My life at 21. Drug use just starting.

[JustWanderingJ]

My drug use is just starting, I smoke cannabis, have done for roughly 4 years, but dont consider it a drug.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, and i didnt know any other girls / work with any females.

So I decided I needed to start partying. The first few times were shit. I was trying to get drunk, but i dislike alcohol and was just bored.

Then one day, I was so anxious about going out I threw up - so I said fuck it and indulged in a friends legal high

That day was about 3 months ago. I have been taking once / twice a week when I go out partying.

Although this week I discovered masturbating all night after taking drugs ( usually NRG-3 or similar speedy legal high - i am not sure of the ones people will know.. madcat? also tried a couple pills ) anyway

I am concerned about the path I am walking as I have a naturally addictive personality

Although I do believe the use of drugs, and the use of drugs alone turned me from a good looking shy chap to an out going confident party guy ( apart from odd occassion i get anxiety / sicky stomach - in 50% of cases i would of got this even if sober )

In terms of women. They now all chase me. Including my ex of 5 years who dumped me.

I am not yet addicted to anything apart from Marijuana. I cant watch TV without wanting a spliff.

Thats why I am posting this, early advice.

Plus I am buzzing from an all nighter yday.

I am concerned about this becoming a daily habit for me. I have always been very bored. My whole life I have been bored. From my mom buying me a toy and me throwing it away after 2 seconds I lose interest in everything immediatley. Not so much with drugs...

I am beginning to see how work might go quicker, or be more entertaining... but I dont want to start daily use.

Because

A) I do believe that legal highs are extremely dangerous, and would much rather be on MDMA / COKE if i had a decent supplier / cost.
B) Monday - Thursday i eat a lot and weight train. As soon as a drug touches my nose on Friday I barely eat until sunday / monday ( any advice on this? )

I am not really asking anything, just telling my story, I will keep updated.

I feel a bit of a lost soul, just taking little ups when they occur, because what else is there to life in inner city Midlands?

90% of people here just get smashed off alcohol. Its amazing really. No matter what drugs I have took I have never behaved like the people I see that are drunk

They are like animals. I am also starting to not have / get used to a comedown on the morning. Is nothing worth moaning about anymore. Unlike a hangover.

Appreciate any words of advice

 

[cwake18]

My drug use is just starting, I smoke cannabis, have done for roughly 4 years, but dont consider it a drug.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years, and i didnt know any other girls / work with any females.

So I decided I needed to start partying. The first few times were shit. I was trying to get drunk, but i dislike alcohol and was just bored.

Then one day, I was so anxious about going out I threw up - so I said fuck it and indulged in a friends legal high

That day was about 3 months ago. I have been taking once / twice a week when I go out partying.

Although this week I discovered masturbating all night after taking drugs ( usually NRG-3 or similar speedy legal high - i am not sure of the ones people will know.. madcat? also tried a couple pills ) anyway

I am concerned about the path I am walking as I have a naturally addictive personality

Although I do believe the use of drugs, and the use of drugs alone turned me from a good looking shy chap to an out going confident party guy ( apart from odd occassion i get anxiety / sicky stomach - in 50% of cases i would of got this even if sober )

In terms of women. They now all chase me. Including my ex of 5 years who dumped me.

I am not yet addicted to anything apart from Marijuana. I cant watch TV without wanting a spliff.

Thats why I am posting this, early advice.

Plus I am buzzing from an all nighter yday.

I am concerned about this becoming a daily habit for me. I have always been very bored. My whole life I have been bored. From my mom buying me a toy and me throwing it away after 2 seconds I lose interest in everything immediatley. Not so much with drugs...

I am beginning to see how work might go quicker, or be more entertaining... but I dont want to start daily use.

Because

A) I do believe that legal highs are extremely dangerous, and would much rather be on MDMA / COKE if i had a decent supplier / cost.
B) Monday - Thursday i eat a lot and weight train. As soon as a drug touches my nose on Friday I barely eat until sunday / monday ( any advice on this? )

I am not really asking anything, just telling my story, I will keep updated.

I feel a bit of a lost soul, just taking little ups when they occur, because what else is there to life in inner city Midlands?

90% of people here just get smashed off alcohol. Its amazing really. No matter what drugs I have took I have never behaved like the people I see that are drunk

They are like animals. I am also starting to not have / get used to a comedown on the morning. Is nothing worth moaning about anymore. Unlike a hangover.

