Welderman said:
My advice would be to try and not supplement your dose too much and maybe increase it 5 or 10 mg and see how that holds you. The dr at the clinic I went to I would tell him every time I used and how I really felt and he adjusted my dose accordingly without judgement.
I suppose a large part of my problem is that I ain't exactly good with authority..
For one, my Dr. is kinda a dick. Since I've failed every piss test, I have to keep meeting with him once a week. One of the last times I went in, he said in a really condescending way, "What the hell are you doing here?" That kinda rubbed me the wrong way, so I bursted out with something like, "I'm here because I'm trying to get clean. But hell, I told y'all on my first fucking day here that I've been shooting a gram a day of heroin, and that I need at least 300 mgs of oxycodone just to get out of bed. Maybe if my "doctor" (looking directly at him) knew how to read a mother fucking conversion chart, I wouldn't keep failing the god damned piss tests. I think a better question is, What the hell are YOU doing here, 'doctor'??"
So, anyway, he goes on giving me the BS spiel about, "Well, if you still feel sick, DON'T keep supplementing on your own--you need to tell your counsellor, and she'll arrange for you to have a COWS test (test to see how bad your WD's are), and then we can adjust your dose accordingly..."
And I called bullshit on that. I was like, "Tell my counsellor? So that her lazy ass can put in for the COWS like, 4 days later? And so you can raise my dose another meager ass 5 mgs?"
Then he's all like, "Well, we have rules and regulations on how we dose, here, we can't just..."
"DUDE! At this rate, I won't get the dose I need for another fucking month, anyway. And if I could handle a fucking month of withdrawals, I wouldn't be at a god damned mother fucking methadone clinic--I woulda already cold turkied!"
I have to meet with the cocksucker again on Monday. Just great, ya know? Gotta miss work just so I can get talked down to like a mother fucking six year old for failing a piss test. I mean, if they expect me to pass a piss test before they raise me, it's no fucking wonder that the folks who come in with 50 mg vicodin habits come out with 140 mgs a day in take homes, and the real fucking heroin addicts end up getting dropped because they "lack the will power" to get clean despite being given a " perfectly adequate" (L..O...fucking...L) methadone dose.