It was the Mushrooms
I have some experience with psychedelic induced depression/mania.
My nightmare has been from MDMA and is slowly coming to an end after 5 horrid months.
MDMA works on the serotonin system in the brain.
It is toxic, especially in higher or repeated doses.
LSD also acts on the serotonin system, and is much less toxic.
But some people still get fucked up on LSD...they see visuals or tracers for months/years. The visual cortex is targeted here.
Mushrooms also affect the serotonin system, sir.
Its toxicity is probably somewhere between LSD and MDMA.
5 grams is a heavy dose, too. 1-2 grams should be plenty.
Something you need to understand is that the serotonin system is VERY complex. It is thought to be the MOST complex of all the neurotransmitter systems by many scientists. The nerves that comprise the serotonin system are much longer and tree like than other nerves in the brain. They start in the back of your brain near the spinal cord and branch out in a massively dense web that stretches throughout the entire brain.
Despite the complex and far reaching nature of this network, most of your serotonin is NOT in the brain. It's in the intestines.
95% of it!
The primary purpose of serotonin is digestion.
Think about that.
The connection between the intestines and the brain is what these drugs are playing with. And this connection is one of the most complex in the body.
That is why serotonin based drugs are known as psychedelics.
Because there is a large variation in the serotonin network from person to person, there will also be a large variation in the reaction to psychedelics from person to person.
I have taken mushrooms on four occasions, but never more than 1.5 grams. On three of these occasions I have found it to be LOTS of fun...with intense bouts of laughter. Movies are awesome.
But one time, I had a terrible trip. I hadn't eaten anything that day, despite working a 12 hour shift. I only ate 1gram but my trip started getting WAY too strong. My hands and feet turned ICE cold and sweaty...I could feel pins and needles on them so strong it HURT. My head was swimming....the room was spinning. Kinda like being WAY too drunk.
After a pounding heart, lots of crying, proclaiming I was going to die and such....after an hour of terror it started to taper off.
Then I made it through.
This should have been a warning sign that maybe I am more sensitive to serotonin agents than other people. Maybe it was just having an empty digestive tract...
Remember, this system is complicated as fuck.
BUT, I didn't learn my lesson quite yet, and a stronger toxin eventually taught me once and for all.
My point is that you should learn from this experience.
Leave psychedelic drugs alone.
If you can't, for god's sake, take reasonable doses (not 5 grams).
Research any drug use in ADVANCE. Spend time finding out from other people's experience what the risks are.
There are harm reduction strategies, too....such as taking LOTS of vitamin C. It would have offered some protection in your case.
The most important harm reduction strategy is to NOT do the drugs, of course. But most of us on Bluelight will compromise and say "in the very least you should limit your use". Even hardcore experienced drug users know this much. They also say to 'know your dose' and 'test your shit'.
I personally know 2 people that had major consequences from mushrooms.
One of them had an appendix taken out the day after his trip. He had HORRIBLE intestinal cramping and pain. And a fever.
I'm not sure his appendix was the real problem, but that's what they did. He's fine now.
The other guy had it much worse. He did mushrooms on a regular basis, sometimes days in a row. He often took 2-4 grams.
Five days after one of his trips, he had HORRIBLE intestinal pain as well. It was so bad, he thought he was going to die. He even got to the point of writing 'goodbye' letters to friends and family. Then, he too had surgery.
The surgeons removed a piece of intestine that was 'telescoping'. I think that means one section of muscle isn't working, so the muscle above it is straining way too much. They also told him that in his large intestine, he had a narrow section, but they didn't do anything to it. He had to change his diet massively.
He stopped smoking weed for a year because it would give him panic attacks. He had panic attacks regardless. After a year or so he came back to earth.
Now, five years later, he still has mild depression and sometimes has intestinal pain if he eats the wrong things.
He is much much better....sometimes TOO laid back. He says he can't feel anxiety about normal things anymore.
By the way, one of my primary complaints in MY recovery has been digestion. My intestines couldn't handle anything other than liquids during the first month. Believe me, I thought I was going to die.
If you have been able to keep eating....and you are not having panic attacks, then you will be OK.
Even if you were that bad, you will still be OK.
But it takes TIME.
And not days....normally weeks or months.
What you did is you burned out some of the nerves in your brain that connect to the intestines. This is going to cause problems such as increased cortisol and mood swings. It can also make you feel dull and disconnected from your entire body.
It is also likely causing certain regions of the brain to experience INCREASED blood flow. This is why you are getting mind-bending head pressure. The 'weird headaches' are caused by this strange pattern of bloodflow. It is also a big part of your healing process...so remember that next time you feel like freaking out.