Appreciate any words of advice

The addict brain will do what it wants in the end, I never was able to listen to advice. I'm NOW 21, started using at 18 when my girlfriend broke up with me, same scenario, decided to start experimenting. Didn't think anything bad would happen. Started taking Vicodin and 10-20mg methadone because it killed my crippling anxiety and also self-medicated my back pain with it. Then that wasn't available and I started sniffing smack once a week, coke almost daily, as well as various other things. Any drug that came in front of me, I tried. I smoked DMT, dropped acid, took Xanax, adderall, and klonopin as well as smoked opium and hashish and tried ecstasy all for the first time in a matter of months. Started middle of may and by July was in too deep, was an addict by the end of August. Could not stop. It's appealing sure, but once your brain creates new shortcuts to massive dopamine in your pleasure center (Limbic system) through substances, doing normal things in life becomes so hard. Normal things that make people happy become not good enough because your brain now knows what immediate pleasure is like, and that it can be bought.

I'd plead with you to find another coping mechanism, see a therapist briefly, get on medicine for your anxiety, but self-medicating was what I did in this scenario, and I ended up a needle addict using cocaine IV, then eventually heroin IV junkie. Luckily there's recovery but the title never goes away and after almost 4 years my family still doesn't trust me much. 18 years of good behavior then 3 years ruined it all.

I apologize if that was too long. Your life is yours remember that, but remember people don't become addicts overnight, and it usually sneaks up on people. Do what you feel is right, I hate to be a "lecturer" by any means. Good luck and your whole life is ahead of you.

 

[WantToBeReborn]

Hello JustWandering.

You are a young guy with the world at your feet.

The biggest issue, is your boredom. Yes, the inner city Midlands is a profoundly depressing place with huge psycho-social-economic problems, but you have become trapped in that small town mentality. There's a huge world to explore outside the Midlands.

It is time to take a new path - organise some day trips, go to Wales and climb Snowdon or set yourself and some gym buddies a physical challenge and go for it. Even better if you could do it for a charity and raise some cash for a deserving cause. There is great pleasure to be had in helping those less fortunate than ourselves and learning to how lucky we are and how many things we have to be grateful for in life, compared to some others. Look at what you do have rather than what you don't have.

You'll find a far greater buzz in achievement than in any drugs. Try new hobbies and visit new places. In the summer, get out of the Midlands and go to the coast! Go to Cornwall or Newquay, where there is a buzzing scene od young people all enjoying the beach life and the night life - you could spend all day surfing on beatiful beaches like Fistral beach and the evenings just relaxing and watching the sunset with a chill beer by the sea, or barbequing round a fire while someone plays acoustic guitar. You can camp there or find a room for a very cheap nightly rate witth some research. Get on it!

I went solo backpacking in Thailand in my 20s on a tiny budget and this can still be done. It was fantastic - gave me a new perspective on life and the world before I got ill which is a new battle for me. You must start trying to face these fears and push yourself - the anxiety can be worked on by techniques or maybe even seeing a doctor might be useful.

You know yourself that the path you are walking can only lead to jails, instituitions and deaths.

Get out now before it's too late.

 

[JustWanderingJ]

The addict brain will do what it wants in the end, I never was able to listen to advice. I'm NOW 21, started using at 18 when my girlfriend broke up with me, same scenario, decided to start experimenting. Didn't think anything bad would happen. Started taking Vicodin and 10-20mg methadone because it killed my crippling anxiety and also self-medicated my back pain with it. Then that wasn't available and I started sniffing smack once a week, coke almost daily, as well as various other things. Any drug that came in front of me, I tried. I smoked DMT, dropped acid, took Xanax, adderall, and klonopin as well as smoked opium and hashish and tried ecstasy all for the first time in a matter of months. Started middle of may and by July was in too deep, was an addict by the end of August. Could not stop. It's appealing sure, but once your brain creates new shortcuts to massive dopamine in your pleasure center (Limbic system) through substances, doing normal things in life becomes so hard. Normal things that make people happy become not good enough because your brain now knows what immediate pleasure is like, and that it can be bought.

I'd plead with you to find another coping mechanism, see a therapist briefly, get on medicine for your anxiety, but self-medicating was what I did in this scenario, and I ended up a needle addict using cocaine IV, then eventually heroin IV junkie. Luckily there's recovery but the title never goes away and after almost 4 years my family still doesn't trust me much. 18 years of good behavior then 3 years ruined it all.

I apologize if that was too long. Your life is yours remember that, but remember people don't become addicts overnight, and it usually sneaks up on people. Do what you feel is right, I hate to be a "lecturer" by any means. Good luck and your whole life is ahead of you.

You know what that is an absoloutley perfect response.

I am so sorry to hear for your troubles. Feel free to message if you like.

I am glad you came on and were honest,

I understand what your saying. An addict will do as an addict will do, as you say, but because of your equisite response I am going to endeavour to go sober from tommorrow ( too late today ) until friday night, and just use on weekends for now, as tbh I love my partying, and doing it while sat in house I have only just started so I am no way in to deep.

You make a good point about making other things seem boring. Maybe just doing on weekends will also prevent this. Because on weekends ill get smashed in general, so I will have to pay for it sunday

I am going to be an expirimentor, and not an addict.

