, and did the same thing as you--posted in an online forum to get advice. People gave me suggestions, but I never thought they applied to me. I worried about my brain "damage" for a long time. Ironically, the "vision problem" went away once I moved on and stopped worrying about it.

I know what you went through; you had a traumatic event and are now compulsively worrying about it.

My advice? Try to live life free of the worry, and just move on. You got to have the mentality that you can't change the past. Just say "fuck it," and let go.

Let go, let go~


edit: Getting angry over little things grows out of you with age. You'll figure out what to care about, and what to blow off. Best of luck.

 

[dhopeless]

I once felt something 'snap' or 'pop' in my head as well. Now that I recall, I was on adderall. I remember starting to feel dizzy-- like when I got vertigo in the past (the rest of your symptoms sound like vertigo with panic disorder), but it quickly faded. Your episode seems much more severe and uncomfortable, but I doubt it's anything life threatening as long as it doesn't keep happening.

Also, amps and pot, like everyone is telling you, can be bad. Personally, I used to be able to tolerate it when I was younger (I could do anything back then and get away with it seems), but these days I have to be careful when mixing and matching drugs. Another thing, if you want to do various chemical cocktails and NOT freak out, just get a prescription for klonopin! When I used to take 4mg everyday, I could take ten hits of L, fucking love it, and then drop five more and it only got better from there! The down side is, now that I have given up klonopin (no walk in the park, let me tell you!), I can't do half the shit I used to do (drug wise) without getting twice the anxiety that I used to before I took the pins! The mind is too much a delicate thing to alter with all sorts of drugs. You go up and up, you take something to go down a notch. Then you want to go a step to the right, and you end up taking something to go two steps to the left...the result? Your brain ends up in a bad place.

 

[cybergenesis]

I had to comment on this thread...

I am highly dubious of 500's story, it just doesn't add up to me... It doesn't pass the credibility test... It seems he had a panic attack, but simply can't stand that everyone was telling him he had anxiety and he made up the seizure thing to try and win the argument. "Im sure I have the intellect to realize a bit of hypochondriac or panicking.", he said as if he felt insulted by being told he had a panic attack.

If I'm wrong I apologize, but I'd place money on the fact that his unknown seizure disorder is a load of bullshit... His bizarre aggressive / defensive reaction doesn't really add up either.

Notice how he started emphasizing more and more the severity of his symptoms after they were "dismissed" as being anxiety, and then suddenly he has "proof" that he DID in fact overdose on 50mg of adderall (LOL), and it turned out he was in fact getting BRAIN DAMAGE after all (uhuh, yeah right).. I call bullshit. I know some people won't like me saying it. But meh.

 

[DJHENRU]

I would think that some kind of hypoxia or something as the contriction of amp with dialation of weed smoke?