The good news is the brain is resilient.
In fact, this type of damage usually does not involve any scar tissue, which is important. This allows for these nerves to pop back up. But the brain takes a long time in repairing itself. Some people take 2-4 years to feel human again!
You are not going to take that long. From your description you are not that far down the rabbit hole. You will probably be OK within a few weeks. Maybe a couple months.
But TRUST me, you will be OK.
But whatever you do, DO NOT do any more mushrooms....or ANY serotonin drugs (psychedelics). No exceptions.
In the very least wait until you are older....there is some belief that these alterations in the serotonin system may be more pronounced in younger, less developed brains.
You also said weed makes you feel worse. That is because weed increases serotonin in the brain, which causes anxiety. If that's the case, lay off of smoking for a while. Until your brain has restored the serotonin network to full capacity, you do NOT have the storage space for this extra serotonin.
I know it sucks, but this advice is the best you got right now.
Want to speed up the process?
Exercise.
I swear it will help, big time. Working out seems to speed up time in regards to the brain's recovery. Its like skipping days!
Just understand that the benefits increase with more exercise. Don't expect to feel better overnight. After 3-4 days I always feel MUCH better.
Also, eat a healthy diet....lay off the french fries and carbs. Carbs also increase serotonin in the brain.
Eat lots of fruit and veggies....lots of protein.
Take fish oil supplements and a multivitamin.
By the way, the idea that you might be schizophrenic is not far from the truth. Many ex-users of psychedelics have symptoms that are nearly indistinguishable from schizophrenia.
BUT, doctors will not actually diagnose you as a schizo until at LEAST one year after your drug use has passed.
Keep in mind that schizophrenia is not well understood.
But there are some basic guidelines...
Coming down with symptoms suddenly, such as from drug use, is better than having a SLOW drawn-out slide downhill. You are more likely to recover completely.
Being aware of your symptoms is another good sign.
Two of the MOST common symptoms in REAL schizophrenics:
1. Believing that other people are always looking at you or talking about you.
2. Talking to yourself and hearing voices.
These are considered hallmarks of the disorder, but there are many other symptoms. I don't have either of these. I hope you don't either.
Please keep in mind that many schizophrenics do experience a full and permanent recovery. Remember, the brain is resilient.
Also, the word schizophrenia is a heavy word. It has lots of implications despite the fact that we don't really know what the cause is. Don't focus on it too much, just try to understand that you have something in common with it.
You will be ok, but while your brain is recovering from too many mushrooms, life is going to suck. There is NO way around it. You MUST go through it.
The black tar is BAD news. I understand why you are taking it though. The system being targeted here is the opiate receptor. It is still functional and it brings you some real relief.
I myself take MILD prescription opiates....like tramadol.
But Black Tar is WAY WAY too strong, buddy.
Ask a doctor for tramadol....I promise they are safer.
If you keep doing the heroin, you are risking your fucking life.
You know why heroin is so dangerous?
It won't hurt your organs or your brain directly.
But it CAN stop your breathing.
Just do a LITTLE too much of it....and you can no longer use your diaphragm muscles. You will suffocate if nobody is there to do CPR on you. If you don't die, you may still have permanent brain damage due to hypoxia!
Heroin is one of the most dangerous drugs out there.
Trust me on this one.
I have done extensive research involving psychedelics, and I have seen TIME and TIME again....heroin users say that their recovery is MUCH worse than any other drug.
Just look around on the 'Dark Side' for some heroin or opiate addicts. You will see for yourself.
Do NOT go down that rabbit hole, buddy.
It is much deeper than the one you find yourself in now.
What you need to do is wait.
If you can get a prescription for mild opiates from a doctor and take SMALL doses, it will help. But for god's sake, LAY OFF the black tar.
This is nothing but a waiting game.
The brain doesn't heal in the time that we experience life in.
You think in days, but the brain heals in months.
12 months doesn't sound like that many, does it?
Forget about days and focus on the long run.
Lay off the damn weed and the tar. Don't try, do it.
Be a man and take the suffering that lies ahead of you. You have to. When its over, you will have something to be proud of yourself for...and you will gain lots of wisdom from the experience.
There is no way around the shitty weeks/months to come....you can only go through it. The only question is are you going to slow it down or restart the process by doing more drugs? Or do you want to speed it up?
Work out and eat right, and I PROMISE you will feel relief. You will also speed up the whole damn process!
You can do it.
JAH