Thank you so much for your advice and feel free to contact me anytime

WANTTOBEREBORN - I dont want to quit. And i am saying that as someone who is not addicted. Yet.

I love my social scene and my partying on weekends. I have literally took it 2-3 times in my house, apart from that it has only been whilst out on weekends.

I beleive i will be okay if i keep it that way.

Thank you both - i was considering having some for work in the morning, but I give you both my word that you have prevented this.

 

[WantToBeReborn]

No addict will quit until they want to and some people have to reach rock bottom and lose everything including their families and health and freedom etc until they finally decide they want to quit, then find they have to go through immense physical and mental suffering to get off addictive drugs, then have a massive battle to move into recovery and stay stopped.

Once you start taking stuff for work and to get through the day, this will spiral fast - I think you know that.

 

[JustWanderingJ]

No addict will quit until they want to and some people have to reach rock bottom and lose everything including their families and health and freedom etc until they finally decide they want to quit, then find they have to go through immense physical and mental suffering to get off addictive drugs, then have a massive battle to move into recovery and stay stopped.

Once you start taking stuff for work and to get through the day, this will spiral fast - I think you know that.

I just made a call to a guy who works with me. He is a bodybuilder and my friend. He is going to slap me round the face if he suspects I am buzzing at any point before Friday at 5pm.

Thank you -

 

[WantToBeReborn]

Good. Well done!

Stick with healthy role models that have goals in life and avoid the constant users/chipping - positive people's attitude and vitality will rub off on you. Maybe start trying to do the clean diet and weights alll week long and look at a contest - you would get a massive buzz from standing on stage with people cheering your physique after you get in the greatest shape of your life. I promise you, ultimate fitness and doing hobbies like climbing and surfing and setting and achieving fitness goals is the best buzz you'll ever have.

As Bez said it, it's great when you're straight!! I did loads of great stuff when straight. Then go back to using all sorts of crap and the party lifestyle then when the comedowns start being chipped with other shit, it's game over and all control has been lost. It's an emotionally empty lifestyle, you think everyone is your best buddy when off your head but the truth is these people don't give a shit about you unless you're doling out substance and they sure as hell ain't gonna look out for you or your best interests when the shit hits the fan.

 

[Siccness909]

Funny you say 21, I'm 21 now & I started doing real drugs H Glass PCP Coke Acid etc when I was 17. At this point it's transformed into a full blown addiction in a downward spiral, just going by year by year. Id take the advice that your getting cause I definitely learned my lesson. Hit rock bottom was homeless, lost everything & finally ODed last year on Crystal and ended up going in Cardiac arrest then to rehab for the 3-4 time.

I always try to remember when it turned from experimental stages to habit and I couldn't even tell you sadly. Its been like this it seems forever. I live for drugs now & my social life is pretty much destroyed.

But yeah be careful man...don't let it get ahold of you

 

[JustWanderingJ]

Im going to PM you, siccness

It is very hard for me, even though i am not an addict, as my father has been using for 10 years + - he clearly does not see things clearly sometimes, but is still relatively successfull.

I could find 3 lines in the carpet right now if needed.

But i honestly believe you guys have given me the advice needed.

I have one final question. I did it for 3 months, and it worked well for me, but am i stupid to believe only taking on 2 party nights a week will be okay?

Thanks

 

[Cuzie]

Drug and partying addiction can creep on you even after years of responsible use. I'm sure everyone starts out only on weekends or on just a little bit here and there. If you're not hooked, I recommend finding some other hobbies.

If you got to do it, build the rest of your life up and put those things first and foremost. I started some of the harder stuff around 30 and I think it's been beneficial. Dealing with addiction when I was making my bones might have been catastrophic.

Nothing wrong with a little weed imo though.

 

[JustWanderingJ]

TBH Cuze, I had my girlfriend and I didnt use drugs apart from weed. I was okay. I wasnt happy.

Gambling was my first addiction.

Can i ask you guys for me to respect any gambling addict you meet, it is way way harder than you think.

Anyway im losing track... I now have no g-f and work 9-5, planning to get back into weight training 6-7.

If i went out on weekends with no drugs. I am like a ghost. I have no words in big groups of people.

If i am frank with you, out of every day in the next year, the only ones I will look forward to are party nights.

Previous to drugs, I would have looked forward to none. But I was a gambling addict then.

I think I need to find something to look forward to.

As my old counsillor said, there is no such thing as happiness, just do things that make you happy

God bless you all

 

[JustWanderingJ]

Oh. I was just trying to message you SICCNESS, I kept refreshing, thinking how is 180seconds between PMS taking this long!?

Its 180 mins... what the heck.

I will send later

 

[Siccness909]

Yeah my inbox isnt full so it should work? Lol not sure

 

[JustWanderingJ]

It must be because i am a new member mate. I only joined today. Makes me wait 3 hours per message.

