"My Girlfriend Works On Wall Street . . .

[L O V E L I F E]

My girlfriend works on Wall Street.

She's also dyslexic.

And obviously, she follows the market very closely.

In fact,

One night a few months ago,

She interrupted foreplay,

Just to tell me that my NAD SAQ

Was dropping to a ten-year low.

 

[RedLeader]

8/10

Cleaver. But does not quite fit together perfectly. I feel like rewording this one (somehow) could make for a better overall joke. Maybe just replace "foreplay" with "giving me oral" and "my" with "the" and I think it would read better, IMO.

 

[New]

Haha. Enjoyable after a second read.:D

 

[L O V E L I F E]

Thanks for the input to both of you.

Also, Redleader - I completely agree with your constructive criticism.

I haven't tried it onstage, and probably won't until I clean up the "flow."

I'm a huge believer that flow/rhythm/cadence can make a good joke great, or, in this case, can keep a potentially good joke from being good.

To all who take the time to read these, a sincere "Thank You."

This forum is like a rich man's open mic night for me:

It allows me to try out completely new not-yet-paid-gig-stage-ready material, with two main improvements:

(1) You guys make for a much smarter, more open-minded, less jaded audience than those at open mics;

(2) I don't have to get dressed, get on a smelly subway, and wait my turn here.

Again, thanks much for the feedback to all of you.

And while I've already encouraged ONE BL'er to make the leap from "very funny in real life" to "Emerging & Regularly Performing Stand-Up Comic," I would be more than happy to pay forward all of the valuable pointers which have been generously shared with me, back when I started out.

Just PM me if you're at all interested.

Peace & Thanks Again, Guys,

LL

 

[Damien]

Haha. Enjoyable after a second read.:D

I agree with this. I was thinking about this last night and it seemed like the joke depended more on your girl's inability to stay on track which isn't mentioned but for some reason it seemed to flow better coming back the second day.

 

[TheDeceased]

I really liked this one.

(Welcome back.)

 

[Mehm]

hahaha, nice.

How about replacing "foreplay" with, "blowing me"? :D

 

[L O V E L I F E]

^^^^^^

i like it!

Thanks!

Peace,

LL

 

[Too many doses]

lol nice. I wish I was creative enough to make my own jokes.