I will re-send tommorrow. I wrote like a page!

Have it saved in word.

 

[JustWanderingJ]

CWAKE118 - I cant reply until tommorrow.

But i will be sure too - I feel bad for your situation. Intellegence leads to being lonely.

I leave you with a beautiful Russel Brand quote

Once more his brother's face is gaunt and hopeless. His family blame themselves and wonder what they could have done differently, racking their minds for a perfect sentiment; wrapped up in the perfect sentence, a magic bullet to sear right through the toxic fortress that has incarcerated the person they love and restore them to sanity. The fact is, though, that they can't, the sufferer must, of course, be a willing participant in their own recovery. They must not pick up a drink or drug, one day at a time. Just don't pick up, that's all.

P.S I have took this quote slightly out of context. It is talking about what all addicts know.

How often do we write down our plans? How often do we say we are going to stop? It is a long long article, basically talking about how you cannot trust your mind, it is irrational, Russel Brand, sat in a mansion, watched a video of him injecting heroin in a dirty hackney flat.

How did he feel?

He felt envious of the drug addict he saw.

You do not trust your mind. Sometimes you may even need to ignore it. And just do.



I feel a bit cheeky writing that. Please note I am talking from a gambling addict perspective. Which is what I know. I am not and thanks to you guys will never be addicted to these drugs

 

[Groundhogdayagain]

Justwandering you have a lot going for you. It is very mature of you to recognize your preponderance toward addictive behavior. You have that keen awareness of yourself. You have the opportunity to excuse yourself from a ride through hell which typically eludes so many of us. I believe the disease (if you are comfortable calling it that) of addiction is progressive. In other words, it grows worse with time, never better, unless you abstain. Furthermore, I have always found it intriguing how the disease manifests itself in different formats. Recovering addicts developing secondary addictions with food, gambling, etc. I was once in a rehab with a guy that had gastric bypass surgery. He was one of the first to have this procedure done because his addiction to food was so grave. He ended up losing like 350 lbs., however, he turned into an alcoholic of equal severity. I feel it illustrates the behavioral aspects of being an addict.
You are making the best decision for yourself and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[JustWanderingJ]

Justwandering you have a lot going for you. It is very mature of you to recognize your preponderance toward addictive behavior. You have that keen awareness of yourself. You have the opportunity to excuse yourself from a ride through hell which typically eludes so many of us. I believe the disease (if you are comfortable calling it that) of addiction is progressive. In other words, it grows worse with time, never better, unless you abstain. Furthermore, I have always found it intriguing how the disease manifests itself in different formats. Recovering addicts developing secondary addictions with food, gambling, etc. I was once in a rehab with a guy that had gastric bypass surgery. He was one of the first to have this procedure done because his addiction to food was so grave. He ended up losing like 350 lbs., however, he turned into an alcoholic of equal severity. I feel it illustrates the behavioral aspects of being an addict.
You are making the best decision for yourself and I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you so much for your kind words

I am currently £20k in debt from gambling.

I try to think of the debt as "imaginary" as i have no chance to pay it off, and i cannot be bankrupt in the industry i work in ( well i can but i would never get promoted )

To be honest, coming on here at the start of my addiction, has left me hungry to help others before I become one that needs help

Thanks again

 

[TheLostBoys]

Hey dude, I see you are/were a gambling addict......I've been around gamblers & still are all my life, I've seen it cause do much destruction to peoples lives & their families.

All the gblers I know(90 percent) of them never used drugs & think drugs are bad.

I for one only like football where as most gamblers will wager on anything. I use to play poker as well but driving hours to a casino isn't my cup of tea anymore.

I know a guy that lost 3 restaurants over betting on the horses. Crazy lifestyles of the world of addictions.

 

[JustWanderingJ]

Hi, lost boys.

No drugs today

I guess I am still a gambling addict.

I have someone who looks after my bills. Or maybe i would still bet. I dont know. I hope not.

My big thing is, though, I dont know a way out of the debt... its currently £15k. I only have £20 / month spare at the end of the month ( i can get drugs for free of my dad, but i wont )

if i get promoted soon i will have £200 / month spare. I could then attempt to set up a repayment plan. But it would take years

But life is now and now i am here and now i am alive and now i am strong

Stay happy

 

[TheLostBoys]

My friend, I have so many stories of gambling about me & friends, crazy times.

As far as your debt goes, since you font have the money to psy it back, just don't think about it, there's really nothing you can do.

Thinking of your debt can start to depress you & then drugs come into play to forget your situation.

People that are not in the gambling scene have s hard time understanding how gamblers can lose/waste so much money but in reality, its very easy. Just like people wasting 30k a year on drugs, except its a different kind of high.

It's good you haven't used drugs today, keep staying positive until the weekend